-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Would you date a girl who had genital herpes?
- Thread starter isoquant
- Start date
- Status
Basically, you can either live life avoiding herpes, or not give a shit.
If you take the former route, then to be effective, you'd need to convince all potential partners to get tested before dating/initiating anything sexual, given the high degree of prevalence there is for the unexpressed version in the adult population.
This is especially true as you get older.
But maybe you're ok with that - you only have to find one waifu without herpes before you can stop worrying. As much.
Omnii-chan
Member
Take a pair of track pants (or something else comfy preferably),
cut a hole in the groin enough to fit through.
Put on a condom and wear said pants.
BAM, no skin on skin. Just don't let her blow if she has cold sores either.
Eh, personally I wouldn't risk it. Herpes is for life and being clean is nice.
cut a hole in the groin enough to fit through.
Put on a condom and wear said pants.
BAM, no skin on skin. Just don't let her blow if she has cold sores either.
Eh, personally I wouldn't risk it. Herpes is for life and being clean is nice.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
If you get genital hsv 1, not 2, do you get the sores and scabs around your joint like on your mouth?
That's pretty much the same thing that happened with me. We actually waited awhile before having sex, and I never really understood why. Then one night, she decided to tell me and broke down crying. I guess her ex cheated on her, got it from the chick he was cheating on her with, and passed it on to her.
She told me she would understand if I just dumped her right then and there while she was balling her eyes out. I cared about her, so that was not really a option and I didn't want to cause this issue to have even more negative things happen to her. She never had a outbreak, and I never got anything so don't fret OP.
soul creator
Member
It's possible. Though it wouldn't be as likely or frequent since the virus isn't in its "home".
Fury Sense
Member
Any update? I recently did some research about the topic and am curious about what you end up doing.Thanks for all of the advice guys, especially from those people who have been in this situation before.
I've found that one frustrating part of this dilemma is that you can't quantify the risk of transmission (with a condom + medication) so you can't really make an informed decision. All I've been able to learn is that a condom cuts the risk by 50% and medication cuts the risk by 50% again.
Anyway, I'm giving myself another day or two to think about it, but I'm pretty certain I'm going to have to bail
Thank you was going to post something similar. I know a few people that have genital herpes and I don't really want to assume but they seem VERY Laissez-faire about it. One of them doesn't even use protection; its like until I heard about them I was just going to assume that my partners were clean but now if I go dating again I would feel a bit more comfortable if we get a FULL screening of everything before we get to the sheets.
I think I would be too stressed of contacting the VD that I wouldn't be able to enjoy the relationship at all. BUT my ex who had mouth herpes was very upfront about it and he would tell me every time he felt tingling so we wouldn't kiss for weeks until the sore went away which was really nice. It's extremely nice for her to tell you and it seems like she's on top of it. You've could have already dated someone with genital herpes and not known as well. I guess it all depends on the situation.
I developed an incredibly strong emotional bond with my girlfriend, and I consider her to be one of, if not my best friend. I was incredibly attracted to her and her personality since day 1, and I would not hesitate to date her if she had mentioned to me that she had the virus. Life to me is not about numbers of partners, it's about finding personal happiness. She brings me that happiness, so I would not let something as trivial as that deter me from being with her.
Don't pass it up bro, you clearly dig her AND she was honest. That in itself is pretty badass.
Don't pass it up bro, you clearly dig her AND she was honest. That in itself is pretty badass.
I see you're worried about STDs, and you're trying to reduce the risk of getting sick, but I'm not sure if you understand the concept of "risk" (in a medical perspective, at least). In short, if you date a lot of people (for sex), you have a higher risk of getting STDs. Period. Avoiding sex with one person who has a STD does not reduce your overall, long term, relevant risk. Even if you "screen" everybody you date, avoid sex with those who are "positive" for a STD, and always use condom, your risk of getting sick is still high. In other words, what defines risk (higher or lower) is your behavior (in this case, promiscuous behavior), not isolated events (in this case, a couple of sexual intercourses with a "girl who has genital herpes"). If you want to reduce risk, you need to change behavior.Thanks for all of the advice guys, especially from those people who have been in this situation before.
