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[-x.Red.x-]

Oh dr pleb....

I know there will be enough volunteers, so all the items in nice big receipt =]

 

[Chinner]

do you think mr.pleb is for or against circumcision and if so does he piss in the shower also does he like xbox or playstation and last question what is his opinion on my little pony.

 

[Noaloha]

Take volunteers. Count them. Purchase space-gadgets to that value.

We can only send volunteers though. Otherwise the real price of all this stuiff to benefit humanity will be.. our own humanity.

DUN DUN DUUUUN

 

[Trojita]

do you think mr.pleb is for or against circumcision and if so does he piss in the shower also does he like xbox or playstation and last question what is his opinion on my little pony.

How much does he tip?

 

[msv]

Who decides who goes? If the broadcast was sent like this, I imagine Dr. Pleb would get millions of different lists...

 

[Dorrin]

How many people to get Mama Robotnik back to making awesome gifs?

 

[Kritz]

1. Release everybody from prison. No more prisoners!
2. Give Pleb all those guys.
3. He can keep any spares. If by chance this is not enough, give him the entire population of New Zealand. Nothing against New Zealanders, but, well. Better you than us. Again, he can keep the change.

 

[Conciliator]

Voluntary method. Anyone who wants to sign up as a guinea pig for Dr. Pleb is free to do so. They can even specify which technology they want to sacrifice themselves for. If the numbers add up, they get to go. I'm sure a lot of people who feel they don't have much of a future on earth would volunteer.

I was thinking this too, but it gets a little more complicated when the people that are willing to throw their lives away for a cosmic dice roll know what the world would/could be like after they're gone. They probably see much more of a future now that the eradication of suffering is coming.

Still though, morally that's what I would have to choose(assuming that this hypothetical implies that the reader has full, autonomous control over the results). I think we could get a couple dozen thousand easily anyway, people who have been waiting their whole lives to sacrifice themselves for the greater good, People who would rather go down as legend than live on a utopian Earth. And maybe more than that. If so, the near-infinite energy device, immunity vaccine and nanite swarm are the obvious first choices, I'd go from there. I don't think I would leave the rest of the choices up to a world-wide free vote, though it crossed my mind.

On the other hand is the utilitarian argument. You sacrifice the full amount, anyone really, because the pleasure is(presumably) greater than the suffering. So, human rights, or utilitarian morality? I consider myself a secular humanist first and foremost, so I would not force any sentient entity into potential infinite suffering under any circumstance. As soon as we give up on inherent rights, we give up on the only thing that makes civilization worthwhile for mankind, and for the rest of my now infinite-existence I would no longer be able to consider myself altruistic.

 

[Conciliator]

Take volunteers. Count them. Purchase space-gadgets to that value.

We can only send volunteers though. Otherwise the real price of all this stuiff to benefit humanity will be.. our own humanity.

DUN DUN DUUUUN

You said what I ended up writing, except less pretentious and people will actually read it.

 

[TheNatural]

Cap the fucker in the head(s) and take it all. Use Xenu to banish him into a volcano and make him read Dianetics for eternity. Win.

 

[DurielBlack]

I would form a highly specialized team consisting of a child, a female combat specialist, and a male techie. These three heroes will board Dr. Plebs ship, endure great hardship, and in the end triumph over the villianious Dr. This plucky band of do-gooders will then return to Earth with all of Dr. Plebs miraculous devices.

Edit: Female Combat Specialist will have a dark past which Dr. Pleb will attempt to use against the group and the Child will help her come to terms with it. The end result is that she finally falls in love with Male Techie.

 

[Hansel]

I have destroyed my joke in shame.

 

[SuperSonic1305]

He's looking for HEALTHY human beings.

 

[Keikaku]

One Plebian Sexual Experiences Amplifier, please!

Junior members get nothing.

 

[zoku88]

He's looking for HEALTHY human beings.

Crap, I just happened to bike to work today...

It seems like the hub thing would most likely get to the FTL drive. As in, for the hub thing to work, some kind of FTL mechanism would be needed. Therefore, you could use the learnings from that to make a FTL drive or equivalent.

