The issue is that I’m extremely fucking depressed lately and in chronic pain that nobody can help with (which obviously nobody would care about anyways). I’ve been so close to the edge lately. I don’t think I’m worth shit. I’m working my ass off but I don’t know why. Things are not good.
That’s nobody’s problem but my own obviously but the viciousness of people’s reactions to something that they totally misread doesn’t sit well with me and since I’m in bad shape, I’m overreacting like an asshole.
So now that I’ve demonstrated how messed up I am in this state I’m sure I’ll get dog piled for it.
I think very poorly of myself, am hideously ugly, constantly dealing with shitty messages, feel like shit everyday, etc. So I’m not acting rationally currently. That’s basically it.
I apologize for acting like a jerk then. That’s not right. I don’t want to be that way.
Sorry to hear that, man. I notice that you will react negatively to some of the harsher posts, even if they are in the minority. It's understandable, that is human nature. Even if we get praised quite a bit what we remember are the criticisms. Just know that there are a lot of people here that consider themselves fans of your work, and from all of the responses since your post, a fan on John the person as well.
But you've got to get out of your current mindset, anyway that you can. For some that might be reaching out to friends and family for emotional support, for others it might be a kick in the butt from someone like David Goggins, but something has to change. Focus on the good things in your life that you can be grateful for, which I am guessing some of that involves a beautiful wife and child. And I've seen some of your videos and you are a good looking dude (no homo - sorry, that is just a corny joke, one that I can say I am comfortable making here)...I don't think someone with a PhD in Chemical Engineering is going to settle for some slouch. What I'm trying to say, badly I might add, is to ignore the haters...these people who spew crap to bring others down and troll on Youtube comments are the same ones who criticize women for 'sharp knees'.
Anyways, maybe even with how good you are at your job you still need to step back and re-evaluate your life to see if that is what you should be doing, especially if it is affecting time with your family. Family needs to come first man. Focus on the good things in life and how to change the areas that you don't like.
I'm trying to lose weight. That is one of my problem areas. I hate running. But now I am trying to embrace it. The great thing about this site is that we have a lot of people that can relate with what we are going through, like a disfunctional family that cares for each other. What has helped me is this
post in the Weight Loss thread. More specifically this video:
Today, I started my morning with a 3 mile run...clocked in around 37 minutes. I've got a long way to go (would love to get under 30 minutes) but it is a journey I am willing to take.
You're got to find something or someone to help you make that change. I don't know what that is but you have a lot of people here rooting and praying for you so if there is anything we can do to help please reach out, but whatever you do don't keep doing the same thing expecting something different to happen.