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[Dalek]

Jogger dubbed ‘Mad Pooper' might have a brain injury

It's not a Colorado jogger's fault she's pooping on people's lawns — because she suffered a traumatic brain injury, and now simply can't control where she does her business, according to a man who claimed to be ”a family representative."

Nevertheless, the Mad Pooper would like to apologize for her actions, said the unidentified man in a since-removed YouTube video, according to ABC affiliate KRDO.

Her bathroom behavior is similar to breastfeeding in public and is protected under the First Amendment, the unidentified man claimed.

But a criminal defense attorney said the man is full of crap.

”Defecating in someone's yard is definitely not protected under the First Amendment and it is actually a crime," Jeremy Loew said.

The woman could actually be charged with indecent exposure, which might land her in the sex offender registry, Loew added.

The jogger has been pooping outside the Colorado Springs home of Cathy Budde at least once a week and cops have been trying to get to the bottom of the mystery.

The supposed spokesman, who also claimed the woman underwent gender reassignment surgery, refused to provide any verification that he is representing the daring defecator's family, but Loew said his videotaped statement was a bad move.

”This is actually the worst thing the family could do," he said. ”People all over the world are talking about this, and police will catch her. The man in the video will also have to be called into court to testify."

His claim that public defecation is akin to public breastfeeding also was met with scorn.

”I breastfed all of my four children and that's just ridiculous, as far as I'm concerned," neighbor Shirley Thevenot said. ”There is no comparison between those."

Resident Julie Teffetteller concurred.

”Breastfeeding is nourishing your child — you're doing something to take care of someone — but pooping in someone's lawn is only damaging," she told KRDO.

 

[Username1198]

Poop makes good fertilizer right? Maybe she's helping neighbors with shitty lawns

Edit the puns right themselves

 

[parrotbeak]

Jfc. So on top of shitting on people's lawns, her defense shits on people with head injuries, mother's who breast feed in public, and transgender people

He forgot to throw in, it's just like those NFL players who are taking a knee except because of her condition, poop comes out.

 

[whytemyke]

Jfc. So on top of shitting on people's lawns, her defense shits on people with head injuries, mother's who breast feed in public, and transgender people

He forgot to throw in, it's just like those NFL players who are taking a knee except because of her condition, poop comes out.

This would make this story just magnificent.

 

[KojiKnight]

If she has a legitimate medical condition that prevents her from walking 10 feet into a store to use a toilet, then why isn't she cleaning up after herself or wearing proper undergarments to handle it?

This is all just a load of BS.

 

[hydruxo]

If she has a legitimate medical condition that prevents her from walking 10 feet into a store to use a toilet, then why isn't she cleaning up after herself or wearing proper undergarments to handle it?

This is all just a load of BS.

I see what you did there

 

[The Abominable Snowman]

Sometimes you just gotta go.

 

[Makonero]

When I used to work for a medical equipment and supply company they had these things called waste slings. They looked kind of like thongs that were backwards so i thought you could just poop in them and then pinch and throw away the bag part. I tried it and it was very, very messy. I wondered how TF could this work? When I returned to work I looked up the info for it and it was simply a mechanism that is used in surgery that somehow goes in between internals and stretches more than internal tissues or something, tied to a string that you clip after insertion. I felt stupid and I shitted on myself for nothing.

wtf

 

[parrotbeak]

wtf

Lol i'm so glad someone quoted it before he deleted. That needs to be a thread.

 

[DrForester]

wtf

Bless you, sir, for quoting that before they could change it.

 

[BLOODED_hands]

I would like to know what would cause my brain to make me shit in someone's yard once a week, but then again my brain is full of crap 🤷

 

[blackflag]

LOL thanks for quoting before the edit.

 

[parrotbeak]

Sometimes you just gotta go.

Were you talking about a urethral sling that is inserted via surgery to pinch off the urethra internally to help with incontinence? That's all I could find from your description.

 

[C.Mongler]

I mean if you really have a traumatic brain injury that makes you poop, though not before dropping your pants and cleaning up afterwards, perhaps it's time to consider not running freely around a neighborhood full of children? Use a gym, a track/path near a bathroom (like the one across the street), an at-home treadmill, etc.? Wear an adult diaper? Have a running chaperone? Go trail running so you're at least taking a shit in the woods? There's options methinks, but maybe I'm being insensitive to the needs of those who both are avid runners and constantly, regularly, need to shit on the sidewalk.


That or it's a complete lie which is probably the case.

 

[Warm Machine]

We had a repeat incident at work called the Poo-Curtain Bandit. basically someone would build elaborate curtains to cover every seam and crack in the toilet stalls, presumably for privacy, by draping toilet paper and jamming it into the hunger and so on.

This would be weird, but innocuous except for the fact that the person never dismantled the creations. Just left them there for the next stall user. That's rude, but I cannot abide treating our cleaners like that. Why should they have to clean up after your mania, you selfish weirdo?

We've also had some very acrobatic users miss the bowl with solids.

Hmmm, we had someone like that at our office. I wonder if it is the same person?

 

[TsunamiOfSwagger]

wtf

Tag worthy shit right there.

 

[Boem]

wtf

Please never remove that quote. This needs to stay in the annals of Gaf history. Best post in ages.

 

[jstripes]

Her bathroom behavior is similar to breastfeeding in public and is protected under the First Amendment, the unidentified man claimed.

People always invoking the First Amendment to defend the shittiest behaviour.

 

[SENPAIatLARGE]

Sometimes you just gotta go.

 

[Jenov]

People always invoking the First Amendment to defend the shittiest behaviour.

So true. lol

Hope they catch this person, because its ridiculous to keep going to the same spot week after week when there are public restrooms nearby. And a medical condition? Then wear diapers.

 

[DrForester]

Tag worthy shit right there.

The Abominable Snowman
Oops! I crapped my pants

 

[parrotbeak]

The Abominable Pooman
Wait, how TF could this thing work?

 

[Pesmerga00]

The Abominable Snowman
Oops! I crapped my pants

"Oops! I Crapped My Pants". I think there is a product for that.

 

[NeoGold123]

The Abominable Snowman
Single Serve Shit Slinger

 

[Makonero]

The Incontinent Snowman
Sometimes you just gotta go.

 

[SapientWolf]

If that's the case then she needs to jog at home on a treadmill or not jog at all.

Also, everyone in this thread who has a post that is nothing but does not have a bad joke should be banned.

Fixed.

I've heard of mud runs but this is ridiculous.

I felt stupid and I shitted on myself for nothing.

I can't.

 

[formasymphonic]

Please never remove that quote. This needs to stay in the anals of Gaf history. Best post in ages.

ftfy