Karate and swimming are usually my top two recommendations.
There's no "winner" and they emphasize the individual. Being on a team can be hard on a lot of kids on the spectrum (getting benched, not playing as well as others, not scoring, etc)
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Autism - Welcome to the Spectrum
- Thread starter deadlast
- Start date
- Status
Karate and swimming are usually my top two recommendations.
There's no "winner" and they emphasize the individual. Being on a team can be hard on a lot of kids on the spectrum (getting benched, not playing as well as others, not scoring, etc)
Tragicomedy
Member
Excellent article, and worth reading in its entirety. I've heard the intense world theory before and it certainly fits the bill with my son. He was totally overwhelmed as a baby and would cry non stop no matter what we did. As he's grown older, we've come to realize what sensory issues bother him and which ones he seeks. As he's become better able to regulate his senses, his affection levels and the empathy he shows has skyrocketed.
He's also extremely intelligent, and borderline hyperlexic like the kid in the article. We've always felt like he's gifted but struggles to communicate with others due to sensory overload and anxiety. Therapies are working tremendously well for him, as is our quest to gently but continuously push the boundaries of his comfort zone.
HerbertBirdsfoot
Member
Really good first post. Waiting is hard and it's good you are doing all you can to get some help. My son will be 3 in February. He was diagnosed at 20 months with the toddler behavioral exam.
He started ABA back in January and it's been really good for him. Every kid is different. My son wasn't responding to his name at all when diagnosed and now he does a little bit. He's easier to get eye contact with too. He doesn't speak but is making progress making sounds to communicate. He has a few signs and uses PECS if you've heard of that.
His therapy is very play based and not very regimented. Funny enough one of his biggest reinforcers is watching me or his sister play video games. He'll jump around and flap his hands watching us play Lego Marvel. The behavioral therapist will tell us to pause the game and shut off the TV and he does some work with them to get the game back on. Like imitating or matching or whatever. He doesn't spend a lot of time on that stuff yet though.
My son hasn't said "dad" yet and I need to get in his face to get him to acknowledge me when I come home... once I do that I usually get a smile and a high five. He ain't typical but he's mine and we love him. Good luck with your journey and it is that for sure. Hope to see more in this thread. Most internet stuff about autism is on the mommy parenting boards--- nice to see some dads with similar interests in similar situations.
He started ABA back in January and it's been really good for him. Every kid is different. My son wasn't responding to his name at all when diagnosed and now he does a little bit. He's easier to get eye contact with too. He doesn't speak but is making progress making sounds to communicate. He has a few signs and uses PECS if you've heard of that.
His therapy is very play based and not very regimented. Funny enough one of his biggest reinforcers is watching me or his sister play video games. He'll jump around and flap his hands watching us play Lego Marvel. The behavioral therapist will tell us to pause the game and shut off the TV and he does some work with them to get the game back on. Like imitating or matching or whatever. He doesn't spend a lot of time on that stuff yet though.
My son hasn't said "dad" yet and I need to get in his face to get him to acknowledge me when I come home... once I do that I usually get a smile and a high five. He ain't typical but he's mine and we love him. Good luck with your journey and it is that for sure. Hope to see more in this thread. Most internet stuff about autism is on the mommy parenting boards--- nice to see some dads with similar interests in similar situations.
Tragicomedy
Member
Really good first post. Waiting is hard and it's good you are doing all you can to get some help. My son will be 3 in February. He was diagnosed at 20 months with the toddler behavioral exam.
He started ABA back in January and it's been really good for him. Every kid is different. My son wasn't responding to his name at all when diagnosed and now he does a little bit. He's easier to get eye contact with too. He doesn't speak but is making progress making sounds to communicate. He has a few signs and uses PECS if you've heard of that.
His therapy is very play based and not very regimented. Funny enough one of his biggest reinforcers is watching me or his sister play video games. He'll jump around and flap his hands watching us play Lego Marvel. The behavioral therapist will tell us to pause the game and shut off the TV and he does some work with them to get the game back on. Like imitating or matching or whatever. He doesn't spend a lot of time on that stuff yet though.
My son hasn't said "dad" yet and I need to get in his face to get him to acknowledge me when I come home... once I do that I usually get a smile and a high five. He ain't typical but he's mine and we love him. Good luck with your journey and it is that for sure. Hope to see more in this thread. Most internet stuff about autism is on the mommy parenting boards--- nice to see some dads with similar interests in similar situations.
