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Superhuman Kickstarter: Returning to Kickstarter a Second Time Round

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T

ThreeSixty

December 16, 2009. 4:00 AM. THE LIGHT FIELD is the force. The mind. That guides. Controls.
[Mod edit: note for late readers: PentaGod never shows. :(]

BFdRJ.png


So I started a Kickstarter for my science fiction-action screenplay "Superhuman" about five months ago. Superhuman is a screenplay I have been working on for several years. I started the Kickstarter in the hopes of raising funds and generating interest in Superhuman as a project. The Kickstarter was a catastrophic failure. I received a record-low of three backers over the course of the month the Kickstarter was live.

So what's the point of this thread? I'm thinking of returning to Kickstarter and launching the Kickstarter again. I'm thinking of giving this another shot. I want to isolate and determine the precise reasons as to why the Kickstarter failed and then use this knowledge in an attempt to make the second attempt a resounding success. I have posted this thread here since Kickstarter has been quite popular on NeoGAF and I was hoping the members here may have some insight and advice on how to succeed with Kickstarter a second-time round.

To be clear this is not a thread asking for pledges. The Kickstarter that I'm talking about ended months and months ago. This is a thread asking for advice.

Here's the link to the Kickstarter if you're interested in reading about it.

Here's the first section of the pitch:

A superhero with near-future evolutionary powers fights waves of ballet-spinning robots on the eve of the singularity.

Set in the distant future our superhero Lathan Devers wakes in a nocturnal cityscape overrun by the neon red lights and speeding blur of ballet-spinning robots on the eve of the singularity. Lathan must use his future human evolutionary powers to fight through the robotic waves to reach his little sister Ria Devers at humanity's last stand; the Eden Barrier; before time runs out. Lathan falls in love with Hope Rivers; a loving human being whose glowing green eyes and profound love spur Lathan on into trying to save the humanity that he holds dear; whilst discovering the secret of the universe. SUPERHUMAN is a high-octane science fiction action film with an aurora of intense speeding bullet fight scenes and powerful awe-inspiring visual effects. Lathan has LIGHT VISION; the next stage evolutionary ability to see beyond the veil of this reality and see a shimmering. Sparkling. Divine photonic energy field known as THE LIGHT FIELD. SUPERHUMAN is designed to be the trojan in which these powerful concepts are shown on-screen. SUPERHUMAN has had five years of energy. Effort. Persistence. Hundreds of late nights working into the twilight hours. The sound of birds singing to signal dawn. This was my life for five years. Energy. Drive. Determination. To transform SUPERHUMAN from a spec screenplay into a film. SUPERHUMAN is defined by several core concepts. These concepts are:
Click to expand...

Again if you'd like to read more then please visit the now defunct Kickstarter page.

So why did the Kickstarter fail? And why did it fail to stupendously? I have had a lot of time to think about it and I have isolated several core areas that I will discuss here:

No video. This is probably the most important aspect that I overlooked. I was hoping that my writing talent alone could convey the power of the idea and screenplay of Superhuman and did not generate nor create a video for the pitch. This was actually a key factor that was previously criticised by NeoGAF members. Where's your video? In my defense my previous computer did not have a Webcam and I lacked the funds to get one. My Father recently bought me a new computer which does have a Webcam so if I were to launch the Kickstarter again the new pitch would absolutely have a video.

No concept art. In an unfortunate turn of events my concept artist who had previously generated some stunning artwork for Superhuman decided to hold said artwork hostage on the eve of the Kickstarter launch. He basically demanded that I pay him more money for his work. I had changed computers so I had lost the files he had previously sent me. This meant the Kickstarter went live without a single piece of artwork to convey the power and imagery of the screenplay. Even the main image for the Kickstarter was a haphazardly generated image I created using the "Bladerunner" font because I was desperate to have something, anything visual there. I'm almost certain this hurt the Kickstarter the most.

