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[GungHo]

OP, why do you keep saying this is how most Americans of your generation speak? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Because he's deliberately trying to waste your time. People this committed to delusions of grandeur are usually drooling by now.

 

[Cloud Strife]

Ok, here's some actual advice. Read this. As much of it as you can stand. Then come back.





How much did you read? Did you make it through the entire Old Testament? No. Of course you didn't. Because the humor got old after the first two paragraphs, and then it just became irritating, predictable, and boring.

Now recognize that this concept is actually funnier than yours.


If you want to learn to write humor, read humor. Read Pratchett, and Adams. Read Dave Barry. Read the Onion's Our Dumb Century. Read Catch-22. Read widely and read people you're not even sure you'll find funny. See what happens. See what you learn.

And write your own stuff. Not "translations" where you take already existing text and try to add jokes to it. Write your own material. Your own fiction, or non-fiction, or whatever you want to write. Get feedback on it. Get better.

Given your responses in this thread, you probably won't take this advice. That's fine. Keep it in the back of your mind for when you finally get over this 21st Century Bible idea and have room for new projects.

I love you Cyan.

 

[Kano on the Phone]

Or maybe he only knows people with Tourette's Syndrome.

They actually possess self-awareness. More than likely he knows people who just say "yeah, that's great" in order to get him to go away.

I'm basing this solely off the fact that he's racist and unpleasant based off of what he's shown in his writing and responses.

 

[Unhandled Exception]

OP, look, we all have really stupid ideas. Sometimes it's good to experiment with our stupid ideas. That doesn't mean that we should assume the internet will provide money for our stupid ideas, nor does it mean that you should stand by your stupid idea till the bitter end. The internet is a fraud creator without a doubt and with that in mind you should really take the kickstarter results to heart.

By all means continue to write this hot garbage. Put it up on the internet for free and maybe you'll get some twitter followers out of it. Asking for money for it though? That's the best joke you've come up with.

 

[Ntsouls]

It's like the idea behind 'Fedora Atheist' actually came to life and wrote a "book". I wanted to believe this was a meta-commentary on how stupid those kinds of people are, but over 50 pages of this shit is more commitment to a bad joke than I can believe. You can't just throw out racial/sexist slurs and insults and say it's a joke and therefore not racist. Can you explain in normal words what makes your 'humor' funny? Why is comparing the universe's lack of shape to a Filipina woman "funny"? If you can't explain it what makes it funny beyond simply saying South Park/Family guy, then you're too far gone to even try to prompt to any modicum of self-reflection.

If I had said white men would it have felt less racist/sexist?

There have been people in here, like me, who have given constructive criticism. Also, it's been linked that he put this on another site, and there he isn't taking the constructive criticism either. He isn't going to learn anything, because he won't take any advice that will help him along the way. He's shown he's dead set on writing it exactly like this and ONLY catering the the very few people who will find this funny.

This isn't a dogpile...there has been alot of help in this thread, but you can't make someone learn something if they don't want to. He refuses to step back and see what makes South Park funny to some people. He isn't willing to step back and see what makes Family Guy funny to some people.

You can't grow as a writer if you refuse help.

I don't know where you gather this from. I see the fault in the writing. I see how it lacks balance. I see where its overwhelming.

I, however, don't see how its racist. Nor do I see how its sexist or anti transgender.

 

[joeygreco1985]

This is the kind of shit that will prevent someone from hiring you one day

 

[Karkador]

I have no idea how he found the motivation to write this much garbage.

That's probably the only impressive thing about all of this: there are close to 90 full pages of this crap. If he just wanted to troll people, he could have gotten people started with a lot less work. There is a strong devotion to being horribly misguided here.

 

[CornBurrito]

Either the OP is a master troll, or a silly, delusional child. I'm willing to bet a bit of both.

His age on the christian forum is listed as 27. Twenty seven.

I, however, don't see how its racist. Nor do I see how its sexist or anti transgender.

You don't see how "Nigga'o Coon who took over all of Africa" could be perceived as exceptionally racist?

 

[jay]

They actually possess self-awareness. More than likely he knows people who just say "yeah, that's great" in order to get him to go away.

I'm basing this solely off the fact that he's racist and unpleasant based off of what he's shown in his writing and responses.

