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Guys at my girlsfriends workplace hitting on her

ethanny2

Member
Long story short I go to school that is kinda of known for having snobby privileged kids who live of their families money and the girls are, for the most part, bratty spoiled kids (of course there are normal girls too). I really dislike these types of people especially because i worked my ass off to get into college. Im also in the CS department so you know, not much opportunity to meet girls so I decided I wouldn't look for a relationship and focus on my school work this semester. But then I was doing well in my class and I just finished a personal project so I wanted to look for a girlfriend. I saw a girl at the bus stop and never saw her before so I struck up a conversion with her, and one thing led to another and we started dating. Shes really cool and she worked hard to get into college like me and also dislikes the types of people I described above. We like the same shows and have the same sense of humor, so I really like her and don't want to lose her.

But then 1 month into the relationship (we have been dating around 2 months today) she started getting angry at me for talking to my housemates. The way my house works is that guys live on the first floor then on the second floor girls live there. Im friends with all the girls on the 2nd floor and with this one girl I would always go out her before I met my girlfriend because I wanted to see the party scene and she always had been invited to a party and knew where to go. I had NO feelings for the girl upstairs and never even tried anything, but my girlfriend DOESNT believe me and gets angry everytime I talk to her.

My girlfriend is taking a semester break from school and working to pay for school. She works at a local best buy, but she this city has shitty public transport and sometimes she has to work early so she usually takes a cab to work or from work if its raining. But in the event that the cabs are busy in the morning guy coworkers of hers offer to give her rides. I understand she needs to work but this makes me feel kinda uncomfortable especially because of the next thing she told me.

She told me that since she started working there (about 3 months before we met) A LOT of guys, (if i count all the names she told me 10+) hit on her and ask her for number. And they text her constantly to tell jokes or ask her to go somewhere. And the REALLY fucked up part is that most of these guys are in relationships (they know my girlfriend knows that) and 3 of the guys are married or engaged. WTF. She tells them shes not interested and even at one point she said she told the HR manager and for a while some of the guys stopped bothering her but now they just started up again.

She also tells them shes in a relationship with me, but it doesn't stop them from hitting on her. Because she sees the majority of the guys in her workplace trying to cheat on their partner she assumes all guys are like that thus she doesn't trust me. And im pissed off that these guys in a relationship are borderline sexually abusing my girlfriend and not leaving her alone. I don't want to get her in trouble and go to where she works and make a scene telling these guys to fuck off and stay away from my girlfriend (or god forbid fight someone, like am i really going to fight 10 best buy employees) but I don't know what to do at this point. Thoughts gaf?

Edit: guys who hit on her got her # from other friends or coworkers who don't hit on her she did not give it to them

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Update: Sorry for the necro bump and late conclusion but here it is...

After my girlfriend got angry at me for eating cake at my housemates birthday party (background:my housemate is a girl who I have no interest in but have been friends with for 1 semester. When I would go out on the weekends I wouldn't know any parties so I would always go with her, but nothing ever happened and I really never even considered doing anything with her) and got angry at me because she thought I was looking at other women on Instragram we broke up and I kept my distance for a while.

Meanwhile at my house, my housemate who I have told numerous times to stop communicating with me because my girlfriend doesn't want me talking to her continues to invite me to go places and come downstairs to the first floor (where I live) and try to talk to me. I need somewhere to place the blame on losing my girlfriend (irrational I know) so I get increasingly angry at this girl and every time she tries to talk to me I am dismissive and I eventually block her on FB messanger because I don't want her in my life. I, however only blocked her on messenger, and did not know that you could had to block someone on the actual Facebook app as well. I try to do that too, but I am prompted for a login and I was angry at the time so I decide to do it later.

Flash -forward 1-2 weeks and I go back to my girlfriends house to get some stuff I left over there. I ask her if we can be friends and then try to date later once she trusts me, she agrees and we proceed to go to an arcade later that week. We had a good time and agree that we should get back to together, but I told her (2 weeks ago) that I had blocked my housemate from Facebook. She says she will only get back together with me with I show her I blocked my housemate. I show her my phone, but forgot I only blocked her on messenger and not the FB app, she proceeds to flip out. I tell her it was a mistake and I swear I thought I had her blocked , she temporarily believes me.

