Ugh, spent most of the evening trying to restore an old XP and an old Vista laptop to factory settings (and delete our user data) without success.
And practically picked up a virus on my system while doing it, surfing to this link and that. Thank you, Malwarebytes and Webroot.
Might just Hulk Smash these two fuckers.
Edit - by the way, when I talked to the BB guy and got my $112 for a recent Asus, you are permitted up to 3 trade-ins every year. The promotion that's going on right now is that any system nets you $75, and so anything under $75 is where you can only do 1 (supposedly). So if you brought in three systems that they'd normally give you $75 or more for, you're not really taking advantage of the promotion. That's just their normal policy.