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[Fast Forward]

Yes. Childless here. I'm 32 going 33. Never been kissed virgin FTM. Not BC of faith (atheist here), or BC of my looks (I'm decent if I am to be fair). Just BC of fears.

I'm open to the idea, and would enjoy it if it were to ever happen (Jeff Goldblum had his first child in his 60s FFS, so that gives me hope), but at same time, I'll be fine if I never have children.

That being said, why I would be fine with never having children, I hope I can drop my virginity one day. Regret it is as it is.

 

[-Stranger-]

I'm all for childfree people as if you don't want or think you should be a parent it's setting that kid up for a life of potential abuse and/or neglect.
Fuck that

The only childfree people that piss me off are the ones who tsk and give you filthy looks because they had to see or be in the presence of a child in a public place.
Get off your fucking high horse i say.

 

[Eye for an Eye]

It's not realistic expecting you children being there for you when you're old?

I've been a caregiver to my aunt for several years and seen her through several surgeries that have been extremely hard on her. She wound up at a specialized rehab facility just a five minute walk from her son's place of work at a restaurant. I went several times to order food just to get a minute to talk to him. Never once did he come to visit her or call her. I live on the other side of the US, and I can be at her house faster in an emergency than he can be bothered to even pick up his phone. The only phone call he makes is on Mother's day and maybe her birthday.

My aunt was also the only one to care for her mother. My uncle is an asshole and my mom is in a looney world. My uncle is also the kind that will return a phone call two weeks later in an emergency. Like if my grandmother had a seizure and spent a week in the hospital, he wouldn't call until after she was home. He never even went to her memorial service and still expected his 1/3 of his inheritance. I also became her primary caregiver during all of my aunt's surgeries.

If I had children, they would be dependent upon me for the rest of their lives because of Fragile X. They would never lead independent lives as an adult.

A parent's love is for your child only. Great for you, but don't expect some sort of happy ending. Don't expect anyone else to think you're some kind of great person either.

 

[The Wart]

this is problematic / faulty logic.

every western civilized nation is facing severely problematic scenarios in the next century thanks to alarmingly fast population shrinkage.

ie - western countries aren't having enough kids

it's developing nations whose populations will continue to grow exponentially and destroy the planet.

not that that necessarily changes anything for you, but i always feel the need to pipe up when people say these things because we are literally not having enough babies in the western developed world.

Yeah I was legit shocked when I realized how few people actually knew this despite it being a super well-established and documented phenomenon. Overpopulation is straight up not an issue in the developed world, and the only way it becomes one is some sort of apocalyptic scenario where everyone is screwed anyway.

It's especially weird because a lot of people on GAF also seem to think that we live in a post-scarcity world.

 

[Thornton Reed]

I should go into the ParentGAF thread to say I don't want kids and I think they're an obstacle to my happiness.
Maybe that'll be as annoying as people coming into a "childfree GAF" thread just to give some moralizing lesson about how "you change your mind once you have kids" or whatever.

Dude I agree those people are the worst, but I don't think that's happening here.

 

[Z..]

this is problematic / faulty logic.

every western civilized nation is facing severely problematic scenarios in the next century thanks to alarmingly fast population shrinkage.

ie - western countries aren't having enough kids

it's developing nations whose populations will continue to grow exponentially and destroy the planet.

not that that necessarily changes anything for you, but i always feel the need to pipe up when people say these things because we are literally not having enough babies in the western developed world.

Listen to yourself and think for a second... You just countered your own argument. Adopting from developed nations mitigates both problems.
-.-'


I intend to have my own children (at least the 1), but to attempt to rationalize it as anything other than pure narcissism is as naive as it is futile.

 

[brian577]

The only childfree people that piss me off are the ones who tsk and give you filthy looks because they had to see or be in the presence of a child in a public place.
Get off your fucking high horse i say.

I only give parents filthy looks when their kids are acting like brats in public. I've seen behavior that would have put me in my room for a week. If my parents could keep my hyperactive ass under control in public than anyone can. If your kid is being well behaved then I have no problem. If your kid is screaming in public or running around like a chicken with its head cut off, damn right I'm going to give you the stink eye

 

[TheContact]

My wife and I have 2 kids. As rewarding as they are sometimes I can't wait for them to be older already. Right now I'm siting by my 1 year olds crib because he keeps waking up and trying to get in my bed and all I would like to do right now is get back to my own bed and sleep

I've been a caregiver to my aunt for several years and seen her through several surgeries that have been extremely hard on her. She wound up at a specialized rehab facility just a five minute walk from her son's place of work at a restaurant. I went several times to order food just to get a minute to talk to him. Never once did he come to visit her or call her. I live on the other side of the US, and I can be at her house faster in an emergency than he can be bothered to even pick up his phone. The only phone call he makes is on Mother's day and maybe her birthday.

