Gordon0Freeman
Member
Sex on a Molly <3
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Gumbie
Member
Q
qizah
Unconfirmed Member
UnforgivenTwin
Member
HAHAHAHA! Thanks for the laugh. I needed it.
Since you know, what does shit taste like?
Back when I was in the Army I went to a party. Ended up playing liquor pong and getting way too drunk. Long story short, dude in my squad tells me he's going to fuck this chick if I don't, but he doesn't really want to. So I bite the bullet. This lady's in her 30s, chunky, and has her three kids at the party (up to age 12 I think). So she sees me puking out in the yard and decides it's time for us to leave. I end up going back to her place (her husband was in Afghanistan at the time, but she told me they were getting divorced and I was too drunk to worry about those details) and have unprotected, I think, sex. As I sobered up I realized how disgusting she was, blamed it on whiskey dick, and headed home for like 2 hours of sleep before PT. Bad decisions all around that night.
Edit: she left her kids at the party until like 2 or 3 AM, and they kept asking my friend where she went
Edit: she left her kids at the party until like 2 or 3 AM, and they kept asking my friend where she went
Pretty much what it smells like. I learned quickly never to use your mouth to relubricate a finger you were just fingering an asshole with.
UnforgivenTwin
Member
Gross
CarbonRevenge
Banned
I don't have anything worth telling. I have a story, but it's not a good story, and it's not even really sex because well...yeah. You know.
neobiz
Member
Myself being a fine upstanding pervert will not use a finger that's been in ass to finger pussy as well. It's only the polite thing to do.
Oh no, this was only while p was in the v. I was just goin' back in dat ass and wasn't really thinking so I just used the same finger
I thought incest and twins are easily topped?
I don't mind other people's sisters, as for how it happens I can be quite seductive if I want to be. Plus I seem to have a natural ability to find perverts to date and sleep with.
But completely correct though.
This spoiler broke my heart. I wanted to know that the man who wrote that amazing story was here in this thread, because it changed my life.
Enter The 36 Chambers
Member
Could swore op was a girl
If I'm right the story is better
If I'm right the story is better
most of my shit is pretty tame:
1. when i was in high school i got a beej in the theatre watching eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. most of the movie was spent making out (pre-bj) so i can't remember it very well and i haven't seen the movie since.
2. i was having sex with my last girlfriend against the wall in this tiny shoebox laundry and trying to keep quiet whilst her dad was in the next room reciting the bible out loud. i'm pretty sure he thought she had a 'friend' over to help her study some good old christian values. i kind of felt bad, maybe i'm going to hell.
3. the same girlfriend was riding me on my housemate's new couch and when i busted my load half of it went down the side of the couch. when i moved out the stain was still there and i don't think he ever noticed.
4. an ex-ex girlfriend had an identical twin who i always fantasied about but nothing ever happened. they were both insanely good looking but also psychopathic. i still find myself fantasising sometimes...
1. when i was in high school i got a beej in the theatre watching eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. most of the movie was spent making out (pre-bj) so i can't remember it very well and i haven't seen the movie since.
2. i was having sex with my last girlfriend against the wall in this tiny shoebox laundry and trying to keep quiet whilst her dad was in the next room reciting the bible out loud. i'm pretty sure he thought she had a 'friend' over to help her study some good old christian values. i kind of felt bad, maybe i'm going to hell.
3. the same girlfriend was riding me on my housemate's new couch and when i busted my load half of it went down the side of the couch. when i moved out the stain was still there and i don't think he ever noticed.
4. an ex-ex girlfriend had an identical twin who i always fantasied about but nothing ever happened. they were both insanely good looking but also psychopathic. i still find myself fantasising sometimes...
TheSadRanger
Banned
I've got a few from going to bars for nearly a decade, I guess I'll share one. You know you're getting old when it's hard to remember chicks you've banged in the past.
I met this chick at a bar hanging out with a female friend of mine. The chick was pretty hot, early 20's with a slim build. We were having discussion out on the patio when my friend makes a joke that myself and the other chick should hook up. She says "alright" and gives me her phone number. Later that night after the bar closed she texted me and asked if I wanted to come over. She lived about 25 minutes the next city over and I went over to her apartment complex. The thing is she never texted me her apt number or gate key code. I texted her and got nothing in response, so I went home all pissed off thinking I had gotten played.
