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[Shredderi]

Fucking Gaf and the virgin advice.

Virgin advice isn't always bad advice (I've never dated yet I'm the guy my friend couples, both girlfriends and boyfriends come for relationship advice and it works and they come back, for better or worse) but yeah this is bad fucking advice. This fight was so miniscule on any scale.

You were stressed, maybe she was stressed and she said that this isn't a recurring problem at all with you guys. Just let it go, super small glips like these happen all the time in relationships without much consequence at all. Maybe say you're sorry and that you were just too stresesd about the interview. Even if you're not actually sorry but helps sweep this thing into oblivion with everyone feeling happy again.

At this point I realize I haven't uttered a single advice that hasn't already been uttered here.

 

[n0razi]

My wife is like this for a week every month; just smile and deal with nature.

 

[Alcotholic]

It's strange that she would bring something like that Up if it is an isolated incident.
I probably would have responded with "I'm sorry, I'm just really focused on this interview."

 

[davidwhangchoi]

Did you only come on GAF to vent, without even asking how GAF is doing?

So selfish.

i was lying down, had to sit up from laughing reading this =)

 

[DudeWithNoName]

Just tell her you understand that she's PMS-ing and you won't hold it against her. Women love guys who are cognizant of these things.

 

[Keri]

She obviously had something she really wanted to talk to you about, when she called, and she's upset she didn't get the chance. Did you ever ask her what she wanted to talk about, because that's going to make a huge difference in how you view this incident.

I mean, if she was calling to tell you her favorite seasonal latte is back at Starbucks, then yeah, she was being selfish for judging that as equal to or more important than your interview. If she was calling because someone mugged her or she just found out a family member died or any of a million other serious reasons, well, see how that would be different?

 

[Jeronimo Jones]

I think the fact that this isn't the norm helps your case and you felt the time was short. It was a little selfish of her to basically dismiss your rough day because you didn't ask about hers, but it happens. I agree that when your partner is stressed/focused on an important interview/project/meeting it's not the best time to get into a heated discussion about your relationship issues.

From time to time, my fiancée will call when she thinks I'm on lunch break and almost immediately jump into what's going crazy with her day/work. After several minutes she'll realize she hasn't asked how my day was going or given me time to say much.

When asked, I'll sometimes say "It's going ok." or similar because by that time I just want to go eat my lunch/need to work on something/don't really feel like getting into the details.

I figure she needs to vent more than I do, and I'm not a fan of pity parties or competing over who had the worst day, so I mostly let it go.

 

[Sunster]

Gotta ask about her day, no matter what.

 

[flintstryker]

One of the things I have learned in all my years is that people who ask how you are doing rarely ever cares how you are actually doing and just ask expecting you to say fine.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

"I'm sorry, I was just worried about the upcoming interview and not completely focused, so what's happening with you?"

- 26 years of marriage....

She may have had something big going on as well...

This. The fuck. This.

 

[xxracerxx]

This. The fuck. This.

According to some of GAF...he should dump her right now!

 

[Mammoth Jones]

According to some of GAF...he should dump her right now!

Shit is blowing my mind, LMAO. Hot damn if I dumped my now wife every time she was cranky or every time one of us fucked up on minor shit my kid wouldn't be here.

Sometimes you're just not going to gel w/ your guy/gal. It happens. The fuck, lol...

 

[Escargo]

Maybe your girl was stressed about something as well and wanted to vent too? Just ask her what's up after you've relaxed.

 

[Ray Wonder]

"My wife told me she doesn't know if she wants to go to my buddies house for a football game this Sunday"

"OP, honestly it looks like you need to start filing a divorce. Remember, there's no such thing as the one, so there's plenty of other fish in the sea."

 

[SamuelSupreme]

"I'm sorry, I was just worried about the upcoming interview and not completely focused, so what's happening with you?"

- 26 years of marriage....

She may have had something big going on as well...

Went with this. Worked out. And to all the people that bring up my previous threads...have you read the threads? The reason I come to strangers is because Im trying to be introspective.

Sometimes as people were so wrapped up in our own ego it's easy to believe you're a hundred percent in the right until someone with no stakes call us or on our own shit.

GAF has a ton of potential for getting a quick and fresh perspective. I encourage all Gaffers to get some fresh perspective on their shit. You might be surprised.

I regret none of my threads.