My aunt was also the only one to care for her mother. My uncle is an asshole and my mom is in a looney world. My uncle is also the kind that will return a phone call two weeks later in an emergency. Like if my grandmother had a seizure and spent a week in the hospital, he wouldn't call until after she was home. He never even went to her memorial service and still expected his 1/3 of his inheritance. I also became her primary caregiver during all of my aunt's surgeries.

If I had children, they would be dependent upon me for the rest of their lives because of Fragile X. They would never lead independent lives as an adult.

A parent's love is for your child only. Great for you, but don't expect some sort of happy ending. Don't expect anyone else to think you're some kind of great person either.

My wife is a fragile x carrier. We didn't know she had it with our first kid and with the second they ran blood tests. Thankfully none of them have fragile X but my son is definitely a carrier and my daughter might be as well. I'm hoping by the time they have kids the medical technology will be able to help so their kids don't get it or become carriers

 

[Eye for an Eye]

My wife is a fragile x carrier. We didn't know she had it with our first kid and with the second they ran blood tests. Thankfully none of them have fragile X but my son is definitely a carrier and my daughter might be as well. I'm hoping by the time they have kids the medical technology will be able to help so their kids don't get it or become carriers

Passing it from mother to child is when it expands. I'm guessing she had a very low number, but once it reaches a 100 repeats, it's almost guaranteed to become a full mutation when passed down again. Your son could go on to have non affected sons, but at least the gene somewhat stabilizes from father to daughter. Medical advancements are great and all, but there's still a lack of knowledge why fragile x women have a hard time responding to IVF treatment.

Knowing early on your own genetics is much easier than finding out when you're at an age to have a child. I know you've got some time, but don't think you need to wait until your kids are 20 to disclose this kind of information. I got to find out at 14 because of my sister being so much older than me. Even then it really changes things.

 

[Gravy Boat]

Having kids is hard work. People who down play it are liars. We've got a well behaved 21month old and it's still hard. Keeping him entertained and playing can be unbelievably boring. I've been tried for the best part of 2 years. I've a nagging guilt that I don't do enough with him. He doesn't sit still so going out for a meal is pointless. We stay in all the time. My wife and I constantly argue over him. Wife suffered from postal natal depression and had to have counselling.

Is it worth it? Yeah it is and I'm not just saying that as I feel I should.

We have a 3 year old and our experience has been nothing like that. She's been sleeping through the night since she was about a month old, we go out for dinner at least once a week and she's always well behaved. She's never had a tantrum in public, people constantly comment on how well behaved and happy she is. I never get bored playing with her or caring for her.

Sorry that you're having a rough time but don't assume that everyone else is lying about their experience. Of course it's hard, but you sound miserable whereas I'm loving every moment I spend with my family.

 

[Napoleonthechimp]

I was born into poverty and struggled my entire life because of it. There's no way I'm doing that to someone else.

 

[Iriscomeback]

Me and my wife are still on the fence. There are moments we think we would like to have a child, but more often then that we don't. I like taking care of my brother's son from time to time but am glad when I can return him to their care. I really like the life me and my wife have right now.

We still have time. I have noticed this biological clock thing. We are talking waaay more about it then we used to. We'll see.

 

[Jzero]

I was born into poverty and struggled my entire life because of it. There's no way I'm doing that to someone else.

Yep yep same.

 

[XShagrath]

I only give parents filthy looks when their kids are acting like brats in public. I've seen behavior that would have put me in my room for a week. If my parents could keep my hyperactive ass under control in public than anyone can. If your kid is being well behaved then I have no problem. If your kid is screaming in public or running around like a chicken with its head cut off, damn right I'm going to give you the stink eye

I'm the same way. I differentiate people who have children, and parents. Parents are those who keep an eye on what their kids are doing, and keep them well-mannered and well behaved. People with children are the ones you mentioned that scream in the store for apparently no reason, or throw products on the floor, etc.

Dude I agree those people are the worst, but I don't think that's happening here.

I do. This is, I assume, a thread intended for child-free people to have a place to talk. Yet, half-ish of the posts are people with children. Some of them falling into the wonderful parent tropes of "It's different when it's your own" and "Who will take care of you when you're old?"

 

[Deleted member 1235]

Currently child free, she's in the lounge and wife's watching her

Yes. Childless here. I'm 32 going 33. Never been kissed virgin FTM. Not BC of faith (atheist here), or BC of my looks (I'm decent if I am to be fair). Just BC of fears.

