Aquamarine
Member
OH there are a BUNCH of these, and most of them are real.
Which is why you don't shit where you eat, so to speak.
ahahahahaha perfect
OH there are a BUNCH of these, and most of them are real.
Which is why you don't shit where you eat, so to speak.
"bone-in"
steak has it better than author
Have to bring this back again: if someone calls himself a nice guy, he's likely not one. The problem is that the women who would potentially date them see it, but the man doesn't. Some women don't "mess about with idiots" as much as they look for men who are independent and don't define themselves by the woman, which I've seen happen over and over. Nice guys are the ones saying "please respond." Who wants that?
Have to bring this back again: if someone calls himself a nice guy, he's likely not one. The problem is that the women who would potentially date them see it, but the man doesn't. Some women don't "mess about with idiots" as much as they look for men who are independent and don't define themselves by the woman, which I've seen happen over and over. Nice guys are the ones saying "please respond." Who wants that?
Point is, ladies, nice guys need companionship and sex too. If you're not ready for commitment yet and are going to give someone a jump, give a nice guy a jump. Give the good guys some positive reinforcement instead of encouraging the idiot guys of the world.
I asked you about your hopes and dreams and listened to you bitch about your ex-boyfriend
1. These (and others) are core traits.
Selfish / Generous
Enthusiastic / Indifferent
Empathy / Apathy
Self-Confident / Insecure
Outgoing / Shy
2. Taking up running does not affect these traits.
3. Sure, you may wish to change them. Taking up hobbies won't alter them though, most core traits come down to how you interact with others.
Indeed, and maybe I'm naive here or just really simple minded but I want a woman who is attractive to me, and is a good person. Being a guy on the other hand, jesus christ I need like a fucking flowchart to keep track of all these guidelines for being the proper man.
Currently I just keep going to the gym (because I want to look good for me), keep paying down my debts/saving money (money = freedom), and being my eccentric ass funny self (imo).
Running a mile or two every day would absolutely change you. So much of your brain and body would change from something like that. Having a hobby can absolutely make your more attractive.
I'm not sure how any of this is either true or pertinent to the discussion at hand. First of all, interests aren't the only thing that change you, but even if they were, they absolutely could change your personality. If you decide to take a class at the local community college every few months, so much of who you are would change. If you decide to... I don't know, have a bonsai tree as a hobby, that would change a lot of who you are. And if you run, that can change a lot of who you are as well, and to re-iterate, not just physically.
I don't think a single person here suggested that to stop being an asshole, they should take up a specific hobby. People (specifically me) suggested that
1. The hobbies you take up can absolutely change you in many different meaningful ways.
2. That 'being yourself' isn't a particularly valuable suggestion, especially if there are personality traits of yours (or ones that you are lacking) that you could or should address if you want certain things in your life - like learning to be a more socially aware person if you want more friends, or being less crass with your humour if you don't like offending people.
3. Basically, changing yourself not only is a good thing, it's already always happening.
Running a mile or two makes you more physically attractive, not mentally attractive. You can run, have a nice body and physique, but can also underneath all of that be a slimy, two timing, liar who is selfish and only gives a damn about them self. That hobby didn't change that at all.
Now say if youre, idk, a serial killer and you take up gardening. Psychology has it where this new thing you've picked up gives you the illusion that you have changed. This particular thing you have done makes you feel grounded, happy, innocent. But really and truly, its a distraction, that never really changed what and who you are as a person, but simply took away that one small area of your brain that controls your urges for just that second. However the reality is that, no matter what you do, you will always be who you are. Nothing will change that, you will never forget it and in a flash before you know it, you will be exactly what you thought your new hobby would be able to change.
As i've said before, Hobbies do not directly change your personality. If your lazy, taking up reading does not promise that tomorrow you will likely stay clean the next day. In some ways, hobbies can help you gain perspective of your personality traits, but that does not mean that you will completely forget about it. The only way people can really change is if they finally acknowledge who they are and hone that for the better.
And who has good Batman opinions! But yes, this. Simple.nah man, women also just want a good person that is attractive to them.
REALLY
Running could give you a great body. Which would affect your confidence. It could make you more enthusiastic - exercising regularly is one of the best mood elevators. Which would make you more empathetic. Which could make you more outgoing... I mean that's a stress, but the point is that these little things aren't such insignificant events in the book that is you - these things shape you, and the rest of your life significantly. Relish in the idea that you have some agency, and that you can direct this down a path of your desire, and don't just become the product of an indifferent world - the kind of guy who would write the OP, for example.
As H. Pro said, being nice isn't enough. Everyone should be nice. It's sorta expected. Being nice doesn't get you a cookie.
I've been called nice a ton, and people act like its noteworthy, but I think it's just because I'm nice IRL and online. Whatevs. I don't want a cookie.
If you make yourself into a paper Nice Guy in order to get people to like you, it's not going to work. Because...who are you? If your only noteworthy trait is that you are nice, then you have zero personality for anyone to remember you by or connect with you.
Be yourself, be nice because that's literally the least you can do, and don't let people walk all over you.
nah man, women also just want a good person that is attractive to them.
REALLY
Ah that sucks but true. I don't have much of a personality in real life. In fact, I'm an absolute bore-fest that can make friends for a while but part ways later on. I'm pretty sure I'm a distant memory to a lot of former friends and acquaintances. I don't hold it against them as I'm to blame for my bland behavior and forgettable character. And I'm also not particularly nice to look at nor am I attractive in a physical sense. But I don't regret who I am either. I accepted that I'm boring and unimpressive and have no talents that can be considered noteworthy (I don't even think I have talent or skills). My personality is also as riveting as sandpaper. I guess that's that for now.
