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Am I in the forever friend zone?

WaterAstro

WaterAstro

Member
I met a woman in a career related event, and I started helping her with getting her career going. She already turned me down saying that she doesn't want a relationship until she has her career going, but I'm still helping her and being really good friends.

I might have set myself back by asking her to be in a relationship with me because she wondered, afterwards, why I am still helping her a lot. I told her that I would be happy for her if she found someone else as a boyfriend, and I'm not lying about it. I do feel like I put myself in the friend zone position.

However, we go out together a damn lot, about 3-5 times a week, sometimes to help her, but not strictly about that because she enjoys being with me and talking with me. I'm her best friend, and she's super comfortable with me. We even say "I love you" in a platonic friendship sense, and we even hold hands A LOT when we sit down and chat, but not down the street that would show we're in a relationship. She's super concerned about my feelings and everything that might make me feel depressed too.

Does it sound like I'm forever friend zoned? We've been together for 3 months, and it's only getting stronger, it feels like. I like to dwell on the possibility that she wants to be with me when we get her career going, but I needed to see what others think.
 
H

hanspampel

Banned
yes

edit: "she doesn't want a relationship until she has her career going" is she does not want a relationship with you.
whenever a woman says that ask her "okay so lets just fuck and be acquaintance"

if she says no to that, too
you have your answer
 
S

SmackDaddy

Member
If it hurts you being around her, ask her out or say goodbye.

If you're okay being her friend, enjoy being her emotional crutch until she finds someone to be with.
 
R

rtcn63

Member
You're setting yourself up for 1) finding her in bed with the guy who bullied you back in the '80s and 2) "you're like a brother to me".

She seems to be pretty honest with you though, so if you're okay with that. There's always a chance I guess, but still... if something better comes along for you.
 
N

Negaduck

Member
As someone who was in the Friendzone a lot during HS, the best advice I can give is this.

Ask her to establish what your relationship to each other is and if there are romantic feelings. It's hard to ask, can be awkward but it will give you piece of mind.

If she's about it she'll let you know, if not you can switch the game on the neo geo and pursue other relationships.

Good luck homie. :tup:
 
A

akira28

Member
most guys don't do the hand holding and I love you greetings that are a kind of psuedo-girlfriend like way you're treating her. So even if you are just friends, this is a little weird.

Just make up your mind. You want to be her friend, be her friend, like for realsies and not this weird movie script thing you have going on here. And if you don't, be clear about your intentions.
 
Hoho for breakfast

Hoho for breakfast

Member
Ideally I'd distance myself from her asap. Like, today. If you're always just there for her you're just going to be used until she finds another man. I'd give her space and let her figure out if she wants to be with you or not and if she doesn't then you're ok since you already distanced yourself and if she does she'll realize it and ask you to be in a relationship.

Ideally for you the distancing itself is what would make her realize she likes you as more than a friend. If she doesn't well you can either accept it and be her friend or move the fuck along. Don't get stuck liking her that much if she isn't interested. It'll only end badly.
 
C

Chumley

Banned
"I'm focusing on my career right now and im not looking for anything serious" or any variation of that is code for she's not really into you. She might want to be best friends with you, but a romantic connection (at least in my experience) is always going to be obvious almost right away, and if it's not there its not there.
 
S

sir_kevith

Member
Ask her if she has any friends that would be interested in you. If she acts jealous maybe there's a 1% chance and you should chase her for the rest of your life.
 
R

RevoDS

Junior Member
WaterAstro said:
I met a woman in a career related event, and I started helping her with getting her career going. She already turned me down saying that she doesn't want a relationship until she has her career going, but I'm still helping her and being really good friends.

I might have set myself back by asking her to be in a relationship with me because she wondered, afterwards, why I am still helping her a lot. I told her that I would be happy for her if she found someone else as a boyfriend, and I'm not lying about it. I do feel like I put myself in the friend zone position.

However, we go out together a damn lot, about 3-5 times a week, sometimes to help her, but not strictly about that because she enjoys being with me and talking with me. I'm her best friend, and she's super comfortable with me. We even say "I love you" in a platonic friendship sense, and we even hold hands A LOT when we sit down and chat, but not down the street that would show we're in a relationship. She's super concerned about my feelings and everything that might make me feel depressed too.

Does it sound like I'm forever friend zoned? We've been together for 3 months, and it's only getting stronger, it feels like. I like to dwell on the possibility that she wants to be with me when we get her career going, but I needed to see what others think.
Click to expand...

This is like super classic girl code. The career thing isn't really about focusing on her career, and you're supposed to pick up on that. A girl who's into you will make time for you.

It's a way for her to let you down easy without being mean to you and telling you straight up that she's not interested.

If you want to be her friend then stop having any expectation or hope. The only way this is going to work is if you kill and interest you have in her.

If you can't do that, stop seeing her.
 
I

Incendiary

Banned
Follow this handy-dandy checklist:

1. Do you want to bang her?
If yes, ask her out on a date - go to 2.
If no, congratulations she's your friend.

2. Did she say yes to a date?
If yes, congratulations you're going on a date.
If no, congratulations she's your friend - go to 3.

3. Can you be friends with her knowing you will never bang her?
If yes, congratulations she's your friend.
If no, stop pining after her or stop being her friend.

The end.
 