I'm open to the idea, and would enjoy it if it were to ever happen (Jeff Goldblum had his first child in his 60s FFS, so that gives me hope), but at same time, I'll be fine if I never have children.

That being said, why I would be fine with never having children, I hope I can drop my virginity one day. Regret it is as it is.

Dude, it's time to visit a professional, explain the situation and be done with it, you won't get a 'special one' who is in the same situation as you that doesn't also have sexual problems which will just compound the awkward. Just visit a pro, find a reputable one and learn a little of what you missed the boat on.

 

[Deleted member 752119]

I only give parents filthy looks when their kids are acting like brats in public. I've seen behavior that would have put me in my room for a week. If my parents could keep my hyperactive ass under control in public than anyone can. If your kid is being well behaved then I have no problem. If your kid is screaming in public or running around like a chicken with its head cut off, damn right I'm going to give you the stink eye

Very much this. Very few people simply resent kids being in public places. People resent shitty parents who let their little hellions run amuck in public.

It's a frequent issue in one area we used to go for brunch/lunch/early dinner and drinks lately. A lot of the young people that moved in when it was gentrifying and cheap now have young kids and there always seem to be one or two couples just letting them run around, yelling etc all over the outside dining area/patio while they're eating and drinking and paying them little attention. So we mostly just don't go there or just sit inside at the bar if there aren't kids running around in there too which sucks as sitting on the patio was the main appeal of those places.

 

[SaviourMK2]

I want kids, but I'm scared to have them.

 

[Skellig Gra]

yeah you're absolutely right, you can never be 100% sure, what i meant to say is that you really need to be sure about having them, you can have some doubt, but you must have the genuine feeling that you want to be a parent and care for your future chidlren

Fair enough. You should be reasonably sure. Not crossing your fingers despite not having any clue what you want.

 

[Matthew23]

39 and happily married for 4 years, been with my wife for 10. We have chosen not to have any children but adoption is a possibility.

I've heard a lot of people say how rewarding the experience of having kids is and how ultimately it will make me a happier person. I think this is probably true for a lot of people and likely true for me as well. This is not enough reason for me to create a life though.

At some point when considering parenthood I asked myself the question, "would I want to live the life of that possible kid?"... and I don't think that I would. This is likely a result of my view of humanity and everything that life is. I don't see my life as a gift or curse but something in between which makes the decision of having a baby somewhat of a moral delema. It's enough to keep me from reproducing.

 

[Megalosaro]

I want kids, but I don't think I deserve kids

 

[DemWalls]

Chikdfree here, but I'm still pretty young, and single.
When (if) the time comes, I guess I'll throw a coin.

 

[Astral Dog]

Those of you who don't (doesn't?) want children: Aren't you afraid of ending up alone?

Im afraid of ending up alone.

But i rather rot below a bridge and die than forcing someone else (be a wife or a kid) to live my life only because im scared and my relatives force me, eventually i realized thats not and never was a healthy mindset

 

[How About No]

Very likely to remain childfree

Those of you who don't (doesn't?) want children: Aren't you afraid of ending up alone?

"You were born for the percise purpose of watching me die" seems like a fucked-up excuse to have a kid

 

[TTOOLL]

31 here, currently in a relationship but very unhappy not because of her. She wants 2 kids, I want zero. I'm pretty sure kids are not for me, heck, I'm pretty sure long term relationships are not for me. This might be my last one.

 

[Seirith]

Very likely to remain childfree



"You were born for the percise purpose of watching me die" seems like a fucked-up excuse to have a kid

I agree. I watched my grandmother slowly die. She and I were not close in relationship but I did help my mother take care of her for many years. She faded away from a head strong intelligent women to a shell of a person who was no longer my grandmother. Watching her die slowly while she was so unhappy and ill was one of the worst things I have ever been through. It was sad and horrendous.

 

[eso76]

Eh, didn't want one.

Then it somehow happened and now nothing else matters.

It's curious how something you didn't want ends up being the only thing you care about, though YMMV of course.

 

[Seirith]

Eh, didn't want one.

Then it somehow happened and now nothing else matters.

It's curious how something you didn't want ends up being the only thing you care about, though YMMV of course.

My grandmother had 2 kids. She told my mother if she could do her life over again she would have never had children. I totally believe her too, she only liked herself and money.

 

[Sumio Mondo]

28. No kids and in no hurry (been single for what feels like time immemorial now). I tend not to get close to people and generally suck at going for ones who are single (and instead embarrass myself by asking girls who aren't or just want short term commitments who only have temp status before moving back to country of origin). So as long as my luck continues in the same way, I feel this will be the story of my life for a good while longer.