 

[Jetman]

Would have said "Fine. Tell me about your day."

And if she started talking about getting her nails or hair done, how she spilled her cheerios while eating breakfast, or that she missed her favorite episode of Big Brother last night or something equally innane, hung up on her.

She asks why, reminded her about some very important shit going down that you have to prepare for and do.

 

[DustyVonEric]

Fucking Gaf and the virgin advice.

Haha!

With my wife for ten years now. Happily married even.

Mutual respect for each other makes this possible. Shocking I know. Knowing when to pick your battles; knowing when your issue may need to take a backseat to your SO's more pressing issue makes this possible too.

But you and the "Why can't I find the right SO?" crew keep wasting time on projects, as opposed to finding the well-adjusted one with common sense who is down for you and will understand when not to add to your stress.

If sounding off on OP right before an interview sounds cool to you, then I don't know what to tell ya.

 

[gwailo]

Virgin advice isn't always bad advice

Ok...

Even if you're not actually sorry but helps sweep this thing into oblivion with everyone feeling happy again.

...and this is horrible advice. Saying sorry just to placate the other person does nothing in the end. In fact, it makes things worse because all it does is sweep problems under the rug where they'll fester.

Also SMH at the people suggesting to buy gifts.

OP did the right thing and talked an adult instead of doing a bunch of passive aggressive crap.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

According to some of GAF...he should dump her right now!

Who said he should dump her?

Regardless, this kind of behaviour is why you date, you weed out people who have issues with not always being the centre of attention. I keep saying it, but she knew he was having a stressful day and he was just hours away from a very important interview and yet she still decided to be selfish and make everything about her.

If she's like that now, you have to wonder just how deep this streak of selfishness and unwillingness to not always be centre of attention goes. It's behaviour you have to keep an eye.

 

[Keri]

Regardless, this kind of behaviour is why you date, you weed out people who have issues with not always being the centre of attention. I keep saying it, but she knew he was having a stressful day and he was just hours away from a very important interview and yet she still decided to be selfish and make everything about her.

If she's like that now, you have to wonder just how deep this streak of selfishness and unwillingness to not always be centre of attention goes. It's behaviour you have to keep an eye.

You make it sound like it's impossible she had something equally important she needed to talk about. Ironically, that assumption is pretty selfish and self-absorbed.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

You make it sound like it's impossible she had something equally important she needed to talk about. Ironically, that assumption is pretty selfish and self-absorbed.

To which I'd say she asked how his day was, found out he was under some stress and had an important interview coming up but still chose to make it about herself rather than wait until after the interview when she knew he'd be in a better frame of mind to be there for her.

She doesn't have friends she can vent to in the meantime? Does she need to tell him absolutely everything and then get pissy when he's having his own issues?

 

[norm9]

Just tell her you understand that she's PMS-ing and you won't hold it against her. Women love guys who are cognizant of these things.

Jajaja. Do it op.

 

[Keri]

To which I'd say she asked how his day was, found out he was under some stress and had an important interview coming up but still chose to make it about herself rather than wait until after the interview when she knew he'd be in a better frame of mind to be there for her.

And again you assume it's impossible she had needs that were greater than his.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

And again you assume it's impossible she had needs that were greater than his.

If that's the case, she should have led with her issues. That she didn't suggests they weren't greater as she chose to ask him first and risk not being able to vent her issues.

Or she assumed he had literally nothing going on which leads back to her being self absorbed and selfish where she feels he should always be there for her and not have his own issues.

 

[TimeEffect]

OP should tell us what she had to say

 

[Heavy_D206]

When my g/f gets bitchy on the phone I hang up on her. I'll wait until she calms down and then we can have a conversation.

 

[Keri]

If that's the case, she should have led with her issues. That she didn't suggests they weren't greater as she chose to ask him first and risk not being able to vent her issues.

Or she assumed he had literally nothing going on which leads back to her being self absorbed and selfish where she feels he should always be there for her and not have his own issues.

It's common courtesy to start a conversation, by asking how the other person is. Who knows if she had any understanding that their time to talk was limited. She was probably trying to be polite, by waiting until he was done. I don't think you can make any assumptions about her day, based on the fact she politely let the OP speak first.

 

[Tigress]

Honestly, she was being inconsiderate to choose that time to talk to you about that. Especially after you point it out and express willingness to talk about it later.