The next day she texted me saying she was sorry and that she passed out, I said "yeah that's fine" and she asked if I wanted to come over again. This time she texted me her apt number and gate key code. So I go over to there and enter the apartment, we hang out in the living room and watch some shitty mid 2000's chick flick (She's All That) or something. Anyways we went out of the balcony to chat for a bit, the apartment was on the 2nd floor I believe. She said she had to go inside to use the restroom.
Well, I had to use the restroom badly as well. So I opened the balcony door and looked inside when I was shocked to see her naked from the waist down, squat pissing into kitchen sink. You see I was under the impression she was living with a roommate, I didn't know she was just staying with some female friends. I shut the door and stayed out on the balcony, I still had to use the restroom and I didn't know her two friends who were supposedly sleeping in their rooms. Eventually I ended up pissing over the balcony onto some bushes below. It was late in the night so I tried to be discreet as possible using a cooler for cover.
Anyways I go back inside and we made out for a bit on the couch in the living room. After a few minutes we were having sex and she was bent over doggy style. At the end I pulled out and finished my load on her butt. I grabbed a paper towel from the kitchen and wiped her butt cheek, she was still bent over when I was doing it. Then she turned her head around and said "Thank you, no ones ever done that for me before"
I felt like a true gentleman.
I met this chick at a bar hanging out with a female friend of mine. The chick was pretty hot, early 20's with a slim build. We were having discussion out on the patio when my friend makes a joke that myself and the other chick should hook up. She says "alright" and gives me her phone number. Later that night after the bar closed she texted me and asked if I wanted to come over. She lived about 25 minutes the next city over and I went over to her apartment complex. The thing is she never texted me her apt number or gate key code. I texted her and got nothing in response, so I went home all pissed off thinking I had gotten played.
The next day she texted me saying she was sorry and that she passed out, I said "yeah that's fine" and she asked if I wanted to come over again. This time she texted me her apt number and gate key code. So I go over to there and enter the apartment, we hang out in the living room and watch some shitty mid 2000's chick flick (She's All That) or something. Anyways we went out of the balcony to chat for a bit, the apartment was on the 2nd floor I believe. She said she had to go inside to use the restroom.
Well, I had to use the restroom badly as well. So I opened the balcony door and looked inside when I was shocked to see her naked from the waist down, squat pissing into kitchen sink. You see I was under the impression she was living with a roommate, I didn't know she was just staying with some female friends. I shut the door and stayed out on the balcony, I still had to use the restroom and I didn't know her two friends who were supposedly sleeping in their rooms. Eventually I ended up pissing over the balcony onto some bushes below. It was late in the night so I tried to be discreet as possible using a cooler for cover.
Anyways I go back inside and we made out for a bit on the couch in the living room. After a few minutes we were having sex and she was bent over doggy style. At the end I pulled out and finished my load on her butt. I grabbed a paper towel from the kitchen and wiped her butt cheek, she was still bent over when I was doing it. Then she turned her head around and said "Thank you, no ones ever done that for me before"
I felt like a true gentleman.
MrOogieBoogie
BioShock Infinite is like playing some homeless guy's vivid imagination
I accidentally power-bombed my ex-girlfriend into a table during sex once, and it was all her fault. Was a miserable experience all around. So she and I went out and we had a few drinks. Went back to her place, and before even entering her apartment we're making out sloppily. Finally we get inside, and she immediately pushes me against the wall and leaps into my arms, wrapping her legs around me. I lift her against the opposite wall and we're basically dry-humping at this point. I let her down, and she starts kissing my neck while undoing my belt buckle at the same time. I hike up her skirt and start grabbing handfuls of her buttocks. She finally grabs my penis and plays with it while we continue making out. I lift her up once again and begin down the hallway toward her room.
We're barely through the bedroom door when she jumps off and rips off her clothes. I get my pants off in the meantime, just before she walks over to me. The rough play is replaced momentarily with sensual touching and play. She begins jerking me off again, while I play with her breasts and kiss her all over her neck. I then become increasingly horny and squat in front of her. I wrap my arms around the insides of her thighs and lift her way up in the air so that her vagina is having a conversation with my mouth. I walk slowly toward the bed. She says with a giggle, "Hey, be careful!" I'm like, "Shut up, I got it." Then she does the stupidest thing ever. Just as I'm nearing the bed, she bends down and licks the inside of my ear. My knees buckle and I fall kind of forward and to the side (while she's still cradled around my head), driving her head first into a table. The force of the landing knocks her out cold, but more importantly, I'm still struggling to recover from the ear lick. Always gets me.
Eventually I did recover, though, thank god.