I'm edging more towards not wanting them anyway, but if it did happen I would certainly devote my time and effort to that kid. Maybe my opinion will change in my 30s but I just don't feel ready nor willing to go through with this in my life right now (neither emotionally nor financially ready).

 

[Astral Dog]

Depends on if you are a man or woman. Statistics show as time goes on men lose their social circles and only interact with their wife and kids. If you don't have either at some point you are going to be on the outskirts of society. You could be the exception of course but on average this is how society works.

Fuck your definition of society

 

[Skellig Gra]

Fuck your definition of society

I didn't just make this stuff up. We had a thread on it awhile back.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bostonglobe.com/magazine/2017/03/09/the-biggest-threat-facing-middle-age-men-isn-smoking-obesity-loneliness/k6saC9FnnHQCUbf5mJ8okL/amp.html

 

[MrMysterio]

In a long term relationship and decided to be forever child free - and very happy about the decision.

No-child people should get a day to celebrate. Some place where we don't get harassed by breeders preferably, or the usual "you'll want to have kids eventually!" crowd. Boo those people, BOO.

 

[zoleristec]

No, children are worthless and disgusting.

 

[Eye for an Eye]

My grandmother had 2 kids. She told my mother if she could do her life over again she would have never had children. I totally believe her too, she only liked herself and money.

My great grandmother dropped off my grandmother and her sister to be raised by relatives. She still wanted to be a showgirl in NYC.

 

[Trokil]

Not going to have children. I am too afraid that this same inexplicable rage my father had while hitting me could be inside me as well. I will never let somebody else go trough something like that. I have nieces and I am godfather to two girls, but I will never have children myself.

 

[MrMysterio]

Also, if you don't have children you can be that mysterious relative your family doesn't dare speak about at the Christmas table.

 

[brian577]

In a long term relationship and decided to be forever child free - and very happy about the decision.

No-child people should get a day to celebrate. Some place where we don't get harassed by breeders preferably, or the usual "you'll want to have kids eventually!" crowd. Boo those people, BOO.

While I agree with the sentiment, throwing around terms like "breeders" or demanding our own holiday isn't going to make society more accepting of our choice.

 

[McLovin]

Cant afford being single, how the fudge am I supposed to afford a kid? I would probably end up on government assistance, kids will go to a shitty school and become bad as hell. No thanks.
Besides the world is overpopulated anyway. And my dads still popping out kids from different women(Im 34,brothers 33, Sisters 23, Brothers 13 going to be 14, a brother thats like 8, a sister thats 6-7, Brother thats 5-6, and a sister thats like 2) there's enough of me out there. I would be open to adoption down the line though.

 

[ArkkAngel007]

I'm debating it.

After my marriage fell apart, I just can't imagine the same happening again with a child(ren) involved.

Also with my diabetes, I'd absolutely be devastated to pass that on. I got a bit lucky that it hit in my early teens to where I got to be free up to that point and able to understand and manage myself well enough without much oversight after. Getting it before then or at all...how could I not blame myself?

At the same time, I would love to be a parent, so I'll just have to see where things go.

 

[Inkvoterad]

Turning 22 here, so i'm not exactly old, but i'm planning to get a vasectomy as soon as possible when i reach 25 (required age in Sweden). I really don't want to be a parent, ever.

Dying alone seems like a blessing compared to straight up throwing 18+ years of my life down the drain. I don't think i'd be a good parent either.

 

[cromofo]

I didn't just make this stuff up. We had a thread on it awhile back.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bostonglobe.com/magazine/2017/03/09/the-biggest-threat-facing-middle-age-men-isn-smoking-obesity-loneliness/k6saC9FnnHQCUbf5mJ8okL/amp.html

Yeah looks to be true on average.

The ones I know that are not married with kids are batshit crazy and or bums/drunks.

Where I live, family legacy is still a thing so I'm not gonna let it go to shit or spend it all on myself. Too much hard work went in it. I want kids anyways.

 

[KernelPanic]

Not going to have children. I am too afraid that this same inexplicable rage my father had while hitting me could be inside me as well. I will never let somebody else go trough something like that. I have nieces and I am godfather to two girls, but I will never have children myself.

Interesting to see these kind of statements throughout this thread.

I had a very abusive childhood myself to the point where I haven't spoken to my parents in years and don't plan to ever as they will never own up to what they did(my mom is borderline these people are fucking crazy).

There's parts of myself which I've had to face which I seem to have learned from my parents but I will not let them control me anymore. I will be a better parent than they were(not that hard really) and the cycle will be broken with me.

