https://www.washingtonpost.com/news...-a-girlfriend-is-real/?utm_term=.07da07dde651
Lots of pictures at the link
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He is being pressured to find a wife and his need to rent a girlfriend is real (WaPo)
- Thread starter Piecake
- Start date
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news...-a-girlfriend-is-real/?utm_term=.07da07dde651
Lots of pictures at the link
Robot Carnival
Member
all them Chinese
cartoons are starting to mess with their real life!
all jokes aside, the Aisan culture on marriage is getting more and more ridiculous these days, especially in China. if you're not married by your late 20s/early 30s, you're left over garbage and theres something wrong with you. it's completely stupid, not like they need more people out there anyway.
Japanese
all jokes aside, the Aisan culture on marriage is getting more and more ridiculous these days, especially in China. if you're not married by your late 20s/early 30s, you're left over garbage and theres something wrong with you. it's completely stupid, not like they need more people out there anyway.
PassiveObserver
Member
Sweet little photo essay.
Shadowhelper
Banned
Poor fucker agreed to be named and photographed?
Widdle Puppy
Banned
Does this pressure exist in the USA? I'm 26 and don't have any plans to get married. Don't feel pressure at all to but it is so fucking annoying to be asked by my family if I'm seeing anyone.
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
Nowhere close to the way it exists in Asian cultures.
Mass Effect
Member
Not even remotely. Perhaps there is some in parts of the US (I imagine rural maybe), but no one is hiring fake mates to appease their parents as far as I'm aware.
D
Deleted member 284
Unconfirmed Member
"But baby, look at all dem Zeros!!!!"
It exists for Asian/South Asian/middle eastern people in USA
Widdle Puppy
Banned
Even if you have a successful career?
The combination of ironic racist joke and misspelled "Asian" makes this a really good first post.
The ending of the article is a bit strange to me...he went to the trouble of "renting" a girlfriend to deal with the pressure from his mom, and then just came clean about it to her anyway? That's a little counterproductive.
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
Yes but it's more prominent among "traditional" families. That's why all the white-trash here is eloped before they're old enough to drink. And also why they're divorced before they're old enough to rent a car.
This is what I was curious about, have there been any signs of a generational shift in attitudes at all?
Herr Schwarz
Banned
That's kind of sad.
CrimzonSamurai
Member
This is also a product of male offspring being favored during the one child policy era. In a decade or so there's going to be a few million more men in China than women, like even if every woman in the country is married there will still be millions of unmarried men. The consequences of this are going to be horrifying.
Spaced Harrier
Member
In parts of china the ratio between men and women can be 2:1, due to selective abortions of females under the one child policy.
Its also a fairly common factor in most places that females are more likely to move to cities then men. Skewing it even worse in rural areas.
Its also a fairly common factor in most places that females are more likely to move to cities then men. Skewing it even worse in rural areas.
balladofwindfishes
Member
I'm 27 and my parents only half joke about having grandkids. They don't really care, or if they do, they don't let me know.
I think the presssure to marry is similar in America, except it's hidden by the single woman empowerment in music, movies, etc; but once you take look at their social media posts, it's about not being able to find a mate, posts about loneliness, etc.
I visited a young female friend in a flyover state. Her and her friends and cousins were all about popping out babies and they're all like 19-20 yo. I was like, maybe you want to wait until after college? Didn't get through to them.
I visited a young female friend in a flyover state. Her and her friends and cousins were all about popping out babies and they're all like 19-20 yo. I was like, maybe you want to wait until after college? Didn't get through to them.
yeah this isn't going to end well for anyone. terrible situation.
mullet2000
Member
This will be a huge thing yeah. I don't know how you begin to solve this as a country.
AtomskEater
Member
I've never seen pressure like this aside from tv shows and movies (and also have not seen the whole "let's get in a fake relationship to get my/our family(s) off our back thing unless it's in fictional media).
I think at the very least it's not parents meddling with their children and pestering them about when they'll settle down. That said I can also see an internal pressure to find someone to settle down with.
I thought I was going to just be an old cat lady and had made peace with that.
There are already some documentaries and articles about women in countries with a large divide in numbers of men and women being kidnapped in order to be forcibly married off. I can see that getting worse.
Polyandry
Queen Vulpix
Member
As a 25yo woman who has never dated or even had a romantic first kiss, I certainly hope this isn't a major thing in the US.
Not that this is new but it's still sad to see this being a thing and I like others have no clue what could be done to even begin helping it =/
That is probably a much much more realistic and likely solution than mine
Prax
Member
I think a lot of them "marry out" via mail-order brides from the surrounding region (Philippines, Vietnam, etc.).
That is the bandaid "solution" for those with money for now..
Spaced Harrier
Member
It literally would re-balance the country in the right direction. Which is awful.
family_guy
Member
The pressure isn't there as much, but the problem is once you get up to your mid-30s and older, people tend to think something's wrong with you and you become less date-able.
Depends on how traditional your parents are.
In my mother's angry moments she keeps yelling that at 26 a woman with a good life would have already married and had kids. But when my sister was dating at 16, my mother was really mad and said my sister would get knocked up and stupid at 19.
In other words, types like my mother will only allow a window between like 20 and 26 to date and get married and have kids, and that is considered an example of a successful woman.
I have no intentions of getting married or having children, and my mother considers that a failure.
Agent_ShortBus
Member
Ha my parents are the same. I'm 26 and every once in a while my dad does the math and let's me know how old I'd be when my kid is 15 if I had one now. Luckily after my brother had kids my parents backed off a little.
PepsimanVsJoe
Member
36 year-old male here.