We're barely through the bedroom door when she jumps off and rips off her clothes. I get my pants off in the meantime, just before she walks over to me. The rough play is replaced momentarily with sensual touching and play. She begins jerking me off again, while I play with her breasts and kiss her all over her neck. I then become increasingly horny and squat in front of her. I wrap my arms around the insides of her thighs and lift her way up in the air so that her vagina is having a conversation with my mouth. I walk slowly toward the bed. She says with a giggle, "Hey, be careful!" I'm like, "Shut up, I got it." Then she does the stupidest thing ever. Just as I'm nearing the bed, she bends down and licks the inside of my ear. My knees buckle and I fall kind of forward and to the side (while she's still cradled around my head), driving her head first into a table. The force of the landing knocks her out cold, but more importantly, I'm still struggling to recover from the ear lick. Always gets me.
Eventually I did recover, though, thank god.
I woke up with my hands tied down and with a pleasant feeling on my lower body.
You can imagine the rest.
Bath tub and shower is pretty fun too. Raw feels great as long as you're being responsible.
Too bad we broke up and are on different ends of the country now.
Recently my fucking housemate and his girlfriend had sex on my bed and didn't clean up while I was out at a Halloween party.
I was a bit miffed since my sheets glow now, but I forgave him.
You can imagine the rest.
Bath tub and shower is pretty fun too. Raw feels great as long as you're being responsible.
Too bad we broke up and are on different ends of the country now.
Recently my fucking housemate and his girlfriend had sex on my bed and didn't clean up while I was out at a Halloween party.
I was a bit miffed since my sheets glow now, but I forgave him.
thesuperfunk
Member
Respect to you sir!
UnforgivenTwin
Member
Of course it is
I found out the gym was a great place to pick up milfs and cougars. The morning after a successful pickup I was greeted by her daughter, who was about my age.
They joked a bit about the noises and how it was a great night. Then the mom asks me if I'm up for round 2, to which i respond with a meaningful smile. Shr says 'great. But i have to get to work, so how about fucking my daughter? '
I was taking aback, for one because I didn't expect this response, and because the daughter was quite hot, sitting there in her bathrobe showing just enough. After I got my wits back, I realized the levels of perversion this encased and gracefully declined the invitation and got the fuck out.
I later unknowingly banged the daughter after we hooked up in a bar. Imagine that breakfast scene.
They joked a bit about the noises and how it was a great night. Then the mom asks me if I'm up for round 2, to which i respond with a meaningful smile. Shr says 'great. But i have to get to work, so how about fucking my daughter? '
I was taking aback, for one because I didn't expect this response, and because the daughter was quite hot, sitting there in her bathrobe showing just enough. After I got my wits back, I realized the levels of perversion this encased and gracefully declined the invitation and got the fuck out.
I later unknowingly banged the daughter after we hooked up in a bar. Imagine that breakfast scene.
Arkos
Nose how to spell and rede to
This is my gf and we had sex and I think you already know what it was like:
um r u srs
I'm guessing no purely because of the troll face on her top.
You're right I am a girl.
Another thing that happened was I picked a girl up at a party who had a reputation for enjoying rough sex. So about the mid way point it's pretty enjoyable then she just bursts into tears, that killed the mood pretty quickly. I then spent about 2 hours consoling after that abrupt mood swing. She had been dumped at the party by her last partner and I was the rebound sex.
Devolution
Member
Are you Sats op?
I may have made this mistake with a recently deodored armpit once. Never again.
dragonlife
Member
This is a nightmare situation and I applaud you for seemingly keeping it cool as it happened. I used to have problems changing baby diapers (you should see how many wipes I used to use in order to never get any on my fingers)... I can't imagine another adult's shit... oh god I'm shivering just thinking about it.
Anyway, just 'cause one guy turned out not to douche doesn't mean others won't. Just ask them beforehand
Some amazing stories, loved the power bomb and Reddit copypasta, among others. I don't have any amazing stories, worst I've ever dealt with is that thing that probably happens to everyone who's ever had sex on a twin size bed - the ex was slowly getting pushed off the mattress as I jousted with her lady bits, until half of her was hanging off the bed. A quick reset of positions and we were good.
I don't see the problem. At least you were able to rectify your poor decision-making later, minus the potential threesome you missed getting the ball rolling on.
I don't see the problem. At least you were able to rectify your poor decision-making later, minus the potential threesome you missed getting the ball rolling on.
