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Which is worse: your spouse dying or your spouse cheating on you & leaving?

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speculawyer

Member
I feel like making an Ooogie-Boogie thread.

So . . . Which is worse: your spouse dying or your spouse cheating on you and leaving?
 
S

SMT

this show is not Breaking Bad why is it not Breaking Bad? it should be Breaking Bad dammit Breaking Bad
Both.

Learning from her lover that she cheated on me at her funeral!!
 
N

NateDrake

Member
Neither is a good way.

Spouse leaving you can leave some mental damage since you may wonder if they left you because of you or something you did. Reflects more on you and why they left or cheated.

Death will happen in every long lasting relationship, I suppose.
 
H

Horseticuffs

Full werewolf off the buckle
Do you have kids?

If kids: Dying, because then you are a single parent.
If no kids: Them cheating and leaving because they could potentially be happy. If they die you totally win :)

SalsaShark said:
dying, then coming back and cheating
Click to expand...

That WOULD be pretty traumatic.

"I conquered death, Hell, and the grave just to show you how worthless you are by sucking some other dude's doooooonnng...."
 
D

Deleted member 1235

Unconfirmed Member
depends on the age regarding the dying bit.

I read somewhere (and no I don't have a source) that as far as levels of stress/anxiety etc go they are both pretty close to each other in terms of how shitty you're going to feel.
 
S

Shepard

Member
If she cheated me I wouldn't feel bad about calling some hookers to ease my pain, so I'll go with "dying is worse."
 
K

Kitsunebaby

Member
Cheating. If they cheated on me the my relationship with them would have been a complete waste of time. If they died, the relationship would be over but I'd still be able to cherish what we had.
 
R

Razek

Banned
What a difficult question. Cheating would certainly hurt me personally more, but then I wouldn't wish death upon them either to avoid it.

I think if I truly loved them, I would take the pain of them cheating on me as long as they were happy with whoever they moved on with. It would suck for me, but eh, life just seriously sucks sometimes anyways.
 
S

speculawyer

Member
Razek said:
What a difficult question. Cheating would certainly hurt me personally more, but then I wouldn't wish death upon them either to avoid it.

I think if I truly loved them, I would take the pain of them cheating on me as long as they were happy with whoever they moved on with. It would suck for me, but eh, life just seriously sucks sometimes anyways.
Click to expand...

You are a noble person.
 
B

Bjoern the Smexy

Member
Cheating and leaving is worse.
I'd rather have the woman I love die knowing she loved me to the end than having her cheat on me an leaving for another man. Or woman. Or both.

The first one I can kinda prepare my mind for. The second one I can't.

Doesn't mean I want my loved one to die. But if I had to chose between the one and the other, the answer is clear.
 
T

Timo

Member
If she's 30, cheating. You got some life to lead, would suck but you can make it through that shit.

If she's 90, she better be dying.
 
R

Robot1X

Neo Member
Bjoern the Smexy said:
Cheating and leaving is worse.
I'd rather have the woman I love die knowing she loved me to the end than having her cheat on me an leaving for another man. Or woman. Or both.

The first one I can kinda prepare my mind for. The second one I can't.

Doesn't mean I want my loved one to die. But if I had to chose between the one and the other, the answer is clear.
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I feel the total opposite. Having my significant other die would leave me with much greater pain..

If he were to cheat, it would be more close-ended. I would think, "Ok, he fucked up." It would be hard, but I would eventually get over it and go on with my life.
But if he were to unexpectedly & suddenly die, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I can't even fathom the thought.
 
B

Big-E

Member
Difficult question. I don't know what would hit me harder but I think the death would. With the cheating it could be my mistake, my fault and I can live with the fact I may have been the cause and could have done more. With the death I think I would just feel a lot of resentment and would probably end up never dating or being with someone again. I might just give up on life.
 
E

ektoll

Member
Dying Is worse, by far. If she would die, I would be near death myself, no taste for life after that.



If she cheated, then 2 options: she is happier now, then that's perfect or she's not happier, and then well, our relationship is over and I wouldn't start somehing again with her, so I would start dating girls again (that would be akward, lol)
But then, I wouldn't contemplate death in either of these cases. ;)



Honestly, for me that question is easy. Just think at how much time you would need to be back in the dating business in each hypothesis and then you have your answer.
 
J

jorma

is now taking requests
I think it would be a lot easier to come back from the latter, at least i would have someone to direct my rage and frustration at. Eventually i'd move on and forget about it and her.