Keep your hopes up about the verbal stuff. My son began speaking at a normal time period, but his speech wasn't pragmatic or conversational. He basically would just parrot things we read to him from a book or lyrics to songs or things that my wife and I say all the time. He still has a long way to go to get to the conversational level, but through ABA, pre-school, and time with a speech therapist he's making huge progress.
Just this past week, he spontaneously told my wife and I that he loved us. He's three and a half, so parents of neurotypical kids wouldn't understand what a huge deal that was for us. He also knows how to basically ask for 95% of what he wants now, and has created a very original way of requesting that other 5% that only the two of us could possibly ever decipher.
Life gets easier every day, and though this will be a lifelong challenge for him we never stop pushing him and believing in him. I firmly believe that parents of kids with autism don't need to focus on how far behind their kids are compared to their peers, but instead focus on how much progress the kid is making and at what pace. We do an approach that focuses on our son's biggest strengths (memory, music, great observation of patterns, advanced readings and counting skills, and love of nature) instead of focusing on his weaknesses. So far, so good.
Captain Tuttle
Member
Really an excellent article, thanks for posting it. I see a lot of my son in there.
Well, I just happened to see this (don't get into OT much) and figured I'd respond since I have some experience in this area.
My son had some warning signs early. He would laugh a bit and respond to us in some ways, so we didn't really start to worry until he was 2. He was talking, but it was really hard to understand -- impossible unless you were around him all the time. So we had him evaluated by BabyNet, which was a state program to identify developmental issues in babies and toddlers. They told us our son was fine.
At three he began reading on his own. My brother didn't believe me until he visited and pointed to random words in the newspaper which my son would then read. He always loved books and spent a lot of time with them; of course, we encouraged this. He would also memorize books, tv shows, etc and parrot them back all the time, mostly to himself. We tested him one time and he was able to memorize "The Lamb" by William Blake word-for-word at age three.
We thought he was some kind of genius. Turns out he's high-functioning autistic. Maybe that is some kind of genius, who knows.
When he was 3, nearly turning 4, we started him in kindergarden. After a couple months, his teacher arranged a meeting with us and gently recommended he be tested by a developmental pediatrician due to his memory, etc. Of course, we're no dummies and we asked if she thought he might be autistic and was this part of the reason she wished us to have him tested. She just nodded silently. But she was very kind about it, very understanding. Glad she recommended it since otherwise we might have delayed in getting him tested.
He wasn't engaging with other kids, it was a struggle to maintain eye contact with him, or to keep his attention for any length of time. Other kids would sit in a circle when told, but my son would be unresponsive or else sit for 5 seconds, then wander off. He would only do his own thing (e.g. sit a read) and would not follow instructions or be responsive at all.
It was very strange, because although we did see some hint of these issues at home, for the most part he would play and talk with us.
Of course, it took 9 months to get an appointment since the specialist was overbooked. We didn't want to wait that long, so we asked his regular pediatrician and researched on our own, and got a recommendation to a very good ABA therapist. He wasn't officially diagnosed, so insurance wouldn't cover it, but we went ahead and started therapy.
We also explored "floor time" therapy which is more relaxed and natural than ABA, and is what our son's OT was very fond of. We ended up combining the two by being very involved in our son's ABA and providing suggestions and inputs on what programs to work on, and how they might be most effective. Strict ABA has the therapist working at a table all the time, but we rolled in some "floor time" methods so the therapist would take our son into the playroom to work with him, or outside to kick around ball, etc, while working through some programs (if they were suited to that).
After nine months, he was officially diagnosed as having high-functioning autism. Turns out our insurance still wouldn't cover ABA. We continued with it regardless because it seemed to help, although it was very expensive. In the intervening years, my state passed a law that required insurance to cover ABA. Turns out I'm still not covered because the company I work for is self-insured and not beholden to state law, only federal law. I could talk a long time about this, but will not. Suffice to say, we've paid out a lot for therapy, but fortunately have not had to go into debt since I have a decent paying job.
Long story short, my son is now 9 and is doing pretty well. He talks to us all the time, wants to play with us, loves video games but also plays with legos, magformers, zoobs, has started taking piano lessons and memorizes songs almost immediately. He still likes to read but tends toward books that are too young for him -- he has a fondness for things of his youth; he remembers Blue's Clues, baby books, etc, which are beneath his level, but he is still drawn to them. We have to work with him to read "Magic Treehouse", "Willy Wonka", and other chapter books that are appropriate for his age.
He does a lot better with other kids. He used to ignore them and just play by himself, but now engages other kids successfully and joins in with their play at times. Of course, he still prefers to play by himself, but knows that at school he's supposed to be social. He's great at math, loves geometry and certain sciences.
