• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

So I just went on my girlfriends ipad....

Status
Not open for further replies.
I've mentioned it before, but I had to deal with a lot of comments about my appearence not always positive.

I had cosmetic surgery which has helped reduce the comments but I'm still not happy.

I try and avoid looking in the mirror, and don't like when people stare at me. If I'm out and someone is looking at me I get uncomfortable and start thinking what they're looking at.

It's something I've dealt with for a long time, and there's a bit of surgery I'd like still but it's a question of funds.

Yeah I get some positive comments, like my mum will tell me I'm good looking but it's my mum lol, or she'll show a photo to someone and they'll be positive, but it's not as though they're gonna turn round and say he's ugly. It's like a mother showing their son, most people are tactful.

I saw your pictures. You're fucking gorgeous. So I don't say this as an insult but as a favor; if you're not in therapy, you need to get in asap. Waaaaay better use of your money than surgery.
 

Vagabundo

Member
Cool, things worked out for the best.

Just watch out for yourself they seem like snakes, try and protect yourself from their fuckery with an audit trail and witnesses. She likes to lie through her teeth that one.
 

Kookos

Member
Started following this yesterday when OP was waiting for the gf to come home. Today I've spent my whole day-off refreshing this thread every 30 minutes, and I regret nothing.

You've done well, OP. You've done well.
 

OCD Guy

Member
Wait...OP wants cosmetic surgery?

wut

I've had cosmetic surgery already. I want more though, and veneers. My teeth aren't rotten but I want them perfect.

I know they say people in the UK have terrible teeth but I'm a little ocd with my teeth and visit the dental hygienist every couple of months and use electric toothbrush, waterpik, manual floss etc

So nice of OP's mum to pay half the rent for now, you're very fortunate to have such supportive parents.

Yes I've been spoilt as I'm an only child. I know I'm lucky at times.
 
Tm2gXu5.jpg
Good lord, I thought this thread wouldn't get better.

OP, if I'd been you I'd have started pulling up the screenshots the moment she started lying to your parents. You're one cool customer. Props.
 

Squalor

Junior Member
I saw your pictures. You're fucking gorgeous. So I don't say this as an insult but as a favor; if you're not in therapy, you need to get in asap. Waaaaay better use of your money than surgery.
Where are your pictures, O.P.?

I'm sure more plastic surgery isn't necessary. It was probably never necessary to begin with.
Can I get a summary?
Fuck no. A summary does not justice. You need to read this epic novel.
 

Kilrogg

paid requisite penance
I saw your pictures. You're fucking gorgeous. So I don't say this as an insult but as a favor; if you're not in therapy, you need to get in asap. Waaaaay better use of your money than surgery.

I second this. I wish I had your looks OP. Or at the very least your hair... Or just hair, really.
 

Yurikerr

This post isn't by me, it's by a guy with the same username as me.
I doubt he ever feels safe with her again. If he's spending all his free time gaming and on NeoGAF, he's clearly lost feelings for her, too.

Trying to stay together for kids is the worst idea. Kids know when their parents aren't happy, so that's awful advice.

Leaving a wife or husband doesn't mean leaving the kids.

I never said that he must stay with her because of kids. I even said that is up to him to try and make things good again. But it's

Some of you guys in here are too jaded. Just because he's been gaming too much he doesn't like her?? Then he doesn't love his kids too, right?

Seriously, all relationships go through some turbulence period. Some recover, some not.
 

The Real Abed

Perma-Junior
Please tell me you have since revealed the truth to your parents.

I never would have let my parents talk me into staying. They're paying her half because they feel bad for her because of what she told them you did. You need to reverse that. You need to get out. Now you're stuck there and there's always the lingering fear that she will come back with her friends. And you know what she'll have told them. Doesn't matter if you have proof. They will be angry and ready to cause some shit.

