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always crazy bacon · May 7, 2017

Goldboy said:
I feel like I did the right thing but I'm really hoping that what happened yesterday doesn't ruin the chances of us becoming more than friends, or even worse, ruin our friendship, and I also hope she doesn't feel too bad about it. I'm going to be near her house today to get a new phone (my dumb drunk ass broke my old one last night), so I was thinking about meeting up with her for a bit and clearing the air on things, maybe telling her how I actually feel if it seems like the right time.

I guess I'm just venting more than anything, but if anyone's been in a similar situation I'd love to hear your advice/anecdotes.

TL;DR - Got drunk with the girl I like, she got way too drunk and made a move on me, me being less drunk felt like it would be wrong to take advantage of her since she seemed nearly blacked out, things are awkward now and I don't know how to proceed

Don't mention it if she doesn't, no more than "pretty wild night yesterday huh? I got really drunk" play it off from there. She might not remember any of it, so don't remind her.
I was Ina relationship with a woman who could not handle drink. Whe drinking she was ok, ok, ok and then suddenly lost the fucking plot completely and became and emotional mess. I don't mean just crying about stuff. Next day acted like nothing happened. Pretty sure she didn't remember any of it, thought it best to not remind her. Was trouble keeping her on the ok side when drinking because one drink too much and she was gone and I'd have trouble till the early hours.

A one off drunk episode, just forget it. Does it regularly then bail out.

gaiages · May 7, 2017

Advocatus Diaboli said:
My fault for asking a general question after posting a personal anecdote. I'm definitely not overinvesting: I'm no stranger to this rodeo. I made those rookie mistakes back in OT3.

I completely agree with your sentiments, obviously.

Okay, good lol. I was worried you went off the deep end for a bit

Goldboy said:
So... first time posting in this thread, so hi everyone! I had a weird "date" last night and I'd like to know what the Dating-GAF experts think about this. Sorry if it's a bit long.

Alright, yesterday I hung out with this girl I've been into for a while. We're pretty good friends, but I've been looking for ways to take things to the next level for a while now. She's dropped hints now and then that she might be into me, and I thought things were progressing in that direction anyways until yesterday happened.

I picked her up from her house and she asked if I want to get drunk at the beach. Sounds fun, right? Things start off well enough, with us just talking like we normally do but more drunk, and eventually she actually makes a move. Nothing crazy, just cuddling since the beach is packed and anything else might look weird. Out of nowhere though, the rest of the alcohol she drank hits her hard and she gets, uh, aggressive. She gets on top of me out of nowhere and starts biting my neck, stomach, etc. At first I don't know how to react, but I'm into it since I'm drunk and we start making out.
At one point though, I realize something-- I might be drunk, but she's way more drunk than I am. She can barely form a coherent sentence.

To add to this, while the sun is going down and people leaving, there are still a few people around pretty close to us, including a family playing with their kids like 50 feet away in plain sight, so that's awkward. Long story short, she tries taking her pants off but I stop her and say flat out that she seems a lot more drunk than me and I'm not cool with taking advantage of her like that, plus we're in public with people all around us. Despite me saying I'm not into it she persists until I make it really clear that I'm not trying to hook up like that.
At this point, she gets really emotional and starts crying by herself, won't tell me about what though so I decide to just leave her alone for a bit and let her work it out in peace. Eventually, we go back to just hanging out and talking like before, but there's a bit of awkwardness in the air that I was too drunk to try to clear with any tact. A couple more hours pass and we part ways.

I feel like I did the right thing but I'm really hoping that what happened yesterday doesn't ruin the chances of us becoming more than friends, or even worse, ruin our friendship, and I also hope she doesn't feel too bad about it. I'm going to be near her house today to get a new phone (my dumb drunk ass broke my old one last night), so I was thinking about meeting up with her for a bit and clearing the air on things, maybe telling her how I actually feel if it seems like the right time.

I guess I'm just venting more than anything, but if anyone's been in a similar situation I'd love to hear your advice/anecdotes.

TL;DR - Got drunk with the girl I like, she got way too drunk and made a move on me, me being less drunk felt like it would be wrong to take advantage of her since she seemed nearly blacked out, things are awkward now and I don't know how to proceed

In the end, you did the right thing for the situation, but you really have to get on the ball with maybe making this more than a friendship. Why haven't you two gone on an actual date yet? If you keep 'waiting for the right time', there's always gonna be an excuse for why it's not the right time. Just get it out of the way and ask her on an actual date (use the word date, don't just imply it), for Pete's sake. It's obvious you two are into each other, so there shouldn't be a fear of rejection or something...?

