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Am I in the forever friend zone?

O

OpinionatedCyborg

Member
HotHamBoy said:
No, see, this guy is just an asshole. The definition of "friendzone" is not "friends."

She wants to be his friend and he is like IT'S ALL OR NOTHING.

Why can't he just say "i like you as a person so yeah, let's be friends" and just stop being so fixated on this one person. Accept it and move on. Why throw away the opportunity for a friendship?

It is beyond his capacity to see her any other way. She must love him romantically or she can fuck off (in his mind).

It's not the same as trying to be friends with your ex. And that even works out fine for some people.
Click to expand...
Maybe this person is infatuated with her in an unhealthy way and needs to move on -- sometimes you have to split for awhile to make that happen. We dont' know the details.

You aren't obligated to fuck anyone or be in a relationship -- including friendship -- with anyone.

I had a close female friend of mine tell me she was in love with me last year. I thought we were good friends (friends of 8 years, met while traveling, spoke frequently about all sorts of things, supported each other, etc.). She starts flirting with me in a way that's inappropriate about a year ago, so I start giving her a bit of the cold shoulder to try to gently let her know it isn't going to happen. She then proceeds to confess she loves me blah blah blah. I say OK, maybe you need some time apart. She doesn't want that. We go back to being bros. She starts getting angry at me every so often when I don't respond to her texts fast enough, hang out enough, etc. After one of these incidents where she gets angry, I call her on it and say it isn't cool. I can't be there 24 hours a day for her. She says she can't deal with this anymore, has an obsession, blah blah blah. The end.

It's shitty that a person I considered a close friend was probably just talking to me on a near-daily basis for 5 - 6 years because she wanted to fuck me, but I see why she needs me out of her life to move on. The shittiest thing is after a few months of not hearing from her, she sends me a letter saying she doesn't want to be friends in the future and will probably try to ignore me if she runs into me in person again.

It is really horrible losing friends this way.... which is why several times in this thread I've mentioned it's a bad idea to flirt or lead people on. It's a nice ego boost in the short run, but it will be painful in the long run when you lose people you care about because they see you romantically while you see them platonically.

Mossybrew said:
Hah, seriously, this is such a shallow take on human attraction. This chick wouldn't give me the time of day before, but now that I'm swole she's interested - wow what a catch! True Love gents.
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eh, it's normal to want to jump into their bones at the start of a relationship... if someone's a slob, withdrawn, or physically unappealing and then they turn themselves around that could definitely change how you view them physically... and if you are physically attaced to them, then you are more open to getting to know them. I suppose human attraction is fairly shallow in the beginning.
 
U

uncelestial

Member
Livedili said:
what about my membership? I've been on this forum for two years (and even more before getting my registration approved).


Gratz, you understood my joke.


The problem with your attitude is: You're not even willing to try to accept someone elses opinion on it. You're so entilted to your "feminism is warranted" stance that you're not seeing how far these humans went.

When feminists start being triggered by a name or just a couple kissing in public (see here) or by just saying hello to them (here), you know they're not right in their mind. And these are not just some rare cases as you say. It happens frequently to the point of it being just a cult, think Gamer Gate.

But yeah, let's agree on the point: If you're a white male and educated, you're a misogynist. Which is why I don't even bother replying to this thread anymore. End of story. This is stupid beyond belief.
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I miss bishoptl.
 
L

LionPride

Banned
OpinionatedCyborg said:
Maybe this person is infatuated with her in an unhealthy way and needs to move on -- sometimes you have to split for awhile to make that happen. We dont' know the details.

You aren't obligated to fuck anyone or be in a relationship -- including friendship -- with anyone.

I had a close female friend of mine tell me she was in love with me last year. I thought we were good friends (friends of 8 years, met while traveling, spoke frequently about all sorts of things, supported each other, etc.). She starts flirting with me in a way that's inappropriate about a year ago, so I start giving her a bit of the cold shoulder to try to gently let her know it isn't going to happen. She then proceeds to confess she loves me blah blah blah. I say OK, maybe you need some time apart. She doesn't want that. We go back to being bros. She starts getting angry at me every so often when I don't respond to her texts fast enough, hang out enough, etc. After one of these incidents where she gets angry, I call her on it and say it isn't cool. I can't be there 24 hours a day for her. She says she can't deal with this anymore, has an obsession, blah blah blah. The end.

It's shitty that a person I considered a close friend was probably just talking to me on a near-daily basis for 5 - 6 years because she wanted to fuck me, but I see why she needs me out of her life to move on. The shittiest thing is after a few months of not hearing from her, she sends me a letter saying she doesn't want to be friends in the future and will probably try to ignore me if she runs into me in person again.