You should have revealed the truth when she made up that story.
 

qcf x2

Member
So I called my wife a bit later to talk and she didn't answer so I ended up calling this Jeff guy and I asked if he knew who I was and he said no. I asked if he knew my wife and said they were friends. Then I asked why he was chatting my wife on snapchat and then he hung up.

I called my wife a bit later and she answered and I asked who this Jeff person was, and she admitted in short that she was her backup plan. Things between my wife and I haven't been the greatest lately and she said she needed a plan of someone to support her in case we split up.

I had an hour on my lunch break to talk to her and has to go and she asked me what I wanted to do but I didn't have an answer yet.

Full disclosure: she says she's unhappy because she doesn't feel like she comes first (i play video games after the kids go to bed most nights) and she says I don't listen well enough.

she claims she never sent any pics to him and that he never sent any pics either but this was a guy she's been friends with behind my back since we have been together (7 years) and about 10 years ago she slept with him. She did say he has been hitting her up fairly often to hang out but according to her she hasn't hung out with him since we have been together. She did admit it was fucked up of her to talk to him like that, she went to him for emotional support and talked to him about her problems with our relationship.
I don't know what to do. I think I should just move out. Or maybe it's my fault for not giving her all of my free time

Sorry to hear about your situation, but I am so very dubious of any excuses given within the first 3 days of somebody being caught talking to other people when they're in a relationship.

Emotional support? She say she didn't send any pics but didn't the original message you read say "send me a pic"? As if all of a sudden for the first time she was going to send the guy a pic after 7 yrs of secretly being friends with him? If it was about emotional support then why did it start before your marriage started having trouble? I dunno man. I wish you the best, that's an awful situation.
 

Jokab

Member
You are totally disconnected from your emotions.

Or you know, just fully capable of self-control. I'm exactly the same way. It's not like we don't have emotions, it's just that we (well I can't claim to speak for both of us, but I imagine this is the case. Correct me if I'm wrong) choose not to act on many of them because we know it's not worth it in the end. Nothing good will come of it.
 

flkraven

Member
Ok so things didn't go the way I thought they would. A very brief summary.

I didn't have anything packed as I was waiting for parents to turn up, once they did, they were asking me how I was etc, and if I was sure I wanted to do this, while we're sitting down talking my ex turned up with her friend in tears.

My mum (or mom for you guys) is quite understanding, so she starts conversating with her to try and find out what's wrong.

She turned up after work and I locked her out last night so she had nowhere to go, I didn't tell her why I locked her out, I've been really distant with her and it's because I've been seeing people behind her back and I've not been nice to her at all, she just can't deal with it anymore, so she want's to grab her stuff and leave.

I'm listening to all this in disbelief, how she can talk this much crap with a straight face, let alone doing it with fake ass tears rolling down her face is something else. Her friend with her arm round her being quiet as a mouse is the icing on the cake.

The conversation moves onto the flat, and obviously the tenancy agreement, so while everyone's in the same room a call is made to the estate agents (or letting agents) to see the best way forward. After speaking to the landlord they're able to do an assignment, this is where they can basically assign the tenancy to me, all that's needed is a deed of assignment which my ex would need to sign, and obviously permission from the landlord.

Long story short but as there's not too long on the agreement my mum will cover the half that my ex was paying, and I'll be staying here for now.

There's obviously paperwork that needs to be done, and I'm hoping that my ex will still be co-operative once things are in motion.

She's grabbed her clothes and the dog and gone to her friends house. I didn't make any objections about the dog, as I didn't want to start something, when this might actually be the smoothest outcome for now. We paid half for the dog, but she always viewed her as more her's. Carrying him in a bag etc.

Dude, I know you are being super patient and nice but this is a little out of hand. You can't let her get away with trashing your good name. Tell you parents immediately the truth of what happened if you didn't already. You came home and found an ipad with a dudes dong on it, end of story. The more you sit idle quietly while she fabricates this story, the more difficult it will be for you to be believable telling the truth.

It's one thing to be level headed, but this is a good opportunity for you to practice defending your own integrity. You've got to respect yourself first and foremost.
 

