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Please check your buttholes

TexMex

TexMex

Gold Member
Hey gents,

At "only" 42, I just had my third colonoscopy this morning.

That doesn't mean you need to do the same (I've had issues and my family history is horrible - and if this one comes back clear, I can resume getting them every 5-10 years like a normal person) - but for our posters over 40 club, please please please make sure that you do.

I have a friend (who is only 38) who will shit in a bag for the rest of his life, and both of my grandfathers had agonizingly prolonged final years of life for things that could have been easily prevented with early detection.

So here's my sales pitch. I am the biggest pussy on earth with anything medically related. Total white coat syndrome. I have fainted countless times just getting my finger pricked or a flu shot. I have fainted at the fucking eye doctor. You will not find a bigger man-child on earth about going to the doctor.

But this is such an insanely easy thing to do, and you only have to do it every 5-10 years once you're in your mid 40's. You'll have an inconvenient single day of shitting your brains out, but really you get to just lounge around and bring your 3DS to the toilet and chill. The procedure itself is the easiest thing on earth and you'll never know it happened. Don't buy into the hype. If I can do it, I assure you that you can do it. So if you're in your mid 40s, just take the time and get checked. And if you're not, just make sure it's on your radar when you are. It gets here before you know it, unfortunately.

Stop putting it off, go get checked, peace and love.
 
OP at the doctor's:

59On6vYlbbBQ2b6F.jpg
 
You don't feel anything you're basically out for the entire procedure.

The small difficulty is the 3 days prior where you change your diet, and last day only liquids.

But yes, get it.
 
ADiTAR said:
You don't feel anything you're basically out for the entire procedure.

The small difficulty is the 3 days prior where you change your diet, and last day only liquids.

But yes, get it.
Click to expand...

Yeah and the diet doesn't really change much at all when you eat pure shit like me. Oh no, no raw fruits and veggies?

But yeah the day before where you're basically zero food for 36 hours is rough.
 
I suggest anyone who is about to get it done, get some ointment for diaper rash. Your ass is going to be rubbed raw after all the wiping from shitting your guts out. I think the worst part for me was having to drink a very large volume (many glasses) of some very foul "fruit" flavored laxative. I was nearly gagging at the last few glasses of the stuff. Although according to google, they sometimes make you take a different lower volume liquid laxative (along with drink plenty of water).
 
I'm not in my 40s but I'm close. Maybe I should make an appointment.
 
LyricalShrike said:
Deep fear of anesthesia due to something that happened as a kid. I don't even take numbing for dental work.
Click to expand...

I hear you I'm the same way. It's a terrifying feeling. They give me two Xanax before hand just so I don't pass out before they actually do it. It is the worst part by far.
 
Pimpbaa said:
I suggest anyone who is about to get it done, get some ointment for diaper rash. Your ass is going to be rubbed raw after all the wiping from shitting your guts out. I think the worst part for me was having to drink a very large volume (many glasses) of some very foul "fruit" flavored laxative. I was nearly gagging at the last few glasses of the stuff. Although according to google, they sometimes make you take a different lower volume liquid laxative (along with drink plenty of water).
Click to expand...

The first time I had one I raw dogged and yeah it tastes awful. Like I thought I was going to vomit which would have course ruin everything.

This time the nurse said just dump a couple crystal light packets in there. I did, couldn't have been easier. I was shocked at how well it masked any medicinal flavor.
 
I've had a doctor refer me and the colonoscopy place told me they don't schedule people under 45 unless there's a history of colon cancer in your family or you have-risk factors. Insurance won't cover it either.
 
The prep is the worst part but the easiest prep I've had was sutab. Basically take 12 pills and drink a 1/2 litter bottle of water to wash down the pills. Wait 30 minutes and drink another bottle of water. Then wait another 30 minutes and try to drink one more bottle but you'll probably be one the can at this point.
 