We still have struggles. The aforementioned juvenilia, perseveration (repeating phrases, typically from books or movies, to himself), sometimes he just seems "spacey". He talks in a kind of sing-song voice that's distracting if you're not used to it. He struggles with reading comprehension in history or literature, which is understandable since you have empathize and understand character motivation.
But we love him. He's our son, and I can't imagine life without him. He started to be able to beat me at some video games, his favorites are puzzle-type games (Meteos, Boom Boom Rocket, Zuma, PvZ, etc). He also loves board games and will memorize the rules word-for-word.
He has learned to ride a bike, which can be a big struggle for autistics -- I almost had him riding when we enrolled him in the iCan Shine camp; they closed the gap expertly and he was independently riding in less than five days. We're still working on swimming, but he loves the water.
I count us and our son lucky for a number of reasons. I tend to look on the bright side most of the time.
All this to say, good luck to all who are dealing with this issue. The spectrum is broad and no two kids are the same, but you can have success.
My son had some warning signs early. He would laugh a bit and respond to us in some ways, so we didn't really start to worry until he was 2. He was talking, but it was really hard to understand -- impossible unless you were around him all the time. So we had him evaluated by BabyNet, which was a state program to identify developmental issues in babies and toddlers. They told us our son was fine.
At three he began reading on his own. My brother didn't believe me until he visited and pointed to random words in the newspaper which my son would then read. He always loved books and spent a lot of time with them; of course, we encouraged this. He would also memorize books, tv shows, etc and parrot them back all the time, mostly to himself. We tested him one time and he was able to memorize "The Lamb" by William Blake word-for-word at age three.
We thought he was some kind of genius. Turns out he's high-functioning autistic. Maybe that is some kind of genius, who knows.
When he was 3, nearly turning 4, we started him in kindergarden. After a couple months, his teacher arranged a meeting with us and gently recommended he be tested by a developmental pediatrician due to his memory, etc. Of course, we're no dummies and we asked if she thought he might be autistic and was this part of the reason she wished us to have him tested. She just nodded silently. But she was very kind about it, very understanding. Glad she recommended it since otherwise we might have delayed in getting him tested.
He wasn't engaging with other kids, it was a struggle to maintain eye contact with him, or to keep his attention for any length of time. Other kids would sit in a circle when told, but my son would be unresponsive or else sit for 5 seconds, then wander off. He would only do his own thing (e.g. sit a read) and would not follow instructions or be responsive at all.
It was very strange, because although we did see some hint of these issues at home, for the most part he would play and talk with us.
Of course, it took 9 months to get an appointment since the specialist was overbooked. We didn't want to wait that long, so we asked his regular pediatrician and researched on our own, and got a recommendation to a very good ABA therapist. He wasn't officially diagnosed, so insurance wouldn't cover it, but we went ahead and started therapy.
We also explored "floor time" therapy which is more relaxed and natural than ABA, and is what our son's OT was very fond of. We ended up combining the two by being very involved in our son's ABA and providing suggestions and inputs on what programs to work on, and how they might be most effective. Strict ABA has the therapist working at a table all the time, but we rolled in some "floor time" methods so the therapist would take our son into the playroom to work with him, or outside to kick around ball, etc, while working through some programs (if they were suited to that).
After nine months, he was officially diagnosed as having high-functioning autism. Turns out our insurance still wouldn't cover ABA. We continued with it regardless because it seemed to help, although it was very expensive. In the intervening years, my state passed a law that required insurance to cover ABA. Turns out I'm still not covered because the company I work for is self-insured and not beholden to state law, only federal law. I could talk a long time about this, but will not. Suffice to say, we've paid out a lot for therapy, but fortunately have not had to go into debt since I have a decent paying job.
Long story short, my son is now 9 and is doing pretty well. He talks to us all the time, wants to play with us, loves video games but also plays with legos, magformers, zoobs, has started taking piano lessons and memorizes songs almost immediately. He still likes to read but tends toward books that are too young for him -- he has a fondness for things of his youth; he remembers Blue's Clues, baby books, etc, which are beneath his level, but he is still drawn to them. We have to work with him to read "Magic Treehouse", "Willy Wonka", and other chapter books that are appropriate for his age.
He does a lot better with other kids. He used to ignore them and just play by himself, but now engages other kids successfully and joins in with their play at times. Of course, he still prefers to play by himself, but knows that at school he's supposed to be social. He's great at math, loves geometry and certain sciences.
