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[gaiages]

Interesting to see these kind of statements throughout this thread.

I had a very abusive childhood myself to the point where I haven't spoken to my parents in years and don't plan to ever as they will never own up to what they did(my mom is borderline these people are fucking crazy).

There's parts of myself which I've had to face which I seem to have learned from my parents but I will not let them control me anymore. I will be a better parent than they were(not that hard really) and the cycle will be broken with me.

And that's good for you, but not everyone is able to deal with their problems in a positive light.

I have anger control issues for... some reason (too many reasons), and I would never even risk bringing a child in the world where I could flip out and yell at them.

Of course therapy is an option, but at this moment with my current psyche, how can I know I'll be able to handle such a stress point 24/7? In addition I watched my little brother a lot when I was 16-17 and I was pretty shitty to him (I mean I was a teenager and my mom died but still). What if I end up treating my kid the same way?

If I really, truly wanted a child I would work on these issues with a professional of course (obvs. even if I don't want kids I need to work on it but you get the point), but it's always something in the back of my mind that worries me, being an unfit mother.

Also, if you don't have children you can be that mysterious relative your family doesn't dare speak about at the Christmas table.

I got that honor at 19, lack of kids not required

This helps no one, but for perspective, I should mention it. If you do not reproduce, you will be the very first failure to replicate in your direct genetic line in over 2 billion years. That is 2,000,000,000 years of everyone before you getting down and squeezing out offspring. Sure, there's probably not a God and it doesn't really matter, but it's worth thinking about. Failure. Whoever's relatives see the end of the world wins.

Hey my brothers had kids, my line will live on without me

 

[MrMysterio]

This helps no one, but for perspective, I should mention it. If you do not reproduce, you will be the very first failure to replicate in your direct genetic line in over 2 billion years. That is 2,000,000,000 years of everyone before you getting down and squeezing out offspring. Sure, there's probably not a God and it doesn't really matter, but it's worth thinking about. Failure. Whoever's relatives see the end of the world wins.

Haha. I take great pride in ending my line - just imagine my collective ancestors groaning from beyond the void, helplessly staring at the lack of offspring I provide them with. HAHAHA.

Also, probably statistically true, too: at this rate, it's a lot more likely the end will be witnessed by a Trump rather than whatever kind of non-billionaire offspring you produce.

 

[gatti-man]

I'm adopted so my line is unknown to me. I won't have kids of my own but my gf has kids and I love them so I'd happily raise someone else's.

The financial pressure of children just isn't for me I think.

 

[Nipo]

This helps no one, but for perspective, I should mention it. If you do not reproduce, you will be the very first failure to replicate in your direct genetic line in over 2 billion years. That is 2,000,000,000 years of everyone before you getting down and squeezing out offspring. Sure, there's probably not a God and it doesn't really matter, but it's worth thinking about. Failure. Whoever's relatives see the end of the world wins.

Over a long enough timeline we all lose. Entropy will win out and the universe will no longer exist. Having decedents just delays the inevitable

 

[Couleurs]

This helps no one, but for perspective, I should mention it. If you do not reproduce, you will be the very first failure to replicate in your direct genetic line in over 2 billion years. That is 2,000,000,000 years of everyone before you getting down and squeezing out offspring. Sure, there's probably not a God and it doesn't really matter, but it's worth thinking about. Failure. Whoever's relatives see the end of the world wins.

Note: this failure does not apply if you have a sibling that has kids

Let your brothers/sisters do all the work to keep your bloodline going

 

[Astral Dog]

This helps no one, but for perspective, I should mention it. If you do not reproduce, you will be the very first failure to replicate in your direct genetic line in over 2 billion years. That is 2,000,000,000 years of everyone before you getting down and squeezing out offspring. Sure, there's probably not a God and it doesn't really matter, but it's worth thinking about. Failure. Whoever's relatives see the end of the world wins.

What if you adopt and raise a kid bro, does that you are a failure too?

 

[EdwardTeach]

This helps no one, but for perspective, I should mention it. If you do not reproduce, you will be the very first failure to replicate in your direct genetic line in over 2 billion years. That is 2,000,000,000 years of everyone before you getting down and squeezing out offspring. Sure, there's probably not a God and it doesn't really matter, but it's worth thinking about. Failure. Whoever's relatives see the end of the world wins.

I like that summary!

 

[EdwardTeach]

Note: this failure does not apply if you have a sibling that has kids

Let your brothers/sisters do all the work to keep your bloodline going

IT still applies. You are not clones of your brothers and sisters. Your set of genes is unique.