Goldboy · May 7, 2017

Thanks for the advice everybody, I really appreciate it. I won't bring up what happened unless she does first.

gaiages said:
In the end, you did the right thing for the situation, but you really have to get on the ball with maybe making this more than a friendship. Why haven't you two gone on an actual date yet? If you keep 'waiting for the right time', there's always gonna be an excuse for why it's not the right time. Just get it out of the way and ask her on an actual date (use the word date, don't just imply it), for Pete's sake. It's obvious you two are into each other, so there shouldn't be a fear of rejection or something...?

Yeah, you're right. I don't know why I'm hesitating so much, honestly. I guess my apprehension comes from the fact that that she's moving a couple hours away this upcoming Saturday. It's not exactly long-distance, but I'm still unsure if she'd be down for it since we we'd only get to see each other once every week or two. On the other hand, maybe I'm just using that as an excuse to put it off. I should probably just get it over-with next time I see her, hopefully today. If she's too hungover or embarrassed about last night then I'll probably wait until she's in a better mood and ask later this week.

Subpar Scrub · May 7, 2017

Hey guys, met a friend I haven't seen for about 6 months at a wedding last night and it seems like we hit it off. We were dancing, talking, she decided not to go home with a friend of hers (she was staying at that friend's place last night) at the end of the night (instead preferred to split an uber so we could stick around for a while more). So I ask her when we're driving back to our homes if she's keen to meet up Friday night, and she seemed very happy about it, messaging me a few times when she got home etc.

This is all fine and dandy, but I wanted to ask you guys for an opinion: Currently, she lives about 45 minutes away. She's currently doing WWOOF, which she says she adores. Also, she relies on public transport to get around, which as far as I'm aware, isn't super dependable in the pseudo-rural area she resides.

Is it wrong for me to feel a bit of trepidation about pursuing this? It's clichè, but she's out-going and interesting, which is really the kind of person I need in my life to be honest. I'm just worried that I'll become frustrated with doing most of (if not all) the driving if we go out or meet up, and that she may not have the funds to meet frequently.

I will say, however, that she has been very transparent about her current scenario. Any advice, friends?

Peltz · May 7, 2017

Subpar Scrub said:
Hey guys, met a friend I haven't seen for about 6 months at a wedding last night and it seems like we hit it off. We were dancing, talking, she decided not to go home with a friend of hers (she was staying at that friend's place last night) at the end of the night (instead preferred to split an uber so we could stick around for a while more). So I ask her when we're driving back to our homes if she's keen to meet up Friday night, and she seemed very happy about it, messaging me a few times when she got home etc.

This is all fine and dandy, but I wanted to ask you guys for an opinion: Currently, she lives about 45 minutes away. She's currently doing WWOOF, which she says she adores. Also, she relies on public transport to get around, which as far as I'm aware, isn't super dependable in the pseudo-rural area she resides.

Is it wrong for me to feel a bit of trepidation about pursuing this? It's clichè, but she's beautiful, funny, out-going and playful, which is really the kind of person I need in my life to be honest. I'm just worried that I'll become frustrated with doing most of (if not all) the driving if we go out or meet up, and that she may not have the funds to meet frequently.

I will say, however, that she has been very transparent about her current scenario. Any advice, friends?

You're not wrong to feel trepidation in that situation. I would just see how it goes and assess whether its worth it as time goes on. You'll naturally figure out whether you want to continue putting in the effort.

If you wake up and continually think "fuck this" when you have to drive to her, you'll know it's over. But if you wake up consistently excited to make the trip, then you'll know it's working for you.

NoctisVsStar · May 7, 2017

Subpar Scrub said:
Hey guys, met a friend I haven't seen for about 6 months at a wedding last night and it seems like we hit it off. We were dancing, talking, she decided not to go home with a friend of hers (she was staying at that friend's place last night) at the end of the night (instead preferred to split an uber so we could stick around for a while more). So I ask her when we're driving back to our homes if she's keen to meet up Friday night, and she seemed very happy about it, messaging me a few times when she got home etc.

This is all fine and dandy, but I wanted to ask you guys for an opinion: Currently, she lives about 45 minutes away. She's currently doing WWOOF, which she says she adores. Also, she relies on public transport to get around, which as far as I'm aware, isn't super dependable in the pseudo-rural area she resides.

Is it wrong for me to feel a bit of trepidation about pursuing this? It's clichè, but she's beautiful, funny, out-going and playful, which is really the kind of person I need in my life to be honest. I'm just worried that I'll become frustrated with doing most of (if not all) the driving if we go out or meet up, and that she may not have the funds to meet frequently.