The next day she says she called her sister and her sister thinks that Im a liar and I didn't block her on purpose so she is convinced about that. She also uses the fact that Im a computer science major (wtf) to say that I should know how to use FB 100% so she thinks Im lying. I convince her otherwise again (somehow) and we agree to keep the relationship going and find a couples counselor to talk about this stuff.

We spend like 2 weeks together and have a great time playing video games, going out, etc... Everything seemed great. I help her move into her new place and later she tells me that she is still worried that I lied about sleeping with my housemate. She tells me about a dude at her workplace who is married to a co-worker but cheats on her with another co-worker. She imposes this situation on me, and declares that Im dating my housemate and cheating on my housemate with her, or that my housemate is cool with me sleeping with both of them. (Wtf) I tell her that shes crazy, and thats not the case. Keep in mind it is summer break and everyone (all my housemates) has left back to their respective homes so no one I know is still in this town.

She is a huge activist (for anything feminism, BLM, fair-trade anything basically) and participates in local events and has a tight knit group of activists that she regularly talks to on a group chat. There is a guy in her activist group that she has been friends with for years and they hang out/go drinking all the time. She says how much I had in common with my housemates as a reason for why I would have slept with her, I say the same thing about this guy in her activist group and she says while he is interested in her they are just friends. She also told me 1 week before I am not allowed to have any female friends anymore, I don't have that much in the first place so I thought, "okay I'll cross that bridge when I come to it". But the fucked up part in my mind is that she still has guys friends, including this guy in the activist group and the dudes at her work. Im getting angry, but I never say anything I am saving it for therapy for which we had an appointment which was a week away.

We blow over it again and go back to hanging out and playing games, like normal. I had sex with the night before (not bragging its part of the story read on), and she goes home to get ready for work later. I text her the next day if she wants to do something, she says she'll hang out with a girlfriend. I reluctantly say okay, because if Im not hanging out with her I have nothing to do (all my friends left and I am staying her just for her, I also want to go home for the summer). She then says she did not want to have sex with me last night but did anyway. I tell her she could have just told me, shes told me before and I respect her decision. She says "it doesn't matter now anyway". I ask her what she meant and she doesn't respond to me for 3 days.

After 3 days she said she just wanted some space, (understandable we spent the whole previous week together) I say okay you could have just told me. She says she still not over me and what she thinks I did with my housemate. She then says she doesn't want to date me because I am too young (she is 27 and I am 22 even though we are both college seniors) and claims I am immature. I argue my case, and she doesn't text back for another 5 days.

So here I am 5 days after, I think its over, but I want closure (Are we broken up? Why are we braking up? etc). She will not answer any of my calls or read my messages, so I am considering going to her house (or where she works) but I don't want to seem crazy, what should I do?
 
As long as you trust her not to respond in kind, not much else you can do.

EDIT: Aside from steps you've already taken like going to HR. If they're literally sexually assaulting her call the police.
 

Erv

Member
She's doing everything right. It's all on you. Can you handle your girl being hit on or not
 
She should tell HR. She should also not text with them or accept rides from them if they are acting inappropriately.

as far as your other issues, if she is not trusting you because of something other guys are doing, she is acting immaturely and unreasonably and I'm not sure what you can do about that.
 

adamsapple

Or is it just one of Phil's balls in my throat?
1. yes it is indeed fucked up that most guys sending her texts asking to go out are in relationships themselves.
2. trust your girlfriend to be smart about it, don't question her about it .. that will only get her annoyed at you more and more, it's on her to remain faithful to you. You can't force her into it.
 

spineduke

Unconfirmed Member
You can't really do much, except trust her. It's an early relationship, so that may be a little difficult for you right now.
 

Steejee

Member
Tell HR again about it.

If they don't do something about it, go above their heads.

If that doesn't stop it, lawyer up.

As for relationship - be open and honest about everything, don't get defensive, listen, listen, listen. Try to see it from her side.
 

Mesoian

Member
1.) Your girlfriend has trust issues
2.) She should reporting that sort of behavior to the management. If they aren't doing anything, you need to ago above the store's head to regional. If they're still not doing anything, as unfair as it is, she should start looking for a new place to work as that environment isn't going to stop being toxic.
3.) Why do these guys have her number?
 