W

WolfeTone

Member
WaterAstro said:
I met a woman in a career related event, and I started helping her with getting her career going. She already turned me down saying that she doesn't want a relationship until she has her career going, but I'm still helping her and being really good friends.
Click to expand...

This is the only thing that matters.

You asked her out. Good for you for doing this. Most guys asking if they're in the friendship have never asked the woman out.

You have your answer though. She said no. You're her friend. If that's not enough for you then end the friendship.
 
W

Widdle Puppy

Banned
Be friends, but you need to branch out and start investing on other people

You're in for a world of hurt when she starts hanging out with her new bf over you.
 
G

GameAddict411

Member
I think you are the one who put yourself there. Not only you are being such a dork by telling her to find a boyfriend other than you, you also "help" her a lot to the point where she wonders why you are still around. For her to even consider you as a life partner, you have to offer her something that she currently doesn't have and above all else it also has to come from her. Being there all the time while also playing the good friend by saying she should look for a boyfriend is the opposite of that. Take your losses and look for someone else. If she was interested in you, she would have said something. It's the reality of the situation.
 
Mediking

Mediking

Member
SmackDaddy said:
If it hurts you being around her, ask her out or say goodbye.

If you're okay being her friend, enjoy being her emotional crutch until she finds someone to be with.
Click to expand...

You're right but "emotional crush" is too harsh.

Sounds like she enjoys being around OP but not in a sexual or romantic sense. It hurts but its time to move on.

If OP plays his cards right... she might end up running to him.
 
M

Megalosaro

Banned
No bro. Save the hand holding and I love yous for your actual girlfriend.

Also your use of "we've been together 3 months" kind of unnerved me for some reason.
 
entremet

entremet

Member
Chumley said:
"I'm focusing on my career right now and im not looking for anything serious" or any variation of that is code for she's not really into you. She might want to be best friends with you, but a romantic connection (at least in my experience) is always going to be obvious almost right away, and if it's not there its not there.
Click to expand...
Exactly.

Stop hanging out with her 3-5x per week if you desire a romantic relationship. It’s not happening. If she liked you she would’ve given you a date at least. I don’t even hang out with my GF that much lol.

And no, you are not together. Sorry.

You will only hurt yourself in the end. Go find a girl that’s into you and don’t waste your time on this one.
 
C

Chumley

Banned
GameAddict411 said:
I think you are the one who put yourself there. Not only you are being such a dork by telling her to find a boyfriend other than you, you also "help" her a lot to the point where she wonders why you are still around. For her to even consider you as a life partner, you have to offer her something that she currently doesn't have and above all else it also has to come from her. Being there all the time while also playing the good friend by saying she should look for a boyfriend is the opposite of that. Take your losses and look for someone else. If she was interested in you, she would have said something. It's the reality of the situation.
Click to expand...

This kind of condescension is totally uncalled for. I know its typical for relationship advice threads on GAF, but come on.
 
M

Mark L

Member
She likes you as a friend. If you are attracted to her and being around her without the hope of romance hurts, you need to explain this to her and stop seeing her as much. You are hurting yourself, and will eventually hurt her, too. If you care about yourself, listen to my advice. If you care about her, listen to my advice.
 
L

Llyranor

Member
1) If you have to ask, yes

2) If you have to write an essay about it, yes

3) Are you helping her with her career to earn Nice Guy (tm) points? Would you have invested as much into this fake friendship if you didn't want to be with her?
 
G

GameAddict411

Member
Chumley said:
This kind of condescension is totally uncalled for. I know its typical for relationship advice threads on GAF, but come on.
Click to expand...

That was not my intention, but reading back it seemed like it. Maybe because I was in his situation in the past and that frustration just surfaced. My bad.
 
navii

navii

My fantasy is that my girlfriend was actually a young high school girl.
From experience once a person sees you not as dating material they never will. Don't torture yourself trying to do this or achieve that. She won't change her view on you. And it will drain you trying to do it.

I know that going it alone is daunting. But every moment you spend with her is a moment you are not spending finding the right person. It's also further eating away at your well being.
 
S

see5harp

Member
Man what the hell are you doing. This shit aint a movie and she isn't going to realize that you were there all along.
 
Hoho for breakfast

Hoho for breakfast

Member
Raven117 said:
Oh my sweet OP. Yes. You are in the friend zone. I doubt you will ever get out.
Click to expand...

You never know. There's something there if theyre holding hands and saying I love you I think. I was like this with my girlfriend in high school until I finally quit being a bitch and told her I had too many feelings for her that she didnt have for me and I couldnt keep hanging out with her because it was killing me. Like two days later she broke up with her boyfriend of the time and we've been together for almost 20 years now.
 
C

CaviarMeths

Member
If what you're currently getting out of the relationship isn't what you want, then it's on you to show the initiative. It's not a rom-com where some day she'll realize that the perfect guy was right in front of her all along. She turned you down once because she wanted to focus on her career first, but it seems like things have changed since then. Try again and she turns you down again, then yeah, looks like she sees you as a friend.

I wouldn't rule out butt stuff in any case.
 
N

Ninja Scooter

Member
You aren't in a "Friend zone", she's just not into you in that way, and there's no escaping that. If you are continuing this relationship solely because you think you can wear her down and you can change that, you are setting yourself up for heartache.
 
F

FantasticMrFoxdie

Mumber
We even say "I love you" in a platonic friendship sense, and we even hold hands A LOT
Click to expand...

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