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My wife told me tonight she wants a divorce

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P

Pinky

Banned
GAF,

I'm dead inside. Numb, empty, blank...

I just want support right now or words of advice. Almost 11 years of perfection. Others looked to our relationship as inspiration and hope for there's. Then, tonight, my wife tells me she has to go on her own. Her career, her ambitions, etc... She wants to find the real her. She said she still loves me. I've never seen her break down as hard as she did when speaking to me. While I heard some words, my brain was dead and gone for me to comprehend the others. I have no outlet, GAF. She's my heart and my soul and I feel like my world has been smashed with a hammer. Right now, I'm smoking cigarettes and drinking. It's the only thing keeping me calm and level-headed. I thought we would grow old together and, now, it's going away forever. The pain, man. I can't comprehend it nor would I wish it on my worst enemy. I'm just here. I feel all alone in the world now. I just exist and it's a lonely state right now.
 
M

McDougles

Member
Pinky said:
GAF,

I'm dead inside. Numb, empty, blank...

I just want support right now or words of advice.
Click to expand...

Get off GAF right now before you say something that a lawyer can use against you, especially if you're drinking. Go to your most trusted friends.

All the best, OP.
 
N

Not

Banned
OP... holy cow man. I just, I don't even know how to make it feel better.

I can imagine the pain you feel. Sounds like you really had your soul invested in making it last.
 
P

PeakPointMatrix

Member
...what...??

There has to be something else. It can't be this extreme. Surely she would be okay with trying something long distance to travel the world or study elsewhere for a year or two? It's tough but possible. How old are you? How old is she..??

Anyway, stay strong. You're still alive, healthy and able. I know those are just words but hundreds perished yesterday, lost their homes and worse in the earthquake in Mexico, but we all get to live another day. Cherish that.
 
H

Hydrus

Member
McDougles said:
Get off GAF right now before you say something that a lawyer can use against you, especially if you're drinking. Go to your most trusted friends.

All the best, OP.
Click to expand...

This. I wish you the best OP, but this thread can do more harm then good.
 
M

Marty Chinn

Member
Something doesn't add up. It couldn't have been perfect all this time and then out of nowhere with no warning signs she asks for a divorce. If this is how it was, at the minimum you had communicating problems for this to come out of nowhere. It sucks that this is happening but try to come back to her tomorrow to talk about it and see if counseling is an option.
 
B

Bill R Boggess

Member
There isn't much I can write that will make you feel better because frankly, that's the type of thing that rattles you to the core.

Especially if it came entirely out of left field.

What I can recommend is that you allow yourself to be devastated and feel whatever it is you are experiencing; tackle it head on. You will get over this and as hard as it is to believe, this emotional crucible will make you a better person.

That said, I would also recommend quietly hiring an attorney and getting all of your financials organized. If this divorce has come literally out of nowhere, she may not be the person you suspect or she may be going through her own internal issues that will cause her to do irrational things like lash out at you or screw you over financially. I'm not saying that will happen and I don't in any way intend to come off as judgmental regarding your wife but I also want you to take care of yourself.

My mother left my dad after 32 years of marriage and she flipped out entirely.

People you know for years can practically become strangers.

Surround yourself with friends and family.

You will be okay.

Take care.
 
N

Not

Banned
Maximo said:
No one just up and leaves probably found someone else, my condolences...
Click to expand...

Not necessarily. Quarter-mid life crises are a thing, FOMO on the only chance of life you get and so forth.

Still, if she hadn't said anything for 11 years, it could have been fear of hurting/losing him or a number of other things.

Unbelievably crappy situation.
 
S

Saucestin_Roast

Member
Jesus man. So sorry to hear that. So weird that there weren't more warning signs. Seems really out of the blue. I guess I'd echo another poster and say don't post too much about this on GAF right now in case a lawyer uses it against you since you've been drinking.

You get to live another day and the pain will eventually heal. Just don't forget that please. You'll be ok in the end. Although I feel for you in a big way. Very sorry.
 
C

Cutebrute

Member
McDougles said:
Get off GAF right now before you say something that a lawyer can use against you, especially if you're drinking.

All the best, OP.
Click to expand...