Sakura

Member
she said she told the HR manager and for a while some of the guys stopped bothering her
Maybe she should tell HR again then...?
Also
A LOT of guys, (if i count all the names she told me 10+) hit on her and ask her for number. And they text her constantly to tell jokes or ask her to go somewhere.
Why did she give them her number in the first place?
 
Nothing you can do to prevent all people form hitting on her. You can either accept that, trust her, and get over it, or not and let it bother you until it probably will start some friction. If it is bothering her then I would recommend she go to HR with it. But that is up to her.
 

Slacker

Member
Not sure I understand how they would be texting her. Is she giving out her number to these people?

Maybe she should tell HR again then...?

If HR isn't doing anything to stop it, document everything and go up the chain. Someone somewhere will be interested in not having the store sued into oblivion and will do something about it.
 
But then 1 month into the relationship (we have been dating around 2 months today) she started getting angry at me for talking to my housemates. ... I had NO feelings for the girl upstairs and never even tried anything, but my girlfriend DOESNT believe me and gets angry everytime I talk to her.

Break up with her.
 
Your girlfriend will split up with you and date one of these guys. If you could pick her up from a bus stop these guys that work with her for whole shifts have hours to be appealing to her.
 

Vanillalite

Ask me about the GAF Notebook
There's a lot to process here.

Your GF needs to go back to management. She has to cut contact with these people. She can't go to management and still be bumming rises or texting them back.

You also just have to trust her that she'll not cheat. Either you can or you can't. Don't go to where she works and get involved though. Just a bad look.

Also idk why but I also got the vibe your GF isn't coming back to school.
 

BadAss2961

Member
Not sure I understand how they would be texting her. Is she giving out her number to these people?



If HR isn't doing anything to stop it, document everything and go up the chain. Someone somewhere will be interested in not having the store sued into oblivion and will do something about it.
Caught that too.

I'll assume you didn't find those messages before she explained OP. lol
 

ethanny2

Member
Maybe she should tell HR again then...?
Also

Why did she give them her number in the first place?

She only gave it some people to be friends with before she met me, but these scummy dudes get it from the people she already gave it to
 

Kurdel

Banned
If you are having trust issues after a month in a relationship it's a red flag.

You have known this woman for 2 months and you are already this stressed out about "other guys" hitting on her.
 

Sakura

Member
She only gave it some people to be friends with before she met me, but these scummy dudes get it from the people she already gave it to

OK. But can't she just block the number? Or say 'stop texting me' and then not reply any more? And why is she accepting rides from said dudes to get to work?
In any case, if she really considers it an issue, she needs to go to HR again, and if that doesn't work, corporate or something.
 
She only gave it some people to be friends with before she met me, but these scummy dudes get it from the people she already gave it to

if she is receiving texts from co-workers unsolicited she needs to take it to management. SHe should also not be accepting rides from these people (if it's the same people, or the people that gave out her number).
 

gogosox82

Member
Not really much you can do. You just have to trust her. She should report the texts and unwanted attention to hr though.
 

commedieu

Banned
Shouldn't have taken this long but...

1. Get her phone.
2. Find the guys that have been texting her
3. Agree to plans to meet up
4. Buy a wig and a Polaroid camera
5. You know exactly what do do ;)
6. They'll never bother her again.
 

ethanny2

Member
with you guys sharing such a bond, I don't think you need to worry

Its not only that... we both have had similar fucked up pasts and it was really nice to find someone (never found someone in a similar situation to me) to talk to about that stuff

1.) Your girlfriend has trust issues
2.) She should reporting that sort of behavior to the management. If they aren't doing anything, you need to ago above the store's head to regional. If they're still not doing anything, as unfair as it is, she should start looking for a new place to work as that environment isn't going to stop being toxic.
3.) Why do these guys have her number?

Yeah she does have trust issues, shes explicity said she doesn't trust men because these sorts of fucked up things have been happening to her all her life
 
Yeah she does have trust issues, shes explicity said she doesn't trust men because these sorts of fucked up things have been happening to her all her life

She doesn't trust guys, except she trusts the random goobers she works with to give her a ride while she complains about her boyfriend even talking to another girl. She's selling you a shit sandwich. Once again, break it off. This will only get worse.
 