If she'd die that would affect every day of the rest of my life, and any other woman who came into my life would have to compete with a dead wife who'd probably be the perfect woman in my mind by then. Nothing would ever be the same again.

So the spouse dying would be a lot worse in the long run.
 
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noah111

Still Alive
Dying is worse, no shit.

If you choose otherwise, I have to admit I kind of find that egotistical. You're basically saying you would rather have them fucking DIE :)lol) than cheat on you and break up... c'mon.
 
V

Vermillion

Banned
Dying. That's gotta be infinitely more painful. With cheating I learn a lesson and I learn what type of person they really were - I can find someone else.

Also, I wouldn't go after the person they cheated on me with. But if someone caused them to die, I'm going Leroy Jethro Gibbs on 'em.
 
F

Fou-Lu

Member
I've been cheated on several times, can't say I'd ever wished them dead even then. So yeah... Stupid question.
 
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Sapphire Dreams

Member
I am not married yet but Dying of course is far worse.

I don't know about you guys but I won't get mad if my wife cheated on me. Because she broke a relationship based on trust and I was faithful to her and she is the one who provoked it. I wouldn't lose a woman, she is the one that lost a man.
 
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starchild excalibur

Member
This is a question?

Dying would be worse. Even if you want to look at it from a purely self-centered point of view, do people here actually think the sadness of being cheated on is anywhere close to the grief of losing someone of such importance in your life? Does anyone really think the possibility of reconciliation in cheating is anywhere as bad as the finality of death? Really?

I like to think I'm tolerant of different opinions, but for those that think cheating would be worse I really gotta wonder what experiences you have or hadn't had with the death of someone that close to you.
 
S

speculawyer

Member
Sentry said:
Dying is worse, no shit.

If you choose otherwise, I have to admit I kind of find that egotistical. You're basically saying you would rather have them fucking DIE :)lol) than cheat on you and break up... c'mon.
Click to expand...

JokerOfSpades said:
Dying. That's gotta be infinitely more painful. With cheating I learn a lesson and I learn what type of person they really were - I can find someone else.

Also, I wouldn't go after the person they cheated on me with. But if someone caused them to die, I'm going Leroy Jethro Gibbs on 'em.
Click to expand...

Ichor said:
I've been cheated on several times, can't say I'd ever wished them dead even then. So yeah... Stupid question.
Click to expand...

Damn. Cheating was looking like the winner and now dying gets some good reasoned support. I gotta say I was leaning toward cheating but you guys are making good points.

But then again . . . fuck that spouse that cheats. I'll get over a death. We all die.


And I'm not saying I wish them dead . . . but which would be worse from your perspective. Obviously from their perspective they'd rather cheat.
 
S

speculawyer

Member
starchild excalibur said:
Dying would be worse. Even if you want to look at it from a purely self-centered point of view, do people here actually think the sadness of being cheated on is anywhere close to the grief of losing someone of such importance in your life? Does anyone really think the possibility of reconciliation in cheating is anywhere as bad as the finality of death? Really?

I like to think I'm tolerant of different opinions, but for those that thing cheating would be worse I really gotta wonder what experiences you have or hadn't had with the death of someone that close to you.
Click to expand...

All right. I'm gonna push back.

A person that cheats on you & leaves fucked you over. They took your heart out and shit on it. A person that dies did nothing wrong to you but you do lose them. Either way, you'll get over it in time . . . but the person that cheated on you did it knowing it would hurt you. The person dying obviously didn't want to die or hurt you.

BTW, you don't even make sense. You lose the person in both hypotheticals as I presented them . . . the die or they leave. You are alone either way.
 
U

Unknown One

Member
Cheating.

It leads to a divorce and she get's custody of the kids making you pay child support and she gets half your possessions.
 
P

Phat Michael

Banned
Ichor said:
I've been cheated on several times, can't say I'd ever wished them dead even then. So yeah... Stupid question.
Click to expand...

Im the opposite of this. Once a girl leaves me or i found out she cheats on me, id rather her dead than shack up with some other blokes.

I know its immature and terrible but its the truth.
 
S

starchild excalibur

Member
speculawyer said:
Yeah, it is easy to say that until a spouse cheats on you and leaves.
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Yes, because comparing someone who's morals were so out of wack that they'd cheat on you to someone who's death you were unable to do anything about is comparable. The fact that they're willing to cheat on you devalues their worth and therefore devalues the significance of them exiting that relationship.

speculawyer said:
All right. I'm gonna push back.