 

[Hansel]

Junior members get nothing.

Oh, I see.

 

[kehs]

It's cute some think people aren't being used as currency already.

 

[Brazil]

I'm betting there'd be millions healthy volunteers around the world. Just toss everything in the shopping cart.

It's cute some think people aren't being used as currency already.

Huh.

 

[Haly]

In a Shyamalan-esque tweest, Mama Robotnik will reveal that he was Doctor Pleb all along.

 

[Utako]

I think the prices need to be raised. Currently, going for the whole lot is too easy to satisfy, and I would definitely push for that.

250,000,000 people (or about the population of the USA) for all the specs would make it a more interesting choice.

 

[Keikaku]

It's cute some think people aren't being used as currency already.

Fight the system, man. You'll never be one of the sheeple.

 

[HolyCheck]

I think the prices need to be raised. Currently, going for the whole lot is too easy to satisfy, and I would definitely push for that.

250,000,000 people (or about the population of the USA) for all the specs would make it a more interesting choice.

250,000,000 people no.
250,000,000 people from the USA? yes fucking please.

 

[Arment]

I think the prices need to be raised. Currently, going for the whole lot is too easy to satisfy, and I would definitely push for that.

250,000,000 people (or about the population of the USA) for all the specs would make it a more interesting choice.

I was thinking the same thing. Make it enough to offset the number of volunteers. I think the amount of people willing to go (for various individual reasons) would exceed the total price for all of it.

If there's no specific time limit I could see a program run that would pay individuals a large sum of money to use for whatever they want for a period of time before they were handed over.

 

[vicissitudes]

It's a shame that mama robotik makes such an elaborate post and few people put any thought into their replies.

I will make a longer post when I get home but the short version is I would not get most of them as I see a lot of potential problems, also the cost is greater than people think. It's easy to say "who cares give then strangers" but how would you feel if you got chosen? Or a friend or a family member? Whoever gets picked is a friend or family to a lot of other people. How many people would actually volunteer to possibly die or be tortured for eternity just so other strangers get all these amazing advancements? Take the sex pill, for example. You're potentially killing roughly the amount of people who perished in 9/11 for something that's ultimately pretty trivial.

 

[EmptyCanO'wupass]

Probably at least a few thousand people who'd want to go with an alien willingly anyway, so might as well buy one or two things with them if they're going to go regardless.

 

[GavinGT]

From the darkest depths of space, a behemoth of a spaceship enters orbit of our small planet. Our pitiful scans reveal its technology is so advanced, it may as well be magic: a living machine, bigger on the inside, with a hull made of hard light and bulkheads grown from fluidic dark matter.

From one of the vessel’s energy strings, a message broadcasts across the entire planet. Every audio and visual device broadcasts, even those without power and long since broken.
As the static clears, billions of people see this friendly face.

That’s right. Dr. Pleb, supreme scientist of the six multiverses, inventor of thought-gravity and regular chess-partner with the cosmos consciousness, wants to purchase some human beings.

Here is the deal: The good Doctor will sell the peoples of the planet Earth various specifications in exchange for set numbers of healthy human beings. The human beings must:

• not be cloned

• not be terminally ill or close to death from old age

• not be current inhabitants of our penal system.

• must be named specifically at the time of payment. The humans will be chosen by the people of Earth and not Dr. Pleb.

Dr. Pleb informs us that he will not disclose what will happen to these human beings, they will simply be transported to his vessel and never seen again. They may live, they may die, they may be sent to a place of bliss, they may be tortured for all time, there will be no information provided on what will happen to them. Dr. Pleb also assures us that no matter what technological advances we purchase, we will still never be able to recover these people.

The list is broadcast. Dr. Pleb emphasises that if we do not purchase a specification, it is astronomically unlikely that the human race will ever be able to achieve such inventions on its own.


The Shopping List


The Plebian molecular fusion generator (schematics)

This generator will provide a thousand times more output than the combined current energy generation facilities on the earth, cleanly, and powered by one cup full of water per year. The expected lifespan of the device is a thousand years.

