As I posted earlier in this thread, I got tested for herpes the other day.
I appreciate that if you're having casual sex, the chance of encountering someone with herpes is substantial, but it is hardly irrational to make the decision to avoid a person you know has it.
I dated a woman who had HSV-II for roughly 2 years. She was upfront about it, and I could tell it was an issue in her life that had dealt her a lot of pain.
We used protection & she did the suppressive medication. She never had a breakout that I ever saw. And sometimes, I didn't use a condom.
I didn't catch it, and the relationship was well worth the risk.
If you get genital hsv 1, not 2, do you get the sores and scabs around your joint like on your mouth?
Any update? I recently did some research about the topic and am curious about what you end up doing.Thanks for all of the advice guys, especially from those people who have been in this situation before.
I've found that one frustrating part of this dilemma is that you can't quantify the risk of transmission (with a condom + medication) so you can't really make an informed decision. All I've been able to learn is that a condom cuts the risk by 50% and medication cuts the risk by 50% again.
Anyway, I'm giving myself another day or two to think about it, but I'm pretty certain I'm going to have to bail
Yeah you can get any STD the first time you have sex with someone. I have HIV and HPV I think. But no I don't want bumps on my dickFuck no. If she got an STD, she likely got it from sleeping around. Don't ruin your life and put one girl on a pedestal, the fact you are already thinking about your next partners says it all.
http://www.vox.com/2014/4/23/5628696/you-probably-have-herpes - Here's a snippet.
I see you're worried about STDs, and you're trying to reduce the risk of getting sick, but I'm not sure if you understand the concept of "risk" (in a medical perspective, at least). In short, if you date a lot of people (for sex), you have a higher risk of getting STDs. Period. Avoiding sex with one person who has a STD does not reduce your overall, long term, relevant risk. Even if you "screen" everybody you date, avoid sex with those who are "positive" for a STD, and always use condom, your risk of getting sick is still high. In other words, what defines risk (higher or lower) is your behavior (in this case, promiscuous behavior), not isolated events (in this case, a couple of sexual intercourses with a "girl who has genital herpes"). If you want to reduce risk, you need to change behavior.Thanks for all of the advice guys, especially from those people who have been in this situation before.
I've found that one frustrating part of this dilemma is that you can't quantify the risk of transmission (with a condom + medication) so you can't really make an informed decision. All I've been able to learn is that a condom cuts the risk by 50% and medication cuts the risk by 50% again.
Anyway, I'm giving myself another day or two to think about it, but I'm pretty certain I'm going to have to bail
There's no cure and I read it ain't pleasant, you get it and you might as well call it a life, don't do it.So I met this girl. She's 10/10, really fun and smart. A few dates in - before we had sex - she tells me she has genital herpes.
With her taking suppressive medication and me using protection the risk of transmission is very small. But I'm in my early 20s, and the thought of having this same awkward conversation with my future sexual partners makes me uncomfortable.
Would you risk it?
I see you're worried about STDs, and you're trying to reduce the risk of getting sick, but I'm not sure if you understand the concept of "risk" (in a medical perspective, at least). In short, if you date a lot of people (for sex), you have a higher risk of getting STDs. Period. Avoiding sex with one person who has a STD does not reduce your overall, long term, relevant risk. Even if you "screen" everybody you date, avoid sex with those who are "positive" for a STD, and always use condom, your risk of getting sick is still high. In other words, what defines risk (higher or lower) is your behavior (in this case, promiscuous behavior), not isolated events (in this case, a couple of sexual intercourses with a "girl who has genital herpes"). If you want to reduce risk, you need to change behavior.
That is also why I find this thread a little funny. It's like someone who eats a lot of junk food, but will avoid a single pizza that came with extra cheese, because he is afraid of having heart attack. And there is also the "sad" part of this thread, where some posters - based on pure ignorance - stigmatizes a group of people (which is - and back to the "funny part of this thread" - a very big group of people, with more than 50 million infected only in the US, and that, probably, includes many gaffers who said "Heeeeelllll nooo!". Talk about irony).
Oh, and by the way, I'm not comparing women (or men) with "food", in any way. It's just the first example that came to mind. Also, I'm not saying that OP has promiscuous behavior.
Any update? I recently did some research about the topic and am curious about what you end up doing.