A person that cheats on you & leaves fucked you over. They took your heart out and shit on it. A person that dies did nothing wrong to you but you do lose them. Either way, you'll get over it in time . . . but the person that cheated on you did it knowing it would hurt you. The person dying obviously didn't want to die or hurt you.

BTW, you don't even make sense. You lose the person in both hypotheticals as I presented them . . . the die or they leave. You are alone either way.
Click to expand...

The person who cheated on you made a mistake that - depending on your previous relationship, the circumstances and your personal philosophy - you may possibly be able to overcome. There are couples who persist through one partner cheating and who find ways to make it work. Even if it doesn't work - even if you're unwilling to take them back - you've learned something invaluable about their character and are able to start rebuilding.

If someone dies, they're gone. I can't explain the finality of that situation to those who haven't lost someone that close (I'm not going to assume whether or not you fall into that camp). As bruised as you may feel that someone cheated on you, the fact that you have that possibility of being able to reconcile with them is a luxury you don't have with death. Knowing that literally nothing you do for the rest of your life will bring the woman or man you love back is the most rage-inducing thing in the world.

So, no, they're not the same thing because in situation A they're still alive and if you love them enough to look past their mistakes, you can make it work. In situation B, you can do fuck-all. And you're gonna try to compare that to your SO cheating on you? I'm sorry, man, but to me it's a ridiculous question.
 
Y

YoungHav

Banned
Uhhh if you'd rather your spouse die than cheat and leave you, you have mental problems and probably.don't love them to begin with to choose the death option. I hope y'all are trolling.
Ronok said:
I can't believe there are people saying cheating is worse. o.o
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Fucking ridiculous innit? Loonies in this forum.
 
V

Volimar

Member
I have been cheated on but I haven't lost anyone I was dating. My response.


It's worse for your spouse to die, than to have a spouse cheat on you and leave you because it's a lot easier to come to terms with someone cheating on you and leaving than it is to come to terms with the person you love dying and being gone forever. When someone cheats on you and leaves you go through a lot, but at the end of the day, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on. You'll be able to go long spans of not even thinking about it until someone brings it up say, in a forum thread...

But having a spouse die is something that will shake you forever. You'll try to move on, but that knowledge that the love of your life is gone will always be a part of you. Every morning for a long time, much longer than you wake up missing your ex, you'll wake up not remembering she's gone at first and then realizing that she's gone.

Having an ex that cheated and left you may change the way you think about women, but having a spouse die will change who you are, maybe forever.
 
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speculawyer

Member
starchild excalibur said:
Yes, because comparing someone who's morals were so out of wack that they'd cheat on you to someone who's death you were unable to do anything about is comparable. The fact that they're willing to cheat on you devalues their worth and therefore devalues the significance of them exiting that relationship.
Click to expand...
You are missing the point of the exercise. Obviously from the (ex)spouse's perspective, they'd rather cheat. The point is that from your perspective which is worse for you (NOT which would you rather have happen).
 
S

speculawyer

Member
Volimar said:
It's worse for your spouse to die, than to have a spouse cheat on you and leave you because it's a lot easier to come to terms with someone cheating on you and leaving than it is to come to terms with the person you love dying and being gone forever. When someone cheats on you and leaves you go through a lot, but at the end of the day, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on. You'll be able to go long spans of not even thinking about it until someone brings it up say, in a forum thread...

But having a spouse die is something that will shake you forever. You'll try to move on, but that knowledge that the love of your life is gone will always be a part of you. Every morning for a long time, much longer than you wake up missing your ex, you'll wake up not remembering she's gone at first and then realizing that she's gone.
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I don't think you are considering the full responsibility/self-value here. If someone dies, it is not your fault. Yeah, it hurts . . . BUT IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. But if someone cheats on you, you can end up spending so much of your time feeling it was your fault or that you were too inadequate.
 
L

Lucario

Member
Horseticuffs said:
Do you have kids?

If kids: Dying, because then you are a single parent.
If no kids: Them cheating and leaving because they could potentially be happy. If they die you totally win :)



That WOULD be pretty traumatic.

"I conquered death, Hell, and the grave just to show you how worthless you are by sucking some other dude's doooooonnng...."
Click to expand...

That is an extremely specific fetish.


Also, the spouse dying is far worse. Being cheated on is worse in the short term (I've been there,) but if I had a spouse die, I would feel obligated to remain single.
 
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jokingbird

Member
This is not even a question in my mind, spouse dying. Having someone you love or even used to love die is a horrible feeling, which is not to say that the feeling of the latter is insignificant.
 
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