 

[Steejee]

34, approaching 35, wife same age. No kids, not going to have any, though adoption door is left open. Never really wanted them, and the years have only solidified that further. There's so many kids already here that could use a family, so I'd want to do the right thing if I was to have a family.

I have 7 nephews and nieces, so my extended family is plenty well covered on that front anyways.

Just don't feel it's appropriate to have biological kids when we're already trashing this planet as badly as we are, and when the impact as an American of having a single kid blows away every positive thing you could do for the environment.

Add to all that the election of Trump - something that could set us back at a critical time environmentally, and has revealed just how racist, bigoted, and backwards much of humanity still is.

 

[Astral Dog]

IT still applies. You are not clones of your brothers and sisters. Your set of genes is unique.

But then the lineage wouldn't matter as much lgt become failures too 🤔

 

[MrMysterio]

In genetic terms we're all so similar anyway, so if a couple of us keep mixing genes (and please don't inbreed too much) you don't even need close family members to carry your genetic legacy onto the next generation.

Thinking you need a family member to "further your line" is medieval-era hokus pokus, when it was great to have a person in your village who wasn't as susceptible to the common cold as the next peasant.

Right now questions of global threats like climate change are a lot more pressing for "genetic survival" than having to have a child.

 

[slit]

No I don't want kids. I'm sure it's great for some but it's not for me. I do find it funny though when friends of mine continue to have kids even though 90% of the time spent with them they seem completely annoyed by them.

 

[Swimmer9800]

Genuinely surprised by the HUGE numbers of people who want nothing to do with kids. I'm only 18 so I can't even begin to think about having kids.

 

[blame space]

well it's a video game enthusiast forum

 

[DizzyCaffeine]

Genuinely surprised by the HUGE numbers of people who want nothing to do with kids. I'm only 18 so I can't even begin to think about having kids.

Things can change. I was dead set against it in my 20s and early 30s. Somewhere around 36-37, I became more open to the idea.

 

[How About No]

Also, if you don't have children you can be that mysterious relative your family doesn't dare speak about at the Christmas table.

I hope this is me now

 

[Miniature Kaiju]

I do find it funny though when friends of mine continue to have kids even though 90% of the time spent with them they seem completely annoyed by them.

There's a strong socio-cultural stigma to being childless/childfree, a strong social pressure to fit into what is deemed a "complete, fulfilled adult" archetype.

 

[YesNOnoNOYes]

I can't really empathize with the sentiment that we all have to pass on our 'genetic codes' to somehow ..... 'win' at the end of time. It's weird. What do the people who hold this line of thinking perceive lgbt people as? Automatic failures? A bit gross.

Parenting is a very underappreciated thing, no jokes. All my respects to you all who choose the path of rearing kids.

As for me, a woman dating another woman, we both are capable of reproduction but I can't see bringing a kid into our lifestyle and/or this world, at this stage. If ever we will have children, I'm definitely thinking adoption. I don't need to 'continue the mythical genetic line' to be a parent. I'd love the kid regardless, I think.

Also, I don't really subscribe to the illusion the 'magic' of having kids being transformative in an absolute term. Sure, for a LOT of people, having kids do transform them and they become the most rewarding experience ever, but there are a fraction of people who gave away their flesh and blood offspring and there ARE runaway kids who escape unhappy homes. So, whilst it is really cool to acknowledge those that came away with great experiences, it is not very cool to impose on everyone to feel as if they are not capable to judge their own capacity to make choices about how they might feel regarding having kids.

 

[DemWalls]

Man, I gotta say it, some people in this thread sure have some edge to them.

 

[superdeluxe]

I have decided to stay childfree for my whole life for different reasons, including a lack of self confidence, but also lack faith in mankind, as well as other reasons.

I was wondering if there were gaffers here who openly planned to stay childfree. I will behonest my reasons are not selfess and i also enjoy my free time.

Have you decided to stay childfree and how did people around you react? Was it hard for you to find a partner sharing same convictions?

You would be surprised, there are many choose to be child free.

 

[superdeluxe]

 

[Mango Positive]

What if you adopt and raise a kid bro, does that you are a failure too?

You shaped a life. It's not direct, but it counts.

 

[blame space]

that Idiocracy intro is seriously next level irony.

 

[Mattakuevan]

My wife abd I dont want kids. We're "selfish" and value our relationship with each other and free time above the desire to procreate.