I second this. Stay away from the alcohol right now, step back and do whatever else you can to process this event. I really feel for you, and GAF is here for you now and/or whenever you need to come back. Stay strong and update us whenever it is appropriate for you.
 
P

Pinky

Banned
Thank you all for the replies. My heads' a mess and I'm sorry if I don't get back to each and every one of you. I may actually take a break from GAF here soon so I can evaluate some things.
 
H

hollomat

Banned
Do you have kids? Are there lots of red flags that now seem more obvious? Divorce after 11 years doesn't normally just come completely out of the blue. Something has normally been going on for a while to lead to it.

But I wish you all the best OP.
 
D

Derwind

Member
Seek counsel from close friends and family. I also agree with others in saying avoid GAF.

I hope you can find a way to heal the pain.
 
F

FUME5

Member
Shit, sorry to hear that man.

Just remember you were a complete person before you met her, and that there will be a time when you no longer feel this pain.

Standard gaf advice of hire a lawyer, hit the gym and have some nsa sex.
 
C

C4Lukins

Junior Member
That is rough.

But the way I look at it, you maybe date a dozen random people in your life, maybe only 1, or maybe 25 before finding the one.

There are 4 billion potential people out there for you, and odds are you fell in love with someone of a pool of maybe 100.

There are probably millions of people out there that you could also fall in love with, and a ton of them are probably a better fit for you then what you consider your soulmate.

It will be hard times moving on. It may take years. But there are a ton of people better suited for you, and you simply need to get out there and find them.


All the best to you. It is hard, but your life is not over. Get back out there and find someone who appreciates and loves you.
 
P

Pinky

Banned
Last post for the night... We do not have kids and she made it very clear that she wants nothing from me. She feels like the bad guy here and I can tell it's eating her alive. She says she still loves me which makes all this even more confusing. Thanks again, GAF. I'm gonna retire now. Til next time.
 
P

Phased

Member
She may just need time to find herself, and that may end up leading back to you in the end. Either way it's something you have to let her do, and maybe use this as an opportunity to find yourself too.

If possible, ask her about going through a legal separation before jumping straight to a divorce. This will give her the freedom she needs but also isn't as final as a divorce if you guys decide to give it a shot down the road.

Remember mate, this probably isn't about you. It sounds like she's put a lot of thought into this, and you gotta respect that and her if you care about her.
 
A

Ashhong

Member
It’s not on the same level but my gf of 4 years just told me tonight that she wants a break to think about our relationship, so I kind of know what you’re going through. Stay strong is all I can say. :(
 
Jzero

Jzero

Member
PeakPointMatrix said:
...what...??

There has to be something else. It can't be this extreme. Surely she would be okay with trying something long distance to travel the world or study elsewhere for a year or two? It's tough but possible. How old are you? How old is she..??
Click to expand...
That's what i'm saying. You don't need a divorce to go after your career and ambitions unless the partner (OP) is trying to stop her from achieving those goals. Sounds like she found somebody else tbh
 
F

Faithless Mr.

Neo Member
That's heartbreaking. I can't even begin to feel the weight that must've been on you when she said those words.

Be with family/close friends for the time being. Hang in there.
 
Greedings

Greedings

Member
Jzero said:
That's what i'm saying. You don't need a divorce to go after your career and ambitions unless the partner (OP) is trying to stop her from achieving those goals. Sounds like she found somebody else tbh
Click to expand...

Kinda what I was thinking. It sounds like an excuse, but I didn't really want to bring it up. I feel for OP, breakups are the worst, for the breaker and the breakee.

All these people saying go to friends makes me worry, I have no friends other than my partner, I have no clue who I'd turn to if we broke up.
 
A

Angry Grimace

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "does something taste funny to you?"
uncelestial said:
There were no warning signs? No other options? That is inconceivably cruel of her, I am so sorry.
Click to expand...
My wife divorced me by text message (after 7 years) about 5 months ago after she left to stay at a friends house because she was upset that I got mad that she wasted a bunch of money by backing out of a prepaid event like 15 minutes prior to the event because "she didn't want to go."

I think we had a 30 minute follow up conversation in which she confirmed she didn't want to try anything to fix it, although she had no concrete reason for why she wanted a divorce. That was the only time I've spoken to her since the day she left the house by anything other than perhaps 2 or 3 text messages.

