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What is infidelity to you and where do you cross the line?

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TheOfficeMut

Unconfirmed Member
Most people I know consider the physical act of sex to be the tipping point of infidelity, but I have also known people who considered simply speaking to another person with the intention or thought of eventually having sex to be infidelity, too.

What is infidelity to you and where do you draw the line?

Thinking about it?
Talking to a person?
Kissing?
Sex?

Meh, "draw the line," rather.
 
A

Air

Banned
Physical intimacy is a big one but there's also a level of emotional intimacy that when passed becomes an issue.
 
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TalkingToast

Member
I miss read your post at first, and thought you were saying just talking to the other sex constitutes infidelity, which would be absurd in my opinion.

I don't really see how someone could justify talking to someone else, with the express purpose of having sex with them, as not cheating. Genuinely curious !

I don't think fantasizing about sex with others is cheating, however. It feels relatively involuntary, but maybe that's just porn fucking with my head.
 
Z

Zaru

Member
TheOfficeMut said:
but I have also known people who considered simply speaking to another person with the intention or thought of eventually having sex to be infidelity, too.
Click to expand...

If that intent can be proven then it's only marginally better than actually doing it.
Though at that point there might still be a point in talking it out.
Beyond that point, zero tolerance. I don't need people with that kind of personality in my life.
 
T

thechristoph

Sir!
TheOfficeMut said:
Most people I know consider the physical act of sex to be the tipping point of infidelity, but I have also known people who considered simply speaking to another person with the intention or thought of eventually having sex to be infidelity, too.
Click to expand...

There ya go. Intent makes the difference. It doesn't matter what it is, but if the intent is there, then it's good enough.

Emotional infidelity is a whole 'nother kettle of fish. Much tougher to draw the line there.
 
C

CHC

Member
It's a scale, which I feel starts with intent. If I found out my girlfriend was exchanging flirtatious or sexual texts with someone, but they never did anything, I'd still consider that infidelity.

Physical desires or thoughts are fair game though, you're going to wind up with some fucked up stuff going on if you try to suppress your attraction to all but one member of the opposite sex. Can't help that, but you can help yourself from acting on it.
 
K

karmaforgotme

Member
Moose Biscuits said:
Is it cheating to have sex with a robot
Click to expand...

I know some people who think just watching 'porn' could be cheating. I think that is stupid (we would never be compatible), but to each their own.

My view is that partners need to be honest with each other when going into a relationship about boundaries. It is up to each individual couple to define their own personal boundaries of what is and not infidelity.
 
H

halfbeast

Banned
I'm all for an open relationship and that's because I don't or can't do it every time they want to. so, if somebody else does the job to keep us happy, I'm all for it.

it starts to fall apart when they lie about it or put more effort in casual sex, like sexting while we do something together or going on "bike rides" that somehow involves enema and lube (unless that's something cyclists do?).

infidelity was never high on my list of reasons to break up with someone, domestic violence and racism are.
 
T

Tregard

Soothsayer
halfbeast said:
I'm all for an open relationship and that's because I don't or can't do it every time they want to. so, if somebody else does the job to keep us happy, I'm all for it.

it starts to fall apart when they lie about it or put more effort in casual sex, like sexting while we do something together or going on "bike rides" that somehow involves enema and lube (unless that's something cyclists do?).

infidelity was never high on my list of reasons to break up with someone, domestic violence and racism are.
Click to expand...

This is worryingly specific
 
T

T.O.P

Banned
I'm in an open relationship and we decided to share everything with each other

So i guess fuckin someone without telling me first, i guess? I don't really care lol
 
S

san00ake

Member
If you're wondering whether something constitutes infidelity or not, you've already answered your own question. Ergo, if something is so borderline acceptable that you start wondering if it qualifies as cheating, you already are cheating inside your heart. There's smoke where there's a fire.
* I should mention that I'm not a feminazi just in case.
 
