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My wife told me tonight she wants a divorce
- Thread starter Pinky
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1.) Stay off here because like others have said, stuff said here could be used by her lawyer.
2.) I wish you all the best. I went through this six years ago and as helpless and awful you feel at first, it does get better. Time really heals all wounds. It wont feel better tonight, tomorrow, next week, or even next month. That said, it will get better and you can come out of this a stronger person. It take time though.
3.) We are all here for you. Please know that.
2.) I wish you all the best. I went through this six years ago and as helpless and awful you feel at first, it does get better. Time really heals all wounds. It wont feel better tonight, tomorrow, next week, or even next month. That said, it will get better and you can come out of this a stronger person. It take time though.
3.) We are all here for you. Please know that.
ghostofsparta
Member
that's the exact reason my ex dumped me after 4 years [of dating]. She needed to advance her career, not happy where she was, needed to find herself, but she "still loved me". I guess she thought I got in the way of her success? I don't see how.
I don't think any of us can help, but just know that your neogaf bros are still here
I don't think any of us can help, but just know that your neogaf bros are still here
Angry Grimace
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "does something taste funny to you?"
You do not want to do a divorce without an attorney. Everyone I know who tried it regretted it immensely. You also need to approach it with a business-like attitude which can be hard to do.
Jzero
Member
How would they find this thread in the first place without going through his history?
Harrison Bergeron
Member
You would be surprised with the sorts of things that get gathered in these situations.
I think you guys are overestimating the importance of these things. There aren't kids involved. The court doesn't care why they're separating or how anyone feels about it. The only thing that will be any interest to them, are the assets both parties have. So, as long as the OP doesn't post something like: "I have an awesome boat." And then turn around and tell the court: "I have never owned a boat." He'll be fine.
bitbydeath
Member
I'm sorry man, hit the gym.
It will make you feel much better than alcohol and cigs ever will.
It will make you feel much better than alcohol and cigs ever will.
sp3ctr3
Member
When she's at the point where she wants a divorce there's no convincing her otherwise. Trying to do so will only make it ugly.
She's made up her mind and she will stick to the dicision. She still has feeling for you and it hurts her too to make this decision but you have to accept it and be happy for her.
It's the best way to get on with your own life. Accept her decision and accept that you're no longer going to be together.
It will feel like a brick wall falling on top of you because YOU feel like this has come out of the blue. She has probably been thinking about this for months, so she's been through the majority of the grief process and have now come to accept that she wants a divorce.
She's made up her mind and she will stick to the dicision. She still has feeling for you and it hurts her too to make this decision but you have to accept it and be happy for her.
It's the best way to get on with your own life. Accept her decision and accept that you're no longer going to be together.
It will feel like a brick wall falling on top of you because YOU feel like this has come out of the blue. She has probably been thinking about this for months, so she's been through the majority of the grief process and have now come to accept that she wants a divorce.
Been in the same situation decades ago. Turned out she was chatting with a dude online (it was that time when ICQ was hot), out of the blue she decided to end our relation and move overseas to live with that guy. I went through all the 5 stages of grief.
It wasn't easy, but I had friends (with rotation I sleep at their places). When alone, I watched alot of funny stuff on TV. One day I received a call when I was cleaning my place, it was a friend I knew since I was little. We clicked somehow, 6 months later I was married and decided to move overseas.
My ex is divorced 2 times now, under plenty anti-depression pills. Sometimes you don't have to jump of a cliff to verify if it's deadly or not. Never leave a healthy relationship thinking there is something better out there. Of course there is always something better, but it doesn't mean you fit in.
So it will take time, but this is not end. It's a new beginning, just like learning again how to crawl, walk, then run when we were babies...
It wasn't easy, but I had friends (with rotation I sleep at their places). When alone, I watched alot of funny stuff on TV. One day I received a call when I was cleaning my place, it was a friend I knew since I was little. We clicked somehow, 6 months later I was married and decided to move overseas.
My ex is divorced 2 times now, under plenty anti-depression pills. Sometimes you don't have to jump of a cliff to verify if it's deadly or not. Never leave a healthy relationship thinking there is something better out there. Of course there is always something better, but it doesn't mean you fit in.
So it will take time, but this is not end. It's a new beginning, just like learning again how to crawl, walk, then run when we were babies...
Sunster
Member
wow, good post.
theofficefan99
Junior Member
That almost made me cry. I wish I could offer some helpful words but I can't I'm sorry you have to go through this
I'm sorry you have to go through thisMeatGrinder
Member
You make a thread, then 30 post down you say you will take a break from gaf?
Liljagare
Member
that's the exact reason my ex dumped me after 4 years [of dating]. She needed to advance her career, not happy where she was, needed to find herself, but she "still loved me". I guess she thought I got in the way of her success? I don't see how.