I will say, however, that she has been very transparent about her current scenario. Any advice, friends?

Go for it and see where it goes no pressure. It might be short lived but that doesn't mean it can't fun.

2Smashed4U · May 7, 2017

Okay so: how do you put together a Tinder profile if you're an incompetent person, which I am?

Roufianos · May 7, 2017

2Smashed4U said:
Okay so: how do you put together a Tinder profile if you're an incompetent person, which I am?

I was on there for about a year and did a lot of experimenting with my profile until I met my GF. From my experience I'd say:

- First pic needs to be a selfie or prefably just a clear shot of your face. No group photos, no shots from distance and no blurs.

- In the other pics show off your social life and hobbies. Funny pics might help too. Definitely don't have all selfies.

- Consult female advice as to what pics are best. Plenty of times I had a pic that I liked and apparently it was awful. Then again, I don't know how to rate men, you might not have that issue.

- Put your height in your profile if you're above 5ft10.

- Have a brief bio. List a few hobbies and maybe a funny quote. Don't try too hard.

Ultimately, the most important thing is to get the pics right, Tinder is naturally that shallow.

2Smashed4U · May 7, 2017

Roufianos said:
I was on there for about a year and did a lot of experimenting with my profile until I met my GF. From my experience I'd say:

- First pic needs to be a selfie or prefably just a clear shot of your face. No group photos, no shots from distance and no blurs.

- In the other pics show off your social life and hobbies. Funny pics might help too. Definitely don't have all selfies.

- Consult female advice as to what pics are best. Plenty of times I had a pic that I liked and apparently it was awful. Then again, I don't know how to rate men, you might not have that issue.

- Put your height in your profile if you're above 5ft10.

- Have a brief bio. List a few hobbies and maybe a funny quote. Don't try too hard.

Ultimately, the most important thing is to get the pics right, Tinder is naturally that shallow.

Shit, I don't have enough good pics.

I'm not the only person whose friends never ever just take random pics of themselves, right? I don't have pictures showing off my social life or anything, and if I suggested taking one pretty sure my friends would tell me to pound sand.

Subpar Scrub · May 8, 2017

Peltz said:
You're not wrong to feel trepidation in that situation. I would just see how it goes and assess whether its worth it as time goes on. You'll naturally figure out whether you want to continue putting in the effort.

If you wake up and continually think "fuck this" when you have to drive to her, you'll know it's over. But if you wake up consistently excited to make the trip, then you'll know it's working for you.

NoctisVsStar said:
Go for it and see where it goes no pressure. It might be short lived but that doesn't mean it can't fun.

Thanks guys, I needed this to pull me out of my over-thinking haha. I'll see how it goes

Megalosaro · May 8, 2017

Whatever I did yesterday, I must have done well. She's been really chatty on text. And more friendly than usual

timetokill · May 8, 2017

Megalosaro said:
Whatever I did yesterday, I must have done well. She's been really chatty on text. And more friendly than usual

Wish I could say the same XD

Advocatus Diaboli · May 8, 2017

gaiages said:
Okay, good lol. I was worried you went off the deep end for a bit

I fell into the trap of too much excitement, that's for sure. And while last night it was "This was great, and my dog can't wait to meet you," I asked her out today for Thursday and her sister's coming into town this Wednesday, I think for Mother's Day. She didn't offer to reschedule, but we're still chatting, so who knows? We'll see what happens. I don't want a texting buddy; she clearly knows I'm interested.

Either something happens right after the holiday, or it happens never.

I suppose that's exactly why I set up multiple dates.

jimmypython · May 8, 2017

Subpar Scrub said:
Hey guys, met a friend I haven't seen for about 6 months at a wedding last night and it seems like we hit it off. We were dancing, talking, she decided not to go home with a friend of hers (she was staying at that friend's place last night) at the end of the night (instead preferred to split an uber so we could stick around for a while more). So I ask her when we're driving back to our homes if she's keen to meet up Friday night, and she seemed very happy about it, messaging me a few times when she got home etc.

This is all fine and dandy, but I wanted to ask you guys for an opinion: Currently, she lives about 45 minutes away. She's currently doing WWOOF, which she says she adores. Also, she relies on public transport to get around, which as far as I'm aware, isn't super dependable in the pseudo-rural area she resides.

Is it wrong for me to feel a bit of trepidation about pursuing this? It's clichè, but she's beautiful, funny, out-going and playful, which is really the kind of person I need in my life to be honest. I'm just worried that I'll become frustrated with doing most of (if not all) the driving if we go out or meet up, and that she may not have the funds to meet frequently.