This package is for the schematics of the device, including the techniques to produce and refine all of the needed materials from half a tonne of Earth sand.

Cost: 1000 Human Beings.


The Plebian Immunity Vaccine (schematics)

This vaccine will render human beings completely immune to all diseases and sickness. Any current disease or sickness will be cured within seconds of injection. There are no side effects.

This package includes the schematics of the vaccine and instructions on how to easily manufacture it with current Earth technology.

Cost: 1000 Human Beings.


The Plebian Environment Repairing Nanite Swarm (schematics)

This self-repairing self-replacing cloud of nanites will swim through the air of the planet, repairing the damage caused by humans. The ozone layer will be restored, sea acidity will be tempered, pollutants will be neutralised and the ice caps will restore to normal. The swam can be activated and deactivated from a simply control station that will be included in the package.

Cost: 1000 Human Beings



The Plebian Sexual Experiences Amplifier (schematics)

This is a pill about the size of an aspirin that when taken, will amplify the pleasures of sexual and erotic experience in a range, ten thousand to a million times what they are now. The pill will lead to blinding orgasms leaving you and your partner writing in a billion ecstasies for hours. The pill also makes sure that the human heart and brain does not explode as they would do if a human were to experience even a thousandth of such intense pleasure. The effect of the pill lasts for about six hours.

This package includes the recipe for the pill, easily manufactured from current Earth materials.

Cost: 3000 Human Beings


The Plebian Internal Nanite Crew (schematics)

This package includes an injectable swarm of nanites that will inhabit your body. At your will they can painlessly make adjustments to your physical appearance. Want a more defined body? Want to be slimmer? Bigger boobs/penis? Want to control your hairline? Want clearer skin? Want to change your hair, skin and eye colour?

This package includes the schematics for a nanite assembly machine, easily manufactured from Earth metals and polymers. The machine will inject a swarm into a human painlessly allowing him or her to reap the benefits immediately.

Cost: 3000 Human Beings


The Plebian Holodeck (schematics)

Dr. Pleb has watched our transmissions and is amused by the Star Trek holodeck. He will provide us with the schematics to build them so that they are refined from steel and plastic, easily producible, able to be installed in any spare room that is at least 2 meters squared, and uses the same amount of power as an electric light bulb.

The holodeck will function exactly as it does in the show.

Cost: 5000 Human Beings


The Plebian Time Observer (schematics)

This device allows the tuning in of any place in Earth's past and present. The device allows any moment in history to be observed. The consequences of such a device are staggering, the entire history of humanity can be observed, crimes will always be witnessed, the historical truth will always be known. The device is compatible with the Holodeck technology.

This package includes all the schematics and refinement technologies and is easily buildable from one hundred kilograms of Earth sand.

Cost: 4000 Human Beings


The Plebian Multiverse Internet Router (schematics)

There are an infinite number of Earths out there, with an infinite number of internets. The Plebian Multiverse Internet Router is a simple device that collects to a standard PC through a faster-than-light speed input. The router allows the browsing of the internets in every universe. Want to buy digital downloads of games that don't exist in this reality? No problem, there are an infinite number of them waiting for you. Want to watch a streaming version of any film with a completely different cast playing the roles? No problem, just log into Netflix in one of the other universes. Want to play the demo of Half Life 3, or connect your Wii to the Nintendo Store that has Miyamoto's seminal Super Mario Bros. 4? No problem.

The Plebian Multiverse Internet Router also connects to a financial hub located on one of the infinite Earths that allows you to purchase content from any reality transmitting your funds through the hub to the reality with the shop or service.

The package includes schematics for the router, easily mass produced with Earth materials.

Cost: 10,000 Human Beings


The Plebian Faster than Light Drive (schematics)

This drive will allow any spacecraft we construct to safely travel to other solar systems in minutes. The drive is powered on one cup of water per year.

This package includes the schematics of the device, including the techniques to refine all of the needed materials from a single tonne of Earth sand.