I don't think any of us can help, but just know that your neogaf bros are still here
Yeah, sorry for your loss OP, but it makes you wonder just how the other person looks at you if this is what they do.
Might be dodging one here actually.
Laywer up, always, and don't post online, and yeah, you will feel grief over it, try not to drink too much, as it's not a solution and makes you feel worse.
Sorry to hear it, dude! It's been a bad month for this shit. My sister told me about 2 weeks ago that her husband is divorcing her and my best friend told me his wife and he are separated just last Saturday.
I'm really bummed for both of them and now I'm bummed for you. Sorry you have to go through that.
I'm really bummed for both of them and now I'm bummed for you. Sorry you have to go through that.
LegendofDragoonLives
Member
Go hang out with your best friends and talk it through over beer mate. I wish you the absolute best, though it is jarring if this came out of left field. Good luck OP
Conor_Fool
Banned
Please listen to this, as hard as it sounds. Hit up your closest person before her. Don't hit her up.
O. This just triggers me.
11 years. Now, all of a sudden, she has to find the real her?
1) She found someone else who makes her feel "better".
2) She found someone in her working enviroment that will help her achieve her goals.
No warning? No fights? No divorce-threats before this? This whole "finding herself" shit just doesn't quite cut it.
I'm terribly sorry OP.
All the best.
Militaratus
Member
1) Get off GAF, lawyer up, and don't produce any ammunition for her to use.
2) Double-check your prenub to see it still covers you keeping your stuff and especially your favorite stuff and doesn't leave you in financial ruin. (My older brother had 2 divorces and each time he didn't have prenubs so the wives got ALL the furniture and ALL the money on the joint bank account)
3) Stop drinking and take up knitting.
Sorry this happened, OP. Stay strong.
2) Double-check your prenub to see it still covers you keeping your stuff and especially your favorite stuff and doesn't leave you in financial ruin. (My older brother had 2 divorces and each time he didn't have prenubs so the wives got ALL the furniture and ALL the money on the joint bank account)
3) Stop drinking and take up knitting.
Sorry this happened, OP. Stay strong.
Jzero
Member
Honestly if someone broke my heart like this I wouldn't even take them back, their loss. You don't have to be their backup plan.
I don't even have money but fuck this, never getting married.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Remember, it's breakup season. I do wonder how old each of them are, 11 years is a really long time to suddenly spring this on the guy. I hope he's alright and listens to the advice to legally cover himself.
dl77
Member
If there genuinely has been no indication of issues in the marriage that you're aware of I'd at least state that you want couples counselling before you'd even consider separating, let alone divorcing.
No offense to people who've said this but personally I think saying "Her decisions made, wish her well and get on with your life" is terrible advice.
A marriage is a long term investment, it's never going to be champagne and roses every day. As with any relationship, whether friends, family, co-workers etc, there will always be rough patches. That's part and parcel of any relationship.
The problem is we're still stuck in this stupid era of romanticism where the idea that a relationship should be viewed pragmatically is scorned as anti-love. People are brought up believing that there's 'one' person out there who they're a perfect match with, who will accept all their faults without complaint and they'll never have to discuss any problems because they're so in sync. When partners don't meet this expectation we think "Well, we don't agree on this/that/the other so they can't be the 'one'." and break up with them rather than try to understand that they're as human and fallible as everybody else.
No offense to people who've said this but personally I think saying "Her decisions made, wish her well and get on with your life" is terrible advice.
A marriage is a long term investment, it's never going to be champagne and roses every day. As with any relationship, whether friends, family, co-workers etc, there will always be rough patches. That's part and parcel of any relationship.
The problem is we're still stuck in this stupid era of romanticism where the idea that a relationship should be viewed pragmatically is scorned as anti-love. People are brought up believing that there's 'one' person out there who they're a perfect match with, who will accept all their faults without complaint and they'll never have to discuss any problems because they're so in sync. When partners don't meet this expectation we think "Well, we don't agree on this/that/the other so they can't be the 'one'." and break up with them rather than try to understand that they're as human and fallible as everybody else.
M8 her decision to ask him for a divorce is kinda obvious if you ask me and he will know about it in the first 2 months following the divorce. Anyway OP, please lawyer up and just take care of yourself, seriously.
It isnt a bad idea for the OP to bring up counseling, but it is a two way street. He cant force it. Bring it up and if she says no or just flat or doesnt respond to him at all, then you have to leave it at that.
dl77
Member
It is a two way street, but then so is divorce.
Tell us more about this awesome boat.
Angry Grimace
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "does something taste funny to you?"
It really isn't.
My wife didn't want to do counseling at all and didn't care I didn't want a divorce so it's happening anyways.
KarneeKarnay
Member
Whatever anyone tells you, remember you have every right to be angry. It's important you remember that and recognise that when the shock is over, pain and anger are going to follow. You need to channel that into something productive. Kick ass at work, pickup a new hobby, go buy a boxing bag. Get it out of your system before it poisons you.