SpiceRacz said:
I've had a doctor refer me and the colonoscopy place told me they don't schedule people under 45 unless there's a history of colon cancer in your family or you have-risk factors. Insurance won't cover it either.
Click to expand...

This is true. Like I said for me outstanding issues and a horrible family history. And yeah, insurance won't cover it til 45.

Which is nuts, it's preventative you'd think they'd cover anyone willing to do it since it can only save them money in the long run but that's another conversation.
 
I've managed to get a colonoscopy every ten years since I was 25 and my third one's scheduled for Monday.
They are never fun.
At least this time I have a bidet and a pack of cooling wet wipes.
 
Have had it done 3 times in 10 years. Always without any pain relief or anesthesia. (common in Europe). Worst part is the prep but even that is not that bad if you actually follow the prodecure and start early. Best thing about it is how it resets your microbiom in stomach so if you have had issues like IBS you can sort of start fresh and build your stomach bacteria with correct food.

I have had "no raw ass issues" when doing this. 😀 Just use water and towel rather than sand paper.
 
Last edited:
jason10mm said:
Barring a family history that suggests early cancer, I think the req is 45.
Click to expand...
Well, I did have leukemia in my late 20s. But I don't think that would really affect something like colon cancer. I'm not really sure, though.
 
TexMex said:
Yeah and the diet doesn't really change much at all when you eat pure shit like me. Oh no, no raw fruits and veggies?

But yeah the day before where you're basically zero food for 36 hours is rough.
Click to expand...
For me it was 24hrs, and you could eat clear chicken soup or ice tea. It's encouraged not to just drink water.
 
I cannot understand why I am still alive. I have taken no vaccinations since leaving public school. I have not entered a doctor's office, not a physician, dentist, or any other keeper of the flesh, in more than thirty years. I drink poison for pleasure, slept in places normal people avoid, and done things that should have left me rotting beneath unmarked earth. The police even put me in chains more than once. By some freak of fate, I've live to 52. The fuck? This stupid procession of hunger and labor bores me. I'm walking dead. It's a fucking slow aboveground burial where everyone smiles and pretends the coffin is home.
 
Idleyes said:
I cannot understand why I am still alive. I have taken no vaccinations since leaving public school. I have not entered a doctor's office, not a physician, dentist, or any other keeper of the flesh, in more than thirty years. I drink poison for pleasure, slept in places normal people avoid, and done things that should have left me rotting beneath unmarked earth. The police even put me in chains more than once. By some freak of fate, I've live to 52. The fuck? This stupid procession of hunger and labor bores me. I'm walking dead. It's a fucking slow aboveground burial where everyone smiles and pretends the coffin is home.
Click to expand...
You've just got better genes than everyone.

You better be fuckin so you can help humanity evolve.
 
Idleyes said:
I cannot understand why I am still alive. I have taken no vaccinations since leaving public school. I have not entered a doctor's office, not a physician, dentist, or any other keeper of the flesh, in more than thirty years. I drink poison for pleasure, slept in places normal people avoid, and done things that should have left me rotting beneath unmarked earth. The police even put me in chains more than once. By some freak of fate, I've live to 52. The fuck? This stupid procession of hunger and labor bores me. I'm walking dead. It's a fucking slow aboveground burial where everyone smiles and pretends the coffin is home.
Click to expand...
You just lived, and lived.
 
Idleyes said:
I cannot understand why I am still alive. I have taken no vaccinations since leaving public school. I have not entered a doctor's office, not a physician, dentist, or any other keeper of the flesh, in more than thirty years. I drink poison for pleasure, slept in places normal people avoid, and done things that should have left me rotting beneath unmarked earth. The police even put me in chains more than once. By some freak of fate, I've live to 52. The fuck? This stupid procession of hunger and labor bores me. I'm walking dead. It's a fucking slow aboveground burial where everyone smiles and pretends the coffin is home.
Click to expand...
You still might have the most interesting story on GAF

Let me know when you do a Kickstarter for your autobiography, I'll be your first customer
 
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