A letter that spawned 700+ posts and polarized a nationGAF is a nation now, right?
Trying to impress a girl with a $100 meal on the first date is pathetic. Then again this is the person who took it as a personal attack that she didn't say thank you for holding the door open.
no fair, i can't even properly troll this thread
instead, i'll just leave you with this pathetic display
http://www.mgtow.com/
He should've spent at least $200.
Really disappointed by the content of this message. I think there really is an issue where many younger women claim to want nice guys, mess about with idiots, and then only ring you up when they're older and more desperate. That absolutely does happen and it's infuriating. But the author of this piece is such an insecure, bitter tool that any point he's trying to make is lost.
Point is, ladies, nice guys need companionship and sex too. If you're not ready for commitment yet and are going to give someone a jump, give a nice guy a jump. Give the good guys some positive reinforcement instead of encouraging the idiot guys of the world.
Well, shit, I guess you get a free pass to fake it.
OH there are a BUNCH of these, and most of them are real.
Which is why you don't shit where you eat, so to speak.
I agree with some of what AyaisMUsikWhore is saying. I definitely look for a person who can get my heart and brain racing, whether it's in good or bad ways. I've gotten bored and distant in relationships with incredibly good people who just couldn't keep me attracted to them because they were too nice and plain. It's a legit part of what makes good relationships for some people.
Look at the assumptions and projections you just made here. Damn.Taking care of an emotional child?
See, there's this small issue that "nice guys" don't seem to understand.
Basically, from my perspective (as a women) the reason why some of us go out with these idiot, self absorbed, assholes is because they are fun. Women are full of emotions and sometimes these men pull out the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's exciting and an experience that we want to tell. I'm not trying to down guys who are nice but the problem is, guys who tend to be like that want to settle down and be sweet all the time. It's boring. Sorry, some women don't want to experience that yet. Of course there are girls out there who generally do want "do right by my side" kind of guy. However some just want our estrogen levels tampered with.
Girls like men with drama, and as much as some will say they don't, they are only half lying. Some women love the pain, love the arguing , the cheating just to have the excuse to be spiteful. We love to talk about it, we love to obsess over it. Shit, this is how some of us meet new friends and create sisterhoods. "Nice guys" unfortunately, do not come with those traits (which isn't a bad thing), but when your young and dumb, you don't want that. You want to explore and have stories to tell your girlfriends and your kids. Guys do the same thing, albeit not exactly the way that girls do it, but they want to get the most out of their experiences too. Some guys will say they love crazy girls and are pretty much only attracted to them, this sometimes is why.
It really is nothing personal. The reason why women finally wants that sweet guy towards the end is because at some point, women get maternal and want to settle down. They have already passed the "been there done that" stage and now want to be moms and have a guy who will do right by them. We just get tired of the bs. It was fun, but now its not. We all understand at some point that idiot guys will probably be lonely for the rest of their lives because we mature past that time. We understand, sometimes, that there was a time and a place.
The OP is a guy who had it all in reverse. He wanted something she didn't want and now while she's ready to rest her feet, he's getting started. Instead of him recognizing that it's what she wanted when she met him, instead he degrades her for doing exactly what he's doing now. It's pretty tasteless to be frank. If your a guy who wants to treat a women the way she deserves to be treated, there are tons of girls who want that. I just can't see why girls must take flak for wanting what we want at the moment that doesn't come within the general package of the "nice guy".
Disclaimer: I don't want to blanket the issue but just give sort of an insight to why some women do what they do. There are always more sides of the story.
For those of you still out of the loop with M'lady, here's the Amy Schumer sketch that took the meme to new heights
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8teRxOSNHs
I only quickly skimmed it, but jeeze, referring to women as 'leftovers' is really fuckin' weird
I'm not really good at faking it either.
I remember playing the "Nice Guy" card twice, both girls (that I had an interest in) had boyfriends so I didn't pursue because it would feel kind of weird. Then I thought it was an absolutely stupid thing to do the more I thought about it so I gave up on putting on the act. The reasons listed before also attribute to why I don't try as much. I have absolutely nothing going for me right now in terms of a social life. I'm fat, I'm boring and I'm unattractive and I fail in confidence and personality. Those things are enough to not try as hard on pursuing any type of relationship entirely, and like I said I don't hold it against anyone if a person doesn't want to hang out with me as a friend or as a date. I get it. I have myself to blame.
I'm not a defeatist though, I try from time to time. I just know that all of my attributes won't put me on anyone's radar.
Read the first post in Fitgaf - begin to lift following the starting strength program. A year from now you won't be fat, and you may just be somebodies idea of attractive. Don't think of yourself as boring, think of yourself as a good listener. Go out, get wasted, have a few stories to tell about the times you were a fucking idiot.
Ah, look, I suck at advice, but for fucks sake, don't put that attitude out into the world,
JFC at the articles in thoughtcatalog. I just...wow.
I only quickly skimmed it, but jeeze, referring to women as 'leftovers' is really fuckin' weird
It really is nothing personal. The reason why women finally wants that sweet guy towards the end is because at some point, women get maternal and want to settle down. They have already passed the "been there done that" stage and now want to be moms and have a guy who will do right by them. We just get tired of the bs. It was fun, but now its not. We all understand at some point that idiot guys will probably be lonely for the rest of their lives because we mature past that time. We understand, sometimes, that there was a time and a place.
That is literally the Chinese government official term for unmarried thirty something women.