 

[Astral Dog]

You shaped a life. It's not direct, but it counts.

Wait, you were serious??? 😮

 

[Double Donut]

This helps no one, but for perspective, I should mention it. If you do not reproduce, you will be the very first failure to replicate in your direct genetic line in over 2 billion years. That is 2,000,000,000 years of everyone before you getting down and squeezing out offspring. Sure, there's probably not a God and it doesn't really matter, but it's worth thinking about. Failure. Whoever's relatives see the end of the world wins.

Why should anyone take a massive turn in life that they don't want to take, simply to "please" their dead ancestors?

Besides, taking my family name to the grave with me actually sounds kind of badass tbh.

 

[brian577]

that Idiocracy intro is seriously next level irony.

Anything constructive to say or is this just a drive by post?

 

[blame space]

.

 

[ryutaro's mama]

This helps no one, but for perspective, I should mention it. If you do not reproduce, you will be the very first failure to replicate in your direct genetic line in over 2 billion years. That is 2,000,000,000 years of everyone before you getting down and squeezing out offspring. Sure, there's probably not a God and it doesn't really matter, but it's worth thinking about. Failure. Whoever's relatives see the end of the world wins.

K.

And yet, the species as a whole will live on. Don't care much about who "wins" in the end.

 

[brian577]

.

And? Having kids doesn't automatically make you good person or mean your kids aren't going to grow up and be shitty people.

 

[blame space]

i see you are familiar with the basics of irony.

 

[G-Bus]

29. Wife is 32.

In the midst of seeing a fertility doctor and jumping through the hoops. After getting some results back it looks like there is a chance we will not be having kids.

Its kind of hard to deal with. Sure.. we have options. expensive options.

Adoption has been talked about. Something I was on board with early on because we knew about possible complications when we started dating. I think part of me just didn't want to accept that was going to happen so I went on not thinking much of it. Now I'm not so sure.

I look at our life style and all the things we could do and not have to worry about if we go child free. Id hate to live with regret in my 50's for not raising at least one child.

This is easily one of the hardest decisions i've ever had to make in my life.

 

[XShagrath]

It seems that many people in this thread are confusing "childfree" and "childless." Childfree is for people that are "free from children." There is no desire for children at all. There is no "maybe in the future." It's a life decision in that they don't want to have offspring. Childless is for people who don't currently have children, but may want to procreate at some point down the line, or for people that want children, but can't for medical reasons.

 

[Captainbojanglesiii]

Some thoughts based on the last few pages

This thread really shows how this is a pretty touchy subject for some. I'm young, so despite saying that I don't want kids now is usually met with "Oh, you'll change your minds" is generally a bit frustrating. Part of it is that I don't want to be wrong about that, but it is also a bit frustrating to essentially have people disregard your stance on it because a bunch of people do.

At the end of the day, I don't think anyone needs to be getting upset over someone else's decision to have a kid or not. I do think "childfree" people can be pretty defensive, but when you consider that having a kid is a norm, I think that stance is warranted.

There are a million reasons any person can list as to why they don't want to have a kid, but frankly only two questions need to be asked: 1) Can I make a healthy child with my SO; 2) Do I want to make a child with my SO. If either is a no, don't have kids.

I read an article that said that parents respond negatively to people their age who don't plan on having children. I do think a good deal of that stigma won't be overcame. People are always gonna want others around them to take the path that they know works for them, but the word "selfish" often comes into play, which is definitely disconcerting. At the end of the day, there are probably gonna be people (family) who donmt like my decision (should I not have kids), but you only get one life, and you shouldn't let some others deter you from how you wanna live life.

This helps no one, but for perspective, I should mention it. If you do not reproduce, you will be the very first failure to replicate in your direct genetic line in over 2 billion years. That is 2,000,000,000 years of everyone before you getting down and squeezing out offspring. Sure, there's probably not a God and it doesn't really matter, but it's worth thinking about. Failure. Whoever's relatives see the end of the world wins.

Gotta say. The image of all my direct ancestors showing up around me after death just saying "Dude, what the fuck?" is hilarious.

 

[Warm Machine]

No I don't want kids. I'm sure it's great for some but it's not for me. I do find it funny though when friends of mine continue to have kids even though 90% of the time spent with them they seem completely annoyed by them.

Socially parents are annoyed by their kids. Often times a parent just wants to sit back, have a glass of wine after a hard day and chill out. The kids demand time or do something stupid or act unreasonable because they are kids.