No press coverage. Around the halfway point of the Kickstarter after around two weeks had passed I realised that the Kickstarter was failing so I very rapidly started sending out a barrage of emails to anyone and everyone to whom I thought could help. This was basically hours and hours of sending pitch emails to film blogs and film websites begging them for coverage. A couple of kind souls complied and were kind-hearted enough to help me but ultimately the coverage fell short and was vastly insufficient. I sent out over a hundred and fifty emails and only two film blogs posted stories about Superhuman. If I were to hit this again I would try and get stories out significantly faster and ahead of time. Prior to the second Kickstarter even launching.

These are the three key areas that I think matter the most. It was a set of unfortunate circumstances that seemed to cascade in to the Kickstarter ultimately failing. It was so disheartening to see other Kickstarters launched around the same time becoming overnight successes when my own personal Kickstarter based on a labour of love I have worked on for several years failing to get any backers at all. I'm hoping that if I can somehow learn from the experience and execute and infuse that knowledge in to a second Kickstarter then Superhuman may, may just have a second chance.

So what is the purpose of this thread? NeoGAF in general is versed in Kickstarter. You guys watched as a remote and obscure platform suddenly hit the mainstream after Double Fine hit Kickstarter for their Double Fine Adventure game and many of you have backed many Kickstarters in the past. The purpose of this thread is to seek and gather advice, insight and potentially people who may want to help to ensure that attempting a re-launch of the Kickstarter for Superhuman succeeds a second time round.

Do you have any advice? Is it even a good idea to give Superhuman another shot on Kickstarter? Your feedback whether positive or negative would be deeply appreciated. I'm open to PMs from anyone who would like to help beyond replies to this thread.

Ultimately, should I give this another shot?
 
C

Cameron122

Member
I know it's not in the same realm, but check out what the Star Citizen kickstarter did. It had videos, explanations, a time table. The works really. Balancing the kickstarter rewards sounds like a difficult task though.
 
N

Neuromancer

Member
'The Pentagon proved that God exists back in December of 2009.'

Can you explain this?

No offense, man, and I am going to try to say this the nicest way possible: the original Kickstarter reads like the ravings of a crazy person. You need to ratchet that stuff down a notch.
 
K

Kinitari

Black Canada Mafia
Honestly? It sounds like it's both "too much" as well as not compelling enough. You need to appeal to more people, and the themes you're going for only appeal to a very small amount. Try not to get too cliche'd either.

If you want this to work, you need to ask "what do a lot of people want to watch".
 
W

Wired

Member
Well based on the kickstarter page I can only assume others that looked at it, like me, wasn't left with a very good impression. Honestly it reads like more than somewhat unhinged over the top fan-fiction ramblings
 
DiscoJer

DiscoJer

Member
The Pentagon proved that God exists back in December of 2009. 2010 saw a wave of Pentagon-influenced media via the American media channels "worshiping" God as a result. They didn't tell anyone because if you prove that God exists then you also prove that Allah exists. Allah is simply a word that means God. The Pentagon are part of the US Department of Defense. They would never do anything to enhance threats to America's security which includes telling one billion Muslims that their God exists. SUPERHUMAN has been in development since early 2007 so they essentially superseded me. SUPERHUMAN has continued development since then partially because The Pentagon has zero intention of ever telling anyone. All I'll say is they have irrefutable proof and the knowledge that I have just shared with you remains Top Secret. Well. Until now.
Click to expand...

You probably want to take that out.
 
S

Santiako

Member
Just read the entire thing on the kick starter page. I'm sorry but it reads like the ramblings of a mad person. Also. You. Write. Weird.
 
T

ThreeSixty

December 16, 2009. 4:00 AM. THE LIGHT FIELD is the force. The mind. That guides. Controls.
Neuromancer said:
'The Pentagon proved that God exists back in December of 2009.'

Can you explain this?

No offense, man, and I am going to try to say this the nicest way possible: the original Kickstarter reads like the ravings of a crazy person. You need to ratchet that stuff down a notch.
Click to expand...

Santiako said:
Just read the entire thing on the kick starter page. I'm sorry but it reads like the ramblings of a mad person. Also. You. Write. Weird.
Click to expand...

