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Worst slip ups you've said to people?

P

pigeon interrupted

Member
Back when I was closeted as a trans woman I ordered some kickass leather thigh high boots on the very downlow. I used to be so paranoid about people finding out about me. When the boots didn't arrive I had to ring the shop. It basically went:

Them: Hello?

Me: Hi! I ordered some sexy thigh high boots from you - the matt finish leather ones with laces down the back. Well, they haven't arrived and I wondered if you could find out where they are, thnx <3

Them: Kev... This is Richy

(Note: Richy is my hard as nails dope dealer who i've accidentally rang instead of the shop)

Me: Ehhhh, sorry Rich. Wrong number.

Richy: So what's this about sexy thigh high boots ;)

Me: They're umm um ummmm... for a friend!

Richy: Yeah, okay, lol, "for a friend" Good luck with that then :D

Arrrrr, top of fucking page ;(
 
Stilton Disco

Stilton Disco

Member
At my last job, a delivery guy turned up with a little parcel for a co-worker, so I escorted him through the building, found said co-worker, and did what was supposed to be a simple introductory hand over so everything could be properly checked and signed for.

Now, what I meant to say to my co-worker was:

"Kevin, there's a man with a small box for you."

But it somehow came out as:

"Kevin, there's a small man for you."

The delivery guy was sadly quite a petite man, so sounded like a deliberate insult, especially given that I'm 2m tall, and I can vividly remember the look of utter contemptuous outrage on his face when I looked back at him, absolute horror at how badly I'd managed to get a simple sentence wrong washing over me.

I didn't even try to apologise, because where would I start? So I just walked away without looking back.

I'm still kept up some nights because of it.
 
N

nicolasacmf

Member
Jesus christ, this is the thread for me, I needed this to confess my sins...

Ok, here we go: there's this dude that I've been close friends with since we we're kids, and because we're childhood friends, I know/am close to a lot of people in his family, specially his mother, who's one of the kindest persons I've ever met and who always treats me like a member of the family. So, one day, when me and this friend were still kids, we decide to make plans for the two of us to spend the day together. Him and his mom would pick me up and we'd stay at his place, but because he was (and still is, lol) always sleepy, his mom showed up alone to drive me to their apartment before she went back to work.

At this point, I'd never been alone with her before and being the anxious little booger that I was, the prospect of having to keep a conversation with someone I have very little in common with without my friend's "help" made me nervous, but I decided "it's no problem, I've got nothing to worry, I can do this!". Little did I know. I hop on the car and we're off. She asks about my family, I tell her about how my parents have been recently, things are going well, nothing wrong. I was so close too. She's still driving, we're almost at their apartment when - I don't know HOW OR WHY - I start talking about cases of people who comitted suicide inside their cars. Nonstop. This goes on for a couple minutes straight, up until the moment we arrive at their building. She parks, I hop off the car and she goes back to work.

As I go up the elevator - finally alone -, it dawns on me the horror of what I said for the last few minutes. Not just because it was something a bit too morbid to talk about, but because about a year prior to that, my friend's DAD/HER HUSBAND had comitted suicide inside their car and she was the one to find his body.

It's probably been like 7 years since that conversation, but I still cringe every time I recall it.
 
R

Ruruja

Member
A friend from school just finished talking to an older woman and I asked, "Who was that?"

He said, "Oh just some stranger, I thought it was someone I know."

I replied, "Like who? Your mum?" thinking it was funny because obviously you'd recognise your mum, then I remembered just after I said it that his mum passed away a month or two earlier.

Never felt so shit, he just said "Nah" and looked really down, I tried to change the subject pretending I didn't know (he hadn't told anybody about it). Apologised later on MSN, still makes me cringe when I think about it though.
 
P

Permanently A

Junior Member
I remember back in 5th or 6th grade I was in Chinatown with my dad doing shopping, when a reckless driver sped past a red and nearly hit some people. My dad muttered under his breath "must be a black guy."

A few weeks later I was walking home with a friend talking about how unfair the math test was, when a car squealed by at high speed (this was a residential area so pretty uncommon). Almost reflexively I said "must be a black guy."

My friend was black.
 
S

SolarMystic

Member
I once told a meth head on a Sudafed run "I love you".

I used to work in a pharmacy many years ago. It was common for meth heads to come in buying Sudafed which is a common ingredient in methamphetamine. There are regulations to help curb this but it's not exactly well implemented and we couldn't just deny service.

