SirUltimos
Member
Well now, this thread certainly came at a convenient time!
GAF, I apologise in advance. I normally don't post a lot about my personal life (I don't post a lot period, and really, who cares about my personal life? No one knows me) but I've had a hell of a time recently and I think it would be nice to get some stuff off my chest. So even if no one reads this, I think it will be therapeutic to at least type some of this out.
This year (in June) I got out of a wonderful 5 and a half year relationship. We were deeply in love, had lived together for 5 of those years, and were basically the perfect partners for one another. We had even planned to move to another country together (the UK), both so she could go to school and so I could finally live my dream of residing in another country for a while.
The last month or two we were together things seemed... off. She seemed a lot more distant and wouldn't talk to me about things, and she started going home to see her parents more often. I didn't see these as big issues because:
- She was going home for events, such as Mother's Day and her mother's birthday. Those were fair reasons to go home, I thought.
- She was bringing some of her stuff, such as books, back to her parent's house. She explained as "We're going to be moving in a few months and the plan was to store everything there anyway, so I may as well get a head since I'm already going there". A reasonable explanation. We were originally going to move around the beginning of October.
- She was more stressed than usual at work, and her new long commute didn't help things (her office moved to a new city, requiring a much longer commute).
- Whenever I'd ask if everything was okay, she would say that it was. We'd never lied to eachother before, so I had no reason to believe she wasn't telling the truth.
Well, then it happened. To make a long story short, I came home from work one day and she was waiting with all of her stuff packed. She explained that was leaving. She was going to stay in a hotel that night, then have her parents come and pick her and her stuff up the next night. She even took my car to work the next day.
I was... devastated is a way to put it. I went into work and got nothing done, and spent the entire day either going for walks (and explaining to my best work friend what happened) or browsing GAF trying to occupy my mind. I came home that night... and that was it. She was gone.
Adding to this, I was just getting through a string of family situations. Several members of my family became sick within close proximity of eachother. Everything from infections, to strokes, to cancer, some to the point where we weren't sure if they were going to make it. My grandfather even stopped by at one point just to see everyone one last time in case his surgery didn't go well. Thankfully, everything was mostly passed by the time she dropped her bomb.
I don't think I had time to properly deal with things. This all happened on Wednesday or Thursday. On Saturday, I went to my cousin's wedding and had to be as cheerful as possible (and thankfully, no one asked where she was). then the next day, I flew to California for E3 (a businessy-trip I had planned months in advance). Then I mostly just kept myself occupied with videogames and whatever else I could do to distract myself. I even had a week previously booked off of work, which I still took and just... played games? I don't really remember what I did.
The only contact we've had since those last few days were when she picked up the keys to get the last of her stuff (I left the keys in my parent's mailbox, since I didn't wan to see her) and a few emails so she could email me the proper paperwork for the cat we adopted. I'm keeping him.
-----
Fast forward to August. I had a few small breakdowns in the weeks after she left, but for the most part was okay (I'm pretty much a champ at breakups at this point). I decided to just dip my toes in the pool of online dating again, just to see what was out there. I expected to maybe send a few messages, not get any responses, then take a break for a few months and try again when I felt I was ready.
What I didn't expect was to meet someone I was absolutely crazy about.
We started talking, and eventually meeting up. She's absolutely wonderful and we instantly clicked, talking all the time and doing fun things together. She's a little shy and introverted, but so am I so things were going really well, and she even got me to try some new things even though I'm normally not all that adventurous. Even better, she was able to get me out of my own head. For the first time in months I was able to not think about how the last relationship had ended, or worry constantly about my sick family members, or any of that other stuff that was constantly bouncing around inside my head. I fell hard and I fell fast.
We talked about it and made things "official" last week. We thought it was a good idea to define what we were doing officially as "dating", and she asked if I wanted to be her boyfriend. I said yes (of course) and was ecstatic. it gave me a reason to get up in the mornings, you know?
Then, on Saturday, I get a message. "I don't think I can do this" she says. She explains how anxious she is about being in her first real, in-person relationship (I'm sure no one cares about the backstory to this) and due to some mental walls she had built up, was incredibly nervous all the time and unable to sleep. "I can't do this. I'm sorry" she ended. We talked about things a little bit, but that was it. We hadn't even made it a week.
Even though we've only known eachother maybe a month and a half, this actually hit me pretty hard.
The next day I went to an event with my brother, and it was in the same neighbourhood I used to live in with my longterm girlfriend. I didn't think anything of it, until suddenly I got hit with a nostalgia bomb and everything came flooding back.
Now I'm sitting here. Once again I'm unable to sleep properly and haven't really eaten anything since Saturday morning (I've tried, but I get a few bites in and I feel sick). Everything coming back at once makes me think that I probably didn't deal with things properly on the first go around. I even called in sick to work yesterday, which is something I didn't even do when my longterm girlfriend left.
I was going to wait a few days and message the new girl, just to see how she was holding up. I checked this morning and see we are no longer friends on Facebook. I may have done that accidentally (I think my finger may have slipped on my phone when I opened her profile), or she have removed me. Either way, I still want to send a message even though I know it's a bad idea.
----
If anyone actually read any of this, then thank you. I don't expect anyone to read or care, but it feels good to finally be able to explain the whole thing, from start to finish. Thank you, GAF. This thread came at a good time for me, even if it means I'm starting to tear up a bit in the office as I write it. I know I'm going to be okay in a week or two. It's just... a lot of stuff to deal with all at once.
And I have a job interview tomorrow for the next step in my career. Let's hope I can focus on that.