 

[MrMysterio]

While I agree with the sentiment, throwing around terms like "breeders" or demanding our own holiday isn't going to make society more accepting of our choice.

I know, I know, was just in jest. Do take your point, though.

 

[Couleurs]

I've never wanted kids for a few reasons:

-they're expensive as hell

-my sister already has several kids, so I can just hang out with them when I want and be the cool uncle, then bail when they get on my nerves, without having to pay anything to raise them

-I'm selfish and want to be able to do what I want when I want (spur of the moment trips, etc)

-I like being able to move wherever I want/whenever I want, without worrying about disrupting a kid's school and friendships. I moved a lot as a kid and it was pretty fucked up making friends then suddenly never getting to see them again - repeatedly. Though maybe this isn't as much of an issue now that the internet is a thing and they can still stay in touch.

-I worry about how fucked up the world is going to be in the future and don't want to stress out about my kid suffering if shit hits the fan (its bad enough worrying about my nieces and nephews having to deal with it)

With that said, if I ever get married and it turns out having a kid means a lot to her, I would most likely do it.

 

[Nipo]

Not having kids because we're both pessimistic that the world will be a better place in 50 years and no one should be forced to live in a world with rising oceans, greater inequality, and no real chance to get ahead in life.

Also, the amount of vitriol I get when telling people we don't want kids is astounding. It used to be "oh you'll want them when older" but now, in our late 30s, people just get mad. I've switched to telling them "I can't have kids" and they slink away without further questions.

 

[goldenpp72]

31 and child free, no regrets so far. While I hope most people decide to have (and enjoy) them, don't think it's for me. It's a life long commitment and life is short, i'd like to live it for me and the lady and enjoy what life has to offer outside of that. If there wasn't a huge financial burden to it, I might reconsider but yeah.

 

[Zok310]

Raise hands, and every other weekend when i take my 3 year old nephew for a few days while my sister work nights and his deadbeat dad is nowhere to be found, i'm reminded why.
Can't come home to that nonsense everyday after work.

 

[Juke Joint Jezebel]

Currently housing a seed-free womb in my mid-twenties and couldn't be happier. A lot of my friends who've had children not too long after secondary school have shown some regrets about it in the long run, especially when it comes to chasing a career, having a family eating up any chance of getting an advanced education and trying to achieve their dream jobs, doesn't help that most of them have either split up or divorced their partners leaving some of them desperately searching for a dude willing to take on somebody elses children (which I can totally understand guys not wanting, blood is thicker than water, etc). Currently got a well paying job as head of department teaching advanced aerobics classes and earning a great wage at my town's local luxury spa/gym and couldn't be happier as it probably wouldn't have been possible to dedicate as much time to the job as I would've wanted and get promoted if I had a family to look after at the same time. Tons of time left over at the weekends to be social as well, and of course casual sex with a few of my close buds every so often. Could it happen further down the line? Perhaps, but with the way things are going with my house payments going smoothly I'm in no rush in the near future.

 

[Burbeting]

I worry my possible children would be bullied for having lgbt parents, so I think I'll stay childfree just for that .

 

[Astral Dog]

I didn't just make this stuff up. We had a thread on it awhile back.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bostonglobe.com/magazine/2017/03/09/the-biggest-threat-facing-middle-age-men-isn-smoking-obesity-loneliness/k6saC9FnnHQCUbf5mJ8okL/amp.html

Yeah looks to be true on average.

The ones I know that are not married with kids are batshit crazy and or bums/drunks.

Very interesting but, to be honest with you, this doesn't say anything about kids
True there are many problems with the way males have relations: toxic masculinity, (fear of)social rejection, overworking , problems with expressing emotions, shorter friendships due to family obligations/ work/ guy talk and many more.

The guy says not only he had his wife but lots of "internet" friends, he just realized he was lonely and needed a change, found the solution, never mentioned having a kid as a neccessity.

This isn't about having children, he is talking about friendships and bonding and ways to improve them

If he anything he critizes the toxic society many people deal with

I worry my possible children would be bullied for having lgbt parents, so I think I'll stay childfree just for that .

This is another problem, people with different sexual orientation, even if they decide to not have kids for fear of burden them in life deserve to be loved and treated with respect not be seen as outcasts also for having or not having kids around

 

[Mango Positive]

This helps no one, but for perspective, I should mention it. If you do not reproduce, you will be the very first failure to replicate in your direct genetic line in over 2 billion years. That is 2,000,000,000 years of everyone before you getting down and squeezing out offspring. Sure, there's probably not a God and it doesn't really matter, but it's worth thinking about. Failure. Whoever's relatives see the end of the world wins.