What just happened to you is the biggest concern for me. My wife and I have been together for 5 years now. We promised each other that if we ever fell out of love, we would tell each other. That doesn't stop me being afraid of it ever happening.
I don't know what I'd do in this scenario, but I would tell her if she wants to leave, it has to be a complete separation. Between the two of you there can be no contact for a while if ever. This may sound selfish, but I've been there. When one person wants to remain good friends, but the other is still wondering why this happened. It poisons you and makes you bitter. For your own health if it comes to it, you need to have no contact. Take some time to figure out you now.
What just happened to you is the biggest concern for me. My wife and I have been together for 5 years now. We promised each other that if we ever fell out of love, we would tell each other. That doesn't stop me being afraid of it ever happening.
I don't know what I'd do in this scenario, but I would tell her if she wants to leave, it has to be a complete separation. Between the two of you there can be no contact for a while if ever. This may sound selfish, but I've been there. When one person wants to remain good friends, but the other is still wondering why this happened. It poisons you and makes you bitter. For your own health if it comes to it, you need to have no contact. Take some time to figure out you now.
andythinkpad
Member
If she wants to split cold without trying to work it out, the relationship has been sour for a while. Either you have noticed it partially or your made yourself ignore it.
Yeah, once the decision is made to divorce, you really need to step back and protect yourself. My ex attempted to try to work things out with me after a couple months of no contact. I fell for it and my heart was re-crushed again a while later. Its by far the biggest regret I had in how I handled my divorce.
If the OP wants to float counseling or attempt to see if there is a chance to save things, thats ok, but if you get a firm no and she seems dead set on divorce, its important to separate and get that healing process started immediately.
HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
Stay strong, OP.
You and I have absolutely no idea what is going on in her head, or in this situation. I have no idea how you think you can get away with writing something so ridiculously shallow and, quite frankly, sexist.
OP does not need you telling him that their ex-wife is going to come crawling back to him, nor that her wanting happiness external to him is "a phase".
You and I have absolutely no idea what is going on in her head, or in this situation. I have no idea how you think you can get away with writing something so ridiculously shallow and, quite frankly, sexist.
OP does not need you telling him that their ex-wife is going to come crawling back to him, nor that her wanting happiness external to him is "a phase".
Ive been there. My girlfriend of 8 years broke up with me and I later found our she treated. I can understand that pain youre feeling. That ceaseless, gut-wrenching pain. That shocking feeling of rejection and loss.
It happened to me 13 months ago and Im
happy to say im happy again. It took me about two months to stop thinking about it constantly. After six months I was fine. You never really get over it but the pain goes away.
Give yourself time to grieve. Cry all you can. Let it out, dont shy away from the emotion. But time does heal. Other women will come along. Things will happen that you cant imagine right now. Its gonna be okay. Eventually.
It happened to me 13 months ago and Im
happy to say im happy again. It took me about two months to stop thinking about it constantly. After six months I was fine. You never really get over it but the pain goes away.
Give yourself time to grieve. Cry all you can. Let it out, dont shy away from the emotion. But time does heal. Other women will come along. Things will happen that you cant imagine right now. Its gonna be okay. Eventually.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Found out she cheated. Right?
Paracelsus
Member
The only thing that made me wonder about the OP is no kids equals marriage is holding back her career and ambitions.
...What exactly is?
...What exactly is?
dickroach
Member
nah, she bought him dinner.
If you felt the same after 2 months as you did in the initial days of shock then you reacted differently to me and how my psychologist described the process. Not impossible, people are different, but I don't think any of these posts with warm fuzzy advice will be of any help, not at this time. Its not that they're not logically sound, they are, but because he's in no shape at the present time to process them, she dropped it on him hours ago. Healing comes a bit down the track, now is survival.
Baron Doggystyle von Woof
Member
Talk to het about her needs. Does she want to have fun or live alone for a bit? Can you give her that space? It doesn't have to be divorce.
Does she still love you?
Talking is key in this.
I agreed with my wife that if she ever needs time alone for fun or whatever she can take it. As long as she gives an heads up. Maybe this can be something for you?
In the meantime alcohol will not make it any better. I know it numbs for now.
Does she still love you?
Talking is key in this.
I agreed with my wife that if she ever needs time alone for fun or whatever she can take it. As long as she gives an heads up. Maybe this can be something for you?
In the meantime alcohol will not make it any better. I know it numbs for now.
Always-honest
Banned
That's horrible. A nightmare.
But there must have been signs. Never take relationships for granted.
Best of luck! Be strong, independent, rational and kind. Don't become a drunk who drowns himself in self-pity. Nobody thinks that is attractive.
But there must have been signs. Never take relationships for granted.
Best of luck! Be strong, independent, rational and kind. Don't become a drunk who drowns himself in self-pity. Nobody thinks that is attractive.
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