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Am I being an unselfish ass to my girlfriend?
- Thread starter SamuelSupreme
- Start date
- Status
Straight Edge
Member
Do you give her a 10 minute massage each night?
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
I hear you, and I'd definitely talk with her about timing, but again, this is all stuff I could say about OP too, considering she wanted to talk and he has a self-described "venting session" while driving where he doesn't even ask as a courtesy. I can see both sides justifiably feeling the same about the other.
Basically:
This.
Get far away from this thread, do your best with your interview and chalk it up to a thing.
The only thing this thread will do is wreck your relationship.
GAF is not who to talk to here, your girl is.
Get through the day, take a hot shower to relax, give her a hug and just put it behind you.
This is sooooo small and when you look back at it, you will see it.
DO NOT let this thread turn it into something.
She probably had something she wanted to or needed to talk about and due to the situation things went as they did.
Well damn.
My advice stands, but seriously start doing some internal searching.
CrazyHorse
Junior Member
We are all human. Op hasn't said any other negative things about her. This is such minor incident. They should just make up. Its waaaaaay too minor.
Op was stressed and she was too.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
hahahaha
Saucestin_Roast
Member
Well said. I agree. All of this is what I would tell you, OP.
CrazyHorse
Junior Member
They guy just wants advice. Most don't even introspect like this. Give him some credit!!
I get this.
I actually think it's good that he's asking advice, yeah.
But OP, you seem to get angry so easily, getting into feuds with people constantly. That's not great for you in the long term and you should seriously try and do something about it. It can't be a happy way to live for you.
MrPressStart
Member
Tell her you are sorry. Get her some flowers or a card... and let it go. Shit happens and you will be on the other end when she has a bad day!
Mammoth Jones
Member
Or that she too has shit on her mind and wants to vent? Relationships are reciprocal.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Miles is a fucking savage and getting married soon
styl3s
Member
Exactly.
You clearly explained how stressed out you were for a what seems like a life changing promotion and instead of understanding the stress she turns it around on you and tries to make it about her during a big moment in your life. Life is absolutely too short to deal with this shit. People trying to put it around on OPs side have you ever been in a super stressful situation before in your life? You think it's ok for your partner to blow up on your because in a VERY stressful moment you forgot to ask how your day was? You think that warrants teenager like drama? I don't pretend to understand OP's personal life but dude has absolutely nothing to apologize for.
MrToughPants
Brian Burke punched my mom
What the fuck is this OP!?!
Were you on the phone while driving, explain yourself!
Count Dookkake
Member
Arguing on the phone is a bitch move.
You have nothing to apologize for.
You have nothing to apologize for.
Seriously. This is the best tip to have a healthy, lasting relationship. As long as it isn't long-term, intentional, villainous behavior, just talk it out and let anything go. And it goes for both parties too. Holding grudges over little shit like this will just turn into perpetual resentment and inevitably a nasty break-up.
mullet2000
Member
If it actually went as you say it did I think your girlfriend was being pretty disrespectful picking a fight like that right before you had an important interview. Even if she had an issue with you, she should have held it until that evening to bring it up to not jeopardise your mental state going in to the interview.
I dunno, I think that's a really rude thing to do to someone before something important like that.
Bring it up to her later and talk to her about how you feel about her doing that to you. I think you have a right to be a a bit miffed.
I think "just let it go" is bad advice fyi. Actually talk about it or nothing will be learned in either end.
I dunno, I think that's a really rude thing to do to someone before something important like that.
Bring it up to her later and talk to her about how you feel about her doing that to you. I think you have a right to be a a bit miffed.
I think "just let it go" is bad advice fyi. Actually talk about it or nothing will be learned in either end.
