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"Girl's Guide to The Avengers" Sexist tripe or cutesy satire?

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G

Good Job Bob

Member
http://news.moviefone.com/2012/05/01/girls-guide-to-the-avengers_n_1467480.html

As your boyfriend probably told you, "The Avengers" is hitting theaters this Friday. And you, dutiful girlfriend, are attending. But you hate action movies and you've never even read a comic book. (Of course, that's not a slight against the girls who actually do read comic books -- i.e. real fans, actual people with varied interests -- but for this, let's just go with the stock view of ladies, ladies!)

Still, there's no need to fret. Beyond the fact that Joss Whedon's action film is Awesome (note the capital A), we've created a streamlined girl's guide to ward off any confusion or mid-movie what's-going-on whisperings.

Including cocktail introductions a la "Bridget Jones's Diary" and boyfriend impressing tidbits, below is everything you need to know about "The Avengers."

The Backstory
Six superheroes who cross paths and come together to rescue the human race from an extraterrestrial annihilation.

The Main Players:
Iron Man/Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr): Quick-witted billionaire; created his superhero suit during a life-threatening kidnapping.
Captain America/Steve Rogers (Chris Evans): A hunky supersolider created during WWII, he crashed into the Arctic on a mission, effectively freezing him for 70 years.
The Hulk/Dr. Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo): After an experiment oopsie, he was exposed to massive amounts of gamma radiation, thus creating an easily angered green monster.
Thor (Chris Hemsworth): Exiled from his homeland of Asgard, the blue-eyed demi god is charged with protecting Earth from his power-hungry brother, Loki (Tom Hiddleston).
Hawkeye/Clint Barton (Jeremy Renner): "The World's Greatest Marksman." 'Nough said.
Black Widow/Natasha Romanoff (Scarlett Johansson): Ex-Russian spy, fluent in martial arts, marksmanship and weapons knowledge. She has an affinity for tight outfits. She and Hawkeye are "friends."
Loki (Tom Hiddleston): Loki is Thor's adopted brother. He felt slighted growing up and now he's out for ultimate power. (Typical.)
Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson): Head of S.H.I.E.L.D. (see Terms); ring leader of the Avengers initiative.
Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg): S.H.I.E.L.D. agent; Captain America fanboy

Terms:
S.H.I.E.L.D.: Fictional C.I.A., which deals with superhuman dangers. (Stands for Strategic Hazard Intervention Espionage Logistics Directorate.)
Tesseract: All-powerful prism that contains unknown amounts of energy; acts as a space portal, which helps Loki bring an evil alien race to earth.
Asgard: Thor and Loki's extraterrestrial hometown.
Helicarrier: S.H.I.E.L.D.'s flying aircraft carrier, which houses our heroes.
Chitauri: Creepy aliens who team up with Loki to attack earth.

Girl Crush:
Still riding high on Katniss Everdeen's bow-slinging prowess? Well, odds are you'll favor ScarJo, too. (See what I did there?) Her dude-crushing moves are on full display -- there's even a sexy chair number! -- and despite her obvious appeal, here she's far more superhero than damsel in distress.

Boy Crush:
These heroes are so much more than strong! They're sweet and sensitive! Dr. Banner -- when he's not "the other guy" -- is focused on helping others (awww); Captain America calls everyone ma'am; Nothing gets Thor's hammer going like his earthly crush, Jane Foster (Natalie Portman); Hawkeye only has eyes for Black Widow; Iron Man says he's a playboy, but he's totes smitten with his assistant, Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow).

What NOT to say:
"Do you think Scarlett Johansson is pretty?"
"Oh, so it's like the 'New Years Eve' of superhero movies?"
"Who could concentrate on the story with all those biceps?"
"Boys are so weird."

What to say:
"Thank GOD someone did the Hulk correctly."
"I can't wait for 'Thor 2.'"
"Joss Whedon is the man."
"Yeah, you're definitely Iron Man. If he were buffer."
Click to expand...

What say you, GAF?

DAMAGE CONTROL:

[Editor's Note: As you can see, we've gotten a lot of heat for this article. It was meant to be a satirical piece, and obviously, it did not come across that way. There are plenty of female superhero fans, and our intent was not to make them feel marginalized. We've changed the headline to reflect the focus as we originally intended it (but did not communicate as well): One woman's perspective on the Avengers]
Click to expand...
 
B

BocoDragon

or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
I don't see anything wrong with this.

Obviously there are plenty of female superhero nerds on this planet who don't need any guide, but yes, they are a minority compared to the guys.
 
P

Parallax

best seen in the classic "Shadow of the Beast"
that "new years eve" line caught my eye, and my means of caring diminished greatly
 
B

blahblah...blah

Member
What NOT to say:
"Do you think Scarlett Johansson is pretty?"
"Oh, so it's like the 'New Years Eve' of superhero movies?"
"Who could concentrate on the story with all those biceps?"
"Boys are so weird."

What to say:
"Thank GOD someone did the Hulk correctly."
"I can't wait for 'Thor 2.'"
"Joss Whedon is the man."
"Yeah, you're definitely Iron Man. If he were buffer."
Click to expand...