Camwi

Member
So I called my wife a bit later to talk and she didn't answer so I ended up calling this Jeff guy and I asked if he knew who I was and he said no. I asked if he knew my wife and said they were friends. Then I asked why he was chatting my wife on snapchat and then he hung up.

I called my wife a bit later and she answered and I asked who this Jeff person was, and she admitted in short that she was her backup plan. Things between my wife and I haven't been the greatest lately and she said she needed a plan of someone to support her in case we split up.

I had an hour on my lunch break to talk to her and has to go and she asked me what I wanted to do but I didn't have an answer yet.

Full disclosure: she says she's unhappy because she doesn't feel like she comes first (i play video games after the kids go to bed most nights) and she says I don't listen well enough.

she claims she never sent any pics to him and that he never sent any pics either but this was a guy she's been friends with behind my back since we have been together (7 years) and about 10 years ago she slept with him. She did say he has been hitting her up fairly often to hang out but according to her she hasn't hung out with him since we have been together. She did admit it was fucked up of her to talk to him like that, she went to him for emotional support and talked to him about her problems with our relationship.
I don't know what to do. I think I should just move out. Or maybe it's my fault for not giving her all of my free time

With kids involved, you need to try and work this out. You don't need to give up ALL of your free time, but yeah, you should be spending more time with her.

Personally, my free time went out the window when my wife and I had a daughter. I now wake up at 3:30am every morning so that I can get an hour of game time in before going to work (more on the weekend). Otherwise, all my time is spent with either my family.

EDIT - Oh, and as someone else said, her contact with that douchebag needs to stop ASAP.
 

KingV

Member
The conversation felt sincere.
Appreciate the support and advise everyone. Do you think it's unreasonable for me to ask her to not talk to this person anymore?

Absolutely, I went through a similar situation recently. It's a tough road, but different than OCD since you are married with kids.

We are working it out and things are mostly better now. Happy to chat if you want an outside perspective.

Marriage counseling is a must, IMO.

If she's being obstinate, move out for a bit. Being a single mom with two kids will wake her ass up quick, most likely. (It did in my situation).

Edit: FYI if you think you are considering divorce, do not move out until you are forced to by a court order.
 
The conversation felt sincere.
Appreciate the support and advise everyone. Do you think it's unreasonable for me to ask her to not talk to this person anymore?

I've been in the exact same situation, she has to stop talking to him and you need to keep talking to her and work this out. I had a hell of a time getting rid of the other guy.

It really depends on how far along she was to leaving and whether she wants to work this out etc.

You're going to have to work on the relationship so that she has no reason to talk to people like that under such circumstances.
 

krang

Member
I've had cosmetic surgery already. I want more though, and veneers. My teeth aren't rotten but I want them perfect.

I know they say people in the UK have terrible teeth but I'm a little ocd with my teeth and visit the dental hygienist every couple of months and use electric toothbrush, waterpik, manual floss etc



Yes I've been spoilt as I'm an only child. I know I'm lucky at times.

Dude, you really don't need it. But if that's your thing, then cool, but now is probably the least favourable time to jump onto the gurney. Wait until you're happy with your situation and yourself, and then go enhance if you still want to.
 
... Not paying child support by winning custody/keeping the kids with him, not abandoning his kids, wtf?!!

Ah, apologies. Usually those comments are from people who don't want to support "someone else's" children.

TesUSA, your wife should definitely cut ties with this other person. I wouldn't begrudge someone turning to a friend about marital issues (I realize spending one's spare time playing videogames can be neglectful, but it doesn't rise up into permission to seek emotional support outside of the marriage), but a former lover should be out of bounds. And her describing him as a "backup plan" is a problem.
 

Figboy79

Aftershock LA
I'm glad that things have been going as smooth as possible.

My only bit of advice now is to have your mom or dad, or both present when it comes time to sign the papers. You're ex-gf is petty, a liar, and spiteful, so I wouldn't trust her to sign the papers in good faith when it's just the two of you. Having your parents there won't embolden her, and she'll probably sign them with no more fuss.