You don't see the other times when the kids say something endearing or learn new words and work them into conversations, or create something you thought they were previously incapable of, or thrill to a scene in a movie that shocked you when you first saw it 30 years ago. Every day is an evolution and it is incredible to watch and actively be a part of. At the same time I've lost it enough times with my children and it's an emotional roller coaster.

 

[MrMysterio]

It seems that many people in this thread are confusing "childfree" and "childless." Childfree is for people that are "free from children." There is no desire for children at all. There is no "maybe in the future." It's a life decision in that they don't want to have offspring. Childless is for people who don't currently have children, but may want to procreate at some point down the line, or for people that want children, but can't for medical reasons.

Yeah, that's a pretty important distinction.

Also, for me going child-free was a celebratory decision, and nothing I felt melancholic about.

To reiterate: The myth of "your own genes" being passed "down the line" for "legacy" is an outdated concept that really should have no weight in the 21st century - same for meritocracy, which is weirdly interwoven with the ideology of "family first", as seen in the Trump era of politics.

Edit:
Take the "Idiocracy" image for example. It implies that only intelligent people can have intelligent offspring, and that idiots will breed idiots, which is almost a proto-fascist concept. What's stopping the "idiot" to get educated? Genes? Bullshit.
This is the one I'm talking about:

 

[snacknuts]

I'm 38 and my wife is 34. We have been married for seven years and are both actively opposed to the idea of having children. I was open to the idea when I was younger, but the older I get the more unappealing the idea has become. A lot of those reasons would be described by others as being selfish. Our families nagged us for a long time about having kids. When we started telling people we weren't planning to have any, we got the condescending, "Oh, you'll change your minds" bullshit. They have finally stopped asking about it.

 

[slit]

I'm 38 and my wife is 34. We have been married for seven years and are both actively opposed to the idea of having children. I was open to the idea when I was younger, but the older I get the more unappealing the idea has become. A lot of those reasons would be described by others as being selfish. Our families nagged us for a long time about having kids. When we started telling people we weren't planning to have any, we got the condescending, "Oh, you'll change your minds" bullshit. They have finally stopped asking about it.

You mean they can't fathom that you don't want to sit there tearing your hair out while you try and pass the burden onto your parents and/or in-laws if just to get a brief reprieve from the madness? Shocking! I think some tend to think since watching them grow makes it all worth it for them it should for you as well. They don't understand not everybody is so sentimental over such things.

 

[Prez]

I can barely manage my own life, even though I work a low-stress job 30h/week. There's too many things I want to do and I still need a lot of time to relax on top of that. I can't even bring myself to cook most days.

 

[Skellig Gra]

You mean they can't fathom that you don't want to sit there tearing your hair out while you try and pass the burden onto your parents and/or in-laws if just to get a brief reprieve from the madness? Shocking! I think some tend to think since watching them grow makes it all worth it for them it should for you as well. They don't understand not everybody is so sentimental over such things.

Show me on the doll where the kids hurt you.

 

[Nipo]

Yeah, that's a pretty important distinction.

Also, for me going child-free was a celebratory decision, and nothing I felt melancholic about.

To reiterate: The myth of "your own genes" being passed "down the line" for "legacy" is an outdated concept that really should have no weight in the 21st century - same for meritocracy, which is weirdly interwoven with the ideology of "family first", as seen in the Trump era of politics.

Edit:
Take the "Idiocracy" image for example. It implies that only intelligent people can have intelligent offspring, and that idiots will breed idiots, which is almost a proto-fascist concept. What's stopping the "idiot" to get educated? Genes? Bullshit.
This is the one I'm talking about:

Literally the point of the movie. The movie ends with the main character giving a speech that says to improve society everyone needs to challenge themselves and try to be better and that while that isn't easy but it is necessary for progress. The world wasn't doomed because stupid people were breeding; it was doomed because people stopped caring about bettering themselves and weren't willing to do hard uncomfortable things.

 

[kuYuri]

Having children has been one of those things that I've been thinking about for a long time. I do want them, but it's never been a feasible goal for me until recently. I only recently started a career job where I make decent pay, after being poor for most of my life and mostly working shitty part time jobs. But having a child now is still a financial burden for me and would require so much sacrifice that I'm not sure I'm willing to do at this time.

It's something that I've been discussing with a significant other, but there are a number of financial and physical issues we have to deal with when it comes to having children. I am also more open to adoption as a result of these issues.

To put it simply, yes I want to have at least a child, but can't right now for reasons.