To be fair, this bit is funny.
 
bryanee

bryanee

Member
The writer said totes. I really dont like that.

I dont see anything wrong with the article itself except for totes.
 
D

Deleted member 13876

Unconfirmed Member
This is inoffensive. That said when I went to see it yesterday there were about four girls behind me who were really into the movie.
 
T

ToxicAdam

Member
This reads like fine literature compared to the shit that I see in Cosmo or OK Magazine.


((Hey, sometimes I am desperate to read anything when I sit on the toilet))
 
J

jon bones

hot hot hanuman-on-man action
i think this is pretty funny and a good idea. i'll probably drag my girl to see this and this could be an easy way to get her up to speed.
 
A

Android18a

Member
Poorly written perhaps, but useful nonetheless because I haven't got a clue who any of the characters in this film are. I know *nothing* about superhero stuff.
 
M

Manos: The Hans of Fate

Banned
jon bones said:
i think this is pretty funny and a good idea. i'll probably drag my girl to see this and this could be an easy way to get her up to speed.
Click to expand...

See I'm just making my wife watch the movies with me before hand...but I suspect I'll have use out of that article for just the info in a concise (if goofy manner).
 
S

shadyspace

Banned
I wonder how many of these articles were written for men who were going to see the Sex and the City movies with their gfs.
 
K

Kusagari

Member
I don't really mind the article, but I think there are far more women that like action movies, not necessarily comics, than she thinks.
 
H

Hero_of_the_Day

Member
shadyspace said:
I wonder how many of these articles were written for men who were going to see the Sex and the City movies with their gfs.
Click to expand...

-Don't waste money seeing shit you don't want to see

I will never udnerstand that idea of being "dragged" to something by your girlfriend/boyfriend. My wife has friends to see shit I don't want to see with, no need to waste time and money.
 
S

shadyspace

Banned
Hero_of_the_Day said:
-Don't waste money seeing shit you don't want to see

I will never udnerstand that idea of being "dragged" to something by your girlfriend/boyfriend. My wife has friends to see shit I don't want to see with, no need to waste time and money.
Click to expand...

I like giving the stuff my SO likes a fair shake.
 
H

Hero_of_the_Day

Member
shadyspace said:
I like giving the stuff my SO likes a fair shake.
Click to expand...

Well, right. If it's something I'm not sure about, I'll go. But, I know I don't like Sex and the City, and that's what friends are for. Luckily, my wife and I like a lot of the same movies. She's pumped for Avengers and Batman.
 
S

shadyspace

Banned
Hero_of_the_Day said:
Well, right. If it's something I'm not sure about, I'll go. But, I know I don't like Sex and the City, and that's what friends are for. Luckily, my wife and I like a lot of the same movies. She's pumped for Avengers and Batman.
Click to expand...

Yeah, for sure. If it's something I know I'll despise ahead of time then all I'll be doing is ruining the experience for her.
 
C

CPS2

Member
Didn't watch all the other marvel movies from the past few years because you hate action movies and have no idea who any of these characters are? Don't worry we got you sorted.
 
EYEL1NER

EYEL1NER

Member
Awesome Animals said:
Her writing is awful to read.
Click to expand...
It was pretty terrible. I actually got kind of pissed off that I was reading something so dumb, and then scrolled up and checked the link.
Moviefone? I shouldn't be too irritated over it, I suppose. It's not like it's supposed to be the Times or Journal or anything.
 
D

daviyoung

Banned
[Editor's Note: As you can see, we've gotten a lot of heat for this article. It was meant to be a satirical piece, and obviously, it did not come across that way. There are plenty of female superhero fans, and our intent was not to make them feel marginalized. We've changed the headline to reflect the focus as we originally intended it (but did not communicate as well): One woman's perspective on the Avengers]
Click to expand...

It was a joke.
 
D

Dreams-Visions

Member
All I know is seeing Scarlett holding that little-ass 9mm pistol as she's surrounded by fucking Hulk, Thor, Iron Man, Cap and Hawkeye...makes me lol.

Give her an automatic machine gun, a futuristic pistol, special bullets or something. Anything to make her look not completely out of place.
 
E

Escape Goat

Member
Dreams-Visions said:
All I know is seeing Scarlett holding that little-ass 9mm pistol as she's surrounded by fucking Hulk, Thor, Iron Man, Cap and Hawkeye...makes me lol.

Give her an automatic machine gun, a futuristic pistol, special bullets or something. Anything to make her look not completely out of place.
Click to expand...

The incredible green monster isn't out of place. Women holding a pistol is.

Oh dear.
 
Z

Zekes!

Member
What NOT to say:
"Do you think Scarlett Johansson is pretty?"
"Oh, so it's like the 'New Years Eve' of superhero movies?"
"Who could concentrate on the story with all those biceps?"
"Boys are so weird."

What to say:
"Thank GOD someone did the Hulk correctly."
"I can't wait for 'Thor 2.'"
"Joss Whedon is the man."
"Yeah, you're definitely Iron Man. If he were buffer."
Click to expand...

who would say this

Also Ang Lee's Hulk was good, come at me bro
 
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