I've found that one frustrating part of this dilemma is that you can't quantify the risk of transmission (with a condom + medication) so you can't really make an informed decision. All I've been able to learn is that a condom cuts the risk by 50% and medication cuts the risk by 50% again.
Anyway, I'm giving myself another day or two to think about it, but I'm pretty certain I'm going to have to bail
That is also why I find this thread a little funny. It's like someone who eats a lot of junk food, but will avoid a single pizza that came with extra cheese, because he is afraid of having heart attack. And there is also the "sad" part of this thread, where some posters - based on pure ignorance - stigmatizes a group of people (which is - and back to the "funny part of this thread" - a very big group of people, with more than 50 million infected only in the US, and that, probably, includes many gaffers who said "Heeeeelllll nooo!". Talk about irony).
Oh, and by the way, I'm not comparing women (or men) with "food", in any way. It's just the first example that came to mind. Also, I'm not saying that OP has promiscuous behavior.
Dreams-Visions
Member
At your age? Are you going to marry her? If not, HELL NO.
Imagine being in her position a year from now having to tell potential GF's that you have herpes. How do you see that going in your mind?
Forever Alone.
Unless she's the one you're going to spend your life with, move along. If you want to stick around to see if she's the one, go right ahead. But don't tag that until you know either way.
Imagine being in her position a year from now having to tell potential GF's that you have herpes. How do you see that going in your mind?
Forever Alone.
Unless she's the one you're going to spend your life with, move along. If you want to stick around to see if she's the one, go right ahead. But don't tag that until you know either way.
Gucci Messiah
Banned
There are millions of other funny, attractive young women without herpes. Personally, I would bail.
Ampersands
Member
Do you get herpes from birth if the birth mother has the STD?
On-topic: I probably would if I saw a future in the relationship. But knowing that I got the STD from my partner might cause me to hold a grudge against them which probably isn't healthy for the relationship. So in the end, I most likely wouldn't.
On-topic: I probably would if I saw a future in the relationship. But knowing that I got the STD from my partner might cause me to hold a grudge against them which probably isn't healthy for the relationship. So in the end, I most likely wouldn't.
ProfessorMoran
Member
There's no cure and I read it ain't pleasant, you get it and you might as well call it a life, don't do it.
I agree with you that the stigma facing people with STDs is outrageous and completely disproportionate to their actual symptoms. It doesn't follow from having an STD that you have been promiscuous (like that's even a bad thing anyway) and almost all STDs are manageable. The problem confronting me, however, is that there is such a stigma and I worry about facing it from future sexual partners.
I might be missing your point about behaviour and long-term risk. If x% of the population has an STD and if, in every sexual encounter that I have with a member of that 'infected' portion of the population, there is a y% chance of transmission (assuming there is a constant and uniform risk), then why is it not a rational strategy to limit my exposure to those who are known to fall within that x%? My relationship with this girl would involve repeated sexual encounters, each carrying a guaranteed y% risk of transmission. If, over that same period, I had the same number of sexual encounters (unlikely) with other random women, as a matter of probability it is less likely that I will contract an STD (presumably some will fall in the x% group and others in the 100-x% group). In any case, this thread might be aimed at making a single decision, but that's not to say that my decision in this instance won't guide my behaviour going forward (i.e. with other potential partners).
Surely a better food analogy is this: I sometimes (let's say 20% of the time) have a bad allergic reaction to nuts. Only some foods have labels or warnings that alert me to their presence. There are many components of my behaviour which would influence my long-term risk of suffering from one of these reactions (the types of foods I eat, whether I tend to make the relevant enquiries before eating etc.) but one behavioural strategy that seems self-evident is to avoid foods that say "Warning: contains nuts".
