Good food for thought. There IS something better, but doesn't mean you should go looking if what you have is great. I mean there's a fine balance between always striving to do better in anything In life and actually being content with what you have.
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My wife told me tonight she wants a divorce
- Thread starter Pinky
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Good food for thought. There IS something better, but doesn't mean you should go looking if what you have is great. I mean there's a fine balance between always striving to do better in anything In life and actually being content with what you have.
Marauder Shields
Member
How does it work where someone says they love you but want to split from you? Like to me they seem incompatible, but maybe I have a very simple view of love. I could not imagine leaving someone that I genuinly loved.
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
What's the point of even saying this? Yeah, getting back at the people who hurt us are fine for a little while but it doesn't make the pain go away.
Sometimes you just have to accept that things are shitty and move on with your own life, and stop worrying about the people who obviously don't give a shit about you.
Lord Panda
The Sea is Always Right
You can still love your ex and wish her happiness despite both of you moving on. Wishing her misery for all time isn't really healthy.
Pretty much this. I've frequently felt heated in the moment and lashed out or said something I shouldn't have to an ex only to regret it later. It's a moments pleasure for a memory of regret. It's just not worth it on any scale, go on with your life and be happy. They're obviously going to do the same. If you can't wish them the best then don't, just be sure to enjoy life.
Their ups and downs shouldn't vindicate your relationship. You know what kind of lover you were and their life being shitty or great won't change that. Life knocks you down but you just gotta keep on going.
oneils
Member
Don't move out.
Get your pay cheque moved to another bank into account only you have access to.
Move your savings to another account that she can't access.
May want to consider carrying a recording device on you 24/7 only to protect yourself from abuse allegations, not to use as evidence in the divorce
Stop paying her bills.
Get your name off any titles to cars you don't want to be entangled with
Get her name off any titles to cars you don't want to give her
Talk to a real estate agent about selling the house.
Do not sign divorce papers until you are completely disentangled financially - until all of this is done.
Good luck.
Edit: do not divide assets until it's in writing in a settlement. Don't give her any money or assets until it's clear. No money.
Get your pay cheque moved to another bank into account only you have access to.
Move your savings to another account that she can't access.
May want to consider carrying a recording device on you 24/7 only to protect yourself from abuse allegations, not to use as evidence in the divorce
Stop paying her bills.
Get your name off any titles to cars you don't want to be entangled with
Get her name off any titles to cars you don't want to give her
Talk to a real estate agent about selling the house.
Do not sign divorce papers until you are completely disentangled financially - until all of this is done.
Good luck.
Edit: do not divide assets until it's in writing in a settlement. Don't give her any money or assets until it's clear. No money.
oneils
Member
I'm interpreting it to mean that there are posts in here that are not particularly helpful to him right now.
schwabdizzle
Banned
I went through a divorce myself. Get a good lawyer and a good theripist. I had anger issues for awhile even though my divorce was a mutual thing.
Blue Ninja
Member
It's often a sign of impending depression, if not a full-on manifestation. My mom had a similar breakdown right before my parents split up, so what OP is saying here sounds very familiar to me.
I'm sorry that happened to you, OP. Surround yourself with people who care about you. Allow yourself to feel like shit for a while. You'll get up again and be stronger.
It's simple. What they really mean is "I love you, but not more than I love me."
Whether this sentiment is right is debatable, but to take action from it is a different thing.
There's a few people i love dearly (my best buddy, my family), but wouldn't want to spend each and every day with them.
It's a shame that these kinds of threads often devolve into assumptions that there's "someone else". Sure, that may be the case sometimes. But i don't have a hard time grasping that someone would look at their life saying: "This is the trajectory my life is heading for, and while it's not bad, per se, it's not where i see myself wanting to go." And some simply need a cleaner break than others, as to prevent themselves from falling back into old habits, essentially rendering the course correction moot.
I do not think this is a weird reason, but of course i feel for you OP, i can only imagine how heartbroken you must be, if there really hasn't been any previous signs.
I've been heartbroken before, and i couldn't understand the reasoning at that time, but looking back, i've grown to realize that the person who broke up with me certainly had a point.
