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The Onion remains America's finest news source.

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MogCakes

Member
I figured there was no way they wouldn't jump at the ripe fruit from this election, and I was not disappointed.

From their front page:
Area Man Considers Self Ally To Women Unless They Threaten His Status In Literally Any Way

Calling himself a “staunch supporter” of issues ranging from equal pay to reproductive rights, area man Brian MacKinnon told reporters Monday he considers himself an ally to women unless they threaten his personal status in any way whatsoever.

Man At Point Where Thought Of Reince Priebus Controlling White House Pretty Comforting

“The way everything else seems to be going with Trump’s transition, it feels like we’re in a place where having someone like Reince Priebus in charge is almost kind of reassuring,” said Austin, who acknowledged that he emphatically disagreed with Priebus on nearly every issue, but at least was not abjectly horrified by the idea of the RNC chairman being placed in charge of key decisions as White House chief of staff.

Report: It Still Nowhere Near Okay To Act Like Donald Trump

Put simply, you should not be engaging with the world in any way comparable to Mr. Trump. This was true before he was elected, and it will be true long after he’s gone.” At press time, the reports’ findings were being summarily dismissed out of hand by roughly 45 percent of the nation’s population in a manner identical to that of Donald Trump.

Cut my onions if old.
 

Woorloog

Banned
Onion's satire lacks impact nowadays. So many crazy things that make me think "this must be an Onion joke... oh, wait it isn't".
 
D

Deleted member 80556

Unconfirmed Member
Onion's satire lacks impact nowadays. So many crazy things that make me think "this must be an Onion joke... oh, wait it isn't".

It's not their fault the world went fucking bonkers.

I love The Onion.
 
D

Deleted member 80556

Unconfirmed Member
No, of course it isn't their fault. Just lamenting this shift in the world and its effect on the Onion articles.

If they exaggerated more, I swear aliens would be involved or Russia would be taking over the WH.
 
Not new but more relevant than ever:

FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States

“The warning signs were there all along, but unfortunately we failed to heed them,” said the official, who advised Americans to brace for widespread devastation. “If we’d listened to experts or even our own common sense, we would’ve realized that this plot was being actively orchestrated within our own borders. But we didn’t, and now every one of our citizens and our very way of life is at risk from this threat.”

“Sadly, al-Qaeda has us right where they want us,” the official added, “and at this point, I fear it is too late to do anything about it.”
 

PKrockin

Member
2008 was great as well. Still remember the headline when Obama first won, "Nation gives black man worst job in the country" or something like that.
They were on point after 9/11 as well.

This is one of my favorite Onion articles ever: Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell
"I was told that these Americans were enemies of the one true religion, and that Heaven would be my reward for my noble sacrifice," said Alomari, moments before his jaw was sheared away by faceless homunculi. "But now I am forced to suckle from the 16 poisoned leathern teats of Gophahmet, Whore of Betrayal, until I burst from an unwholesome engorgement of curdled bile. This must be some sort of terrible mistake."

God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule

U.S. Vows To Defeat Whoever It Is We're At War With
 
It's kinda funny but all you really need is the headline. If you actually read the article, it just reiterates the joke in the headline over and over.
 
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