This is incorrect. "If x% of the population has an STD" = Prevalence; "there is a y% chance of transmission" = risk, which comes from Incidence. Also, high prevalence does not imply high incidence. This differentiation is very important (and fundamental) to properly understand what "risk" means.I might be missing your point about behaviour and long-term risk. If x% of the population has an STD and if, in every sexual encounter that I have with a member of that 'infected' portion of the population, there is a y% chance of transmission (assuming there is a constant and uniform risk), (...)
You're incorrectly applying the concept of risk (in the context of this thread). Let me try to explain: in a given population (e.g. US smokers, 2014) there is a known ("calculated" via meta-analysis, for instance) risk to a bad outcome (e.g x% for lung cancer). Now, you know the risk, right? But you can't take that information and apply it to an individual. This is a very common mistake. If you take a sample of 100 US smokers, and if x = 20, you can expect that 20 people in that group will have lung cancer - but you can't tell who will have it. So, if isoquant is a member of said population (US smokers), it means that he has an increased risk for lung cancer, compared to those who are not in this group of risk - i.e. US non-smokers. This does not mean, however, that isoquant (the individual) has a 20% risk for lung cancer. Understanding this is extremely important, because that's why you need to change behavior (i.e. "get out from the group of risk") in order to reduce risk.(...)then why is it not a rational strategy to limit my exposure to those who are known to fall within that x%? My relationship with this girl would involve repeated sexual encounters, each carrying a guaranteed y% risk of transmission. If, over that same period, I had the same number of sexual encounters (unlikely) with other random women, as a matter of probability it is less likely that I will contract an STD (presumably some will fall in the x% group and others in the 100-x% group).
That's goodIn any case, this thread might be aimed at making a single decision, but that's not to say that my decision in this instance won't guide my behaviour going forward (i.e. with other potential partners).
Unfortunately (or fortunately, haha) it's not possible (nor desirable) to label people with "Warning: contain virus". So, in your example, instead of eating every kind of food and avoiding only those that are labeled with "warnings", you should eat what you already know you are not allergic to. That would be a better "behavioral strategy", if you're concerned about "risk".Surely a better food analogy is this: I sometimes (let's say 20% of the time) have a bad allergic reaction to nuts. Only some foods have labels or warnings that alert me to their presence. There are many components of my behaviour which would influence my long-term risk of suffering from one of these reactions (the types of foods I eat, whether I tend to make the relevant enquiries before eating etc.) but one behavioural strategy that seems self-evident is to avoid foods that say "Warning: contains nuts".
PrudeGAF strikes again. IMO it's not much different from dating a girl who has cold sores. There are flare ups once or twice a year, other than that it's plain sailing. If your partner has a cold sore on their lips then that means no kissing for a week, and I'm fairly sure that if she touched your junk then you could get genital warts from that.
GAF once again shows itself up as a hive of judgmental, sexually conservative dumbasses though.
That's kind of... not nice.
Be glad some fucker hasn't come out with the "I'm not using a condom because I'm circumcised" line. Those asshats are my favourites.
PrudeGAF strikes again. IMO it's not much different from dating a girl who has cold sores. There are flare ups once or twice a year, other than that it's plain sailing. If your partner has a cold sore on their lips then that means no kissing for a week, and I'm fairly sure that if she touched your junk then you could get genital warts from that.
GAF once again shows itself up as a hive of judgmental, sexually conservative dumbasses though.
I'm sick of it man, every thread that is someway related to sexual politics brings out the conservative wankers in droves. "She has herpes, BURN HER" Fuck those people. OP misses his chance with great girl because of this? His loss I guess.
It is a big deal to people who don't have it.
The ignorance in this thread is astounding.
At least in NYC, 1 in 4 PEOPLE have genital herpes. You're seriously gonna avoid such a huge part of the population?
To completely boil down someone who is great in every way to what is essentially a skin condition just seems so mean and unfair.
yeah
There would be way less if more people actually cared.
And "avoid"? That's like not talking to them. There is a difference between avoiding people and not having sex with those peoples.
Those people, who don't want to get an incurable disease for their whole life are so mean and unfair. I guess selfish as well. wat?