Cost: 10,000 Human Beings


The Plebian Artifical Afterlife generator (schematics)

This package includes two components:

(1) The schematics for a microchip transmitter that can be easily mass produced and inserted into the back of the skull with no ill effects

(2) The schematics for a generator that when activated, will create a small permanent pocket universe in orbit of the planet, about the size of the moon.

At the moment a human dies, the microchip transmitter will transmit the entire human consciousness from the body to the pocket universe, in which they will be able to exist for as long as they like in a state of bliss. The human "souls" in the pocket universe will be able to watch their loved ones below, be able to browse the ever changing internet, interact with each other and recreate any experience they wish. They can however, never return to the "living" world.

This package includes the schematics of the device, including the techniques to refine all of the needed materials from ten tonnes of Earth sand.

Cost: 250,000 Human Beings


The Plebian Enhanced Artificial Afterlife Generator (schematics)

This device is an enhanced version of the Plebian Artificial Afterlife Generator. It retains all of the functionality of the inferior model plus two enhancements.

(1) The machine will now work on pets.

(2) The machine generates a time-transcending nanoswarm of invisible microscopic machines. They travel back in time inserting an invisible microchip transmitter into the skull of every human being who ever lived, and at the moment of their death, transmitting their consciousness into the Artificial Afterlife orbiting Earth. This can be set with a filter if desired, so that "evil" people are not included in the process. With this device activated, every human being who has ever lived and will ever live, will go to artificial heaven.

Cost: 400,000 human beings


The Plebian Solar System shield (schematics)

The universe has some pretty nasty species in it. There are many races in the darkest corners of the cosmos that will feed off our tortures, consume our fear like a drug and regard us as unplayed instruments in an orchestra of agony. These creatures have techniques to prevent death, allowing our pain to continue as long as they are amused, a time that might outlast even the universe itself.

The Plebian Solar System shield is a device about the size of the Eiffel Tower that can be constructed on The Moon. It is entirely powered by the Moon's gravity. When activated, the device will project a protective shield around the entire solar system that is impenetrable to any creatures that inhabit this universe.

This package includes the schematics of the device, including the techniques to procude and refine all of the needed materials from couple of tonnes of Earth soil.

Cost: 500,000 human beings


The Plebian Terraformation Torpedo (schematics)

This torpedo will transform any planet or moon into an environment like Earth. The torpedo will generate a breathable atmosphere, identical gravity, comfortable temperature and if needed a small orbiting self-sustaining sun to deliver heat and night/day cycles.

The schematics include all needed instructions and refinement techniques, and can be manufactured with two tonnes of common Earth materials.

Cost: 400,000 human beings


The pricelist – short version

The Plebian molecular fusion generator = 1000 human beings
The Plebian Immunity Vaccine = 1000 human beings
The Plebian Environment Repairing Nanite Swarm = 1000 human beings
The Plebian Sexual Sexual Amplifier = 3000 human beings
The Plebian Internal Nanite Crew = 3000 human beings
The Plebian Holodeck = 5000 human beings
The Plebian Time Observer = 4000 human beings
The Plebian Multiverse Internet Router = 10,000 human beings
The Plebian Faster than Light Drive = 10,000 human beings
The Plebian Artifical Afterlife generator = 250,000 human beings
The Plebian Enhanced Artificial Afterlife Generator = 400,000 human beings
The Plebian Solar System shield = 500,000 human beings
The Plebian Terraformation Torpedo = 400,000 human beings.

THE LOT = 1,500,000 human beings (normally 1,588,000 so you are getting a 88,000 people discount.)


The choice

Dr. Pleb has presented his offer. He will now leave and give the planet a year to make up its choice. When he returns in a year he will expect one of these scenarios:

• The people of Earth have turned down his offer and ask him to leave. He will do so peacefully and never return. The humans trust their ability to survive in the universe without this technology

• The people of Earth have decided to buy some of the technology, and have the expected number of named humans ready as payment to be transported to Dr. Pleb’s vessel.

• The people of Earth have decided to buy all of Dr. Pleb’s technology for the cost of one and a half million human beings,

What do you do?