How many times does he have to tell you he is not a racist?

 

[theWB27]

I think the problem is he's so dense and unintelligent that he actually can't step back and examine those. He likely has no idea what people are talking about when they ask him to figure out what's actually funny on those shows. I'm basing this entirely on his dismissive responses throughout this topic.

I have no idea how he found the motivation to write this much garbage.

I'd imagine, if he wrote Dumb and Dumber'er, he would've made it actual shit instead of melted chocolate. Not knowing the chocolate is what made that scene remotely funny.

 

[eznark]

How is Lot anally raping the corpse of his wife in any way "updating the bible message for modern times"

I mean forget the humor, this is obviously Ovaltine material my friend, I don't get how that is keeping with your stated goals of the book. Lot was the last good guy left right? That's why he was told to jet?

 

[CornBurrito]

How is Lot anally raping the corpse of his wife in any way "updating the bible message for modern times"

I mean forget the humor, this is obviously Ovaltine material my friend, I don't get how that is keeping with your stated goals of the book. Lot was the last good guy left right? That's why he was told to jet?

Lot was hardly that stand up of a guy. Just significantly less awful than the rest of the city.

 

[Karkador]

How is Lot anally raping the corpse of his wife in any way "updating the bible message for modern times"

Cuz this is the way modern young people talk

 

[EmCeeGramr]

Melchikwithnodik, Drag-Queen of all

tranpires, brought out all you can eat breadsticks and

apple juice. (Now he/she was also a priest of the

Most High God. Which I think is the same god as the

god that I‟ve been mentioning).

[...]

Worthy of praise is the Most High God,

who delivered your enemies into your hand...after we

chased them down but okay. We praise God for

allowing us to create a treaty between you, God‟s

pet, and us; confused men who spend far too much

time contemplating about being women.”

i'm not transphobic, i'm just joking about them he-shes that are like vampires and they're just confused men

 

[jay]

Lot was hardly that stand up of a guy. Just significantly less awful than the rest of the city.

In that context, anally raping the salt pillar corpse of your wife does make some sense.

 

[Murder. She Wrote]

Does Sacha Baren Cohen BELIEVE in the things that are in Borat or Bruno?

The problem is you don't seem to realize the difference between satire and just plain ol' racism. For example: "and the Nigga O‟Coon the Black who took over all of Africa." That's not funny, that's not satire, that's just you being racist.

 

[XANDER CAGE]

I, however, don't see how its racist. Nor do I see how its sexist or anti transgender.

and the Nigga O‟Coon the Black who took over all of Africa.

¯_(&#12484_/¯

 

[Manu]

Maybe he is the only person he knows.

 

[Kano on the Phone]

This is the kind of shit that will prevent someone from hiring you one day

"Well, I have to say that when we did our background check, we came up with some pretty inappropriate material and that isn't the sort of thing we want to be affiliated with."
"I feel like you just don't understand, you poopoo dildo peepee negro. Huh? Huhhhh? Get it now? See, this is just the way people talk!"

 

[theWB27]

If I had said white men would it have felt less racist/sexist?





I don't know where you gather this from. I see the fault in the writing. I see how it lacks balance. I see where its overwhelming.

I, however, don't see how its racist. Nor do I see how its sexist or anti transgender.

Then you don't see the fault in the writing.

 

[Veritigo_X]

OP are you still planning on going to a church to spread your gospel?

 

[remnant]

If I had said white men would it have felt less racist/sexist?

.

Yes it would be less racist/sexist.That's not the problem.

The problem is it isn't funny. It isn;'t saying anything interesting

You can get away with a lot of offensive shit if it's actually funny/insightful. Your work is not...at all

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

If I had said white men would it have felt less racist/sexist?

"THIS IS WHAT RACISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE"

 

[CrankyJay]

This is the dumbest shit I've ever read, worse than Scrotie McBoogerballs.

 

[Buddha Beam]

If I had said white men would it have felt less racist/sexist?


I don't know where you gather this from. I see the fault in the writing. I see how it lacks balance. I see where its overwhelming.

I, however, don't see how its racist. Nor do I see how its sexist or anti transgender.

You REALLY don't see how "Nigga O'Coon, King of Africa" is racist? Or calling Jewish person a hook nose is racist and/or anti Semitic? Calling all Filipino women flat is sexist?