I will say, however, that she has been very transparent about her current scenario. Any advice, friends?

go for it and see what happens

side note: 45 min isn't that far tbh.....

Advocatus Diaboli said:
I fell into the trap of too much excitement, that's for sure. And while last night it was "This was great, and my dog can't wait to meet you," I asked her out today for Thursday and her sister's coming into town this Wednesday, I think for Mother's Day. She didn't offer to reschedule, but we're still chatting, so who knows? We'll see what happens. I don't want a texting buddy; she clearly knows I'm interested.

Either something happens right after the holiday, or it happens never.

I suppose that's exactly why I set up multiple dates.

I am in the exact same situation as you haha. Good luck to both of us

Stopdoor · May 8, 2017

Dang it guys, how do you deal with girls loving dogs in their online profiles? I'm just not really a dog person. Small dogs are alright. Cats are great. But I'm not sure I want to completely scare away people by legit putting "Cats > Dogs" in my profile or something.

Somehow, I had a girl message me about the brief mention of gaming stuff on my profile, keep up a legit conversation, give me her number, and half set up a date, but it's like, it all feels like a non-starter since she literally mentioned dogs and puppies like 5 times in her profile. At some point it'll probably come up awkwardly. It's not even my fault because it's not like I messaged her first, she put in all the initiative? But I don't exactly want to push that sort of crazy "opportunity" away, pretty sure attractive looking girls messaging you first about gaming on a dating app is pretty rare?

I guess I need to see how a real date goes, but I'm imagining it somehow continues to go unspoken and that would be even worse somehow? Dogs kind of became a small pain point with my long term ex, it's not something you really bring up right away but is an easy wedge.

FyreWulff · May 8, 2017

put cats > dogs in your profile if you want to attract people with similar views

Advocatus Diaboli · May 8, 2017

jimmypython said:
I am in the exact same situation as you haha. Good luck to both of us

Thanks, you too!

In the interim, I channeled my inner-Dating Age |OT$6| and realized that I've got a date on Monday, another on Tuesday, and just arranged another with a super cute redheaded Jew (my unicorn, fam) who pinged me first.

I'm like, we could say fuck it and go to Shake Shack.

We got eggs. They ain't in baskets.

Sigh.

Salamando · May 8, 2017

2Smashed4U said:
Shit, I don't have enough good pics.

I'm not the only person whose friends never ever just take random pics of themselves, right? I don't have pictures showing off my social life or anything, and if I suggested taking one pretty sure my friends would tell me to pound sand.

Step 1: Get new friends. Taking pics of something you're doing when hanging out takes seconds. Their shyness shouldn't be of concern, considering the pics will either be of you, or have their faces blurred out (makes if clear which one you are). And who wouldn't help a friend meet girls?

If you're still unable/unwilling to get pics, consider Match or OkCupid. Tinder is by far the most pic-based of the dating sites. Those other two allow you to get pretty far with one or two good pics and some good writing (we'll still always recommend getting good pics tho)

Advocatus Diaboli said:
... and just arranged another with a super cute redheaded Jew (my unicorn, fam) who pinged me first.

*Nods approvingly*

Stopdoor · May 8, 2017

FyreWulff said:
put cats > dogs in your profile if you want to attract people with similar views

I guess, just seems like an easy way to get disregarded by setting hard rules. But then I guess that's what might be needed. I dunno.

Salamando · May 8, 2017

Stopdoor said:
I guess, just seems like an easy way to get disregarded by setting hard rules. But then I guess that's what might be needed. I dunno.

If you're getting a lot of attention from girls you'd never date (due to their love of dogs), hard rules will keep them away while attracting girls who love cats more.

Or you could just not reply to messages from girls who love dogs.

FyreWulff · May 8, 2017

Stopdoor said:
I guess, just seems like an easy way to get disregarded by setting hard rules. But then I guess that's what might be needed. I dunno.

thinking about potential lost dates with people you aren't compatible with as pre-losses isn't a good way to use these sits or date. You need to have a personality and not be bland or generic, and have wants and preferences so that the site/app can send people that match you to you.

edit: this is also why you shouldn't like every single woman or swipe right on every woman. it doesn't cast a wider net, it just makes you disappear into the noise.

2Smashed4U · May 8, 2017

Salamando said:
Step 1: Get new friends. Taking pics of something you're doing when hanging out takes seconds. Their shyness shouldn't be of concern, considering the pics will either be of you, or have their faces blurred out (makes if clear which one you are). And who wouldn't help a friend meet girls?