Do you tell Dr. Pleb to leave and never return, knowing what his technology could do for the future of mankind?

Do you purchase his technology, and if so how do you choose which human beings become “payment”? Remember that anyone ill or in prison is disqualified.

Do you buy any of the schematics, and if so which ones?

Do you think that if humans expand and continue to advance, we will need any of these technologies to survive?

If a democratic vote was done all over the world, for people to choose whether to tell Dr. Pleb to leave or sell him the human beings, what would be the outcome?

2

 

[UrbanRats]

Got a The Sims vibe, from the schematics list.

 

[C.Dark.DN]

I would sell you for nothing and then these threads wouldn't exist anymore.

 

[Plywood]

One Plebian Sexual Experiences Amplifier, please!

Your Payment:
-snip

 

[Zaptruder]

This shit is cheap.

Lets raise the stakes.

Total overall cost @ 2.5 billion human beings. (or multiply the current costs by 1667)

Payment is at random.

Vote is done democratically.

I'd buy the power gizmo, the environment repairing thing, the vaccines and the holodeck.

Total cost would be 10,000,000 humans...

or a 1 in 700 chance of been taken away by the aliens (and a much higher chance of someone you know and care about been taken away)

I'd be good with that.

 

[McLovin]

Feel kind of bad, but those prices are waaaaay too low. They would probably buy all of them in a heart beat. Especially since the people taken away would also end up in bliss.. due the the time traveling nanites... that transfer your... soul to the pocket universe? umm yeah.

 

[99hertz]

At first I thought it said 1.5 Billion and I said "YES!" right away. 1.5 Million is like giving out free shit.

 

[The Xtortionist]

The Plebian molecular fusion generator = 1000 human beings
The Plebian Immunity Vaccine = 1000 human beings
The Plebian Environment Repairing Nanite Swarm = 1000 human beings
The Plebian Enhanced Artificial Afterlife Generator = 400,000 human beings
The Plebian Solar System shield = 500,000 human beings

I'll get these to go, please.

 

[Mama Robotnik]

Re: the prices being too low. For the lot Pleb is demanding 1,500,000 people.

The human race knows that if they're in the majority and staying on the planet, they will have access to an artifical afterlife and effective immortality. Would one and a half million volunteers give that up?

What the UN decided that each nation had to select a ratio of its populace to make up the number, and your country held a lottery. If someones loved one was chosen, wouldn't Hell break loose?

Feel kind of bad, but those prices are waaaaay too low. They would probably buy all of them in a heart beat. Especially since the people taken away would also end up in bliss.. due the the time traveling nanites... that transfer your... soul to the pocket universe? umm yeah.

Explicitly said in the OP that the humans submitted to Dr. Pleb will not be recovered by any of the technologies provided. They will be gone for good.

 

[Ikael]

Let me start by saying that I love this tread inmensely, albeit you put the prices too low. If we were to adjust their price (read: multiply them by 1000), I would be a quite frugal buyer:

The Plebian molecular fusion generator = 1 million human beings

YAY.This is a no brainer. Limitless energy allows us in fact for developing every other of the cited technologies on the long run, not to mention the birth of a post - scarcity society.

The Plebian Immunity Vaccine = 1 millon human beings

NAY. Superpopullation galore. No, thanks.

The Plebian Environment Repairing Nanite Swarm = 1 million human beings

NAY. Redundant: infinite amount of energy allow us to solve the vast majority of our enviromental problems.

The Plebian Time Observer = 4 million human beings

YAY. In fact, hell yes. An Infalible judicial system is worth the price. Also, proper, in you face recording of the great religious figures of history would bring religion disputes to an end (hopefully).

The Plebian Faster than Light Drive = 10 million human beings

YAY. Another no brainer, really.

The Plebian Artifical Afterlife generator = 25 million human beings

NAY. This seems more like a suicide - inducing machine. Our physical society might come to an end since it seems there would be a certainly better life waiting for you just a trigger - pull away.

The Plebian Solar System shield = 50 million human beings

NAY. We humans do have a talent at exterminating life. Also, it is kinda redudant: infinite energy = infinite firepower. Still, I am confliceted about it, universe is big and scary, and noone really knows the magnitude of its treaths.