We still have struggles. The aforementioned juvenilia, perseveration (repeating phrases, typically from books or movies, to himself), sometimes he just seems "spacey". He talks in a kind of sing-song voice that's distracting if you're not used to it. He struggles with reading comprehension in history or literature, which is understandable since you have empathize and understand character motivation.
But we love him. He's our son, and I can't imagine life without him. He started to be able to beat me at some video games, his favorites are puzzle-type games (Meteos, Boom Boom Rocket, Zuma, PvZ, etc). He also loves board games and will memorize the rules word-for-word.
He has learned to ride a bike, which can be a big struggle for autistics -- I almost had him riding when we enrolled him in the iCan Shine camp; they closed the gap expertly and he was independently riding in less than five days. We're still working on swimming, but he loves the water.
I count us and our son lucky for a number of reasons. I tend to look on the bright side most of the time.
All this to say, good luck to all who are dealing with this issue. The spectrum is broad and no two kids are the same, but you can have success.
Captain Tuttle
Member
What a great post, thanks for sharing your experiences. You've had good luck with the iCan? My son has really struggled with bike riding, I'm going to look into that camp.
Yes, to be honest I was skeptical since their goal (learning to ride in five days) seemed absurd. Thinking back on it now, I suspect they count on most (or all) of the kids having had some exposure to bike riding and are just struggling to master it.
But I was really impressed. They have special equipment that lets your child hone the balancing skill without the risk of taking a tumble, then they work on stopping, then starting from a dead stop all by themselves.
By day four, my son was riding his own bike around independently. By day five he was able to start going from a dead stop by himself, ride around on his own, and then stop wherever he wanted. He now rides around our neighborhood on his own.
There were other kids there that started off behind my son -- some Down Syndrome kids, and some mid-to-low autistics -- and I was impressed seeing their progress as well. Most of them were riding by themselves by day five. A couple were not, but they were much improved.
I would recommend it if you find yourself struggling to teach him. It was such a good feeling watching him master that skill.
I wouldn't worry much about this unless you're making zero progress over an extended period. My son was 3 1/2 before potty training, and my pediatrician's (non-autistic) sons were also 3 1/2.
Captain Tuttle
Member
Yeah, my son was four by the time all was said and done
HerbertBirdsfoot
Member
Definitely I'm keeping my hopes up about the verbal stuff. I've been getting in the mindset of always having hope but not having expectations. And definitely not measuring against his sister or other non-ASD kids. We'll do the best we can and get him all the help he can.
avengers23
Banned
I concur. My son just turned 4, and he was potty-trained maybe 5 or 6 months ago. Boys usually take longer anyway, and it's not something you can force.
avengers23
Banned
Realizing that I can't measure my son against other children was the mental breakthrough I needed to make too.
HerbertBirdsfoot
Member
Yeah. I think I knew I needed to make that adjustment right at the start, too. It was just easier said than done and I couldn't do it right away. It takes time.
Tragicomedy
Member
It can be tough sometimes when family is over with all the other cousins, like we had during Thanksgiving and will do again for Christmas. Even the ones that are younger than my boy are doing things that he hasn't expressed an interest in or can't currently perform.
I've started taking it as an opportunity to sit down with the kids and focus specifically on teaching my kid what they're doing and how to do it. One of the wildest parts in our journey so far is realizing that our son is capable of doing a ton of stuff but he won't pick it up on his own. Things that come intuitively to others don't to him, so I sometimes forget that I have to show him exactly how to do something and then he works on it on his own until he masters it.
The latest "silly" thing like that is walking down the stairs one leg at a time. He always steps down with his left foot and never alternates. I've noticed it before, but I didn't realize it was a motor skills milestone or something we should be working on. It only took one time kneeling down next to him and guiding him to alternate feet for him to get it. Now he defaults to doing that instead of one foot at a time. SImple progress once I pulled my head out of my rear and realized what was up.
As far as potty training goes: constant battle. My son is nearing 3.5 years old and still isn't potty trained. He will pee on a toilet if we keep forcing him to do so, but he never volunteers or mentions his needs. He has an aversion to pooping on the toilet that I can't explain but it's definitely real. That might take even longer to overcome.
Maybe you've gotten answers to this, but don't freak out only on that basis. When I was somewhere around 1 or 2 years old my father accidentally sat on my leg which made me break it. Didn't make a sound. They only figured it out because I didn't want to walk anymore, which I had been trying to do the days prior. Also I didn't learn to speak until I was about 3, according to my parents, so that isn't a sure-fire sign either. And I'm fairly certain I'm not autistic.