If you're still unable/unwilling to get pics, consider Match or OkCupid. Tinder is by far the most pic-based of the dating sites. Those other two allow you to get pretty far with one or two good pics and some good writing (we'll still always recommend getting good pics tho)

*Nods approvingly*

It's not really a shyness thing, as much as it is a "this is pointless, what are you doing?" sort of thing, which honestly, I get it? I'm never really out doing anything and literally ever feel compelled to take a picture of myself doing things.

I also have no idea how I'm supposed to display my hobbies, given that they don't really lend to photo-ops.

I hate Tinder, unfortunately it's the only service that anyone really uses in this city.

Advocatus Diaboli · May 8, 2017

People are more than their pets, you know.

artsi · May 8, 2017

Personally I have zero pics with friends visible, matches still coming in hot like a mofo after reset.

Tomorrow's another date with the girl I really synced with on saturday. Weather's not looking too good so hiking might be out of the question, but hey, a movie night at my place wouldn't be bad either.

Fulminator · May 8, 2017

ok after a month of pining after an ex that has clearly moved on, i am finally ready to move on myself

i have a friend who is gonna help me take some decent profile photos for tinder, bumble, etc. and help me with a bio, so hopefully i will get a decent amount of dates this summer lol

also eyeing a classmate who im pretty sure finds me attractive, trying to figure out a decent way to ask her out so close to the end of the semester :/

Advocatus Diaboli said:
People are more than their pets, you know.

how dare you

FyreWulff · May 8, 2017

Advocatus Diaboli said:
People are more than their pets, you know.

they're also people. the more people you reject the more happy you'll be with the relationship you end up in

it's okay to reject and be rejected

get over it

Advocatus Diaboli · May 8, 2017

Fulminator said:
also eyeing a classmate who im pretty sure finds me attractive, trying to figure out a decent way to ask her out so close to the end of the semester :/

To be honest, just do it. By far, I've had the best luck just saying that I'm interested and wanted to take people out. It worked last night (although, we're in scheduling doom and it may not pay off, but I still got her number), and it worked tonight.

The best pickup line of all time is "Hi."

The best line to secure a date is, by far, "I like you. I want to take you out."

In your case... "Hi. Wish I'd had the chance to talk to you more over the semester. Let's grab a drink."

Fulminator · May 8, 2017

Advocatus Diaboli said:
To be honest, just do it. By far, I've had the best luck just saying that I'm interested and wanted to take people out. It worked last night (although, we're in scheduling doom and it may not pay off, but I still got her number), and it worked tonight.

The best pickup line of all time is "Hi."

The best line to secure a date is, by far, "I like you. I want to take you out."

In your case... "Hi. Wish I'd had the chance to talk to you more over the semester. Let's grab a drink."

well i talk to her, i haven't talked to her enough to qualify us as friends (At least by my standards), so i am pretty sure i am safe from the friend zone for the time being, but I suppose I should move quickly to secure I dont get placed there

If I see her tomorrow I will ask her to do something when classes get out

artsi · May 8, 2017

Fulminator said:
well i talk to her, i haven't talked to her enough to qualify us as friends (At least by my standards), so i am pretty sure i am safe from the friend zone for the time being, but I suppose I should move quickly to secure I dont get placed there

If I see her tomorrow I will ask her to do something when classes get out

Don't even think about crap like friend zones, just do it. And make clear it's a date.

Fulminator · May 8, 2017

artsi said:
Don't even think about crap like friend zones, just do it. And make clear it's a date.

yeah you're right, i will do it and post back tomorrow

Stopdoor · May 8, 2017

Salamando said:
If you're getting a lot of attention from girls you'd never date (due to their love of dogs), hard rules will keep them away while attracting girls who love cats more.

Or you could just not reply to messages from girls who love dogs.

Well, it's not like I'm getting lots of attention. This is kind of a unique case that I don't want to push away, it's just put me in an unfortunate place.

Dogs is just seemingly such a common trait that with varying levels of seriousness that I'm iffy on putting off girls explicitly.

FyreWulff said:
thinking about potential lost dates with people you aren't compatible with as pre-losses isn't a good way to use these sits or date. You need to have a personality and not be bland or generic, and have wants and preferences so that the site/app can send people that match you to you.

edit: this is also why you shouldn't like every single woman or swipe right on every woman. it doesn't cast a wider net, it just makes you disappear into the noise.

In this case, she messaged me first, and put out a lot of appealing signs, so it's less about casting a wide net and more about how do I deal now? Drop it? Wait and see? It could really go either way so maybe setting hard rules doesn't help.

Advocatus Diaboli said:
People are more than their pets, you know.

I dunno what that really means, some people really are their pets and would easily put that over a relationship. Some people don't. It's pretty all over the map. It's just an awkward sort of serious but not serious wedge issue, and girls love to proclaim it in their profiles serious or not serious, maybe not thinking of it as a put off? Or not caring, I guess.

