His response is exceptionally weak, and shows he does not truly understand the harm of his actions.
Here's his response, and my thoughts on it. I had to run it through OCR software, so if you notice a correction, please let me know.
So, here's how he starts:
I messed up, and I owe you an explanation.
This statement is one-sentence old, and is already off to a poor start. He is not
apologizing here, he is
explaining. He's writing this statement to his fans, and the online community -- but not to those people his actions truely harmed. He's not writing to his
victims.
Over nine years on this website, I've used it for every aspect of my life: making friends, finding jobs, and, yes, embarrassingly, flirting. This means I have, on many occasions, used Twitter to hit on people.
With this, he is downplaying his actions -- by labeling them as 'flirting', and not what they were --
harassment.
There's an important aspect of
flirting that distinguishes it from
harassment -- choice. The entire technique of flirting is based off
choice. A flirty statement has
plausible deniability -- the person being flirted on has the ability to read and respond to the statement either in a romantic/salacious way, or a platonic way -- they have the
choice.
'You have beautiful eyes' is a stereotypical flirty statement. It can be read either as a minorly romantic way, or as a bland complement. If the person receiving that complement is interested in flirting, they will read the statement more salaciously -- and will respond in a way to further the salacious conversation. If they are not interested, they will respond to it as a platonic statement, or not respond at all. The person being flirted on has the
choice on how to interpret the statement, how to respond, and how to drive the conversation -- either in a platonic way, or a romantic way. It's a two-player game -- and that's the beauty of flirting, that it is a consentual and collaborative exercise between two people.
If the person being flirted on rejects the salacious interpretation, the person doing the flirting has not suffered great harm -- they can fall back on the belief the person either did not understand the attempt at flirting, or otherwise was not interested -- but it does not harm their platonic relationship. The person who received the unwanted flirt can either believe that they mis-read a platonic statement as flirtatious, or that they successfully pushed back and kept the relationship platonic. Both parties have an face-saving exit path from a flirty conversation.
Harassment removes the other person's choice, their agency. They do not have the
choice of reading the statement as platonic, or the
choice of keeping the relationship and conversation platonic. They have been
forced into an uncomfortable situation where the other person unquestionably attempted to make their platonic conversation/relationship into a romantic/sexual one. They have no agency in steering the conversation, that choice was not given to them.
'Send nudes' is not flirting, it is
harassment -- there is no possible platonic reading of that message. If you receive that, you cannot walk back the conversation/relationship. The line has been crossed without consent.
That's embarrassing enough on its own, as it's now clear that some of these advances were unwanted or handled very poorly. But there's another significant issue: while my platform and my responsibilities grew, I failed to grow alongside them. Over the past couple years, I kept on using Twitter the same way I always have — including 'sliding into DMs,' a move that carries an entirely different weight when you're a private individual vs. when you're a public one.
Not that long ago, I had an extremely small following online. I never imagined I'd someday be getting messages from people about how the silly stuff I've made has pulled them out of a dark place or affected them positively. I certainly never imagined there'd be fan art with my dumb face on it.
All that to say this: I'm now, as weird as it sounds, in a position of power, but I'm ashamed to admit that until the past few days, I hadn't appreciated the responsibility that brings.
Here he is clearly not understanding the true cause of harm in his actions. The base harm was not caused by the
power dynamic -- that was just a catalyst. The true harm was with the barnstorming of 'show me your tits' -- the actual harassment he engaged in.
Catcalling a stranger on the street is wrong if you're John Q. Public, or if you're the Pope. The power dynamic here just made the actual harassment worse, it's not the base harm here.
I'll admit that when this conversation first started, I was defensive and confused — I've always tried to be a thoughtful, considerate person when it comes to this stuff, and couldn't understand what was going on. But the more I thought about it, the more I understood where people were coming from.
It's clear he does not understand the issue here.
I believe that when someone says you've hurt them or made them uncomfortable, the right thing to do is not to argue, it's to listen. What I always thought of as "flirting" can quickly become something more insidious when one of the people is in a position of power. I totally failed to recognize this.
The problem is that he thinks harassment is flirting, not that he doesn't get the hint.
I've spent the past week doing little besides reflecting on my own behavior. I'm embarrassed, obviously, but more than embarrassed, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to anyone I ever made uncomfortable with my advances, and I'm sorry for disappointing fans of mine who, rightfully, expected better from me.
He has not apologized to his victims, and is straight-up minimizing the harm by his harassment. 'Hey, want to go grab dinner sometime?' is an
advance, 'Wanna blow me?' is
harassment, plain and simple.
I know I've let you down, and I know it falls on me to earn back your trust by changing my behavior going forward. That's exactly what I intend to do.
As long as his behavior is continuing to think harassment is flirting, and he refuses to acknowledge his harassment and apologize to his victims, he deserves no place in the gaming industry and community.