I mean I can understand maybe it's a build up of times that you didn't ask about her that has had her increasingly get annoyed about it. But there is still a time and place to decide to bring it up. And she would probably get better results if she waited for that time too (it would be better for both of you).

Also, I think it's a bit poor form to start bitching about something like that after you hear some one is having a shitty day/time. All that does is make you look like you didn't even care about what they were going through and only really cared about them consoling you. (though I can't say I might not do this myself... but I can be seflish and it's not something I think that is a good thing about me).

 

[Miles Quaritch]

It's common courtesy to start a conversation, by asking how the other person is. Who knows if she had any understanding that their time to talk was limited. She was probably trying to be polite, by waiting until he was done. I don't think you can make any assumptions about her day, based on the fact she politely let the OP speak first.

So she wasn't interested in anything he had to say and was merely being polite for politeness sake? Not selfish or self absorbed at all.

And I already said that once she found out he was having a tough day she could have waited until he was in a better position to talk but instead chose to add to his stress by arguing with him.

I don't know how anyone can argue this doesn't scream selfishness on her part. Okay she was having a bad day, but upon asking him about his day and finding out his was equally/more shitty, she could have should have waited to vent her issues or gone to a friend so as not to add to OPs stress levels, but she chose to do the selfish/childish thing and turn it into an argument that revolved around her.

 

[Keri]

So she wasn't interested in anything he had to say and was merely being polite for politeness sake? Not selfish or self absorbed at all.

And I already said that once she found out he was having a tough day she could have waited until he was in a better position to talk but instead chose to add to his stress by arguing with him.

I don't know how anyone can argue this doesn't scream selfishness on her part. Okay she was having a bad day, but upon asking him about his day and finding out his was equally/more shitty, she could have should have waited to vent her issues or gone to a friend so as not to add to OPs stress levels, but she chose to do the selfish/childish thing and turn it into an argument that revolved around her.

See, there you are again, making that same assumption.

What if she was having a much worse and much harder day? What if she had a problem that was more important than the OP's interview? You keep entirely discounting this possibility, because you don't believe someone having a rough day might start a conversation by asking someone else how they are? Sometimes, when someone doesn't know how to say something difficult, they default to common pleasantries. I've certainly done it.

Let me give you some relationship advice: It's best not to assume the worst of your significant other. Give them the benefit of the doubt and find out what's going on, instead.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

See, there you are again, making that same assumption.

What if she was having a much worse and much harder day? What if she had a problem that was more important than the OP's interview? You keep entirely discounting this possibility, because you don't believe someone having a rough day might start a conversation by asking someone else how they are? Sometimes, when someone doesn't know how to say something difficult, they default to common pleasantries. I've certainly done it.

Let me give you some relationship advice: It's best not to assume the worst of your significant other. Give them the benefit of the doubt and find out what's going on, instead.

As I said, in that case, upon hearing that the OP was dealing with his own things, she could and should have vented to someone else so as not to add to his stress levels.

That's what family and friends are for.

I do find it hilarious you keep accusing me of making assumptions whereas you keep coming up with ridiculous scenarios where she had a horrific day that warranted her starting an argument.

Someone who has had a bad day and isn't self absorbed/selfish would realise that if the person they are talking to has their own issues at that time, maybe it's better not to add to their problems and instead go to someone else until that person is better placed to talk, but no, let's worry about her day and not her starting an argument knowing how it would affect the OP.

 

[TheContact]

Dude just don't let it escalate. You can end it once she starts getting upset by just apologizing for going on a rant and just reiterate that you had a stressful day. Did u have time to listen to her when you got to work or did you have to go in right away? Even if you didn't, just tell her you're at work but when you're done you'll listen to her about her day. If she's really still upset that it's not all about her then she's out of line there.

 

[Keri]

As I said, in that case, upon hearing that the OP was dealing with his own things, she could and should have vented to someone else so as not to add to his stress levels.

That's what family and friends are for.

I do find it hilarious you keep accusing me of making assumptions whereas you keep coming up with ridiculous scenarios where she had a horrific day that warranted her starting an argument.

Someone who has had a bad day and isn't self absorbed/selfish would realise that if the person they are talking to has their own issues at that time, maybe it's better not to add to their problems and instead go to someone else until that person is better placed to talk, but no, let's worry about her day and not her starting an argument knowing how it would affect the OP.