Anyway, a lot of overthinking on this. After all the initial forwardness she hasn't jumped on the urgency to actually set up a date so it's given me time to think and doubt. Just have to wait for that second girl to message me right?? (Yes, I know that sounds passive but I'm not going hard into it right now)

FyreWulff · May 8, 2017

Stopdoor said:
In this case, she messaged me first, and put out a lot of appealing signs, so it's less about casting a wide net and more about how do I deal now? Drop it? Wait and see? It could really go either way so maybe setting hard rules doesn't help.

Reject her/don't reply and move on

Subpar Scrub · May 8, 2017

jimmypython said:
go for it and see what happens

side note: 45 min isn't that far tbh.....

haha should have specified 45 mins on the highway, it's about 70ish mins from my place to hers... that being said, it's still not unmanageable if I'm keen to see her. I was just going over the negatives in my head like a fool haha

Edit: Watching the little "Typing" icon go on for a while after you ask someone to dinner is actually torture.

Edit2: She said she'd like to hang out this weekend and is seeing if she can crash at a mutual friend of ours house who lives close to me this weekend, so that seems cool. She said she was going to bed, so that's basically where the conversation stopped, but I'm feeling somewhat hopeful about it.

gaiages · May 8, 2017

Goldboy said:
Thanks for the advice everybody, I really appreciate it. I won't bring up what happened unless she does first.

Yeah, you're right. I don't know why I'm hesitating so much, honestly. I guess my apprehension comes from the fact that that she's moving a couple hours away this upcoming Saturday. It's not exactly long-distance, but I'm still unsure if she'd be down for it since we we'd only get to see each other once every week or two. On the other hand, maybe I'm just using that as an excuse to put it off. I should probably just get it over-with next time I see her, hopefully today. If she's too hungover or embarrassed about last night then I'll probably wait until she's in a better mood and ask later this week.

Well you won't know if she's down with it until you ask ;3 But you seem to have it relatively under control, just make sure to ask

2Smashed4U said:
Okay so: how do you put together a Tinder profile if you're an incompetent person, which I am?

The online dating OT has a lot to help you out. The link is in the OP.

Stopdoor said:
Dang it guys, how do you deal with girls loving dogs in their online profiles? I'm just not really a dog person. Small dogs are alright. Cats are great. But I'm not sure I want to completely scare away people by legit putting "Cats > Dogs" in my profile or something.

Somehow, I had a girl message me about the brief mention of gaming stuff on my profile, keep up a legit conversation, give me her number, and half set up a date, but it's like, it all feels like a non-starter since she literally mentioned dogs and puppies like 5 times in her profile. At some point it'll probably come up awkwardly. It's not even my fault because it's not like I messaged her first, she put in all the initiative? But I don't exactly want to push that sort of crazy "opportunity" away, pretty sure attractive looking girls messaging you first about gaming on a dating app is pretty rare?

I guess I need to see how a real date goes, but I'm imagining it somehow continues to go unspoken and that would be even worse somehow? Dogs kind of became a small pain point with my long term ex, it's not something you really bring up right away but is an easy wedge.

If you don't like dogs, chances are you're not going to want to date a girl that has or wants one. Just say you're a cat person in your profile. I'm allergic to dogs so a dog person was generally undateable if they had a dog (because duh, the dog comes first). Sometimes you just have to do things like that.

2Smashed4U said:
It's not really a shyness thing, as much as it is a "this is pointless, what are you doing?" sort of thing, which honestly, I get it? I'm never really out doing anything and literally ever feel compelled to take a picture of myself doing things.

I also have no idea how I'm supposed to display my hobbies, given that they don't really lend to photo-ops.

I hate Tinder, unfortunately it's the only service that anyone really uses in this city.

As much as GAF loves to shit on people taking pictures, taking pictures is a great way to keep memories. If your friends give you shit because you want to take a picture of yourself, tell them they're being douches

Also what are your hobbies, other than gaming?

Advocatus Diaboli said:
People are more than their pets, you know.

yeah but if you date a dog person and hate dogs fullstop, if the relationship progresses it'll inevitably get to a "the dog or me" situation. I know who'd I pic (my imaginary dog). Why even let it get to that point?

Subpar Scrub said:
haha should have specified 45 mins on the highway, it's about 70ish mins from my place to hers... that being said, it's still not unmanageable if I'm keen to see her. I was just going over the negatives in my head like a fool haha

Edit: Watching the little "Typing" icon go on for a while after you ask someone to dinner is actually torture.