Anyways, as I'm handing him his stuff after checkout, instead of saying "have a nice day" like a normal person I say "I love you". I'll never forget the look on the dudes face. The last thing he probably expected was for some guy to express his love for him for buying sudafed. I turn around to see my pharmacist/boss falling out of her seat crying from laughter.

Good times.

I later called another pharmacist working there dad for some reason.
 
C

CHC

Member
I used to work in clothing sales and I had a client who was trying some stuff on. He looked very ill - gaunt and unhealthy, like he was dealing with some kind of chronic medical issue.

He's trying on some trousers and then tells me that they're falling off of him. He says "I lost 30 pounds in 3 months...."

My response: "That's great!"

"No it's not great. I had stomach cancer."

Like.... fuuuuuck me, man. The signs were all there, it's just that I'm so used to instinctively congratulating anyone who loses weight that I didn't take the half-a-second to think before I said that.
 
V

vikki

Member
There was the time I was telling one of my neighbors about the microscopic orgasms all over the ground.


There was the time my parents were talking about my grandpa with me. At this point my grandfather's speech consisted mostly of "deedee waa deedee waa" because of a stroke. Well, I was done with my parents and I went outside to hang with my friends. They were across the a parking lot in front of my apartment building, so from the front steps of the building I shout "DEEDEE WAA!!!" As I'm running toward them, I realize that the front window of my house is wide open and there is no way my parents didn't hear me just shout deedee waa. They didn't say anything when I came home though.
 
P

Plum

Member
SolarMystic said:
I once told a meth head on a Sudafed run "I love you".

I used to work in a pharmacy many years ago. It was common for meth heads to come in buying Sudafed which is a common ingredient in methamphetamine. There are regulations to help curb this but it's not exactly well implemented and we couldn't just deny service.

Anyways, as I'm handing him his stuff after checkout, instead of saying "have a nice day" like a normal person I say "I love you". I'll never forget the look on the dudes face. The last thing he probably expected was for some guy to express his love for him for buying sudafed. I turn around to see my pharmacist/boss falling out of her seat crying from laughter.

Good times.
Click to expand...

Happily-Oblivious-Patrick.jpg
 
G-Bus

G-Bus

Banned
One of my wife's friends.

For what ever reason the last few times we have hung out I end up saying something at the wrong time and it just comes off reeking of lust and attraction towards her.

I can't recall any of them except for the most recent example. We were having drinks and they were chatting about something while I was on my phone. Heard something said and I wanted to remark "if only those walls could talk" because I thought it pretty funny given the context. But i missed my mark and accidentally said it right after my wife's friends had said something about them sharing a room with my wife...

Got this really disgusted look from both of them and her friend made a remark that, that would never happen.

The whole thing was awkward as fuck for a brief moment as I tried to explain what I was referring to in a not so reassuring manner.

Needless to say she hasn't hung out with me around in a while. Pretty sure she's creeped out at this point. And no, odd things taken out of context have happened between me and her a lot more than I figured would be possible, statistically.

Feeling all cringey now :(.
 
B

Brian_FETO

Banned
Getting programmed to thank people a certain way at a stupid retail job and accidentally saying it to people elsewhere in public

Brutal. Even if you catch yourself you're just like "don't mind me, i'm mumbling nonsense as I walk away"
 
eso76

eso76

Member
Happens a lot to me around blind people.
"See you!" "Next time we see each other" etc.

My old workplace was a glass maze, with several glass walls people constantly crashed their faces on (there were no stickers, nothing to warn you and a lot of people would just try to walk or run through them with horrible results..no idea why the owner was never sued).

There was this blind guy once and I just wanted to tell him to be extra careful and yelled something that roughly translates to "keep your eyes open for the invisible walls!".

Horrible. Double, triple slip. Not only I told him to open his eyes, but had failed to realise he, of all people, wasn't affected or deceived by transparent walls. I had just finished saying that and cringed expecting him to slowly explain that "all walls are invisible" for him.
 
A

AntoneM

Member
Long time friend and I were shopping before leave for freshman year of college. He had recently turned 18 and, unknown to me, came into some money that was held in a trust when his mother died when he was a little kid.

He was buying a bunch of cool stuff and I said "I wish I could buy all that stuff". He replied "I wish my mother was alive."

That was 18 years ago and it still haunts me. He was actually cool about it and we're still friends, but, that was a big fuck up.
 