The best advice is probably: Don't get too drunk, contact a lawyer. :/
pirateluigi
Member
If you're still reading OP...
1. Don't blame yourself. Divorces happen, people change
2. Talk to a lawyer. Even if you don't hire them, have a consultation and listen to the advice they give. I did all the paperwork and represented myself in my divorce, but the lawyer I talked to was essential in understanding my rights and responsibilities
3. Ignore every person on here saying she found someone else. It's pointless conjecture and just as likely not true.
4. Even in the most amicable divorce... things can and probably will get ugly. You'll question how this person you loved so much could hurt you so badly. Just remember not to blame yourself. Be strong and it gets better eventually.
Many of us have been there my friend. It's a shitty thing and the process, even without kids, is hard. But it gets better.
1. Don't blame yourself. Divorces happen, people change
2. Talk to a lawyer. Even if you don't hire them, have a consultation and listen to the advice they give. I did all the paperwork and represented myself in my divorce, but the lawyer I talked to was essential in understanding my rights and responsibilities
3. Ignore every person on here saying she found someone else. It's pointless conjecture and just as likely not true.
4. Even in the most amicable divorce... things can and probably will get ugly. You'll question how this person you loved so much could hurt you so badly. Just remember not to blame yourself. Be strong and it gets better eventually.
Many of us have been there my friend. It's a shitty thing and the process, even without kids, is hard. But it gets better.
Laughing Banana
Weeping Pickle
Don't stay in GAF, OP. Stay with closest friends and families, they're the ones who can help you the most during times like these.
My condolences man, stay strong.
My condolences man, stay strong.
curiouscharles
Member
did you see this coming? [honestly]
she said straight up divorce, not separation first or anything?
read Divoce Busting and Divorce Remedy, then send me a PM for some support resources [my wife separated from me six months ago, but i've managed to win her back so hit me up if you want some help with anything really i'm passionate about this shit].
she said straight up divorce, not separation first or anything?
read Divoce Busting and Divorce Remedy, then send me a PM for some support resources [my wife separated from me six months ago, but i've managed to win her back so hit me up if you want some help with anything really i'm passionate about this shit].
Stallion Dan
Member
This the problem with people today, nobody wants to work at anything, so boom, divorce outta nowhere as the first option.
theaffection
Member
.
Kill Your Masters
Member
Is it out of nowhere though? People wake up one day and after 11 years say "fuck it I'm outta here"?
AdventureRacing
Member
He's wife of 11 years just asked for a divorce. He clearly isn't in a good place right now. He made a thread on a message board he frequents to vent and probably wasn't sure why he should do with himself. Who the fuck cares that he decided to then take a break from GAF? Cut him some slack.
boiled goose
good with gravy
It will take time, but you will heal.
What's strange is that you describe 11 years of perfection. She seems to have feel trapped.
Did you get married young?
Advice to young people. Don't get married young.
What's strange is that you describe 11 years of perfection. She seems to have feel trapped.
Did you get married young?
Advice to young people. Don't get married young.
MeatGrinder
Member
I'm sorry, I should have thought my comment through.
ClosingADoor
Member
I don't get it also. If you got no kids, I take it both are working. So... what exactly is the problem. It's 2017, married people both have successful careers plenty of times.
Sounds like there is some meddling going on, either from coworkers, friends, someone interested in her, etc. Grass is allays greener + some reinforcement from her environment egging her on. Seen it a few times with relationships.
GlamFM
Banned
OP, there is another guy.
She might convince you there is not, you might be convinced there is not, but there is.
It is very important you talk about it now.
Because right now she lives in a world of secrecy you are not a part of.
And that makes it easier for her. Because she has been there for a while.
Without you.
You need to be in the same place to actually talk.
Get her to tell you the truth.
Not saying it will fix anything, but it will make the next months easier to take.
Trust me.
She might convince you there is not, you might be convinced there is not, but there is.
It is very important you talk about it now.
Because right now she lives in a world of secrecy you are not a part of.
And that makes it easier for her. Because she has been there for a while.
Without you.
You need to be in the same place to actually talk.
Get her to tell you the truth.
Not saying it will fix anything, but it will make the next months easier to take.
Trust me.
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