I really don't have any unpleasant sex stories. I only have tons of awesome ones. Besides a fuck-buddy being loud as fuck seriously just couldn't keep it down when her mother had a visitor that was sleeping on the other side of a thin wall. I left before the morning.
I guess the silliest one I have was when me and my at-the-time girlfriend were in NYC. We woke up one morning and started fooling around. She got her amazing naked ass out of bed to put the "do not disturb sign" out. She opened the door just enough to put the tab on the doorknob. We get back into it and are having tons of fun, when suddenly someone's opening the door. We quickly scramble, and the cleaning lady probably understands that she shouldn't be coming in, says "sorry" humbly, and closes the door. We were stumped, but I think we got back into it not after long. That's the day that girl learnt that one side of the tab says "do not disturb" and the other one says "please clean the room".
I guess the silliest one I have was when me and my at-the-time girlfriend were in NYC. We woke up one morning and started fooling around. She got her amazing naked ass out of bed to put the "do not disturb sign" out. She opened the door just enough to put the tab on the doorknob. We get back into it and are having tons of fun, when suddenly someone's opening the door. We quickly scramble, and the cleaning lady probably understands that she shouldn't be coming in, says "sorry" humbly, and closes the door. We were stumped, but I think we got back into it not after long. That's the day that girl learnt that one side of the tab says "do not disturb" and the other one says "please clean the room".
No totally different tastes she seemed to be more sort of an exhibitionist and into stuff like domination, cuckolding and a whole lot more. I would ask but I can't, I would be surprised if we liked some similar stuff... Her dirty story thread was good.
That's why I like beds with a headboard no chance of falling of during the fun.
Winterfang
Banned
This is my gf and we had sex and I think you already know what it was like:
Silence Virgin, you are not welcome here.
You are the famous virgin gaffer right?
I had a threesome once with a good friend of mine and my current FWB.
I still harbor some feelings for that girl, strangely. I wish I had been in a different place in my life, because I probably wouldn't have offered her up and I would have tried to date her full time.
The sex was always good with her. She was on birth control and always let me ejaculate inside her raw. She was atrocious at giving head, though. The worst ever.
Good thread....ah, the memories.
I still harbor some feelings for that girl, strangely. I wish I had been in a different place in my life, because I probably wouldn't have offered her up and I would have tried to date her full time.
The sex was always good with her. She was on birth control and always let me ejaculate inside her raw. She was atrocious at giving head, though. The worst ever.
Good thread....ah, the memories.
Arkos
Nose how to spell and rede to
^^ bad head is the worst, it's like getting socks for Christmas. You'd think it's pretty simple to do, apparently not.
I gotta admit, it's hard to top, or even approach the level, of an incestuous love triangle.
Overall 6/10 would probably bang
I gotta admit, it's hard to top, or even approach the level, of an incestuous love triangle.
Overall 6/10 would probably bang
electroshockwave
Member
This is my gf and we had sex and I think you already know what it was like:
What's her name? She looks horribly familiar. Not that I had sex with her, but if she has an older sister, I think I had sex with her sister.
The worst part is that she couldn't learn...I tried to coach her up but she just wasn't having it. Not that she didn't make the effort...she just sucked. Pun intended.
But the pussy...lord. I've really only had one that was better. Hers was always the right amount of wet...never sloppy and never dry. Friction was perfect.
dark_chris
Member
Nailing my ex g/f's best friend (who wears a hijab)
This was after I was dumped by my gf at the time. I was feeling pretty shitty and her friend was there for me after. She was pretty nice and quite attractive, but I was down in the dumps to think about it at the time. Oddly enough, she actually flew out from New York to hang out with me for the day but she had missed her flight cause we were having a good time hanging out (she had come out in the morning and was gonna fly back the same day). I let her sleep on my bed. I was awakened by heavy breathing and lil moans. I asked if she was ok but she said she was and sounded nervous. lol. I eventually got it outta her that she needs to masturbate every night in order to fall asleep. I offered my assistance and she liked it. Eventually that turned into an hour fuck session. And I yanked on her hijab while I was behind her. Was so fun.
"Lets go to school and fuck there"
Probably one of the most random things I was told. I was dating an older asian woman and she was, outta no where, feeling frisky. Earlier that day, she even dropped her pants and had her butt on my crotch in the middle of a beach.
We went to the campus we attended and found an empty class room. This was on a saturday evening so there was hardly any classes even going on. She just sat on a desk and lifted her skirt with nothing under it.
First time
Back in high school, I was dating this indian girl who was my secret admirer (she had actually left me cute notes in my locker lol). Eventually, we began dating.
One day, she wanted to know if I was home alone and how long. She said when she buzzes my bell, to not open the door until she knocks. I didn't think much of it except thinking "odd..". So she came while i was cleaning around. I opened the door after she knocked and she was in a sexy lingerie and she jumped me.
Pakistani fun
Although we didn't have vaginal sex, we did do all the things around it. I was dating a girl who basically had a crush on me for a year but she was so hesitant on going out cause it was forbidden (Im a hispanic catholic and she's muslim).
I was basically her first bf, kiss and things beyond that. Eventually one day our make out session at my place became so hot we started to feel up on each other and undress ourselves. Because she wore oversized clothing, i didn't know what to expect, however, when she was undressed, i couldn't believe her figure was a 10/10, a first for me. I respected she didn't wanna have penetrative sex so we settled on just oral sex instead and i believe that was just as great as the others described above.
This was after I was dumped by my gf at the time. I was feeling pretty shitty and her friend was there for me after. She was pretty nice and quite attractive, but I was down in the dumps to think about it at the time. Oddly enough, she actually flew out from New York to hang out with me for the day but she had missed her flight cause we were having a good time hanging out (she had come out in the morning and was gonna fly back the same day). I let her sleep on my bed. I was awakened by heavy breathing and lil moans. I asked if she was ok but she said she was and sounded nervous. lol. I eventually got it outta her that she needs to masturbate every night in order to fall asleep. I offered my assistance and she liked it. Eventually that turned into an hour fuck session. And I yanked on her hijab while I was behind her. Was so fun.
"Lets go to school and fuck there"
Probably one of the most random things I was told. I was dating an older asian woman and she was, outta no where, feeling frisky. Earlier that day, she even dropped her pants and had her butt on my crotch in the middle of a beach.
We went to the campus we attended and found an empty class room. This was on a saturday evening so there was hardly any classes even going on. She just sat on a desk and lifted her skirt with nothing under it.
First time
Back in high school, I was dating this indian girl who was my secret admirer (she had actually left me cute notes in my locker lol). Eventually, we began dating.
One day, she wanted to know if I was home alone and how long. She said when she buzzes my bell, to not open the door until she knocks. I didn't think much of it except thinking "odd..". So she came while i was cleaning around. I opened the door after she knocked and she was in a sexy lingerie and she jumped me.
Pakistani fun
Although we didn't have vaginal sex, we did do all the things around it. I was dating a girl who basically had a crush on me for a year but she was so hesitant on going out cause it was forbidden (Im a hispanic catholic and she's muslim).
I was basically her first bf, kiss and things beyond that. Eventually one day our make out session at my place became so hot we started to feel up on each other and undress ourselves. Because she wore oversized clothing, i didn't know what to expect, however, when she was undressed, i couldn't believe her figure was a 10/10, a first for me. I respected she didn't wanna have penetrative sex so we settled on just oral sex instead and i believe that was just as great as the others described above.
dark_chris
Member
Arkos
Nose how to spell and rede to
If I've ever had "good" head, it was in high school and I can't remember it too well. I've been plenty fortunate so I'm not complaining, but a little unlucky in fellatio. Guys with talented partners, appreciate it. Like I said, bad head is almost worse than no head because it's such a bummer lol.
Ace Harding
Member
I came.
LMAO I love that picture...man your stories got me wanting to share more.
lmao...yeah man. After the third time I told her it was okay and to just bend over.
Fair enough maybe I did set the bar to high with the love triangle thing. That girl is easily a 7 at the lowest...
Arkos
Nose how to spell and rede to
Okay, not trying to derail, but right? Can someone explain what is so difficult about it, I'm sure there's some lady out there complaining about my oral skills as well so I'm not trying to be a jerk. I feel like teeth and improper suction and lack of wetness, which seems counter intuitive, have been the main factors in my experience (to clarify, those have been my main issues with other people doing oral stuff. To me. Yes I got laid once, congrats on the sex).
Ultimadrago
Member
Sold to the highest bidder!
Count Dookkake
Member
Recently, a girl asked me to fuck her like I hated her. So I did: hair-pulling, choking, name-calling, face-slapping, etc.
The next morning, she said she had a lot of fun, but that I should be more mean/cruel.
She said it was less like hate and more like "mild dislike."
I lol'ed.
The next morning, she said she had a lot of fun, but that I should be more mean/cruel.
She said it was less like hate and more like "mild dislike."
I lol'ed.
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