You REALLY don't see that? C'mon man.

 

[Masquerader]

His age on the christian forum is listed as 27. Twenty seven.

Spoiler

I almost don't believe that~

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

You REALLY don't see how "Nigga O'Coon, King of Africa" is racist? Or calling Jewish person a hook nose is racist and/or anti Semitic? Calling all Filipino women flat is sexist?

You REALLY don't see that? C'mon man.

"The writing was bad, like it was from a racist, ignorant white man."

 

[Murder. She Wrote]

On second thought.... It seems we have stumbled upon the next Tommy Wiseau. The social awkwardness, the delusions, it's the only explanation!


OP please continue writing.

 

[GungHo]

"Well, I have to say that when we did our background check, we came up with some pretty inappropriate material and that isn't the sort of thing we want to be affiliated with."
"I feel like you just don't understand, you poopoo dildo peepee negro. Huh? Huhhhh? Get it now? See, this is just the way people talk!"

You know... if I ever sit down for a job interview and they say, "you know, we've done an extensive search, and we've found your NeoGAF profile. Upon reflection, we've decided that you're our kind of people.", I am probably going to hurl myself from the roof.

 

[SgtCobra]

Women belong in the kitchen,they shouldn't be working at the same place as men do.

Don't say this is sexist, a lot of women I know frenquently visit the kitchen, and I don't even find this sexist at all to be honest..

 

[CornBurrito]

Guys you don't get it. He is saying awful things like "Nigga'O Coon" but he doesn't actively hate those groups in real life! That makes saying them ok and people should IMMEDIATELY know he doesn't actually find those groups inferior because Martin Luther King Jr. ended real racism decades ago.

OP is Pamperchu levels of delusional.

 

[Fury Sense]

1. Create value
First, draft a few chapters and make them extraordinarily entertaining. Test the material with your target audience and rewrite it all until it resonates really really well with them.

2. Build your community
With those testimonials and excerpts, create a website with a blog that can be the home for your project. Regularly post updates, maintain a newsletter, post complementary products, services, and relevant content. As you manage your website and your followers, you'll develop a consistency in humor style. You'll also have to build your reputation in your community (the fart joke community?).

3. Prepare to launch
Now you have users, web presence, and content. Time to create your promo package for reviewers. Only choose reviewers that will react positively. By then you should be able to determine who those are before sending it.

4. Kickstarter
Now, with the reviews, testimonials, excerpts, and web presence, you are ready to film your kickstarter video. Get someone cool to do a reading in the video, or maybe include a funny animation. Take care of the video and you'll just need to announce the campaign a few days ahead of actually launching it.

- Successful campaigns usually raise 30% funding on day 1
- Campaigns that regularly post updates raise 180% more money on average
- The most successful contribution tier is at the 20-25$ level when there is a physical reward
- Campaigns with multiple creators/founders are more likely to succeed

5. Fuck it
Too much work. Just give up on it, like everything else.

 

[Ntsouls]

The problem is you don't seem to realize the difference between satire and just plain ol' racism. For example: "and the Nigga O‟Coon the Black who took over all of Africa." That's not funny, that's not satire, that's just you being racist.

¯_(&#12484_/¯

I guess it does sound a bit racist out of context. I could change it.

 

[XANDER CAGE]

I guess it does sound a bit racist out of context. I could change it.

in what context is is not racist


what context are we supposed to be reading this thing with

 

[Karkador]

Why stop at the Bible, though? I want more translaughtions of historically important literature, OP. Lots of stuff needs to be updated.

 

[EmCeeGramr]

Judah introduced a young girl named Tamar to his son Er. She was a hot, slightly ghetto, Puerto Rican vet tech.

Then Chico-Judah said to Onan in an Italian accent, “Hey so-a, Er got-a flicked-a to the moon. I imagine he‟s-a either stuffing himself with moon-cheese or he‟s-a dead. So ...I want you to-a go and shag-a your brother‟s wife-a and fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law-a. So that you may raise up-a a descendant for-a your brother.”

Then one day sick fucking Japanese people will stick you in their vaginas and you will suffocate!”

He imprisoned them all for three days and gave quizzes on things Japs or Queers might know. Such as who was the last Shogun and what color shirt goes best with beige pants.