EDIT: Forgot to mention I'm in my 30s.

 

[Deleted member 752119]

Show me on the doll where the kids hurt you.

One hardly has to have been hurt by kids to simply vehemently dislike them. Really no different than some people who just dislike dogs, cats or whatever. People enjoy and dislike different things and different experiences.

To be frank, my fiance and I mostly just fucking hate people in general and kids are just shittier, worse behavied versions of people that can't take care of them selves. Add in that neither of us is nurturing at all and neither like taking care of others (nor being taken care of by others) and having kids is about the least appealing thing either of us can imagine and we actively avoid places and situations where we have to be around kids and minimize outings around large crowds in general.

 

[Kill Your Masters]

I even get freaked out about the thought of marriage and fall into a somewhat depressed state imagining myself with kids. Definitely not a kid person.

This helps no one, but for perspective, I should mention it. If you do not reproduce, you will be the very first failure to replicate in your direct genetic line in over 2 billion years. That is 2,000,000,000 years of everyone before you getting down and squeezing out offspring. Sure, there's probably not a God and it doesn't really matter, but it's worth thinking about. Failure. Whoever's relatives see the end of the world wins.

Maybe my genetic line is a failure and I am finally the brave one to put this nonsense to an end. /s

Seriously, there are so many of us, if some of us don't reproduce nobody will care. Nobody will care about you or me in a few centuries, not even direct relatives and offspring of yours offspring offspring. As more great-great-great-grandfathers and grandmothers are added to the mixture, the older ones are forgotten, just a dry fart in human history and your genetic line.

 

[Z3M0G]

Being a parent is tough, but there is nothing more rewarding. It's simply an automatic justification for my own existence. No day feels truly wasted. All my leisure time feels earned. I couldn't imagine going back... no matter now much I miss my free time, of which I have less and less every day, since they go to bed later and later the older they get. But when I think about life before children, it feels like a sad and empty existence.

And they truly grow up so damn fast, that I'll start to get that leisure time back bit by bit as they get older. Before I know it, I'll have more relax time than I know what to do with again. But at least I'll have those kids to spend it with.

 

[Deleted member 752119]

Being a parent is tough, but there is nothing more rewarding. It's simply an automatic justification for my own existence. No day feels truly wasted. All my leisure time feels earned. I couldn't imagine going back... no matter now much I miss my free time, of which I have less and less every day, since they go to bed later and later the older they get. But when I think about life before children, it feels like a sad and empty existence.

And that's perfectly valid. But surely you (general you, not you specifically) realize plenty of us don't remotely feel like we have sad and empty existence? That many of us have careers we chose (and we're lucky enough to be socially positioned to get educated for) because we could make a difference rather than solely chasing the biggest paycheck? Or that others make art or entertainment that makes millions happy? Or scientists and inventors generating knowledge and inventions that improve the world? Or others that volunteer and donate extensively with the extra time and money they have from being childfree. And so on.

Again, not busting your chops as I don't think you necessarily meant it that way, but too many parents seem to think having kids is the way to have a meaningful life and view the childfree as selfish hedonists doing nothing for the world and just focusing on having as much fun as they can personally have with all that time and money the save from not raising kids.

 

[Ron Mexico]

This helps no one, but for perspective, I should mention it. If you do not reproduce, you will be the very first failure to replicate in your direct genetic line in over 2 billion years. That is 2,000,000,000 years of everyone before you getting down and squeezing out offspring. Sure, there's probably not a God and it doesn't really matter, but it's worth thinking about. Failure. Whoever's relatives see the end of the world wins.

I'm an only child and the only grandchild on my mother's side and the only male grandchild on my father's. The family line ends with me.

So, with your such eloquent help, I can take solace in knowing I'm the first in 2 billion years to make an independent decision and not feel compelled to "get down and squeeze out offspring".

How will I ever deal with the gravity of such failure? What if my offspring that I managed to squeeze out would have been the next generation of self-righteous shitty internet poster?

The world will never know.

 

[Voidwolf]

Not wanting to have kids is not selfish at all, don't know why so many people are making it sound like it is. Having kids you don't want and then not taking proper care of them would be selfish.

 

[Kumquat]

I choose to be childfree because that is how I want to live my life. No waking up super early and getting them to school. No dealing with temper tantrums or listening to the same damn song on some toy play over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

Just having a good life.

 

[KarneeKarnay]

Not yet. Married now so maybe in a few years.

TBH I don't know if I'll ever be ready, but I do know I want one.