Sounds like you're both sensitive to each other's feelings. You apologized for the circumstances. Let it go and good luck getting the new position. My fiancee and I have little tiffs over dumb shit sometimes, usually when one or both of us is hangry, but it never escalates or affects our relationship. Every day has ups and downs, it's all how you manage it.
kavanf1
Member
Based on the info in the OP, she should apologise for being selfish if this is only an isolated incident. OTOH, maybe she had big news that was stressing her out that she wanted to tell you and then didn't get a chance because of how things played out. You won't know until you check with her, but if it's just a case of her getting stroppy because you didn't ask how she is, then yeah, she should be the one apologising.
AtomskEater
Member
Eh, you both have a point. Just apologize and say you were stuck in your own problems. At the same time if this is the first time it's happened, by her own admission, kind of strange for her to want to argue about it. Maybe she also was dealing with some stuff.
Come on OP
Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on
'Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Well, you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
Sing along with your girl, it's A-ok
Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on
'Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Well, you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
Sing along with your girl, it's A-ok
For real lmao. People so quick to go fucking nuclear after one fight. 😂
Seriously, this is like 0.5 out of 10 for fights I've had in relationships. For the OP to get so upset about it to the point that he got a migrane and take the time to write a post about it really says a lot. He really needs to learn how to deal with conflict in a better wa.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Write her a poem that shit works
ZeroCypher
Member
-Call her
-Let her know you're thoughts on the interview
-Apologize for not having time to ask about her day BECAUSE you were stressed about the interview
-Ask how her day is
-Go home and have make up sex
-Let her know you're thoughts on the interview
-Apologize for not having time to ask about her day BECAUSE you were stressed about the interview
-Ask how her day is
-Go home and have make up sex
Dusk Soldier
Member
based on the way OP phrased his story, it seemed like she had something specific she wanted to tell him, and was giving him a not-so subtle nudge to segue the convo towards whatever she wanted to discuss.
But the OP made things all about him.
HammerFace
Banned
She was going to do the same so why phrase it like the OP is an ass for doing it? He needed to vent it happens.
Except she asked how his day was going right off the bat.
Dr_Boris_Goltz
Banned
Un...selfish ass? Oxymoron.
Also this sounds like it's nothing. Just bring home flowers.
Also this sounds like it's nothing. Just bring home flowers.
I personally would talk about it, but I wouldn't say sorry. That's rewarding a clearly shitty behavior on her part, and reinforces that any time she feels put out, it's up to you to apologize. I always apologize when I'm in the wrong, but placating someone like that only sets up future, bigger arguments, imo.
Dusk Soldier
Member
This is actually a stereotype.
I believe the expression goes: "Your husband is the best person to share your secrets with, because he doesn't know who you're talking about and he's not even listening."
I can appreciate the frustration that comes with feeling like you are constantly having to do or say the right thing, with very little allowance for messy human behaviour. In your position, I might think something like 'why can't I just not do the exact right thing once without getting called out on it, when I'm already feeling so much stress'.
I get it, it sucks. But I think the thing to really focus on is - which person would you rather be? The one who let's something like this spiral, because you want to be selfish 'for once' - or the person who, even when they have the world on their shoulders, is able to look at this as a chance to be an even better person. I generally find when people do the latter, and for example in your case apologize and say something like 'I'm sorry honey, I was letting the stress get to me and I was inconsiderate, I really do want to know how you're doing, is everything alright with you? Let's talk about it.' - The results are much more fulfilling. You feel better about yourself, and you give the people around a better model for to reflect on, and interact with - which often reminds them of the values that you're looking for.
I get it, it sucks. But I think the thing to really focus on is - which person would you rather be? The one who let's something like this spiral, because you want to be selfish 'for once' - or the person who, even when they have the world on their shoulders, is able to look at this as a chance to be an even better person. I generally find when people do the latter, and for example in your case apologize and say something like 'I'm sorry honey, I was letting the stress get to me and I was inconsiderate, I really do want to know how you're doing, is everything alright with you? Let's talk about it.' - The results are much more fulfilling. You feel better about yourself, and you give the people around a better model for to reflect on, and interact with - which often reminds them of the values that you're looking for.
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