Edit2: She said she'd like to hang out this weekend and is seeing if she can crash at a mutual friend of ours house who lives close to me this weekend, so that seems cool. She said she was going to bed, so that's basically where the conversation stopped, but I'm feeling somewhat hopeful about it.

That's still a 40 minute drive, unless you refuse to take the highway

Roufianos · May 8, 2017

2Smashed4U said:
Shit, I don't have enough good pics.

I'm not the only person whose friends never ever just take random pics of themselves, right? I don't have pictures showing off my social life or anything, and if I suggested taking one pretty sure my friends would tell me to pound sand.

Yea, i never take pics, never felt the need to. Having Tinder actually forced me to start taking more when I was out and about.

Most important thing is just a clear one of your face, even if it's a selfie. I mean interesting pics help but if I girl finds your face attractive she's not likely to swipe left.

Peltz · May 8, 2017

Roufianos said:
I was on there for about a year and did a lot of experimenting with my profile until I met my GF. From my experience I'd say:

- First pic needs to be a selfie or prefably just a clear shot of your face. No group photos, no shots from distance and no blurs.

- In the other pics show off your social life and hobbies. Funny pics might help too. Definitely don't have all selfies.

- Consult female advice as to what pics are best. Plenty of times I had a pic that I liked and apparently it was awful. Then again, I don't know how to rate men, you might not have that issue.

- Put your height in your profile if you're above 5ft10.

- Have a brief bio. List a few hobbies and maybe a funny quote. Don't try too hard.

Ultimately, the most important thing is to get the pics right, Tinder is naturally that shallow.

Good list but don't use any selfies and don't include your height even if you are tall. First pic should definitely be a clear shot of your face but again... NOT A SELFIE. This is very important. Selfies are a huge turn-off to women.

If you have good enough pics you don't need a bio. If you must say something keep it to 2 sentences or less.

Fulminator said:
well i talk to her, i haven't talked to her enough to qualify us as friends (At least by my standards), so i am pretty sure i am safe from the friend zone for the time being, but I suppose I should move quickly to secure I dont get placed there

If I see her tomorrow I will ask her to do something when classes get out

Women like decisive men but the "friend-zone" is a myth.

Prime crotch · May 8, 2017

welp, I think I'm done with dating and having an interest in people. Tinder or okcupid don't work for me, aside from poor selfies, I don't know how to approach someone through texting, usually in real life I sort of make it happen, somehow, and then texting is less awkward afterwards since we've met already. But also recently trying to date in rl has been a daunting experience, seems like everyone I meet is sorta taken but not really, so you go on these not really dates and then you get in this weird soft rejection cycle.

artsi · May 8, 2017

Peltz said:
Good list but don't use any selfies and don't include your height even if you are tall. First pic should definitely be a clear shot of your face but again... NOT A SELFIE. This is very important. Selfies are a huge turn-off to women.

Personally I haven't had any trouble with selfies (and a mirror pic to show my physique), and girls have commented that they love tall men when I've included my height (6 feet 2).

But I'm not from USA like many/most here I guess, so dunno if it's a cultural thing.

Megalosaro · May 8, 2017

Prime crotch said:
welp, I think I'm done with dating and having an interest in people. Tinder or okcupid don't work for me, aside from poor selfies, I don't know how to approach someone through texting, usually in real life I sort of make it happen, somehow, and then texting is less awkward afterwards since we've met already. But also recently trying to date in rl has been a daunting experience, seems like everyone I meet is sorta taken but not really, so you go on these not really dates and then you get in this weird soft rejection cycle.

Try dating older. There is less bullshit there.

always crazy bacon · May 8, 2017

Prime crotch said:
seems like everyone I meet is sorta taken but not really, so you go on these not really dates and then you get in this weird soft rejection cycle.

Man: Do you want to go on a date this weekend?
Women: well, I'm kind of, sort of, something,but we can hang out I guess.

Anything that Is not a hard YES from her when you ask a woman out is actually a NO. Your side of the bargain is to actually make it clear it's a date request.

Follow this rule and you won't have the above problem and feel more positive.

Prime crotch · May 8, 2017

always crazy bacon said:
Man: Do you want to go on a date this weekend?
Women: well, I'm kind of, sort of, something,but we can hang out I guess.

Anything that Is not a hard YES from her when you ask a woman out is actually a NO. Your side of the bargain is to actually make it clear it's a date request.

Follow this rule and you won't have the above problem and feel more positive.

