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Is Chivalry Sexist? (The modern version)

Goliath

Member
Your friend doesn't seem to understand what it's like being a woman walking alone at night. The thought was nice but he failed to realize that what he was gonna do was going to make her feel more uncomfortable than just being out in the rain without an umbrella.

As far as treating women extra nice, I do it sometimes, not sure if it's sexist, but I'm still being nice to people in general - hold the door, hold the elevator, etc. But if we're two people in an elevator both getting out at the same floor, if I got in first, I exit the elevator first, unless it's a woman, in which case I let her go first regardless of who entered the elevator first. Might be sexist, but, at the end of the day, it's not like I'm being an asshole to men and a nice guy to women, so I don't feel bad about it.

It's funny you say that because I prefer to leave the elevator first especially if a woman is there with me. The reason is because one time I did the polite thing and let the woman go first. She turned in the same direction as my apartment so I was following behind her. She kept looking over her shoulder and then stopped and said "why are you following me". I told her I wasn't following her and my apartment was right here. I put in my key and went in. So yea being a big Hispanic guy means I don't let women go first.
 

Turin

Banned
On this subject of carrying heavy things.......

I'd do that for a smaller man as well. It's courteous take on the more physically demanding tasks in place of a person who seems a bit less capable. Gender has nothing to do with it.
 

FiggyCal

Banned
It's funny you say that because I prefer to leave the elevator first especially if a woman is there with me. The reason is because one time I did the polite thing and let the woman go first. She turned in the same direction as my apartment so I was following behind her. She kept looking over her shoulder and then stopped and said "why are you following me". I told her I wasn't following her and my apartment was right here. I put in my key and went in. So yea being a big Hispanic guy means I don't let women go first.

It probably didn't feel great being profiled like that.
 
He should've just given her the umbrella if he was legitimately that concerned.

Also you should hold doors and offer umbrellas to anyone in need, not just women.
 
So let's see here...

1) OP was driving under the influence of alcohol

2) His friend, also under the influence of alcohol, gets into a woman's personal space, starts following her, and ignores requests to leave her alone


This isn't about "chivalry"
This is about a couple of drunk guys, one of whom was also being creepy.
 

blu

Wants the largest console games publisher to avoid Nintendo's platforms.
Admitting physical differences between the sexes is not sexism - I'd normally offer my help to a woman (any age and physical appearance) if I saw she were overloaded with, say, grocery bags. That means walking her to wherever she feels comfortable - car, block, etc. I'd also never insist if she refused.

I've also offered help to guys in similar situations, but trigger conditions there rise a bit -- let's say their issue would need to be way heavier than shopping bags. Men do have higher physical limits, after all.

Running after a stranger, whether male or female, with an umbrella in the night is something I'd not do, though.
 

hey_it's_that_dog

benevolent sexism
This isn't chivalry, this is obliviously creepy behaviour. If it was chivalry, though, it could be classified as sexism. Benevolent sexism, specifically, as opposed to hostile sexism.
 
Lot of low key defensiveness in this thread. It's natural to want to rationalize - sexism has a bad connotation and if we are good, then what we do isn't sexist. But we need to be able to discuss and accept that certain attitudes are embedded in our socialization and be able to discuss them and, yes, call out certain behaviors, without defense walls immediately going up.
Yup.
 

Painguy

Member
A bit weird tbh, but it just sounds like ur friend was drunk and feeling open. My parent's always thought me to pay for dinner and open doors for others and be polite. I dont go above and beyond unless the rando is homeless.
 

Chococat

Member
I wouldn't call it sexism per-say, more like outdated romanticism that sounded like a good idea after a few beers.

Your right, your friend was being creepy unintentionally. Please continue to educate him why it was creepy when he is sober. Sounds like he is misguided, not a dick.

Also, chivalry just needs to be updated to cover both sexes. Just be polite to everyone.
 
I do pay for the girl on a first date, I do hold the door open if I happen to be right in front of a girl (although to be fair I tend to do that for anyone). Where do these sorts of things inch away from the realm of general politeness, and into the realm of "chivalry"? In other words, treating women differently from men. AKA...sexism.

You just answered your own question, champ. The difference between polite and sexist is if you wouldn't do the same thing for men. So, to run down your list...

Offering someone a coat in the cold, for example. It would be straight weird to take off my coat and give it to another guy. But I have done this in the past towards women.

Why would it be weird? This is something about men and masculinity that I've never understood. My girlfriends and I all offer each other extra layers if we see someone's cold. Why do men think it's weird to do the same?

Is even thinking of women as "the fairer sex" itself a sexist idea?

I never even understood what that phrase even meant, so, yes. That girls are more fair-minded? That's just not true; men and women both have members who are judgmental, catty, close-minded, etc. Just like they both have members that are even-keeled, fair, and largely unbiased. That women are "fairer" in the sense that they're beautiful? Have you never met a beautiful man? If the answer is no, have you considered examining why you think this way?

Pulling out a chair for your date? Sexist or polite?

Dating is different, especially if you're not bisexual. There's no "would you treat a man this way" question attached, because presumably you wouldn't be oriented to date a man in the first place. People treat romantic partners differently from strangers or even friends just due to the nature of the relationship; it's different.

And an addendum: Before tearing down Jeff as a fedora-tipping, cringe-generating "Nice-Guy", I just want to defend him. He's from Nebraska, raised on a farm in a very, very small community, and although he's not a complete dullard, his first weeks in a city like Denver have for sure exposed him as more than a little bit socially awkward. I don't think he was seeking or expecting reciprocation, like the typical modern "Nice-Guy" would. I genuinely think he was just a little fired up and saw an opportunity to be polite to a stranger. Maybe back home on the country roads he grew up on, it would be sweet. In an urban area, it's fucking creepy.

Being a redneck doesn't absolve him from being sexist. I have no idea what angle this defense is even coming from.
 
Yeah I'd love to get rid of this tag since the only thing it can accomplish is to make people assume something about me that is false. But hey that's what I get for merely using the term in a thread where a mod was having a bad day.
Haha I don't think anybody will assume this without context, chill, everybody know it's full of very specific joke. I don't understand 99% of those.
 

Spectone

Member
Well, predictably, the girl is just surprised for the first block, and then when waiting at the next intersection, rebuffs him, and tells him she's fine and that he can leave. I didn't hear this conversation obviously but I imagine that after he insisted "It's no trouble, m'lady" she told him to fuck off because it's creepy to walk right beside a stranger in the pouring rain and that she'd be fine without his "protection".

Your friend sounds like a "nice guy" who is just being polite so that women pay attention to him. That isn't chivalrous it is creepy and he needs help.
 

rjcc

Member
"is it sexist" is an unnecessary question.

"would it be completely bizarre if you did that for a dude in the same situation?"

means that you're probably stepping over a line.

I dunno what chivalry meant 50 years ago, but you don't just run up on random people with an umbrella without a word in 2017.
 

Monocle

Member
Forget about chivalry and practice basic courtesy toward women and men. That's my policy and it's caused exactly zero awkward experiences.

Dashing off to a woman you don't know to rescue her from the elements is a little much.
 

Future

Member
Following someone, uninvited, as they walk is annoying to all people. Nothing to do with chivalry. That’s awkward shit you’d see on something like Big Bang theory.
 
He's creepy.

Chivalry is inherently sexist if you do it with that in mind.

Example if I offer my GF my coat because it's cold, that would be Chivalry, but I just didn't want her to be cold.

Same example, I offer my coat because it's what Chivalry would demand. That's a douchbag move.
 
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