Rad-

Member
Are you 100% sure she didn't make that up just to make you feel what she is feeling about that friend of yours? Jealousy can bring out some nasty features in a person. 10+ people hitting on her at work sounds a tad shady to me. Or she is a super model.
 

ethanny2

Member
OK. But can't she just block the number? Or say 'stop texting me' and then not reply any more? And why is she accepting rides from said dudes to get to work?
In any case, if she really considers it an issue, she needs to go to HR again, and if that doesn't work, corporate or something.

Yeah Im def gonna ask her to block those numbers, but then work would be akward for her and maybe there's the possiblity they would bother her more at the workplace. I know she should tell HR again, but is it really wrong for me to go over and say something to these dudes? (If im not threatening them or doing anything wrong etc...)
 
She needs to keep reporting this to HR. This is not acceptable behavior among employees and people need to get fired if they keep it up.

Little more you can do. Maybe pick her up a few times from work so these guys see you or something and back off.
 

hodgy100

Member
This is what people mean when they talk about sexism and sexual harassment in the workplace.

You trust her right? Just advise her to keep pursuing it with HR.
 
Yeah Im def gonna ask her to block those numbers, but then work would be akward for her and maybe there's the possiblity they would bother her more at the workplace. I know she should tell HR again, but is it really wrong for me to go over and say something to these dudes? (If im not threatening them or doing anything wrong etc...)

YES IT IS FUCKING WRONG. DO NOT DO THIS. You are worried about her blocking numbers or going to HR making things awkward, what the fuck do you think you showing up to work is going to do?
 

Sephzilla

Member
I feel like there's some red flags popping up.

Working at Best Buy to save up for school again yet she's dropping cash for cabs, she has trust issues yet has a bunch of these guys numbers in her phone (or gave her number out to a bunch of these guys), she seemingly hasn't reported this harassment to HR a second time....

I dunno, something feels off here
 

Catdaddy

Member
It’s all on her, is she feeling threatened? If she is then she needs to report it again. If she not threatened and handling the situation, then shouldn’t matter to you. Sounds like she can handle it on her own.

While jealously is a common emotion, you probably need to step back and be sure you keep it in check. If you let it get to you (and from those last statements sounds like it), you may end up losing her due if you go into HER workplace and threaten her co-workers. That wouldn’t make things awkward for her would it?
 

Sakura

Member
Yeah Im def gonna ask her to block those numbers, but then work would be akward for her and maybe there's the possiblity they would bother her more at the workplace. I know she should tell HR again, but is it really wrong for me to go over and say something to these dudes? (If im not threatening them or doing anything wrong etc...)

You know who all these guys are? You are going to roll into Best Buy and have a talk with these 10+ dudes? I mean, go for it, but I don't see how that would make things less awkward for her in the work place than her simply ignoring their texts\going to HR again etc.
 
There are so many replies about her taking a stand at work as if she's being bombarded and groped non-stop, when in reality it's likely the typical young people in retail experience. Dudes are gonna flirt with girls and vice versa, most don't care if you have a bf or not.

Anyhoo, the op's issue is one of trust, not 'please convince me to convince my gf to get these guys fired'. This is life op, unless you want to get weird and work with her so you can keep an eye out 24/7
 
I feel like there's some red flags popping up.

Working at Best Buy to save up for school again yet she's dropping cash for cabs, she has trust issues yet has a bunch of these guys numbers in her phone (or gave her number out to a ton of guys), she seemingly hasn't reported this harassment to HR a second time....

I dunno, something feels off here

"Cabs"
 

Rest

All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Two people with jealousy issues
One toxic relationship
What could go wrong?
 

Two Words

Member
If you are having trust issues after a month in a relationship it's a red flag.

You have known this woman for 2 months and you are already this stressed out about "other guys" hitting on her.
Isn't this backwards? You're going to be the least trusting in a SO during the earliest parts of a relationship.
 
The fact you're only 2 months into this relationship and this kinda shit is happening isn't good. Maybe cut your losses now before she dumps you for one of the Geek Squad members trying to insert new hardware...
 
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