It's been more like getting a call, let's have a coffee and I go ok! then she flakes on me and after a day or two she fades away. Or yeah get a date on the basis of "hang out" but the whole context of the situation is basically a date and conversation goes pretty good but then oh, I guess you wasn't free afterall. I'm sure the issue is not that I'm being coy or shifty about dating, when my actions are a pretty clear indicator of me taking a liking. Any more direct and I'd have to basically shout it out.

Megalosaro said:
Try dating older. There is less bullshit there.

eeeh my experience didn't show me that

Advocatus Diaboli · May 8, 2017

Megalosaro said:
Try dating older. There is less bullshit there.

Nooooot always. The girl I had the least BS with was 26. Age and BS might be negatively correlated, but I don't think it's strong once you're post-college.

Incidentally, my DGAF strategy is working. Asking girls out quickly ("Yes, but I want to chat more to make sure you're not a serial killer" "I'm not, btw") then saying that Pokémon ep where Charizard's tail almost went out made me legit cry. Also, heydog.gif still has legs.

Peltz · May 8, 2017

Prime crotch said:
welp, I think I'm done with dating and having an interest in people. Tinder or okcupid don't work for me, aside from poor selfies, I don't know how to approach someone through texting, usually in real life I sort of make it happen, somehow, and then texting is less awkward afterwards since we've met already. But also recently trying to date in rl has been a daunting experience, seems like everyone I meet is sorta taken but not really, so you go on these not really dates and then you get in this weird soft rejection cycle.

I mean... most people you match with on dating apps will not turn into real dates. Just know the game going in and don't take rejections personally or negatively.

gaiages · May 8, 2017

artsi said:
Personally I haven't had any trouble with selfies (and a mirror pic to show my physique), and girls have commented that they love tall men when I've included my height (6 feet 2).

But I'm not from USA like many/most here I guess, so dunno if it's a cultural thing.

Nah both of those are good (though a mirror pic can be weird so I usually don't recommend those), a selfie is fine but generally you don't want it to ONLY be selfies, which I think a lot of people confuse for some reason.

always crazy bacon · May 8, 2017

Prime crotch said:
It's been more like getting a call, let's have a coffee and I go ok! then she flakes on me and after a day or two she fades away. Or yeah get a date on the basis of "hang out" but the whole context of the situation is basically a date and conversation goes pretty good but then oh, I guess you wasn't free after all.

"Hang out" is not a date. A date is not a date unless you man up and ask her ON A DATE. Sitting in a coffee shop with a woman does not automatically make it a date.

Prime crotch said:
I'm sure the issue is not that I'm being coy or shifty about dating, when my actions are a pretty clear indicator of me taking a liking.

You're too chicken shit to risk rejection of stating your intentions. You are the issue, you are the issue, you are the issue

Read what I told you in my previous post. Follow it and get dates and a girlfriend and stop blaming them for you lack of clarity.

Prime crotch · May 8, 2017

I didn't call for a coffee, someone called me out for one out of the blue; with that person I was pretty clear on what I wanted when we first met for instances, and then got nothing but silence for a whole week.
I don't see how specifying "but it's a date, date!" is helpful when you ask them out for dinner, and they take you up on the offer, even if you say hang out.

Astral · May 8, 2017

Advocatus Diaboli said:
Nooooot always. The girl I had the least BS with was 26. Age and BS might be negatively correlated, but I don't think it's strong once you're post-college.

Incidentally, my DGAF strategy is working. Asking girls out quickly ("Yes, but I want to chat more to make sure you're not a serial killer" "I'm not, btw") then saying that Pokémon ep where Charizard's tail almost went out made me legit cry. Also, heydog.gif still has legs.

It was Charmander you phony.

Advocatus Diaboli · May 8, 2017

Prime crotch said:
I didn't call for a coffee, someone called me out for one out of the blue; with that person I was pretty clear on what I wanted when we first met for instances.
I don't see how specifying "but it's a date, date!" is helpful when you ask them out for dinner, and they take you up on the offer, even if you say hang out.

I ask my friends out to dinner all the time. Look, anything that's NOT a variation on "I like you. Let's go out" is bad. Be confident and unapologetic about what you want.

People need to understand how unattractive and unappealing giving off signals of being interested but NOT following through is.

Astral said:
It was Charmander you phony.

Shit.

vypek · May 8, 2017

Astral said:
It was Charmander you phony.

To be fair there is another point in the series where Charizard's tail flame also gets really low. Technically, he isn't a phony.

But still pretty much a phony

always crazy bacon · May 8, 2017

Prime crotch said:
I don't see how specifying "but it's a date, date!" is helpful when you ask them out for dinner, and they take you up on the offer, even if you say hang out.

Because otherwise you'd be in a relationship already and not blaming the women.

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