It is really horrible losing friends this way.... which is why several times in this thread I've mentioned it's a bad idea to flirt or lead people on. It's a nice ego boost in the short run, but it will be painful in the long run when you lose people you care about because they see you romantically while you see them platonically.
Click to expand...
Ay people of all genders need to stop doin this shit, myself included

If you don't like a person, just tell they ass, in like a public setting especially if you a woman because some dudes can't take rejection well like at all

But none of this ignoring them mess, just tell em straight up
 
Mossybrew

Mossybrew

Member
OpinionatedCyborg said:
.. if someone's a slob, withdrawn, or physically unappealing and then they turn themselves around
Click to expand...

Aright my last time beating this dead horse - how often does such a piece of shit really suddenly "turn themselves around" in any significant way - and then how often after that does a girl who shunned him originally suddenly want this dude? Again, this is such a fringe situation, honestly my guess is the only times these things work are years after the fact, like, "Holy shit Jimmy, I haven't seen you since high school ten years ago, you look GREAT now" and in these situations it's more than Jimmy just looking better, but having the life experience to now not be such a timid little boy.
 
L

lightskintwin

Banned
Mossybrew said:
Aright my last time beating this dead horse - how often does such a piece of shit really suddenly "turn themselves around" in any significant way - and then how often after that does a girl who shunned him originally suddenly want this dude? Again, this is such a fringe situation, honestly my guess is the only times these things work are years after the fact, like, "Holy shit Jimmy, I haven't seen you since high school ten years ago, you look GREAT now" and in these situations it's more than Jimmy just looking better, but having the life experience to now not be such a timid little boy.
Click to expand...

Nobody added all of that except you. Improving your physical attraction and overall presentation can mean a lot of things.

Somebody could not be attracted to somebody for much smaller and fixable reasons like the persons lack of grooming where they look like a bum and fixes it by getting a stylish hair cut and either go clean shaven facial hiar, nice beard line up, goatee, etc... and looks more attractive to that same person who can now see their face and likes what they see and gives them a chance.
 
Mossybrew

Mossybrew

Member
riotous said:
Well i have good news for you, its back.
Click to expand...

Well if one good thing came from this thread, it's that I can now be on the lookout for a crystal clear malt beverage with a slight citrus edge. But since things are never what nostalgia makes of them in our minds, I will be better served to simply caress the bottle gently, then place it back into its container on the shelf and move on.
 
Mossybrew

Mossybrew

Member
lightskintwin said:
Nobody added all of that except you. Improving your physical attraction and overall presentation can mean a lot of things.

Somebody could not be attracted to somebody for much smaller and fixable reasons like the persons lack of grooming where they look like a bum and fixes it by getting a stylish hair cut and either go clean shaven facial hiar, nice beard line up, goatee, etc... and looks more attractive to that same person who can now see their face and likes what they see and gives them a chance.
Click to expand...

It's okay man, keep believing, with that right hairstyle and facial grooming method, she's sure to come around.
 
D

Draper

Member
We all have our price. I'd let someone do weird things to me for a Tesla.

Regarding the Zima, just go have a sprite. The impact is stronger.

Mossy, are you saying that attraction isn't physical?
 
R

riotous

Banned
Mossybrew said:
Aright my last time beating this dead horse - how often does such a piece of shit really suddenly "turn themselves around" in any significant way - and then how often after that does a girl who shunned him originally suddenly want this dude? Again, this is such a fringe situation, honestly my guess is the only times these things work are years after the fact, like, "Holy shit Jimmy, I haven't seen you since high school ten years ago, you look GREAT now" and in these situations it's more than Jimmy just looking better, but having the life experience to now not be such a timid little boy.
Click to expand...

I think if you've literly had failed attempts with someone specific you have low chances in the future no matter what you improve.

But you have a decent chance witb people who you havent failed with yet. Obviously a good personality to go along with that improves the odds.

I went to three ten year high school reunions in a row (via dates, and then my own). They are rife with formerly meh dudes and ladies who hit it off after some physical improvement.

And that included some real stick in the muds. I knew the most boring human on the planet who decided to not eat a carb for a decade and showed up at his ten year literally getting groped left and right with the same dull personality.

Shallow attraction is a huge part of people hooking up or even getting into relationships.
 
Mossybrew

Mossybrew

Member
riotous said:
I think if you've literly had failed attempts with someone specific you have low chances in the future no matter what you improve.

But you have a decent chance witb people who you havent failed with yet. Obviously a good personality to go along with that improves the odds.

I went to three ten year high school reunions in a row (via dates, and then my own). They are rife with formerly meh dudes and ladies who hit it off after some physical improvement.

And that included some real stick in the muds. I knew the most boring human on the planet who decided to not eat a carb for a decade and showed up at his ten year literally getting groped left and right with the same dull personality.
Click to expand...

Yeah this is pretty much what I was clarifying, this kind of "turnaround" can happen but usually it takes years, and not usually someone who straight out rejected you but someone who maybe didn't take much notice of you at all now does. And it's usually just a process of people naturally maturing and changing and not "I hit the gym this summer and now girls who spurned me are going to suddenly be into me"
 
D

Draper

Member
Development with my joke.

5VYgi66.png
Click to expand...
 
I

-ImaginaryInsider

Member
Just caught up with this thread...