I don't enter these threads for a shit show, or for some kind of perverse entertainment because other people are going through shit and I'm currently not. I'd hope that any advice I give out in a thread like this is helpful or comforting in some way. The jokes and cartoons and drawings are definitely funny, and I laugh for sure, but I don't look to have a "legendary thread," or anything like that. I like to see people happy. It's awesome that you don't have to move as well.

You really should get some therapy to help with your insecurity. I have vitiligo, which has wreaked fucking havoc on my self esteem and confidence, but fortunately, I have a great support system and wife that has helped me immensely. She also suffers from social anxiety and insecurity, and she's currently getting help for it, and I highly recommend it for you as well. There's no shame in wanting to better yourself, but you're too hard on yourself. You're young, have a good head on your shoulders and an even temperament, but your lack of confidence is going to hurt you eventually. There's nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. Your girlfriend was lying right to your face, and to your parents, and her friends. That's not cool. I used to be like you when it came to just letting things roll off of me, because I have a pretty even temperament. As I've gotten older (37 now), I've learned to speak up for myself. I would have called her on her lies. The proof was there, and she couldn't argue against it, and, since it seems like she respects your parents, I doubt she'd have acted out after being caught in her lie.

In either case, what's done is done, and now you just have to go through the final steps to excise her from your life. Do not keep in contact with her after the forms have been signed and the place is yours. She's going to want you back. She's going to make claims about wanting to make it work. It's bullshit. You deserve better. Work on getting yourself right, and you'll attract someone who is interested in you for more than your looks. I wish you the best, and hopefully we can play some Alienation this weekend!
 

OCD Guy

Member
Did you tell your parents what really happened after your ex lied about it?

They knew what happened before they got here earlier.

Her oscar performance hasn't changed anything, it might work on her friends. But my parents are the ones that have been there through the depression, insecurity, surgery etc, and they know me more than anyone.

It's just not my style to see multiple people, I struggle to get people, like when I go out I never get people, but I'm pretty reserved, so even if someone tries to talk to me I sorta shut them down, and they just think I'm arrogant but it's not that at all.

Friends of mine are the complete opposite, they'll approach women and if they get knocked back, just move onto the next one.
 

dpunk3

Member
He's still on the lease agreement, though.

Her cheating doesn't absolve his having to pay his portion of the rent.

Pack her stuff up. Put it out. Change the locks while she's gone, haha.

So is she. She isn't going to pay half of the rent she owes if she isn't living there, furthermore since she is on the agreement she is entitled to living there.

The only way of getting out is to pay a termination fee, usually based on how much rent is left on the lease.
 
They knew what happened before they got here earlier.

Her oscar performance hasn't changed anything, it might work on her friends. But my parents are the ones that have been there through the depression, insecurity, surgery etc, and they know me more than anyone.

It's just not my style to see multiple people, I struggle to get people, like when I go out I never get people, but I'm pretty reserved, so even if someone tries to talk to me I sorta shut them down, and they just think I'm arrogant but it's not that at all.

Friends of mine are the complete opposite, they'll approach women and if they get knocked back, just move onto the next one.

That's good, just checking that you weren't letting her ruin your good name :)

You sound a lot like me, difference being you are really good looking dude. I know you mentioned nose and other types of surgery earlier but please do consider therapy first. Surgery can go wrong in a very bad way and it is possible you would just end up being even less happy with your appearance afterwards.

You need to deal with the root of the problem which seems to be how you think about yourself. Because how you look should not be a problem.
 

Squalor

Junior Member
So is she. She isn't going to pay half of the rent she owes if she isn't living there, furthermore since she is on the agreement she is entitled to living there.

The only way of getting out is to pay a termination fee, usually based on how much rent is left on the lease.
You aren't paying attention.

She said she's leaving.

His mother is covering the ex's half of the rent.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom