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I eat burgers with a knife and fork, I even created a process for complex burgers.

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MIMIC

Banned
The reasons for doing so are as a follows.

Large multilayered burgers are damn near impossible to put into your mouth whole.
Your hands and fingers stay clean when you use cutlery.

So let's go through the the process I mentioned for those especially complex burgers.

Step 1 - remove the buns, this can get tricky when sticky melted cheese is involved. Check the freshness of the buns while you are at it.

Step 2 - remove salad, tomatoes, pickles etc.

Step 3 - separate burgers and if included bacon, cut burgers into chunks.

Step 4 - eat components in order of steps 1 to 3. So buns first, then salad, tomatoes etc then then the burger itself.

Naturally add or remove steps based on extras that maybe included like onion rings and the like.

I was ready to defend you until you started taking the burger apart, lol

I once went out with some friends to this restaurant that served monster burgers. My burger came with a fork and a knife...and I definitely needed it. But I just cut it; I didn't remove the bun or anything inside.

It's the only time I've ever used a fork and a knife on a burger. It was HUGE.
 

LewieP

Member
I'll just about tolerate cutting a burger in half, but you are supposed to get messy hands when eating a proper burger.

If I ran a burger restaurant I would ban anyone seen disrespecting the food in the way you described.
 

-KRS-

Member
I mean I'll eat a burger with knife and fork if it's at an actual restaurant with fancy burgers, but sure as hell not at McDonalds. That process you describe in the OP is weird as fuck though...

I used to work at a place that had fancy burgers on the menu, one of which had 100g of kebab-meat, a chili-tomato stew and aioli on top of the regular meat and cheese. So it was messy as fuck. And I still from time to time would see people attempting to eat this monstrousity with their hands, failing miserably in the process and getting sause all over their hands and face. Then they would ask for more napkins to wipe their fucking face with. And all I could think about while giving them their napkins was "you know, there's a reason we put that cutlery next to your plate..."
 

Volotaire

Member
I eat burgers in a restaurant with a knife and fork because I don't want to make a mess and sometimes I have a beard. Large burgers usually fall apart easily.

If it's a fast food restaurant, I won't do this.

At home, it's all hands.
 

RoadHazard

Gold Member
That's just terrible. The point of eating a burger is getting a bit of everything in one bite. You're doing it wrong.

(I also sometimes eat burgers with knife and fork. But then I try to cut through the whole thing and get a full piece.)
 

mhayes86

Member
I would love to master a method for eating a burger with a knife and fork to keep my hands clean. OP, deconstructing the burger is WAY too much additional work, and you're hardly eating a hamburger at that point. You need all of its condiments, buns, and meat all in a single bite.
 

GHG

Member
I sometimes eat pizza with knife and fork.

Yes but do you:

1. Remove all toppings and put them to one side.
2. Remove all the cheese and put it to one side.
3. Scrape all of the pizza sauce off the base.
4. Remove crust from pizza base.
4.1. If stuffed crust remove stuffing from crust.
5. Proceed to eat everything one by one starting with 1, finishing with 4.

?
 

CSJ

Member
I went to get some pub grub recently with a bunch of people, a lot of us ordered the burger.
One of the guys in the group doesn't like greasy foods on his hands so uses a knife and fork. That's fine, this his thing.

Then I see other people look at him and do the same...like they thought "shit, is this how we're supposed to eat this now?"
Right before I start me and another person connect eyes and we both have that look of "fuck that". Carry on eating with my hands as the burger gods intended and I see other people start going from cutlery to hands. Funny how one person can make others change like that.
 
I have a much cleaner system for eating a burger. I bring a portable blender with me, pop a burger and can of coke into it, turn it all into liquid. Then down the whole thing. Quick and easy.
 
1. Pick up burger in both hands.
2. Put the little finger of both hands underneath the burger to provide structural support.
3. Eat it like a normal person.
 

Boney

Banned
If you're not in a MacDonald's then yeah one should be eating it with utensils. It's easier to eat, you don't get any grease on your hands and you don't look disgusting to the others on your table. The only argument for hands is some type of primitive shoving of food down your throat satisfaction.

But you process is too awkward.

Just cut it in half, optionally remove the top bun if you don't want all the bread and start by the edge. You won't be having all of the condiments on every piece you get so it'll be more.manageable.
 

UraMallas

Member
This has gotta be an attempt at humor. I can imagine (but not support) someone who eats a burger with a fork and knife, but if you seriously take the whole fucking thing apart what's even the point.
 

Colin.

Member
First eating pizza with a knife and fork, now this?! God damn it. Full on dissecting a burger. The whole point is that its meant to be good and easy food to eat with your hands.
 

AMUSIX

Member
Relevant:

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=489362

20120730-jakes-burger-intro.jpg


So I can understand OP in some circumstances. A lot of burgers are designed in a way that can't be eaten in hand.

People realize that most of that is just onion strings, right? When you pick the burger up with your hands and squeeze it, it compresses down to a bite-able thickness. Unless you have a small mouth, in which case I either envy or feel sympathy for your partner.
 
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