PrudeGAF or people who don't want genital herpes when there are plenty of girls to be in a relationship without that disease? Also, hivemind accusations are a bannable offense, way to over-generalize.
Uh, nobody in here (except for one idiot on the first page) is saying 'OMG WHAT A WHORE BURN HER AT THE STAKE' so I'm not sure where you're getting this, maybe you should try reading the thread without projecting your own bias; that would help with not putting words in other peoples mouths. It's funny that you just assume everyone who would rather not be in a relationship with a woman who has general herpes is conservative scum, get the hell out of here with that.
I wonder when the day HPV rates hit the majority of people, if people will say it's no big deal. It is a big deal to people who don't have it. Herpes rates are never clear cut. Other threads I was shown some statistics and so I did some of my own research. There are a lot of people who don't have herpes at all, much less than those who have it and are non-symptomatic.
Genital herpes is not just cold sores for your genitals but can be anything from sores, blisters, all over, sometimes inside your urethra making it hard to urinate. There are a lot more symptoms of genital herpes than oral herpes.
It's not prude-GAF to want to avoid an incurable STD. There is a reason why STD rates are through the roof and many are epidemics in the past 5+ decades. Unlike oral herpes, where you can get it in childhood, genital herpes is almost guaranteed to be passed through serial contact and even condoms cannot protect against it.
So to OP, we can't make this choice for you. We don't know you, we don't know your girlfriend. This is a choice you'll have to make. Also keep in mind, the more sexual partners you have, the greater risk you'll eventually contract an STD, especially these days. Some statistics show though that STD rates are lower in immigrant populations, where sexual partners are fewer etc.
Oral herpes are nbd. I think almost everyone has some form of herpes. genital herpes come in outbreaks so yeah just don't have sex when that outbreak occurs, just like you wouldn't have sex with a girl on the rag. Well, I hope you wouldn't anyway.
yeah
There would be way less if more people actually cared.
And "avoid"? That's like not talking to them. There is a difference between avoiding people and not having sex with those peoples.
Those people, who don't want to get an incurable disease for their whole life are so mean and unfair. I guess selfish as well. wat?
Sorry for the bump, but I just had this very situation come up with me.
We have been dating for about a month, and she disclosed to me that her ex gave her HPV-2 after cheating on her with one of his ex's. She gave me a Planned Parenthood booklet on herpes. She was so scared and embarrassed telling me. She said that her parents don't even know about her STD. I give her huge respect points for telling me this before we start becoming sexually active with each other. She said she completely understood if I wanted to breakup right then, and would rather it end now than get too attached and have the breakup hurt even more later.
I'm honestly shocked by the amount of fear in this topic. Yea, STDs are no fun, but the statistics and medical recommendations don't make HPV sound too terrible. I get the impression that this is a situation where the realty isn't as bad has the public perception. People in the field know the facts and aren't overly concerned, but people not in the know are irrationally scared.
I'm reading up on the virus and seeking opinions, but I don't see this being a deal breaker. I think I will suggest that we go see a doctor together to discuss our options and maybe both get screened. She will be my 4th sexual partner, and as far as I know, I do not have herpes, but like others have said, I may very well have it too but I'm just unaware of it.
How old are you and is this gonna be your last sexual partner?Sorry for the bump, but I just had this very situation come up with me.
We have been dating for about a month, and she disclosed to me that her ex gave her HPV-2 after cheating on her with one of his ex's. She gave me a Planned Parenthood booklet on herpes. She was so scared and embarrassed telling me. She said that her parents don't even know about her STD. I give her huge respect points for telling me this before we start becoming sexually active with each other. She said she completely understood if I wanted to breakup right then, and would rather it end now than get too attached and have the breakup hurt even more later.
I'm honestly shocked by the amount of fear in this topic. Yea, STDs are no fun, but the statistics and medical recommendations don't make HPV sound too terrible. I get the impression that this is a situation where the realty isn't as bad has the public perception. People in the field know the facts and aren't overly concerned, but people not in the know are irrationally scared.
I'm reading up on the virus and seeking opinions, but I don't see this being a deal breaker. I think I will suggest that we go see a doctor together to discuss our options and maybe both get screened. She will be my 4th sexual partner, and as far as I know, I do not have herpes, but like others have said, I may very well have it too but I'm just unaware of it.