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C-3PO #1: Or How The Old EU Never Died (SPOILERS)

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Z

Zombine

Banned
r2-d2-and-c-3po-in-star-wars-the-force-awakens.jpg


The burning question from The Force Awakens has finally been answered this week:

What the hell happened to C-3PO's arm?

Well, look no further, because this week saw the release of Marvel's first Star Wars one-shot, C-3PO #1, which answers this question in the most bat shit insane way possible.

C3PO_21_panel_a.jpg


Yep, it gets ripped the fuck by some sea monster after one of his new droid buddies sacrifices himself so they can cross a swamp; but this isn't even the fucking start. This is the fucking middle.

Rewind to the start of the story, Admiral Ackbar was somehow captured by The First Order and is going to be executed unless C-3PO, a security droid, a med droid, some construction droid, and another sassy security droid thing transport a First Order Protocol droid named Omri to the Resistance.

Problem is, the rebels they were with got high on death sticks or something and crashed the fuck into Jakku and died. Now they're forced to survive on the planet until they can find help.

First up, they encounter some fuckin SPICE SPIDERS, and one of the security droids sacrifices the shit out of himself to save them.

Then Omri and C-3PO have some sort of freshmen college philosophy lecture and talk about free will or Philip K Dick Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? Nonsense about free will and dreaming and ghost limbs or some shit, THEN they all get slaughtered by this bridge monster, and we're left with just 3PO and Omri.

Turns out, these two fuckers are best friends even though they're on different sides of the war, and right at that moment there's some fuckin ACID RAID:

HPCeY1Q.jpg


"OHHHHHH shit they're gonna die!" You might say. Nope. These Brobots made it under a crashed Tie fighter. 3PO starts bugging the fuck out and he thinks Ackbar is fuckin finished. Nope. Omri is like "Dude I'll save you. Have these coordinates first. Enjoy fam." And this badass walks out into the rain, knowing he's gonna die, and he activates some tracking signal or some shit and he starts melting. Turns out he's not black, but fucking red. It's just some cheap cherry black coat that was put on by some 18 year old who was trying to trick out his shitty Honda. 3PO was all like

WA0shjj.jpg


And this fuckin dude just breaks down.

Then...

Out of fuckin nowhere...

JVQhD7B.jpg


Oscar God Damn Isaac.

You know it's him because he says "buddy!" Like in the movie.

Dude comes up to him and 3PO tells him the news and he's like "nice."

So he finally gets back to the ship with this fuckin arm and he legit took this dudes arm and attached it to himself as some sick reminder that he threw all those other robots under the bus so he could have all the glory for this Intel on Ackbar. Dude is legit twisted. He's the fucking Walter White of Star Wars.

JKpLjyy.jpg


I couldn't make this shit up. Buy it. The old EU is alive and well.

RIP Captain Hoff

hoff.jpg


1952-2016
 
M

Markitron

Is currently staging a hunger strike outside Gearbox HQ while trying to hate them to death
My god, that's even worse than all that Glove of Darth Vader/Tricolous/Lost City of the Jedi nonsense from the old EU.

Actually I take that back.
 
Z

Zombine

Banned
Was going to call this C-3PO & The Arm of Friendship but that sounds like an Indiana Jones script that George Lucas would write.
 
Z

Zombine

Banned
He wants to keep it for a while. Not permanently to honor the robots that sacrificed themselves so he could live, but just because it's convenient.

He keeps it to remember. He wants to remember the screams of those who died around him. It's his trophy.

It's coming.

689d804faf14bfa6b14207fd4e200aca.jpg
 
F

fauxtrot

Banned
giphy.gif


We should have a betting pool to see how many movies it takes until the Star Wars universe is this poorly handled on film. I'm gonna go with 6, including TFA.
 
M

Markitron

Is currently staging a hunger strike outside Gearbox HQ while trying to hate them to death
blackjaw said:
In the early 90s my 10 year old self would've smacked you, those books were my fav
Click to expand...

I read them when I was 10 and thought they were terrible, probably because I had read the Zahn trilogy the year before. I thought they were follow ups, how wrong I was. I'm surprised they never purged them from the old EU, amazingly enough they were still loosely considered canon right until the end.

I just remembered that The Emperor had a 3 eyed or Cycops son in those books, my god.
 
B

blackjaw

Member
Markitron said:
I read them when I was 10 and thought they were terrible, probably because I had read the Zahn trilogy the year before. I thought they were follow ups, how wrong I was. I'm surprised they never purged them from the old EU, amazingly enough they were still considered canon right until the end.

I just remembered that The Emperor had a 3 eyed or Cycops son in those books, my god.
Click to expand...

Yeah I didn't read Zahn trilogy until a few years later, so it was my first foray into the EU. I found them a few years ago at my parents, and they are pretty bad. I mean the tricolor dude goes searching for the glove of darth Vader and romances princess leia
 
M

Mrs. Manky

Banned
Zombine said:
Rewind to the start of the story, Admiral Ackbar was somehow captured by The First Order and is going to be executed unless C-3PO, a security droid, a med droid, some construction droid, and another sassy security droid thing transport a First Order Protocol droid named Omri to the Resistance.
Click to expand...

I'm assuming this was NOT a trap?
 
W

Woorloog

Banned
The Hermit said:
...

TFA was really written by fanboys. I cant believe I am saying this, but I actually miss Lucas.
Click to expand...