The Chinaman said, “uhh. Ok? So they looka like you right? Well ok. I tell you. Dey leab dis area, for I fink I hear dem say, „Let‟s go Vineland.‟”

So they took Meyer-Jospeh‟s tunic, killed a Chinaman(this was before they obtained souls),

40:1 After these things happened, the official lieutenant governor to the Governor of California and the unofficial prostitute procurer offended their boss, the governor, with a Chinawoman with bad teeth, no tits and a vagina more hairier than gorilla in a bear suit. 40:2

not racist

 

[Blood Red Sky]

I guess it does sound a bit racist out of context. I could change it.

Okay, no matter how many pages he's excreted, I now honestly believe this guy's a troll.

 

[Borgnine]

I mean, I'd be lying if I said I couldn't wait to see what he comes up with for the new testament. You know Jesus is going to be Mexican, YOU KNOW IT.

 

[freenudemacusers]

op since you're around my age were you one of those dudes who bought ghettopoly?

 

[Brawndo Addict]

If it's a joke than it's purpose is for humor, therefore no joke can ever be racist or sexist. It's just impossible, duh.

I'll ask again, what is supposed to be funny about "Nigga-O'Coon taking over Africa". What is the joke there? Can you explain what makes it funny? Because it seems to me the only thing is that Nigga and Coon are racial slurs directed at those who also live in Africa. Replace it with just a name and suddenly you see it's not a joke. "Gary took over Africa". There's no joke there. So replacing "Gary" with a racial slur means the only possible source of a joke is the racial slur in of itself and its association with the location in the sentence, i.e. Africa.

"Jared took over China". I assume you know that's not a joke. "Chinkmaster Flash took over China". Is that now a non-racist joke?

 

[Lionel Mandrake]

Why stop at the Bible, though? I want more translaughtions of historically important literature, OP. Lots of stuff needs to be updated.

Othello was black. That's got to be a gold mine.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

Why stop at the Bible, though? I want more translaughtions of historically important literature, OP. Lots of stuff needs to be updated.

I'd like to see him rewrite Mein Kampf.

I don't know how he could make it more racist, but I know he will, and he'll defend it too.

 

[Simon Belmont]

OP link me to one person, just one person in the whole of the internet, who has seen what you're peddling and liked what they saw.

 

[eznark]

Why stop at the Bible, though? I want more translaughtions of historically important literature, OP. Lots of stuff needs to be updated.

Make the Magna Carta super racist next!

 

[CornBurrito]

If it's a joke than it's purpose is for humor, therefore no joke can ever be racist or sexist. It's just impossible, duh.

I'll ask again, what is supposed to be funny about "Nigga-O'Coon taking over Africa". What is the joke there? Can you explain what makes it funny? Because it seems to me the only thing is that Nigga and Coon are racial slurs directed at those who also live in Africa. Replace it with just a name and suddenly you see it's not a joke. "Gary took over Africa". There's no joke there. So replacing "Gary" with a racial slur means the only possible source of a joke is the racial slur in of itself.

He used the word "Nigga" and "Coon" to describe a black person! Such edge. So subversive. Much funny. Very lol. Wow!

 

[Ntsouls]

Okay, no matter how many pages he's excreted, I now honestly believe this guy's a troll.

So make it less racist and sexist.

So how is it that South Park of Family Guy can get away with it the right way?

Its not because I feel these things. Its just...funny.

Maybe Nigga began as just a regular name and then was turned into a slur. Like coon.

I mean these names make no sense whatsoever. Why is the spanish word for black what turned into a bad name? And why is coon a bad name ?

Maybe I could just say that was his name, and it was not offensive until white people used it wrong.

 

[Stet]

yo op it looks like your project finally got the attention you've been looking for

 

[GungHo]

So how is it that South Park of Family Guy can get away with it the right way?

Talent

 

[Buddha Beam]

Othello was black. That's got to be a gold mine.

No, no. He can start by re-writing that Herman Melville Classic, Booby Dick.

 

[owlbeak]

Because he was the oldest as
well as the Mayor, but surprisingly the most
intelligent too. The other‟s goals in life were things
like humping the moon, and opening a fart distillery).

.......how old are you OP? If you are actually the guy in the picture for your kickstarter page, you got some 'splainin' to do.