I've decided to end it
The Maverick
Member
Man, this was a crazy thread. OP, you plan on remaining friends with this girl?
This is incorrect. "If x% of the population has an STD" = Prevalence; "there is a y% chance of transmission" = risk, which comes from Incidence. Also, high prevalence does not imply high incidence. This differentiation is very important (and fundamental) to properly understand what "risk" means.
You're incorrectly applying the concept of risk (in the context of this thread). Let me try to explain: in a given population (e.g. US smokers, 2014) there is a known ("calculated" via meta-analysis, for instance) risk to a bad outcome (e.g x% for lung cancer). Now, you know the risk, right? But you can't take that information and apply it to an individual. This is a very common mistake. If you take a sample of 100 US smokers, and if x = 20, you can expect that 20 people in that group will have lung cancer - but you can't tell who will have it. So, if isoquant is a member of said population (US smokers), it means that he has an increased risk for lung cancer, compared to those who are not in this group of risk - i.e. US non-smokers. This does not mean, however, that isoquant (the individual) has a 20% risk for lung cancer. Understanding this is extremely important, because that's why you need to change behavior (i.e. "get out from the group of risk") in order to reduce risk.
It's a little complicated for me to explain this in english, so forgive me if it's confusing.
That's good
Unfortunately (or fortunately, haha) it's not possible (nor desirable) to label people with "Warning: contain virus". So, in your example, instead of eating every kind of food and avoiding only those that are labeled with "warnings", you should eat what you already know you are not allergic to. That would be a better "behavioral strategy", if you're concerned about "risk".
Jedeye Sniv
Banned
PrudeGAF strikes again. IMO it's not much different from dating a girl who has cold sores. There are flare ups once or twice a year, other than that it's plain sailing. If your partner has a cold sore on their lips then that means no kissing for a week, and I'm fairly sure that if she touched your junk then you could get genital warts from that.
GAF once again shows itself up as a hive of judgmental, sexually conservative dumbasses though.
GAF once again shows itself up as a hive of judgmental, sexually conservative dumbasses though.
SocksForWoks
Banned
Yes, just wrap it up.
Funky Papa
FUNK-Y-PPA-4
That's kind of... not nice.
Jedeye Sniv
Banned
I'm sick of it man, every thread that is someway related to sexual politics brings out the conservative wankers in droves. "She has herpes, BURN HER" Fuck those people. OP misses his chance with great girl because of this? His loss I guess.
Exr
Member
omg I've been a fool and slave to the condom industry for years
perfectchaos007
Member
Oral herpes are nbd. I think almost everyone has some form of herpes. genital herpes come in outbreaks so yeah just don't have sex when that outbreak occurs, just like you wouldn't have sex with a girl on the rag. Well, I hope you wouldn't anyway.
MrOogieBoogie
BioShock Infinite is like playing some homeless guy's vivid imagination
The ignorance in this thread is astounding.
Herpes is not a death sentence, what the fuck. It's a cold sore around your genitals. Most people who have genital herpes will never know it.
At least in NYC, 1 in 4 PEOPLE have genital herpes. You're seriously gonna avoid such a huge part of the population?
You guys do know that unless you SPECIFICALLY request it, you'll never ever be tested for herpes, right? To completely boil down someone who is great in every way to what is essentially a skin condition just seems so mean and unfair.
And yet, I would honestly put down money that at least ONE of you who says you'll never touch a girl with herpes already has it. That thing you think is an ingrown hair around your dick? Could very well be "the herp" lolol.
*sigh*
Herpes is not a death sentence, what the fuck. It's a cold sore around your genitals. Most people who have genital herpes will never know it.
At least in NYC, 1 in 4 PEOPLE have genital herpes. You're seriously gonna avoid such a huge part of the population?