Okay well these comments specifically are a rather sobering prognosis. Perhaps I "tried too hard". In terms of explaining I could, but I highly doubt whether you would believe me. I'm no-one man. I have no credibility. I could write pages upon pages here explaining things and still you would have a severe amount of doubt in your mind because, who is this person again?

Long story short back in March of 2008 I befriended a member of the British intelligence services (MI6). She was an intelligence officer working for them. We became quite close over a couple of months and she told me information that if I ever wrote about would put Wikileaks to shame. Imagine you're The Pentagon. Imagine you've existed for the better part of a century. Imagine you're an organisation consisting of twenty thousand people and you're sole purpose is to protect America.

Now if you're The Pentagon and you discover or come across a profound set of information that could potentially change the world what would you do? Would you immediately call CNN and ask them to publicise it or would you think that this information, which no other country on the planet knows, could potentially give your nation an edge in the global sphere and therefore come to the conclusion that you should keep this knowledge a secret to advance your nation's position on the world stage?

From what this woman told me, The Pentagon proved God exists on December 16, 2009 at precisely 4:00am. They had been working towards this for decades. They wanted to prove whether their theorised "spirit of the universe" actually existed and they pulled it off. They discovered that "God" or rather the spirit and essence that exists beyond the veil of this universe was an invisible photonic energy field that generated the universe and now controls the planets and the stars.

You honestly wouldn't believe some of the plans The Pentagon developed and executed over the last twenty years. All I'll say is that America's general filmography reflects the knowledge that The Pentagon generated. Here's a good example. The film Priest (2011) was a Pentagon-powered effort after they had proven God exists because they thought that if they didn't start creating films that were pro-Christian then something negative might happen to humanity. They felt that they needed to "worship" this mysterious spirit of the universe or humanity might not exist for much longer.

You mentioned that the Superhuman Kickstarter sounds like "the ravings of a crazy person". I would interpret that as that I tried way too hard which I fully admit to. Imagine if you knew things that no-one else knew. Imagine if you were never really able to safely profess said things to anyone for the risk of them not believing you, and for the risk of The Pentagon placing a target on your back. Now imagine if you desperately wanted funds and interest in your work to eventually change the world.

Wouldn't you try too hard to make that happen? As I said, I'm no-one. At least at the moment. I could post threads here on NeoGAF with the knowledge that I have but I highly doubt whether anyone would believe me purely based on the fact that I have zero credibility. This is the profound frustration of being nameless. I hope one day I'll have the ability to deploy my knowledge and have people believe me. This Kickstarter was an attempt to inject energy in to that.

If you truly want me to explain how I know they proved God exists I will elaborate. My question however would be, what's the point? You won't believe me. I regretted including that in the Kickstarter about halfway through the project. I incorrectly calculated that this information alone would generate interest in the Kickstarter and it backfired. In hindsight I would have been better off not including it. And this is the precise reason I'm hesitating upon sharing the information now. Now matter what I write, would you believe me? Answer honestly.

Thank you to everyone who has replied so far. It has provided some sobering and honest insight to which I have have not access to before. I appreciate it.
 
G

GK86

Homeland Security Fail
ThreeSixty said:
Long story short back in March of 2008 I befriended a member of the British intelligence services (MI6). *snip*
Click to expand...

Maybe its from the lack of sleep, but what does any of that have to do with your screenplay/KS? Just makes you look crazy.

Reading the original KS, I would say it comes off as you trying to hard. Which you admit. I can understand you have a passion for this, but take out the humanity stuff. Comes off as weird and maybe arrogant.
 
J

jtb

Banned
honestly, the MI6 stuff does sound a bit out there.

but I'm a bit curious to see how deep the rabbit hole goes. share some tidbits from the MI6 with us please?
 
D

DTKT

Member
ThreeSixty said:
Okay well these comments specifically are a rather sobering prognosis. Perhaps I "tried too hard". In terms of explaining I could, but I highly doubt whether you would believe me. I'm no-one man. I have no credibility. I could write pages upon pages here explaining things and still you would have a severe amount of doubt in your mind because, who is this person again?

Long story short back in March of 2008 I befriended a member of the British intelligence services (MI6). She was an intelligence officer working for them. We became quite close over a couple of months and she told me information that if I ever wrote about would put Wikileaks to shame. Imagine you're The Pentagon. Imagine you've existed for the better part of a century. Imagine you're an organisation consisting of twenty thousand people and you're sole purpose is to protect America.

....
Click to expand...

That's part of the script right?
 
C

Cyan

Banned
I'm going to suppress my baser instincts for a moment and give you a serious answer.

There are a number of reasons your kickstarter failed. Someone better versed could probably give you better guidance regarding videos and such (from what I've seen, most successful kickstarters do seem to have videos), but as I see it, Pentagon aside, your kickstarter has one huge problem:
The money will fund the further development of the screenplay. Generation of concept art. Development of pitches. Anything and everything that could potentially increase the chances of SUPERHUMAN becoming a film. The purpose of this Kickstarter was never to fund the film's production. The screenplay will require a studio-level budget in order to be made. The true purpose of this Kickstarter is to generate funds that will assist and facilitate the development of SUPERHUMAN from an epic two hour screenplay into a very real film that humanity will see on-screen. The money would allow me to focus one hundred percent on the screenplay and doing everything I can to ensure the screenplay reaches its potential; and focus on applying energy into turning that screenplay into a produced feature film.
Click to expand...
You're essentially asking for donations to shop around a screenplay. Not to make a movie or even a short film. There's no product.

Recall that nobody on kickstarter knows you. Your pitch does nothing to demonstrate that you have any ability to get a movie made, that you have any writing ability, or even that you'd know what to do with the money if you got it.

My advice: forget the kickstarter, put that time and effort into polishing your screenplay and shopping it around. What do you even need the money for?
 
DiscoJer

DiscoJer

Member
Or maybe you should consider turning it into a novel? Look at the DaVinci code, that did rather well, got made into a movie.

Or perhaps try to turn the background into a book. There are lots of books about Roswell, that got turned into a movie, sorta. (One on Showtime)


Anyway, I used to be into UFOs. I met quite a number of ex-government people who claimed a lot of wild stuff. Some seemed very genuine.

But at the end of the day, the Pentagon just isn't that competent. It's a huge, overgrown bureaucracy. I can maybe see them doing some sort of experiment or project that might be viewed by someone as this, like that whole Philadelphia experiment deal, which might have been about making ships invisible to radar, but second hand reports made people think it was about actual invisibility.
 
T

Tunesmith

formerly "chigiri"
ThreeSixty said:
Here's the first section of the pitch:
A superhero with near-future evolutionary powers fights waves of ballet-spinning robots on the eve of the singularity.

Set in the distant future our superhero Lathan Devers wakes ...
Click to expand...

No one else picked up on this?

Also the pitch feels bloated with plotlines, as if you have too many disparate ideas you have to fit into this one thing, with tons of ballet-spinning.

Set in the distant future our superhero Lathan Devers wakes in a nocturnal cityscape overrun by the neon red lights and speeding blur of ballet-spinning robots on the eve of the singularity. Lathan must use his future human evolutionary powers to fight through the robotic waves to reach his little sister Ria Devers at humanity's last stand; the Eden Barrier; before time runs out. Lathan falls in love with Hope Rivers; a loving human being whose glowing green eyes and profound love spur Lathan on into trying to save the humanity that he holds dear; whilst discovering the secret of the universe.
Click to expand...

What does ballet-spinning robots have to do with the singularity? Are they the cause of it? Will defeating them make the singularity go away? The hero's motivation to save the universe is his sister or his new found love interest with laser eyes?
 
J

jtb

Banned
I'll second Cyan and DiscoJer—a kickstarter is redundant and unnecessary. Write it first and that'll be a more effective proof of concept than any amount of outlining and publicity. and definitley consider a novel; while it is incredibly difficult to get published, it's certainly easier than getting a screenplay produced. and even if it doesn't, you can always self-publish or just have the satisfaction of knowing that you've actually managed to create your vision exactly the way you want it and never have to think "what if?" because you can just do it and worry about all the other stuff later.

in short, stop using kickstarter as a crutch and just write it. there's no point sitting on it.
 
T

TheAbsolution

Member
ThreeSixty said:
Okay well these comments specifically are a rather sobering prognosis. Perhaps I "tried too hard". In terms of explaining I could, but I highly doubt whether you would believe me. I'm no-one man. I have no credibility. I could write pages upon pages here explaining things and still you would have a severe amount of doubt in your mind because, who is this person again?

Long story short back in March of 2008 I befriended a member of the British intelligence services (MI6). She was an intelligence officer working for them. We became quite close over a couple of months and she told me information that if I ever wrote about would put Wikileaks to shame. Imagine you're The Pentagon. Imagine you've existed for the better part of a century. Imagine you're an organisation consisting of twenty thousand people and you're sole purpose is to protect America.

From what this woman told me, The Pentagon proved God exists on December 16, 2009 at precisely 4:00am. They had been working towards this for decades. They wanted to prove whether their theorised "spirit of the universe" actually existed and they pulled it off. They discovered that "God" or rather the spirit and essence that exists beyond the veil of this universe was an invisible photonic energy field that generated the universe and now controls the planets and the stars.
Click to expand...
I, uh.... Is this in character? Because if it isn't ... Oh wow.
 
V

Vermillion

Banned
Well, I don't particularly like the synopsis so far, but it could work with some improvements.

If I may make some suggestions - try extracting all of the elements that you want in the story, and bring them down to their base forms.

For example:
- Superpowers
- Robots
- Singularity
- Fighting

Things like that. Then create a story that sensibly incorporates those elements. Try at get a little bit artsy with it (or make it action porn - either one's cool) - try to draw allusions to some of your favorite literature or other movies or something. If anything, that should help you to sort of get a reference point for the story you're telling. Don't be afraid to imitate a little, either. No shame in starting with a little imitation - nothing new under the Sun, after all. And be sure that everything is decently plausible - why are these things happening, how did it get to this point, why is the character doing what he's doing - and make the motivations three-dimensional. Finally, know your ending.

That's my advice. Good luck!
 
F

Famassu

Member
ThreeSixty said:
Okay well these comments specifically are a rather sobering prognosis. Perhaps I "tried too hard". In terms of explaining I could, but I highly doubt whether you would believe me. I'm no-one man. I have no credibility. I could write pages upon pages here explaining things and still you would have a severe amount of doubt in your mind because, who is this person again?
Click to expand...
You could be the president of US and say that but unless you had some actual PROOF (not just conspiracy theorist nut drivel of how you "know people from the inside who said so" and some shit about some shitty Z class Hollywood movie proving your point), you'd still find people questioning what you're saying.
 
J

jambo

Member
ThreeSixty said:
Okay well these comments specifically are a rather sobering prognosis. Perhaps I "tried too hard". In terms of explaining I could, but I highly doubt whether you would believe me. I'm no-one man. I have no credibility. I could write pages upon pages here explaining things and still you would have a severe amount of doubt in your mind because, who is this person again?

Long story short back in March of 2008 I befriended a member of the British intelligence services (MI6). She was an intelligence officer working for them. We became quite close over a couple of months and she told me information that if I ever wrote about would put Wikileaks to shame. Imagine you're The Pentagon. Imagine you've existed for the better part of a century. Imagine you're an organisation consisting of twenty thousand people and you're sole purpose is to protect America.

Now if you're The Pentagon and you discover or come across a profound set of information that could potentially change the world what would you do? Would you immediately call CNN and ask them to publicise it or would you think that this information, which no other country on the planet knows, could potentially give your nation an edge in the global sphere and therefore come to the conclusion that you should keep this knowledge a secret to advance your nation's position on the world stage?

From what this woman told me, The Pentagon proved God exists on December 16, 2009 at precisely 4:00am. They had been working towards this for decades. They wanted to prove whether their theorised "spirit of the universe" actually existed and they pulled it off. They discovered that "God" or rather the spirit and essence that exists beyond the veil of this universe was an invisible photonic energy field that generated the universe and now controls the planets and the stars.

You honestly wouldn't believe some of the plans The Pentagon developed and executed over the last twenty years. All I'll say is that America's general filmography reflects the knowledge that The Pentagon generated. Here's a good example. The film Priest (2011) was a Pentagon-powered effort after they had proven God exists because they thought that if they didn't start creating films that were pro-Christian then something negative might happen to humanity. They felt that they needed to "worship" this mysterious spirit of the universe or humanity might not exist for much longer.

You mentioned that the Superhuman Kickstarter sounds like "the ravings of a crazy person". I would interpret that as that I tried way too hard which I fully admit to. Imagine if you knew things that no-one else knew. Imagine if you were never really able to safely profess said things to anyone for the risk of them not believing you, and for the risk of The Pentagon placing a target on your back. Now imagine if you desperately wanted funds and interest in your work to eventually change the world.

Wouldn't you try too hard to make that happen? As I said, I'm no-one. At least at the moment. I could post threads here on NeoGAF with the knowledge that I have but I highly doubt whether anyone would believe me purely based on the fact that I have zero credibility. This is the profound frustration of being nameless. I hope one day I'll have the ability to deploy my knowledge and have people believe me. This Kickstarter was an attempt to inject energy in to that.

If you truly want me to explain how I know they proved God exists I will elaborate. My question however would be, what's the point? You won't believe me. I regretted including that in the Kickstarter about halfway through the project. I incorrectly calculated that this information alone would generate interest in the Kickstarter and it backfired. In hindsight I would have been better off not including it. And this is the precise reason I'm hesitating upon sharing the information now. Now matter what I write, would you believe me? Answer honestly.

Thank you to everyone who has replied so far. It has provided some sobering and honest insight to which I have have not access to before. I appreciate it.
Click to expand...

bbij4rb.gif
 
H

hamchan

Member
I'm be honest and brutal. Your kickstarter and some of your posts on here sound like the ravings of a mad man. People generally don't give money to those they think are insane.

I'd say if I was making a film with very explicit religious themes, I'd look for funding from a religious group.
 
K

kenta

Has no PEINS
ThreeSixty said:
If you truly want me to explain how I know they proved God exists I will elaborate. My question however would be, what's the point? You won't believe me. I regretted including that in the Kickstarter about halfway through the project. I incorrectly calculated that this information alone would generate interest in the Kickstarter and it backfired. In hindsight I would have been better off not including it. And this is the precise reason I'm hesitating upon sharing the information now. Now matter what I write, would you believe me? Answer honestly.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I'd believe you. Let's do this. Lay it on me
 
Dice

Dice

Pokémon Parentage Conspiracy Theorist
At first I was like...

ibtE42jXAIEr3v.gif


Then my photonic light vision kicked in and I was like...

iEx5g7IypIX9S.gif


Seriously bro I'm really sorry about this but if you are totally serious I'm not sure if I can trust your sanity. If it's a presentation thing, you just really need to work on your presentation. Ultimately I'd say 90% of the material on that page (and it is a HELL OF A LOT of material, and people never read that much BTW) is really cliche, like the ending of Kingdom Hearts cliche. I don't think you have much of a chance to grab people with this, unless maybe you try to trick churches into funding a cheesy movie like those end times films, but then you'd have to talk about Jesus or something.
 
D

duckroll

Member
Imagine you're a bad writer. Imagine you've been trying to shop around a scifi screenplay for the better part of a decade. Imagine you started a Kickstarter campaign asking for one thousand five hundred pounds and you're (sic) sole purpose is to get this movie made.

Now if you're the bad writer and you discover or come across information and comments which indicate that you probably have no chance of succeeding at all what would you do? Would you immediately go on NeoGAF and post a thread? Yes, you would.
 
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