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Why do guys message you constantly even after you don't respond?

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K

KmA

Member
"Hey," March 12

"Hey," April 25

"Hey," June 1

"Hey," July 25

??? Why don't guys get the hint? In what world is persistence even considered attractive? I've talked to a bunch of my girl friends and guys do this to them too. I just don't get it. Like what is going through their mind exactly? Help me understand.

EDIT: This is from dating sites / dating apps if that wasn't clear.

EDIT Part 2: I'm a guy lmao. And I think people are kind of getting hung up on the whole "hey" thing. The issue isn't the boring message (though it can play a part), the issue is that someone will constantly message me even when I've shown no interest. And those dates are made up btw, I've had guys message me 6-7 times in a day. Some wait a few weeks or months, but if I haven't responded after the 4th message... I'm not gonna sleep with you sorry bb.
 
S

Stumpokapow

listen to the mad man
Thirst, possessiveness, entitlement, "nice guy" syndrome, etc. My condolences.

Beefy said:
Maybe tell them you aren't interested instead of just ignoring them.
Click to expand...

Why, so they can call her a bitch and a slut, say they didn't want her anyway, demand an explanation, rattle off a laundry list of their "qualities"? People don't start off ghosting others, they do it because they sense they're at risk if they engage.
 
G

georly

Member
Desperation.

Some guys also don't take hints, so maybe try straight up telling him you're not interested.
 
DietRob

DietRob

i've been begging for over 5 years.
Did you tell them that you weren't interested in them? Or just quit responding one day?
 
N

NYCmetsfan

Banned
I think just saying hey is weird unless like you already knew someone was gonna reach out.

Like "I'll text you at 5"

At 5: "hey"

Other wise it always gives off creepy vibes if it's unsolicited
 
Q

QuantumBro

Banned
Are these guys from dating sites or real life?

Edit: Since you said it's from dating site, the answer is that it takes the dude 2 seconds to type that and at best you talk to him and at worst nothing, so what's there to lose? If you're really annoyed by him, it takes less time to block/remove him than it does to make a thread complaining about it.

I've done it accidentally on pof a few times since they don't tell you that you've already sent them a message.
 
S

Sayter

Member
Sometimes persistence pays off. But, if he's getting on your nerves just ignore this messages or let him down easily.
 
L

LiveFromKyoto

Member
Desperation, loneliness, lack of options, and/or a steady stream of media telling the guy that the underdog can get the girl if he's just persistent enough and shows her that he's the one who really cares.
 
J

JCX

Member
This happens to me too. Twice I can get, since sometimes guys are lost in a shuffle, but some just overdo it.
 
F

family_guy

Member
KmA said:
"Hey," March 12

"Hey," April 25

"Hey," June 1

"Hey," July 25

??? Why don't guys get the hint? In what world is persistence even considered attractive? I've talked to a bunch of my girl friends and guys do this to them too. I just don't get it. Like what is going through their mind exactly? Help me understand.
Click to expand...

Have the courtesy and courage to say you aren't interested. If they harass you after the fact, then it's not that hard to block texts. It's a smaller world than some people think so at least if you're upfront, it won't be as awkard if you run into them in the future after you ghosted them.
 
B

Beefy

Member
Princess Carl said:
Spoiler alert, its enough guys to warrant the behavior. It's not just "the" guy.
Click to expand...

Spoiler alert I know. Not all guys are complete twats though. A simply I am not interested doesn't take much. If the guy/guys responses with abuse block them. Actually should just block the guy anyways as the OP isn't interested.
 
F

Futureman

Member
if they are doing it like you are saying in the OP I think they are just being assholes. There's no way a sane person could think that months of no replies that that July text would finally get them a date.
 
DietRob

DietRob

i've been begging for over 5 years.
Stumpokapow said:
Why, so they can call her a bitch and a slut, say they didn't want her anyway, demand an explanation, rattle off a laundry list of their "qualities"? People don't start off ghosting others, they do it because they sense they're at risk if they engage.
Click to expand...

I'm a married guy and have thankfully been out of the dating scene for over a decade now but is this really that prevalent? I think telling someone you are not interested instead of just disappearing is just the non asshole thing to do. I'd like to think that the scenario you described would be the exception and not the rule. If they do end up showing their ass then it's easy enough to block the number right?
 
N

NealMcCauley

Member
There's a chance they might not remember they've messaged you before. Almost happened to me a couple of times as awful as it sounds.
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Maybe you didn't see the first ten messages.

DietRob said:
I'm a married guy and have thankfully been out of the dating scene for over a decade now but is this really that prevalent? I think telling someone you are not interested instead of just disappearing is just the non asshole thing to do. I'd like to think that the scenario you described would be the exception and not the rule.
Click to expand...

It is the exception and not the rule. But it doesn't need to happen all that often to make just disappearing a good strategy. Think about it in terms of expected return: there's a low-probability event, the dude flipping out, that is highly negative and you really don't want to have happen. And there's a high-probability event, that the dude takes it fine and doesn't message you again, which isn't really either positive or negative, just kinda normal. It might make sense to cause a tiny bit of negativity by being a little bit impolite in order to remove the chance of the highly negative event altogether. The payoff structure would be similar to paying for insurance.
 
C

commedieu

Banned
Beefy said:
Maybe tell them you aren't interested instead of just ignoring them.
Click to expand...

Sephzilla said:
Why don't you just respond and tell them you're not interested instead of ignoring them?
Click to expand...

DietRob said:
Did you tell them that you weren't interested in them? Or just quit responding one day?
Click to expand...

Lol

Lol

Lol...


but on topic.

Because pathetic people can't take the hint and are so sad that they feel like being told there is no interest is at least a bit more communication that they think they can turn into a positive. It's a control issue.

If someone ignores you.. that literally means they aren't interested. Or life happened. Either way incessantly messaging someone is bad form. People on the internet don't take rejection well.

Look at that site goodbye felipe on why people don't respond to stans.

Dudes don't have the courage to accept they are being ignored.
 
S

Spartacus

Member
Hate it to be ignored, I get the message, but it's a rude way to tell it. I might keep on messaging just to be annoying, it's immature, but so is ignoring somebody. Just say your not interested and block the person if he or she doesn't take it well.
 
T

TheOMan

Tagged as I see fit
KmA said:
"Hey," March 12

"Hey," April 25

"Hey," June 1

"Hey," July 25

??? Why don't guys get the hint? In what world is persistence even considered attractive? I've talked to a bunch of my girl friends and guys do this to them too. I just don't get it. Like what is going through their mind exactly? Help me understand.

EDIT: This is from dating sites / dating apps if that wasn't clear.
Click to expand...

I've never used these dating sites and/or apps. Is there no way to block such people? Pretty glaring oversight if not.
 
S

Sephzilla

Member
commedieu said:
Lol

Lol

Lol...


but on topic.

Because pathetic people can't take the hint and are so sad that they feel like being told there is no interest is at least a bit more communication that they think they can turn into a positive. It's a control issue.

If someone ignores you.. that literally means they aren't interested. Or life happened. Either way incessantly messaging someone is bad form. People on the internet don't take rejection well.

Look at that site goodbye felipe on why people don't respond to stans.
Click to expand...

This logic doesn't exactly make you any better than the person who's persisting you, though.

commedieu said:
Dudes don't have the courage to accept they are being ignored.
Click to expand...

And apparently some people don't have the courage to say "sorry, not interested"
 
N

NoblesseOblige

Banned
I would never respond to someone who has nothing more to say than 'hey'. At least state your're interested, and ask the person to get back to you if they share it. If they respond then great, if not, move on.
 
S

SpiceMelange

Member
Stumpokapow said:
Thirst, possessiveness, entitlement, "nice guy" syndrome, etc. My condolences.



Why, so they can call her a bitch and a slut, say they didn't want her anyway, demand an explanation, rattle off a laundry list of their "qualities"? People don't start off ghosting others, they do it because they sense they're at risk if they engage.
Click to expand...

If that happens just use the block/ignore function. I think responding to say you aren't interested is basic courtesy.
 
M

MMarston

Was getting caught part of your plan?
Tell them you're not interested.


Admittedly, this won't completely phase out the problem but more or leass half of those people will actually understand and move on. But yeah, won't make you immune to the really thirsty

Worst case scenario is that you get denko'd
 
N

Nastrodamous

Member
DietRob said:
I'm a married guy and have thankfully been out of the dating scene for over a decade now but is this really that prevalent? I think telling someone you are not interested instead of just disappearing is just the non asshole thing to do. I'd like to think that the scenario you described would be the exception and not the rule. If they do end up showing their ass then it's easy enough to block the number right?
Click to expand...

Generally people just don't respond, and when somebody does the same thing to them they want to get all in their feelings. People don't treat other people the way they would like to be treated.
 
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