Some people are just kind of assholes. She still owes me $150 dollars for a goddamn hot air balloon ride she failed to show up for.
 
M

mrkgoo

Member
Sorry dude.

Sounds bizarre. Usually this kind of thing happens when the wife is home with the kids and she feels her life is lost to them, so once they get older that's the time they see their chance to open up again.

But you don't have kids.
 
T

tr4nce 26

Banned
There really is not much I can offer you in the moment, it's probably best that you give it a few days and process it.

I know that you have been drinking, but I highly recommend that you sober up and pull yourself together before you start self pity medicating. That does you absolutely no good.

I would recommend that you call some friends and talk things over with them. Go visit them. Just vent to them and process it out. Staying out of your own head would really benefit you.
 
R

Raiden

Banned
Damn thats hard, especially when it came out of nowhere...


Just remember that time heals everything, even though you cant even begin to realise that now. Stay strong OP.
 
A

Ashhong

Member
Jzero said:
That's what i'm saying. You don't need a divorce to go after your career and ambitions unless the partner (OP) is trying to stop her from achieving those goals. Sounds like she found somebody else tbh
Click to expand...

Some people are not able to focus their energy in multiple things like careers and relationships at the same time. It may sound ridiculous to you, and to me, but it’s the honest truth. It’s been a sore spot for my relationship as well.
 
K

Kalnoky

Member
The speculation and conjecture on "there's no waaaay it can happen that easily, must be more to the story" so far in the thread is pretty needless. Sometimes people change, and sometimes people do that privately, silently, over a long period of time. Whether that's morally right or wrong as a partner in a marriage and how you get to those sorts of places is not something really worth debating here. What matters is Pinky.

I'm sorry this happened, man. I can only imagine how awful and confusing and terrifying this must feel. This process is going to be painful, as I'm sure you know. My advice? Lean on friends and family. Lean on people you trust. Lean on us. Fight the urge to lean on her, to try and keep her close. You'll need some space, some room to breathe and think about things. Every instinct you have will probably tell you to go to her, to talk to her, but just try to keep your distance. It's going to be impossibly hard and it's going to hurt. But just remember, even in those darkest times, you've got people who love and care for you and you're never truly alone. Stay strong, Pinky, and we're here if you need us.
 
V

VeeP

Member
Pinky said:
GAF,

I'm dead inside. Numb, empty, blank...

I just want support right now or words of advice. Almost 11 years of perfection. Others looked to our relationship as inspiration and hope for there's. Then, tonight, my wife tells me she has to go on her own. Her career, her ambitions, etc... She wants to find the real her. She said she still loves me. I've never seen her break down as hard as she did when speaking to me. While I heard some words, my brain was dead and gone for me to comprehend the others. I have no outlet, GAF. She's my heart and my soul and I feel like my world has been smashed with a hammer. Right now, I'm smoking cigarettes and drinking. It's the only thing keeping me calm and level-headed. I thought we would grow old together and, now, it's going away forever. The pain, man. I can't comprehend it nor would I wish it on my worst enemy. I'm just here. I feel all alone in the world now. I just exist and it's a lonely state right now.
Click to expand...

That sucks man :(.

Like some above said, your gonna be alright, and this isn't the end of the world. And like someone else said, call a lawyer. I'm sorry bro, I wish I knew what else to say. Just know GAFs got your back.
 
M

Matticers

Member
Pinky said:
Last post for the night... We do not have kids and she made it very clear that she wants nothing from me. She feels like the bad guy here and I can tell it's eating her alive. She says she still loves me which makes all this even more confusing. Thanks again, GAF. I'm gonna retire now. Til next time.
Click to expand...

I'm just going to be blunt and say this sounds like she just wants to go out and have some fun at this point in her life but feels bad admitting it. Kind of matches up with the whole wanting to find the real her thing, whatever that means.

Like others have said, get your lawyer, get things in order and then rely on whatever friends you can for support and to keep your spirits up. Hell, rely on GAF if you need to. Nothing wrong with that. You'll get through it eventually. There are plenty of stories out there from someone in a similar situation who thought they had the perfect person, only to meet someone else later on who they were even happier with. Try to be positive about your future.
 
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