GAF, I apologise in advance. I normally don't post a lot about my personal life (I don't post a lot period, and really, who cares about my personal life? No one knows me) but I've had a hell of a time recently and I think it would be nice to get some stuff off my chest. So even if no one reads this, I think it will be therapeutic to at least type some of this out.
This year (in June) I got out of a wonderful 5 and a half year relationship. We were deeply in love, had lived together for 5 of those years, and were basically the perfect partners for one another. We had even planned to move to another country together (the UK), both so she could go to school and so I could finally live my dream of residing in another country for a while.
The last month or two we were together things seemed... off. She seemed a lot more distant and wouldn't talk to me about things, and she started going home to see her parents more often. I didn't see these as big issues because:
- She was going home for events, such as Mother's Day and her mother's birthday. Those were fair reasons to go home, I thought.
- She was bringing some of her stuff, such as books, back to her parent's house. She explained as "We're going to be moving in a few months and the plan was to store everything there anyway, so I may as well get a head since I'm already going there". A reasonable explanation. We were originally going to move around the beginning of October.
- She was more stressed than usual at work, and her new long commute didn't help things (her office moved to a new city, requiring a much longer commute).
- Whenever I'd ask if everything was okay, she would say that it was. We'd never lied to eachother before, so I had no reason to believe she wasn't telling the truth.
Well, then it happened. To make a long story short, I came home from work one day and she was waiting with all of her stuff packed. She explained that was leaving. She was going to stay in a hotel that night, then have her parents come and pick her and her stuff up the next night. She even took my car to work the next day.
I was... devastated is a way to put it. I went into work and got nothing done, and spent the entire day either going for walks (and explaining to my best work friend what happened) or browsing GAF trying to occupy my mind. I came home that night... and that was it. She was gone.
Adding to this, I was just getting through a string of family situations. Several members of my family became sick within close proximity of eachother. Everything from infections, to strokes, to cancer, some to the point where we weren't sure if they were going to make it. My grandfather even stopped by at one point just to see everyone one last time in case his surgery didn't go well. Thankfully, everything was mostly passed by the time she dropped her bomb.
I don't think I had time to properly deal with things. This all happened on Wednesday or Thursday. On Saturday, I went to my cousin's wedding and had to be as cheerful as possible (and thankfully, no one asked where she was). then the next day, I flew to California for E3 (a businessy-trip I had planned months in advance). Then I mostly just kept myself occupied with videogames and whatever else I could do to distract myself. I even had a week previously booked off of work, which I still took and just... played games? I don't really remember what I did.
The only contact we've had since those last few days were when she picked up the keys to get the last of her stuff (I left the keys in my parent's mailbox, since I didn't wan to see her) and a few emails so she could email me the proper paperwork for the cat we adopted. I'm keeping him.
-----
Fast forward to August. I had a few small breakdowns in the weeks after she left, but for the most part was okay (I'm pretty much a champ at breakups at this point). I decided to just dip my toes in the pool of online dating again, just to see what was out there. I expected to maybe send a few messages, not get any responses, then take a break for a few months and try again when I felt I was ready.
What I didn't expect was to meet someone I was absolutely crazy about.
We started talking, and eventually meeting up. She's absolutely wonderful and we instantly clicked, talking all the time and doing fun things together. She's a little shy and introverted, but so am I so things were going really well, and she even got me to try some new things even though I'm normally not all that adventurous. Even better, she was able to get me out of my own head. For the first time in months I was able to not think about how the last relationship had ended, or worry constantly about my sick family members, or any of that other stuff that was constantly bouncing around inside my head. I fell hard and I fell fast.
We talked about it and made things "official" last week. We thought it was a good idea to define what we were doing officially as "dating", and she asked if I wanted to be her boyfriend. I said yes (of course) and was ecstatic. it gave me a reason to get up in the mornings, you know?
Then, on Saturday, I get a message. "I don't think I can do this" she says. She explains how anxious she is about being in her first real, in-person relationship (I'm sure no one cares about the backstory to this) and due to some mental walls she had built up, was incredibly nervous all the time and unable to sleep. "I can't do this. I'm sorry" she ended. We talked about things a little bit, but that was it. We hadn't even made it a week.
Even though we've only known eachother maybe a month and a half, this actually hit me pretty hard.
The next day I went to an event with my brother, and it was in the same neighbourhood I used to live in with my longterm girlfriend. I didn't think anything of it, until suddenly I got hit with a nostalgia bomb and everything came flooding back.
Now I'm sitting here. Once again I'm unable to sleep properly and haven't really eaten anything since Saturday morning (I've tried, but I get a few bites in and I feel sick). Everything coming back at once makes me think that I probably didn't deal with things properly on the first go around. I even called in sick to work yesterday, which is something I didn't even do when my longterm girlfriend left.
I was going to wait a few days and message the new girl, just to see how she was holding up. I checked this morning and see we are no longer friends on Facebook. I may have done that accidentally (I think my finger may have slipped on my phone when I opened her profile), or she have removed me. Either way, I still want to send a message even though I know it's a bad idea.
----
If anyone actually read any of this, then thank you. I don't expect anyone to read or care, but it feels good to finally be able to explain the whole thing, from start to finish. Thank you, GAF. This thread came at a good time for me, even if it means I'm starting to tear up a bit in the office as I write it. I know I'm going to be okay in a week or two. It's just... a lot of stuff to deal with all at once.
And I have a job interview tomorrow for the next step in my career. Let's hope I can focus on that.