C

Catdaddy

Member
I working in a large office at the time 2000 people. There was a married couple and had heard they were expecting and I congratulated him, it was the wrong couple and his wife was short and plump, I couldn't apologize enough...still cringe about that moment
 
N

Nepenthe

Member
Called an older Kroger manager conducting an interview by his first name right at the end of the interview.

I work at Walgreens now.
 
B

Baron von Loathsome

Member
Like the hat? said:
I'm very white. I had a big crush on this black girl in high school. We used to kinda flirt before/after class. I was trying and failing to work up the nerve to ask her out. Our conversation turned into something like a betting kind of thing.

What I should have said: ok, but if I win, you go out with me sometime

What I said: ok, but if I win, you have to be my slave

Kill me.
Click to expand...

The fuck?
 
Ristifer

Ristifer

Member
I can't remember the specifics, but I was in a job interview, and they had asked me about networking or something. I was nervous, so I started going on and on and on about what I thought they were talking about. I knew I was fucking it up too, and then they did the whole "Thanks for coming in, and good luck" and I was like "Fuck me". I think I just got to the point where I thought if I talked long enough, I would end up coming around to what they actually meant. What a dumb fucking conclusion to make. I really blow at interviews.

I think I forget so many details about that because I want to forget about it hah. It was a good opportunity.
 
G

Gussemke

Neo Member
I fucked up big time 4 years ago. My niece, and her parents lived in our village near a big farm, with lots of illigal immigrants, lots of druggies. They werent happy about their neighbours. They told their displeasure to live there around christmas.

But like 2 months later. The whole farm burned down.. almost taking the house of my aunt and uncle with it.... They called us, stressed as hell, " the neigbours farm is on fire. Our house is on fire!!". She thought their house was on fire because the preventive watering from the firefighters...

When all things calmed down and their house was giving the clearance to go in.. their dog comes running up to me. And in my enthousiasm i called the dog Fikkie " dutch word for a fire" like sparky does in the usa... The spark that lights a fire... And the moment i say that name... They look at me , completely stunned.... What did you say? I said "fikkie", DUDE THE FARM BURNED DOWN, ALMOST TOOK OUR HOUSE WITH IT, HOW COULD YOU SAY SOMETHING AT A TIME LIKE THIS?!

At that moment i realized i fucked up big time... And they know i can say stupid shit, that i dont mean,im just a simple jack socialy, cringing as i am typing this... The whole family suffers from PTSD from that fire, and every birthday i have to hear this story... I am so glad they forgave me. But man... I still feel embarresed &#128514;
 
matt360

matt360

Member
I was volunteering at a special needs high school. Not like ADHD or behavioral problems, but like students with Down Syndrome all the way to students who were basically in vegetative states. Every time a class began, I would go around to each student and shake their hand and sing the Hello Song. I get to this one student in particular and start singing, and he looks absolutely horrified and like he’s about to cry. Then I look down and see his volunteer name tag, same as mine. Turns out he wasn’t a student, but rather a volunteer from the nursing college. The entire room, including the students, relized that I had just mistaken this man for a special needs student. The guy was in really rough shape with a massive unkempt unibrow and teeth jutting in all directions, but he wasn’t a special needs student. That was about 10 years ago and I still feel shitty about it.
 
G

GodParticle

Member
Was at the dinner table at a family gathering. Tried to say something about a show called hardcore pawn and it came out hardcore porn...lol
 
P

PHOENIXZERO

Member
Computer lab in eighth grade this girl who was of Samoan descent (IIRC) was being annoying so I told to go back to where she came from, meaning her group in class... It didn't dawn on my until years later how that could've come off, bothered me for a really long time and kind of still does. Thankfully I don't think she took it that way since we were cool through the rest of school.
 
K

kevin1025

Banned
Our teacher asked us to submit questions anonymously and he would answer them the best he could. I put down on a slip of paper, "Why am I so fat?" as a joke since it was in a Simpsons episode at the time.

5xpOq.jpg
Click to expand...

You could tell when he got to it, because he looked at it, looked up at the class, and then crumpled it up in anger. Everyone badgered him to say what it was, and so he got upset because he took it as someone calling him fat. Commence red face and not looking up the rest of the class. It's one of those ones that I remember every now and then feel bad, he took it mega personally.
 