I got a fair amount of pressure from my mother about getting married/having kids. It wasn't nearly to the extent where I felt the need to rent girlfriends or anything like that though (I date occasionally, but I never talk about it).
Once I got past the age of 34, my mother basically gave up. She doesn't ask questions or even bring up the subject anymore. Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about that.
I'll have to ask my younger brother, maybe she's hassling him about it.
That's the thing. There aren't enough single women in China.
Sho_Nuff82
Member
Why don't they just make a Chinese version of Tinder? Then you can get a real gf, or at least someone to show off to your friends.
The traditional Asian parent mindset about dating is pretty silly. You're supposed to not date until you're done university so that you can focus on your studies, and then as soon as you graduate, you're supposed to suddenly get meet the perfect person and get married.
A lot of parents in North America seem to know it's silly to expect that though, so most Asian parents I know tone it down a lot. They understandably worry about their kids not finding a girlfriend or boyfriend once they get close to their 30s, but they don't relentlessly pester their kids to find one. It's more like idly asking every now and then. And they certainly don't subscribe to the whole "you're worthless after 25" idea. That's bullshit here, and I've never seen a parent think that way before.
A lot of parents in North America seem to know it's silly to expect that though, so most Asian parents I know tone it down a lot. They understandably worry about their kids not finding a girlfriend or boyfriend once they get close to their 30s, but they don't relentlessly pester their kids to find one. It's more like idly asking every now and then. And they certainly don't subscribe to the whole "you're worthless after 25" idea. That's bullshit here, and I've never seen a parent think that way before.
Helensmith
Member
My parents are surprisingly modern and relaxed, but I could tell my mum was starting to put on pressure.
However, I would like to believe that it was more peer pressure from her friends and family rather from her personally. As in people are always (politely or not) asking if her daughter is married and it gets embarrassing after a while to answer that she's still not, especially if their own kids are already married. It's like an arms race.
Once there's marriage, it's more of a relief to be able to say she's married, regardless of the happy or not circumstances.
However, I would like to believe that it was more peer pressure from her friends and family rather from her personally. As in people are always (politely or not) asking if her daughter is married and it gets embarrassing after a while to answer that she's still not, especially if their own kids are already married. It's like an arms race.
Once there's marriage, it's more of a relief to be able to say she's married, regardless of the happy or not circumstances.
It might be a peer pressure thing, but I think it might also just be driven by worry.
Parents whose kids are around 25-35 are usually at a point where they're really starting to feel their age, so they start to worry about what might happen to their kids when they're gone. So one way to help alleviate that fear is if their kids find an SO who they can trust to stick to them thick and thin after they're gone.
Parents whose kids are around 25-35 are usually at a point where they're really starting to feel their age, so they start to worry about what might happen to their kids when they're gone. So one way to help alleviate that fear is if their kids find an SO who they can trust to stick to them thick and thin after they're gone.
Zero parental pressure on my end as an approaching 30 single guy in Toronto. That being said, I got out of a 5 year relationship a couple years back and my parents understand that I'm taking time to "enjoy myself" and focus on my career.
Doesn't hurt that my older sister is now married with a toddler and a wee 6 month old baby so my mom has her grandkids that she wanted.
I will admit I never gave much thought to the fall out from the 1 child situation in China, particularly in regards to their being more men than women. Truly a fucked up scenario for men growing up there.
The University I attended had something like a 3:1 girl:boy ratio. Puts in to perspective how good life is here.
Doesn't hurt that my older sister is now married with a toddler and a wee 6 month old baby so my mom has her grandkids that she wanted.
I will admit I never gave much thought to the fall out from the 1 child situation in China, particularly in regards to their being more men than women. Truly a fucked up scenario for men growing up there.
The University I attended had something like a 3:1 girl:boy ratio. Puts in to perspective how good life is here.
There is a Chinese version of Tinder, but it's not like an app will suddenly solve dating/relationship problems.
There are some things you just can't make an app for.
j_k_redtail
Member
There's a romantic comedy here, just waiting to be written. It's like low hanging fruit.
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
Oh well, I'm sure they and their spouses will raise those kids responsibly while they work shitty jobs to support the family, and that those kids will grow up to be responsible, productive, educated members of society.
mullet2000
Member
I think those with money aren't going to be the ones struggling to find a wife though. It'll be millions of poor men.
One child policy is over exaggerated as a reason behind dating issues in the mainland, at least from a demographics standpoint. Regardless of the 'raw' numbers, a slight % shift in demographics wouldn't change the insane requirements/family rigamarole that is involved. It is unsustainable even in a 50/50 demographics for every man from 25 to 55 to pursue the same 'type' and age range of woman to marry. If people were really that concerned about finding a wife they wouldn't be shaming women over 28 still.
I would suggest a greater impact of the one child policy is creating a generation of single child women that have all the same investment of parental expectations that previously went only to male children while many of the single child male children were taught to seek a type of woman in line with more traditional expectations.
These are my observations/impressions with some first/second hand experiences and accounts.
I would suggest a greater impact of the one child policy is creating a generation of single child women that have all the same investment of parental expectations that previously went only to male children while many of the single child male children were taught to seek a type of woman in line with more traditional expectations.
These are my observations/impressions with some first/second hand experiences and accounts.
Chaos2Frozen
Member
ESPECIALLY if you have a successful career.
Asian parents while you're going up: No girlfriends. Only go to school and study.
As soon as you graduate: Why no girlfriend? Can't you talk to girls?
Although in the case of many countries - demographics and economic issues present more challenging cases than just being able to talk to women (or men)
As soon as you graduate: Why no girlfriend? Can't you talk to girls?
Although in the case of many countries - demographics and economic issues present more challenging cases than just being able to talk to women (or men)
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