Prequel execution sucked but i think Lucas got some solid ideas in them.
So far, the new canon feels like rehashing old things... I'm glad i decided just to ignore what's canon now, i'll pick and choose things i like for my headcanon.
 
Z

Zombine

Banned
Woorloog said:
Prequel execution sucked but i think Lucas got some solid ideas in them.
So far, the new canon feels like rehashing old things... I'm glad i decided just to ignore what's canon now, i'll pick and choose things i like for my headcanon.
Click to expand...

Put this one in your Star Wars spank bank. It's worthwhile.
 
M

Markitron

Is currently staging a hunger strike outside Gearbox HQ while trying to hate them to death
blackjaw said:
Yeah I didn't read Zahn trilogy until a few years later, so it was my first foray into the EU. I found them a few years ago at my parents, and they are pretty bad. I mean the tricolor dude goes searching for the glove of darth Vader and romances princess leia
Click to expand...

So many random good/bad memories from that series:

Senate Planetary Intelligence Network (SPIN)
A lost city of the Jedi underneath Yavin 4
Ken the Jedi Prince
The Emperors mutant cyclops son
A guy with 3 eyes pretending to be the Emperors mutant cyclops son
A droid called Dee-Jay
A military base on Dagobah called Mount Yoda
Jabba's father Zorba the Hutt wanting revenge on Leia
The Empire having a factory on the liquid core of Bespin

I'm gonna read up on these on Wookiepedia to see what other crazy stuff I may be forgetting, if anyone wants a laugh, have a look here
 
B

Bert409

Member
Was just reading the main Star Wars comic series on Marvel Unlimited today. There's a great scene where 3PO was about to get mugged by a couple of street wise droids, and Chewbacca was like "Fuck that shit".

good-droid-bad-wookie.jpg
 
B

blamite

Member
Jakku, Poe, and Ackbar? The Star Wars universe really just consists of the characters and places from the movies and nothing else, huh.

I was hoping (maybe stupidly, lol) for more of a MGSV reference considering the comic is even called "The Phantom Limb." Well,
Omri's death is kind of a parallel to Quiet, I guess? causing his death in order to call in a rescue ship?

I'm still pissed that he got the gold arm back at the end of TFA, hopefully Episode VIII reveals that he just spray-painted over the red and it washes off in the rain in the first 5 minutes of the movie or something.
 
Z

Zombine

Banned
Book is definitely a throwback to the old Marvel comics by Chaykin and Thomas. For better or worse.

blamite said:
Jakku, Poe, and Ackbar? The Star Wars universe really just consists of the characters and places from the movies and nothing else, huh.
Click to expand...

And BB-8.
 
A

adj_noun

Member
See, an uninformed sleemo high on death sticks would go, "he just got a replacement part".

It takes tales like this, the Journals of the Whills, to divine the true story.
 
M

MattyG

Banned
blamite said:
Jakku, Poe, and Ackbar? The Star Wars universe really just consists of the characters and places from the movies and nothing else, huh.

I'm still pissed that he got the gold arm back at the end of TFA, hopefully Episode VIII reveals that he just spray-painted over the red and it washes off in the rain in the first 5 minutes of the movie or something.
Click to expand...
Yeah, some of the new EU stuff is still really guilty of this sin. Hopefully the further away we get from the beginning of the Disney era, the more they get away from this habit. I've found the novels to be doing a decent job at introducing new characters though (although they aren't fully innocent).
 
E

Einchy

semen stains the mountaintops
Pretty good comic, loved the art.

Hopefully they keep putting little things like this in the movies that allow for EU stuff to expand on it. Makes it feel like the EU is actually part of the films and not something completely separate.

Hopefully they do one about Luke's saber and how Maz came upon it.
 
Z

Zombine

Banned
So glad that Bobberts is pre occupied doing lightsaber training to the Star Wars OST in his living room and he hasn't seen this shit yet.
 
W

water_wendi

Water is not wet!
Iirc in the novelization of the first movie near the beginning there was a lot of sci-fi stuff about whether droids had consciousness and if there was an afterlife after being deconstructed. Went into the backstory of why intelligent life hated droids (automation put most life forms out of work and made them destitute.. remember "No droids."). Granted its been decades since i read it and the book was ghost written by Alan Dean Foster but still.
 
B

blackjaw

Member
Markitron said:
So many random good/bad memories from that series:

Senate Planetary Intelligence Network (SPIN)
A lost city of the Jedi underneath Yavin 4
Ken the Jedi Prince
The Emperors mutant cyclops son
A guy with 3 eyes pretending to be the Emperors mutant cyclops son
A droid called Dee-Jay
A military base on Dagobah called Mount Yoda
Jabba's father Zorba the Hutt wanting revenge on Leia
The Empire having a factory on the liquid core of Bespin

I'm gonna read up on these on Wookiepedia to see what other crazy stuff I may be forgetting, if anyone wants a laugh, have a look here
Click to expand...

Fucking Ken the Jedi prince...how could I forget that guy....looked like Justin Beiber, way ahead of his time

latest
 
A

adj_noun

Member
Next have C-3PO download himself into the Death Star and troll the Emperor with a door.

WHAT IS DEAD MAY NEVER DIE

THE EU RISES
 
A

antispin

Member
Q1. Are droids sentient?

Q2. I thought Poe said that BB8 was one of a kind. What's that hackposter doing here?

Q3. How awesome is 3P0?
 
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