F

FiggyCal

Banned
I once asked my roomate if he had any cialis. He said no. Then I realized I meant to say claritin and he totally had a whole bottle.
 
molnizzle

molnizzle

Member
Like the hat? said:
I'm very white. I had a big crush on this black girl in high school. We used to kinda flirt before/after class. I was trying and failing to work up the nerve to ask her out. Our conversation turned into something like a betting kind of thing.

What I should have said: ok, but if I win, you go out with me sometime

What I said: ok, but if I win, you have to be my slave

Kill me.
Click to expand...

I'm sure the girl in question already did. lmao
 
openrob

openrob

Member
mrklaw said:
Not that bad really, but one of many cards came around the office and I put my usual 'have a great day!' comment in, and handed it to my colleague next to me....who took a quick look and then pointed out if was their leaving card.
Click to expand...

lool I did something along these lines.
Usually any card that was passed around is a leaving card. I put the usual 'Been great working with you etc.'. As I only was in that office once a month I was confused why she was still around a month later.
It dawned on me that it was a congratulations card because she was getting married.

matt360 said:
Snip
Click to expand...

I was once mistaken for homeless when I went to volunteer at a homeless shelter. Made good friends with the guy and after that we used to joke about it when training others.
 
V

Violence Jack

Member
About a decade ago I met up with a friend of mine and we talked about a horrible company we used to work for. I happened to mention his old boss who I said always smelled like mustard and was ugly as hell (was drunk at the time). He immediately told me that he was currently dating the boss I was talking about.

I simply walked away with foot placed firmly in mouth.
 
N

Nowise10

Member
freshmen year of high school i was eating dinner with my family and they asked me if i shave yet.

i instinctively replied "shave where?"
 
S

SRG01

Member
Back in undergrad, I had this one friend who told me that she was starting a new workout routine after gaining a bit of weight. I had meant to say "Oh, I didn't know," but what came out was "Oh, you don't look like you've been working out."
 
J

JBuccCP

Member
An older lady asked me where the diapers were. I said "For a baby or for you?" Could have been less personal on that one.

Another time a coworker that started working there at the same time as me arrived as I was leaving. She said hey and I said "That's funny your coming right as I'm getting off."
 
cj_iwakura

cj_iwakura

Member
I was once talking to a girl at a club who introduced herself as Anastasia. I asked if she was from Russia and she said she was from the Ukraine. Whoops.
 
L

laoni

Member
My mum had a creepy old man friend who was a little too interested in me given I was thirteen. He made me super uncomfortable and I tried to avoid him

Fresh off hearing the term in a Fall Out Boy song, I told him if he went to jail, I'd give him 'conjugal visits' (I thought it was the term for normal visiting)
 
A

Aylinato

Member
Dirca said:
To a female friend

Oh, you must be pregnant!

Plot twist- she wasn't.
Click to expand...



Said to a female friend "oh when are you due?"

She hit me saying she wasn't pregnant.

Two weeks later she hits me again, and tells me she's pregnant. It's not my fault she was pregnant so I don't know why I got hit the second time.
 
K

Kas

Member
It wasn't anything I said, more like what I did.

I was working at Subway as a cashier when I was taking money for some lady. She had her child on her hip, and it was pretty well behaved. Then out of nowhere, the small child randomly screamed as loud as possible out of nowhere.

She wasn't sad or anything, just a child screaming because they could. The thing is, I also screamed.

Loudly.

Everyone got quiet around me and just stared at me. It was so bad. Thankfully, I was the only one working. I could never live that down.
 
B

BackLogJoe

Member
I was high in class and the girl next to me was letting me copy off of her test.

Even though I was high as fuck, I copied everything perfectly.

Even her name.

At the end of class, the teacher had graded them, and shes like, well this is the first time Ive ever had this happen. She passes them all out except for mine and the girl's. She asks why the girl has two tests turned in.

I realize what I did, got up walked out and went right to the registrar's office and dropped the class.
 
M

modernmalady

Member
Not really a "slip up" but one time in high school I decided to start talking to this guy I kinda knew by referencing Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. Unfortunately i decided to go with this page so I ended up saying "whats up you fat nasty TRASH?"

He just made a face and I quickly moved into some other topic. Not my brightest moment.
 
D

dcelw540

Junior Member
Grade 9 English class.

I was half a sleep and started day dreaming about this girl. And the teacher called my name and instead of saying here or my name i yelled the girls name out in front of the whole class. The worse part of it was the girl was in front of my desk. So she turned around and asked why I yelled her name. I drew a blank. I had no idea what to say.
 
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