The OP popping back up at the halfway point being completely delusional and suddenly having gone out on "50 dates" was a hell of a twist.
 
R

riotous

Banned
Mossybrew said:
Yeah this is pretty much what I was clarifying, this kind of "turnaround" can happen but usually it takes years, and not usually someone who straight out rejected you but someone who maybe didn't take much notice of you at all now does. And it's usually just a process of people naturally maturing and changing and not "I hit the gym this summer and now girls who spurned me are going to suddenly be into me"
Click to expand...

Yeah i figured thats what you were talking about and mostly agree. Failure with someone rarely turns around, if it does its usually because some situation changed. Like someone just out of a relationship needing some space and then a few weeks or months later hitting you back up.

Ive had friends that were persistent as hell and actually had some "success" over time, if you want to call it that. Convincing someone to be with you usually involves them settling, and when you settle you keep an eye on the door waiting for something better.
 
M

Matrix XII

Member
V

Van Bur3n

Member
televator said:
Christ. Delete facebook account, abandon all social media, leave appartment, go live in the woods, grow a beard, and start a new life in a small town where no one recognizes you. That's what I'd wanna do after this.
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Like I said: Eastport, Maine. Quiet town, work the docks, find a nice girl, begin life anew. Only solution when one is friend zoned as hard as the OP or in all of these images.
 
P

Pepboy

Member
excelsiorlef said:
Nothing says respectable like if you're not gonna have sex with me I don't want to be around you
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Please stop slut shaming. If someone is upfront with only wanting a sexual relationship, and otherwise does not want a friendship, that's a perfectly respectable way to treat others. Not everyone wants or has time for boatloads of friends.

Edit: actually I think the word we mean to use is respectful. Respectable is a kind of classist / misogynistic word, especially with the history of what it means to be a "respectable" woman or come from a "respectable" family.
 
E

excelsiorlef

Member
Pepboy said:
Please stop slut shaming. If someone is upfront with only wanting a sexual relationship, and otherwise does not want a friendship, that's a perfectly respectable way to treat others. Not everyone wants or has time for boatloads of friends.

Edit: actually I think the word we mean to use is respectful. Respectable is a kind of classist / misogynistic word, especially with the history of what it means to be a "respectable" woman or come from a "respectable" family.
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What? Slut shaming? Really?

Also I'm using respectable in the sense of decent and good and I'm talking about men here but perhaps respectful is a less caustic word.

And being up front is one thing, up front would be not putting the blame on them, not acting like something is being done to them. If the attraction makes it too hard to be friend then by all means.

Read how it's worded...

A) All about her friend zoning him.
B) Settling for friendship... What a horrible thing to say. Like you want to date them but think so little of them in honesty that without the perks of a "relationship" you don't want to accept the downgrade. It completely makes friendship out to be something bad.

By all means they are free to not be, and frankly shouldn't be friends with someone if they think so little of them like that.

Also if this was a desire for casual sex, that's cool, there's nothing wrong with wanting casual sex, there is something wrong with insulting the person you wanted to have it with. Also assuming this is even real, and this is a casual sex thing I'm not really convinced the dude was all that upfront about his wants given that they're texting, which means communication beyond the first meetin where the I only want casual sex thing should have been laid out, but I'm extrapolating a lot from a single, probably fake image.

That's not slut shaming, people can have casual sex or whatever as much as they want but good lord when someone wants to be your friend but not your partner (which is basically what the core foundation of a relationship is built on) don't throw it back them and call it settling, don't act like wanting to be friends is something bad being done to you. It's disrespectful as fuck.There's a million ways to word that while showing respect, that image is so far from one of them.
 
C

Cow Mengde

Banned
LionPride said:
Ay people of all genders need to stop doin this shit, myself included

If you don't like a person, just tell they ass, in like a public setting especially if you a woman because some dudes can't take rejection well like at all

But none of this ignoring them mess, just tell em straight up
Click to expand...

The other week I asked out this girl who I've known for almost a year. She rejected me very nicely. I shrugged. We're still good friends. I mainly did it just for the heck of it. It's not like I have any hidden feelings for her. I just saw that she was a great person, and maybe we should give it a shot. I knew she would be cool with it if she didn't feel it. Turned out exactly as I thought, and nothing's changed between us.
 
D

Deleted member 10571

Unconfirmed Member
Yup, basically just had a first meetup after a drunk evening to get to know each other and we're both happy with being friends, since we seem to click well and have same interests nobody else around here has, but aren't too insterested in a relationship sense.
This thread here is fun, but geez some people are weird :D
 
D

dlauv

Member
Sounds like she might like you, but people are weird. I've never had a friendship like that. I'd suggest coming clean with your feelings as soon as convenient.

Try not to be dramatic: "Since the first time I..."
Try to state your emotions as matter of factly, in the present tense: "I like you and I'm interested in pursuing something more." Except less robotically.

Even if she turns you down, the latter approach won't leave such a strain on things, and you two should continue being friends unaffected, if you wish.
 
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