I'm not coming up with "ridiculous scenarios." I'm saying it's possible she had a worse day and had something more important than an interview going on. You think that's a ridiculous scenario?

Look, you obviously expect your significant other to repress their problems, for your benefit. I agree...sometimes. It depends on the gravity of the problem or the issue. Interviews are obviously important, but I can think of a number of situations that are more trying and important than that and, personally, if this was in the context of my relationship, I'd absolutely want my husband to interrupt my bad day, and come to me, if he had something worse going on. I wouldn't consider that selfish. I would consider it an accurate assessment of how our relationship works - I'm his rock if he needs one.

You can live your life however you want, but I think it's better to consider these types of "ridiculous scenarios" and talk to your significant other, instead of assuming only the selfish possibility.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I'm not coming up with "ridiculous scenarios." I'm saying it's possible she had a worse day and had something more important than an interview going on. You think that's a ridiculous scenario?

Look, you obviously expect your significant other to repress their problems, for your benefit. I agree...sometimes. It depends on the gravity of the problem or the issue. Interviews are obviously important, but I can think of a number of situations that are more trying and important than that and, personally, if this was in the context of my relationship, I'd absolutely want my husband to interrupt my bad day, and come to me, if he had something worse going on. I wouldn't consider that selfish. I would consider it an accurate assessment of how our relationship works - I'm his rock if he needs one.

You can live your life however you want, but I think it's better to consider these types of "ridiculous scenarios" and talk to your significant other, instead of assuming only the selfish possibility.

No.

it doesn't matter what someone has going on, you don't start arguments because someone is busy and can't be there for when you want them to be. That's selfish and shows an inability to accept someone might have their own issues and can't deal with yours right now.

It's not about repressing your feelings/emotions/problems, it's about showing a level of respect for someone and their immediate situation rather than making everything about yourself. If that's something you do and as such don't see a problem with the OPs girlfriends behaviour, I recommend you change your behaviour because that's not a mature way of dealing with your issues.

 

[Apath]

If my girlfriend told me she was stressed and exhausted and had a big interview, I would feel like a huge piece of shit for pulling that.

I agree that you should forgive and move on, but I feel like you'd be flamed off the forum if you had been her and posted from her perspective.

 

[AdventureRacing]

I think my best piece of advice would be to stop talking on your phone whilst driving.

 

[Keri]

No.

it doesn't matter what someone has going on, you don't start arguments because someone is busy and can't be there for when you want them to be. That's selfish and shows an inability to accept someone might have their own issues and can't deal with yours right now.

It's not about repressing your feelings/emotions/problems, it's about showing a level of respect for someone and their immediate situation rather than making everything about yourself. If that's something you do and as such don't see a problem with the OPs girlfriends behaviour, I recommend you change your behaviour because that's not a mature way of dealing with your issues.

If you care about someone else, what they have going on, matters very much. I don't expect my significant other to prioritize my feelings over his, no matter the circumstances (or regardless of what he "has going on"). It would be very selfish of me, if I did. If he had something more important going on, I certainly wouldn't hold it against him if he had a moment of anger, because I didn't acknowledge him or give him a chance to talk about it.

 

[lt519]

One of the best things to realize in life is that even though you may be right and not the one being irrational, it's best to just let it go sometimes. People get emotional and irrational and if you can recognize that and see that they will cool down if you let them, then let it go. Suck it up, apologize, and move on even if it wasn't you fault.

 

[menacin]

Dump her .

 

[Cotton McKnight]

OP, pick your battles. Go own that interview, get her some flowers, apologize to her in person for being stressed out and hope she forgives you. Unless you don't plan on a future with her, in which case go celebrate your promotion wherever you would enjoy it the most!

I think my best piece of advice would be to stop talking on your phone whilst driving.

Yeah this too, for shame OP!

 

[Replicant]

There's a desire for reciprocation in any relationship, be it friendship or between couples.

If she feels that she's the one who gives the most when you only do it occasionally, I can understand why she feels slighted.

 

[Polioliolio]

No, she was being selfish.
Some people can't stand to have the issue be about someone other than themselves.

 

[Zakalwe]

People get pre-occupied all the time. As long as you're usually attentive in the ways that matter this is an absolute non-issue.

The fight is silly, but it's shitty she couldn't let it go and blew it up before your interview.

Still, talk about it. She said it was just this particular time? If so, I'm sure she'll understand.