You guys do know that unless you SPECIFICALLY request it, you'll never ever be tested for herpes, right? To completely boil down someone who is great in every way to what is essentially a skin condition just seems so mean and unfair.
And yet, I would honestly put down money that at least ONE of you who says you'll never touch a girl with herpes already has it. That thing you think is an ingrown hair around your dick? Could very well be "the herp" lolol.
*sigh*
Gucci Messiah
Banned
PrudeGAF or people who don't want genital herpes when there are plenty of girls to be in a relationship without that disease? Also, hivemind accusations are a bannable offense, way to over-generalize.
Uh, nobody in here (except for one idiot on the first page) is saying 'OMG WHAT A WHORE BURN HER AT THE STAKE' so I'm not sure where you're getting this, maybe you should try reading the thread without projecting your own bias; that would help with not putting words in other peoples mouths. It's funny that you just assume everyone who would rather not be in a relationship with a woman who has general herpes is conservative scum, get the hell out of here with that.
I wonder when the day HPV rates hit the majority of people, if people will say it's no big deal. It is a big deal to people who don't have it. Herpes rates are never clear cut. Other threads I was shown some statistics and so I did some of my own research. There are a lot of people who don't have herpes at all, much less than those who have it and are non-symptomatic.
Genital herpes is not just cold sores for your genitals but can be anything from sores, blisters, all over, sometimes inside your urethra making it hard to urinate. There are a lot more symptoms of genital herpes than oral herpes.
It's not prude-GAF to want to avoid an incurable STD. There is a reason why STD rates are through the roof and many are epidemics in the past 5+ decades. Unlike oral herpes, where you can get it in childhood, genital herpes is almost guaranteed to be passed through serial contact and even condoms cannot protect against it.
So to OP, we can't make this choice for you. We don't know you, we don't know your girlfriend. This is a choice you'll have to make. Also keep in mind, the more sexual partners you have, the greater risk you'll eventually contract an STD, especially these days. Some statistics show though that STD rates are lower in immigrant populations, where sexual partners are fewer etc.
Genital herpes is not just cold sores for your genitals but can be anything from sores, blisters, all over, sometimes inside your urethra making it hard to urinate. There are a lot more symptoms of genital herpes than oral herpes.
It's not prude-GAF to want to avoid an incurable STD. There is a reason why STD rates are through the roof and many are epidemics in the past 5+ decades. Unlike oral herpes, where you can get it in childhood, genital herpes is almost guaranteed to be passed through serial contact and even condoms cannot protect against it.
So to OP, we can't make this choice for you. We don't know you, we don't know your girlfriend. This is a choice you'll have to make. Also keep in mind, the more sexual partners you have, the greater risk you'll eventually contract an STD, especially these days. Some statistics show though that STD rates are lower in immigrant populations, where sexual partners are fewer etc.
Ciastek3214
Junior Member
It's been said 1000x in this thread that there's no way to know if you actually have it if you don't check specifically for that. And most people assume they don't have it when they don't see the symptoms. Jesus Christ people.
GillianSeed79
Member
nevermind
yeah
There would be way less if more people actually cared.
And "avoid"? That's like not talking to them. There is a difference between avoiding people and not having sex with those peoples.
Those people, who don't want to get an incurable disease for their whole life are so mean and unfair. I guess selfish as well. wat?
MrOogieBoogie
BioShock Infinite is like playing some homeless guy's vivid imagination
Sorry, this thread hits close to home, so I've admittedly got a biased opinion. It's a delicate subject and I do understand every perspective. You're right, if people want to avoid acquiring a disease then of course they have every right to, but I just hate when people act like it's an easy decision to dismiss someone over something like herpes. It's not. Especially if it's someone you've fallen for or care about immensely.
Well said. I simply wouldn't date or fuck a woman with herpes if she had told me. (Sorry not sorry) Herpes on my dick is something I never want, and try to avoid at all costs. I used condoms every time I banged out some chick when I was single.