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TheOfficeMut

Unconfirmed Member
san00ake said:
If you're wondering whether something constitutes infidelity or not, you've already answered your own question. Ergo, if something is so borderline acceptable that you start wondering if it qualifies as cheating, you already are cheating inside your heart. There's smoke where there's a fire.
* I should mention that I'm not a feminazi just in case.
Click to expand...

Your definition of infidelity may not be the same as mine, which is what I am asking for in this topic - everyone's definition of it.

This has nothing to do with me trying to figure out what infidelity is for myself.
 
A

Akuun

Looking for meaning in GAF
IMO:

Being attracted to someone is not cheating.
Acting on that attraction, such as specifically talking to them to try to get in their pants is very close to cheating, if not cheating. It can probably be confronted without instantly breaking up with someone the way catching someone in bed would, but it's almost the same thing.
Actively looking for hookups outside your relationship is the same as the above.
 
F

Fury451

Banned
TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared said:
Kissing, sex, any form of sexual contact, emotional affairs, all infidelity to me. That'd be a deal breaker for me anyway.
Click to expand...
SomewhatGroovy said:
Simply put, it's when you cross a boundary that was never agreed upon by your SO
Click to expand...
Air said:
Physical intimacy is a big one but there's also a level of emotional intimacy that when passed becomes an issue.
Click to expand...



Basically this for me. Personally I never really think about it even, if it's a good relationship, but I don't think that if those thoughts cross your mind it's the same as infidelity. Infidelity is if you let them progress to emotional and physical connections with others.
 
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HardRojo

Member
Kissing someone and acting like lovers when together is the tipping point for me. If you're already kissing someone else then you're not giving any fucks about the relationship.
Maybe even sexting (whether or not pictures are involved).
 
D

Dany

Banned
Eh, I think my bf and I are pretty lax compared to some folks in here. As long as we're honest with whatever happened it's okay. It has worked great for us imo.
 
H

HardRojo

Member
Dany said:
Eh, I think my bf and I are pretty lax compared to some folks in here. As long as we're honest with whatever happened it's okay. It has worked great for us imo.
Click to expand...
Open relationship I'm guessing? If so then I don't see how infidelity could be a problem if you're being honest.
Edit: But I don't think most people are talking about open relationships here.
 
Thaedolus

Thaedolus

Gold Member
Pretty much anything that's not in the open. If you're keeping something a secret, you're probably in the wrong.
 
L

LegendofJoe

Member
Zaru said:
I'm getting weird images of someone riding a bike ... without a seat
Click to expand...

This is what I immediately thought of:

HgXgMJw.png
 
S

SliceSabre

Banned
Kissing or sensual touching meant to get the other person in the mood for what might be next.

Emotional is a bit harder to judge, more so a you know it when you see it.
 
M

Media

Member
Guys online flirt with me constantly, and it makes me uncomfortable but I don't really flirt back. Worried thr husband would get angry about that. Just try to continue to be nice and such.
Mineshaft_Gap said:
If I find out my partner is so much as masturbating his ass is out on the fucking curb. I don't put up with that shit.
Click to expand...
<3&#10084; you so much
 
Z

Zantetsuken

Member
Emotions can cause someone to check out of a relationship way before physical contact is even initiated. I found that out the hard way :(. But flirting is the line with me.

I do realize that we can become attracted to multiple people, but it doesn't mean it should be acted on.
 
Ray Wonder

Ray Wonder

Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Infidelity starts when they receive a message that's clearly flirting or inquiring into whether they're single, and their response isn't "I have a boyfriend"
 
M

Mineshaft_Gap

4077th
Media said:
Guys online flirt with me constantly, and it makes me uncomfortable but I don't really flirt back. Worried thr husband would get angry about that. Just try to continue to be nice and such.

<3&#10084; you so much
Click to expand...
<3 u 2, boo

I've "gotten in trouble" with past significant others in the past because I wasn't adamant enough about rebuffing flirtatious guys. I'm a very loyal person and I've never cheated or Imo, come anywhere close to crossing a line. But I'm pretty awkward about confrontation and rejection so I've been more liable to just shrug things off in the past where I know my partners would have preferred I be more firm in turning down said flirtatious people.
 
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