Yes! Peer imitation is something my son struggled with. He had no interest in other kids, and especially not what they were doing. Our ABA therapist worked on this a lot at school and he is now much improved. He will (sometimes) independantly go up to kids, talk about stuff, and join in play.
My son was the same way. It's like he was afraid for some reason. Probably anxiety related. He got over it before too long and now he's perfectly normal in this regard. If your child is peeing fine, then the rest will come in time. No worrries.
Tragicomedy
Member
I hope you're right. We aren't pressuring him much since that tends to backfire. The sad part was the one time he actually pooped in the toilet he immediately broke down in tears. My wife and I had no idea what was going on in his head, but there was definitely a ton of anxiety and fear there.
How old is your child? Self-diagnosis is a natural tendency, but it amounts to very little in terms of classifying possible conditions, explaining your kid's behavior, or getting them authorized to receive help. I began to suspect my son of having autism six months before he was checked out, while my wife refused to even discuss the possibility. She could have been right and I could have been overreacting...the bottom line is you don't know.
Take a look at some of the symptoms of autism, but don't read too much into any one or two of these behaviors. There are some "classic" tell tale signs, but many of these are simply more extreme versions of normal toddler behavior and development. We have friends with 2-3 year old kids who haven't uttered a word then proceed to start full conversations with other kids three months later. Some kids are just shy. Others might be dealing with anxiety, or merely developing in different areas at slower or faster rates.
As an example, from that list of symptoms my son demonstrates 13 of the 22 behaviors in question. That was enough to send up the warning signal, but not enough for me to self-confirm. Schedule an appointment with your kid's pediatrician to get a referral to a specialist. It's perfectly normal to be apprehensive, fearful, or even depressed about the idea without even knowing the diagnosis. Nobody wants their kid to be different or have a label on them, but that diagnosis is crucial to getting your kid help if they need it.
One final piece of advice: your kid may behave completely differently at home around caregivers (you) then they do in other places with other people. That was part of what made my wife and I have different opinions on our son. He acted a lot more "normal" at home with us then he did with other people in other settings. That's part of the comfort factor.
He'll be 3 next month.
He's run the gauntlet when it comes to issues. He has always been a picky eater, and we chocked it up to texture issues. But after a while, he just stopped consuming ANYTHING but milk, club crackers, and cheerios. That's it. You might force a little yogurt into him, but nothing else.
He loves lining things up. Once I put on a movie for him to watch, while I went to the bathroom upstairs. I came back downstairs, and found that he had lined up my girlfriend and my shoes all the way down the hallway in a neat line. He was sitting watching the show as if nothing had happened. It was quite the paranormal activity moment.
He rarely answers to his own name. We know he can hear us, but its like he'll tune us out. And he pretty much doesn't say anything. Mama, dada, and nana. I thought that it was because he had fluid in his ears. He even got tubes in his ears to deal with drainage. My mom had the brilliant idea to teach him sign language. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to communicate with my kid. He knows more signs than I do...
I just have to watch for the signs that he needs to go use the toilet, because he doesn't tell me, and shakes his head if I ask him. He'll get fidgety, or do the "peepee dance". And it's a traumatic experience for him to go poo.
Doesn't play with other kids all that well, but I thought that was just because he's two...
I've actually kinda thought that he might be autistic, but it was so long ago that I put him on a list to be tested that I forgot about it. Reading about other children in this thread brought those fears right back up. I already deal with feeling like I'm not the best of parents, to try to get an autistic child the help he needs, I just don't know if I can.
He's run the gauntlet when it comes to issues. He has always been a picky eater, and we chocked it up to texture issues. But after a while, he just stopped consuming ANYTHING but milk, club crackers, and cheerios. That's it. You might force a little yogurt into him, but nothing else.
He loves lining things up. Once I put on a movie for him to watch, while I went to the bathroom upstairs. I came back downstairs, and found that he had lined up my girlfriend and my shoes all the way down the hallway in a neat line. He was sitting watching the show as if nothing had happened. It was quite the paranormal activity moment.
He rarely answers to his own name. We know he can hear us, but its like he'll tune us out. And he pretty much doesn't say anything. Mama, dada, and nana. I thought that it was because he had fluid in his ears. He even got tubes in his ears to deal with drainage. My mom had the brilliant idea to teach him sign language. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to communicate with my kid. He knows more signs than I do...
I just have to watch for the signs that he needs to go use the toilet, because he doesn't tell me, and shakes his head if I ask him. He'll get fidgety, or do the "peepee dance". And it's a traumatic experience for him to go poo.
Doesn't play with other kids all that well, but I thought that was just because he's two...
I've actually kinda thought that he might be autistic, but it was so long ago that I put him on a list to be tested that I forgot about it. Reading about other children in this thread brought those fears right back up. I already deal with feeling like I'm not the best of parents, to try to get an autistic child the help he needs, I just don't know if I can.
Tragicomedy
Member
Some of those are symptoms of a possible autism diagnosis, but alone they don't confirm it. Lining up of toys is indicative of pattern- seeking, which my son also does. It's likely about creating order in a chaotic world. The textural issues with food are also very common, and my son is particularly picky about anything wet or sticky.
Definitely get your kid tested. Have you had his hearing formally tested? It's important to rule out hearing problems as being the root cause for lack of speech or socialization.
If your kid is diagnosed on the spectrum, don't lose hope. School systems in almost every state are required to provide help and free services starting at three. Many insurance companies will provide ABA, speech, and occupational therapy.
We're fortunate in that our boy is getting 14 hours a week of structured therapy and another 12 hours a week of early intervention preschool where he's completely integrated with normally developing kids. I pay a whopping $40 a month for all that even though the bill comes out to 4 grand. The key is get your kid diagnosed ASAP. If they're on the spectrum, you have to fight for them and become their biggest advocate in everything. I spent several months fighting tooth and nail to get everything lined up for my boy. Don't take no for an answer.
Finally, you aren't alone and aren't too blame for whatever the diagnosis is. There are online and in person support groups all over the country.
Definitely get your kid tested. Have you had his hearing formally tested? It's important to rule out hearing problems as being the root cause for lack of speech or socialization.
If your kid is diagnosed on the spectrum, don't lose hope. School systems in almost every state are required to provide help and free services starting at three. Many insurance companies will provide ABA, speech, and occupational therapy.
We're fortunate in that our boy is getting 14 hours a week of structured therapy and another 12 hours a week of early intervention preschool where he's completely integrated with normally developing kids. I pay a whopping $40 a month for all that even though the bill comes out to 4 grand. The key is get your kid diagnosed ASAP. If they're on the spectrum, you have to fight for them and become their biggest advocate in everything. I spent several months fighting tooth and nail to get everything lined up for my boy. Don't take no for an answer.
Finally, you aren't alone and aren't too blame for whatever the diagnosis is. There are online and in person support groups all over the country.
Captain Tuttle
Member
Really excellent advice, Tragicomedy has been nailing it. Get him evaluated and move on from there, earlier the better. We've been where you are so we know what you're feeling more or less; it's scary. Also remember, after evaluation the results might not point to anything wrong, it's best to know though.
Feel free to PM me with any questions or rants or whatever, I'm happy to listen and to help any way I can.
Regarding potty training, my son likes his routines and doesn't like change, I think he also had some fear about the toilet. What I had him to was to start going poop in his diapers but in the bathroom, ideally sitting on the toilet with the seat down. It was a mild way to condition him to think about the bathroom as the place where he goes to do his business. After a couple of months of encouraging him to sit on the toilet properly (seat up) and after getting him comfortable and used to the bathroom he finally did it, took off his diaper and went. It was on his fourth birthday and after that he never wore a diaper again. It was just a matter of getting him comfortable with the idea. Might be worth a try for some of you guys.
Tragicomedy
Member
Sounds like a good progressive approach and something I'll try to implement. At this point, having our son potty trained by four would be a real treat. He's completely capable of doing it, now we just have to convince him to do so.
HerbertBirdsfoot
Member
Yeah Tragicomedy has been posting some really good advice here. When there are signs for autism you want to be talking to his doctor and/or setting up the appointments for evaluation. Sometimes appointment waits can be long so you want to get started when you are concerned.
Using the internet to try to self-diagnose is impossible and can drive you crazy. It's better to get moving on a professional opinion. If he gets diagnosed it can be hard to deal with but the thing to remember is that diagnosis = services. Depending on where you live and your insurance there can be quite a bit of help available. Never dwell on not having had him checked out sooner, but on the other hand if you are concerned then move now.
Not looking forward to the potty training... that's going to be a big hurdle I think. Not starting yet.
Using the internet to try to self-diagnose is impossible and can drive you crazy. It's better to get moving on a professional opinion. If he gets diagnosed it can be hard to deal with but the thing to remember is that diagnosis = services. Depending on where you live and your insurance there can be quite a bit of help available. Never dwell on not having had him checked out sooner, but on the other hand if you are concerned then move now.
Not looking forward to the potty training... that's going to be a big hurdle I think. Not starting yet.
I was in the same boat back in March. You should get him tested.
It's been awhile since I have talked about our potty training experience.
Basically we have been working on potty training for a while. My son can pee in the potty, if he has his potty seat and only at home. He refuses to stand and pee, unless he is in the shower.
Now pooping, he does like to poop at all. He holds his poop.
And now my son refuses to use the potty unless I sit him on it. Very rarely he initiate using the potty.
Basically we have been working on potty training for a while. My son can pee in the potty, if he has his potty seat and only at home. He refuses to stand and pee, unless he is in the shower.
Now pooping, he does like to poop at all. He holds his poop.
And now my son refuses to use the potty unless I sit him on it. Very rarely he initiate using the potty.
Captain Tuttle
Member
How old is he now?
He's 3 1/2.
Captain Tuttle
Member
Yeah, my son did stuff like that as well at that age, wouldn't stand to pee, he'd poop but only in his diaper. Does your son sleep in a diaper? Does he wake up dry?
It gets better, just keep gently working at it, don't stress him out about it (not saying you have been). We decided just to let my son go at his own pace, once he started leaving the room for privacy while he did his business (even in diapers) we knew he had the control, after that it was overcoming whatever hesitation he had about the toilet. When he was 3 1/2 it seemed like he'd be in diapers forever, 6 months later he was potty trained.
My son turns three on Monday. We've been potty training him for a couple of weeks now. His diaper is almost always dry, even after sleeping, but we have to initiate every potty time. He also tends to hold in his poop and doesn't do it nearly as often as he used to as a result (and he farts more now).
His ABA teacher/instructor/therapist/whatever said that we needed to start weaning him off of his pacifier, so for the last few days we've only let him have it for naps and bedtime. He keeps asking for it throughout the day but today was the worst, by far. With the exception of naptime and for about 10 minutes playing a puzzle game on our iPad, he was crying and/or screaming for the entire day. The. Entire. Day. My wife and I were practically in tears by the end of it. Worse yet, our son spends a few hours each day (between daycare and when my wife and I get home from work) at his great-grandparents' house, and we've already caught them giving him the pacifier when he cried since they simply can't handle having him be upset.
His ABA teacher/instructor/therapist/whatever said that we needed to start weaning him off of his pacifier, so for the last few days we've only let him have it for naps and bedtime. He keeps asking for it throughout the day but today was the worst, by far. With the exception of naptime and for about 10 minutes playing a puzzle game on our iPad, he was crying and/or screaming for the entire day. The. Entire. Day. My wife and I were practically in tears by the end of it. Worse yet, our son spends a few hours each day (between daycare and when my wife and I get home from work) at his great-grandparents' house, and we've already caught them giving him the pacifier when he cried since they simply can't handle having him be upset.
HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
Subbed.
Every parent that has an inkling should get their kid tested as early as possible, but remember not to freak out, either before or after.
If I had gotten tested earlier, then I would most likely have had better control over my actions in life.
Every parent that has an inkling should get their kid tested as early as possible, but remember not to freak out, either before or after.
If I had gotten tested earlier, then I would most likely have had better control over my actions in life.
Captain Tuttle
Member
Maybe you've tried this already but have you made a hole in the bulb of the pacifier? My daughter loved her paci and that's what we did to help her kick the habit, it feels weird I guess and is less satisfying for them. She's not on the spectrum though.
My wife says that the ABA teacher actually suggested this, but she (my wife) wants to wait a few more days before we do it. She says that since he is reacting so poorly to the bedtime-only thing, she doesn't want to piss him off any more by messing with the actual pacifier yet. Thanks for the suggestion, though!
After we found out, we were relieved. It was good to know we weren't crazy or imagining things. And now we have an idea of what to do.
Today my wife and I came to an agreement about potty training, no diapers or pull-ups at home. My son is terrified of using a public toilet and is too short to use the urinals. So we have to slow introduce him to the idea that using them is ok.
Captain Tuttle
Member
I just remembered something else I tried with my son in regards to potty training. When he refused to pee in the toilet when I thought he was old enough I'd have him wear a pair of underwear and then wear a pair of diapers over the underwear; the theory being that modern diapers are so good at keeping kids dry that there's no consequences (discomfort) for peeing yourself. The underwear under the diaper would get wet and make him feel uncomfortable while the diaper held everything in and kept his clothes dry. Worked pretty well. Consequences.
I love the undies idea. I think we will start doing that while he is at school.
p_xavier
Authorized Fister
I have Asperger's and it is definitely difficult to live a full life with that. While academics were always extremely easy for me, social life is not. Making friends is really difficult and my social life is non existant. The last two years were a mess for me but it's even harder when you have no one to turn to. Basically even today, if I have one item from one brand, I will have to get rid of that item or get more to make a collection. If not I get extremely upset.
It's great to see that no matter what, you're standing besides your kid.
It's great to see that no matter what, you're standing besides your kid.
My son did both..stacking and lining toys up.. Everything lined or perpendicular. He doesn't have autism but those behaviors made think he had. My wife is a mh nurse and runs a ward for LD kids with autism. Heart breaking what some parents do daily.
Tragicomedy
Member
Appreciate you both contributing. I'm sure we'll have many questions. I recognize everyone on the spectrum is different, but your insight will be awesome.
Big mini victory for us last week. My son has been attached to little kid sippy cups since he was one and a half, and would absolutely refuse to drink from anything else. In and of itself there's nothing wrong with that, but the cops are tiny and required multiple refills on a single trip and other kids would ask why he used a "baby cup."
Five days ago, my wife finally got him to drink through a much larger cup with a straw. It holds three times the amount of water, looks much "older," and has him practicing using a straw for the first time. I know this would sound silly to other people, but for us it's a big deal.
Now, about that potty training...
Happy holidays, everyone!
Captain Tuttle
Member
Drinking from a straw is one of those challenges that kids on the spectrum have (so I'm told). First time my son drank from one I cried a little, big milestone for him.
I get the excitement
My son is obsessed with Mr. Incredible. We have so much Mr. Incredible stuff. He dresses up as Mr. Incredible every year (2 years so far) for Halloween. I have a feeling he will struggle with collecting when he gets older.
Something amazing happened yesterday, in regards to GI issues. My son pooped in his pull-up at nap time. And told me " I no hold my poop in." I was so happy. I praised him for not holding his poop in. This may seem silly but this issue has been plaguing my son for a while. He does like to poop and would hold it in at all cost. I constantly would tell him how it was bad for him. Now it has sunk in and he isn't holding it in.
My son has been a little better (behavior-wise) over the last two days, but still much worse than he was with his pacifier. Huge fits when he doesn't get his way, and he often changes his mind mid-fit so even if we were in the middle of trying to help him, he might not want it anymore. It's incredibly frustrating. My wife is crying and doesn't want me to help or console her. Worse yet, at the worst moments of our son screaming, she gets mad at ME and snaps at everything I say. Part of the problem with our son's tantrums is that he bangs his head on the floor, objects, or onto OUR heads - as hard as he can, until his screaming is from pain.
He starts his special ed preschool next month. It's gonna be really intense for him and that means he'll probably be more grumpy at home, but I'm anxious for the long-term benefits.
He starts his special ed preschool next month. It's gonna be really intense for him and that means he'll probably be more grumpy at home, but I'm anxious for the long-term benefits.
Our son changes mid fit as well. It is very frustrating, but you have let the tantrum run its course. However, you have to keep him from hurting himself. The bear hug and so jiu jitsu training works well for me.
Like your wife, I lose my cool and snap out of frustration. I work hard to be better. And the on thing we need to do is speak with one voice.
Good luck.
p_xavier
Authorized Fister
The thing is that you need to focus on things that are good with OCD. I've been working in security most of my life and nothing passes trough me because of such OCD. I was lucky in that aspect.
Most people don't understand the collecting, or putting straight things up. When I was younger, I could scratch myself up to bleed if something was off or couldn't get categorized properly (even recently though only when I'm under stress).
I'm moving in a new loft, and all my things are already bought for my kitchen (and it's in more than one year!) It's like a little voice into your head that says, you won't live properly if everything doesn't match. I once spent three days looking for a specific model of a fondue set... Good thing that I'm not a hoarder.
Thank you. Things got even worse after my post, and on the way to celebrate his third birthday at his grandparents' house, no less. He absolutely LOVED the gifts we got him, though, and has been happily playing with them all evening. I'm sure his bath and bedtime will involve more screaming, but what can you do.
HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
I'm not a parent at all, but it sounds like your son is very much aware of the open atmosphere of a public toilet, whereas a urinal has some semblence of cover.
It's not so much that he can be seen by others, it's that others can see him.
Get out please.
Tragicomedy
Member
Hey Coconut, take a hike. Maybe a week vacation?
HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
Drinking straight liquid is all about the texture. Straws are inefficient and we can't feel the water on our mouths as much.
- Status