People can try to act and big & bad throwing out insults behind their computer screen, but there's nothing wrong with trying to avoid genital herpes.
Really?
Jedeye Sniv
Banned
My wife has cold sores on her mouth sometimes, should I have not started dating her? If I catch it, it's a disease for life. Mouth or genitals, still a pain. (14 years, not caught it yet)
soul creator
Member
For those who are adamant against possibly getting any form of herpes, just make sure to at least get tested specifically for it (not just a generic "STD test").
It would be really weird after all to be super worried about getting it, turning down anyone else who has it in the name of being safe, and then not realizing that you've had it yourself already, lol.
Also, hopefully people get more informed about the differences between HSV-1 and HSV-2, and also how (and where!) they're generally contracted. Though I suppose if you're reviewing full lab results from your partner before every kiss and every instance of oral and vaginal sex, you may be fine.
It would be really weird after all to be super worried about getting it, turning down anyone else who has it in the name of being safe, and then not realizing that you've had it yourself already, lol.
Also, hopefully people get more informed about the differences between HSV-1 and HSV-2, and also how (and where!) they're generally contracted. Though I suppose if you're reviewing full lab results from your partner before every kiss and every instance of oral and vaginal sex, you may be fine.
IchigoSharingan
Member
If she's indeed 10/10 and awesome personality, I'd date her a couple years and make her wait for the sex.
If she really seems like a keeper....I'd hit it.
It's only genital herpes.
If she really seems like a keeper....I'd hit it.
It's only genital herpes.
Sorry for the bump, but I just had this very situation come up with me.
We have been dating for about a month, and she disclosed to me that her ex gave her HSV-2 after cheating on her with one of his ex's. She gave me a Planned Parenthood booklet on herpes. She was so scared and embarrassed telling me. She said that her parents don't even know about her STD. I give her huge respect points for telling me this before we start becoming sexually active with each other. She said she completely understood if I wanted to breakup right then, and would rather it end now than get too attached and have the breakup hurt even more later.
I'm honestly shocked by the amount of fear in this topic. Yea, STDs are no fun, but the statistics and medical recommendations don't make HSV sound too terrible. I get the impression that this is a situation where the realty isn't as bad has the public perception. People in the field know the facts and aren't overly concerned, but people not in the know are irrationally scared.
I'm reading up on the virus and seeking opinions, but I don't see this being a deal breaker. I think I will suggest that we go see a doctor together to discuss our options and maybe both get screened. She will be my 4th sexual partner, and as far as I know, I do not have herpes, but like others have said, I may very well have it too but I'm just unaware of it.
We have been dating for about a month, and she disclosed to me that her ex gave her HSV-2 after cheating on her with one of his ex's. She gave me a Planned Parenthood booklet on herpes. She was so scared and embarrassed telling me. She said that her parents don't even know about her STD. I give her huge respect points for telling me this before we start becoming sexually active with each other. She said she completely understood if I wanted to breakup right then, and would rather it end now than get too attached and have the breakup hurt even more later.
I'm honestly shocked by the amount of fear in this topic. Yea, STDs are no fun, but the statistics and medical recommendations don't make HSV sound too terrible. I get the impression that this is a situation where the realty isn't as bad has the public perception. People in the field know the facts and aren't overly concerned, but people not in the know are irrationally scared.
I'm reading up on the virus and seeking opinions, but I don't see this being a deal breaker. I think I will suggest that we go see a doctor together to discuss our options and maybe both get screened. She will be my 4th sexual partner, and as far as I know, I do not have herpes, but like others have said, I may very well have it too but I'm just unaware of it.
You will never get it. When she has it, she will let you know, usually takes a couple of days. You can also have kids without the kids getting it. Just get informed, don't let a good girl walk because of something as silly as that. Beside its not her fault that asshole she trusted was walking STD.
- Status
Similar threads
- Locked