The Plebian Terraformation Torpedo = 40 million human beings.

NAY. This can be doubled as an extraordinary biological weapon against another extraterrestrial, non oxygene - breathing, carbon based lifeform. Who are we to define what a "good enviroment" is?

 

[SneakyStephan]

This shit is cheap.

Lets raise the stakes.

Total overall cost @ 2.5 billion human beings. (or multiply the current costs by 1667)

Payment is at random.

Vote is done democratically.

I'd buy the power gizmo, the environment repairing thing, the vaccines and the holodeck.

Total cost would be 10,000,000 humans...

or a 1 in 700 chance of been taken away by the aliens (and a much higher chance of someone you know and care about been taken away)

I'd be good with that.

See now this is more interesting.
1000 people is peanuts, more die each year to a simple flu probably than that, hell the US kills like 5 times more civilians a year in iraq and that is apparently justifiable.
Hell I'd go myself if it was for the first three.

 

[Wiseblade]

As much as any of these technologies would revolutionise humanity It'd be morally unjustifiable to foribly hand people over to Dr. Pleb. All I could do is spend the year looking for volunteers to go with him.

I'd be prioritising the Environment Repairing Nanite Swarm, Molecular Fusion Generator and Faster than Light Drive, since those seem like they'd have the best cost vs usefulness ratio.

 

[Zaptruder]

In retrospect, even at a cost of 2.5 billion people, I'd buy all those technologies.

I mean that in the sense - the most expensive techs involve civilization defense and expansion - it's probable that we would not have been the first or only civilization offered such a deal.

In such a universe - it's very probable that you'd be facing a variety of other aggressive civilizations, as such you'd really want to make it a first order priority to defend yourself against them. While the option to purchase with lives those technologies is rather immense, the potential loss from been attacked by alien civilizations is far greater.

As a result, you pay 35% of humanity to ensure that humanity will be around for as long as they desire.


OTOH, if the tech singularity is to be believed - it's not improbable that we'll invent all these technologies ourselves within 100 years of inventing the first 'true' AI. Egg all over our face in that situation.

 

[FOOTE]

Best of luck to the 1.5 chosen.

 

[Escape Goat]

 

[weekend_warrior]

Jesus Christ you put a lot of time into that OP.

 

[Phobophile]

I'm sure China would have little qualms getting rid of 1.5 million men.

 

[ajf009]

this whole thing is meh... I don't have an opinion until it actually happens... not if. but when

 

[CornBurrito]

How many members does the Tea Party have?

 

[Prez]

Why does a stupid holodeck require 10 times as many sacrifices as the first three technologies that will save the planet? This is the first time I can call someone a psychonerd (Mama Robotnik, not Dr. Pleb)

 

[littleworm]

For those prices, we would easily have enough volunteers, if not, let's face it, the world governments would just take a bunch of people for third world countries.

 

[Stephen Colbert]

Fantastic thread, though it would have been better if Dr. Pleb forced humanity to choose five and only five such technologies.

I mean why the hell not take all of these. We lose .5% of the human populartion, and the other 99.5% live in a utopia. That unlucky .5% can be picked by a random lottery to make it fair.

As is, 1.5 million people is a pittance to pay for all of these technologies. So I would take them all, except the freaking The Plebian Sexual Experiences Amplifier.


Making sex about a thousand times more pleasurable than crack cocaine seems like a quick and easy way to bring all human productivity to a complete halt.

 

[jchap]

Fertility rate chart:

... Just a suggestion!

 

[Slavik81]

I'll take 'em all. Free abortions for everyone for the next two weeks!

 

[Sye d'Burns]

I'm sure China would have little qualms getting rid of 1.5 million men.

Or making a slight adjustment to their one child policy. In a years time, China would have 1.5 million 3 month old bundles of joy, ahem, bundled up and ready to go.

Edit: On further reflection, why do I get the feeling that we would pay all these people and find ourselves left with the galactic equivalent of a wooden iPad?