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[Stephen Colbert]

How about everyone is forced to pick five and only five of the above listed technologies so that we actually some variety in the answers?

Given that self imposed restriction, I would probably pick these five..

The Plebian Enhanced Artificial Afterlife Generator - Piece of mind

The Plebian Multiverse Internet Router - Information & Scientific Progress

The Plebian Faster than Light Drive - Adventure & Variety in life

The Plebian Immunity Vaccine - Invulnerability

The Plebian Solar System shield - Safety



On second thought, it would probably even more interesting if Dr. Pleb forced people to vote on and pick one and only one of these technologies.

If forced to make that decision, I would argue that The Plebian Multiverse Internet Router is the most logical choice.

This is the one technology that has the most potential to advance our scientific knowledge and understanding rapidly, hell we might well find a space ebay where Dr. Pleb's technology is being auctioned off for cheaper.

Also...

This shit is cheap.

Lets raise the stakes.

Total overall cost @ 5 billion human beings. (or multiply the current costs by 3333)

Payment is at random.

Vote is done democratically.

I would suggest the Dr. Pleb offer this up instead. It would actually force people to some tough decisions about which technologies are worth it. I am not sure how many would be fine with having 80% of their friends and loved ones being taken away just to save on the bundle deal.

That actually would be an interesting experiment for him.

The Plebian Sexual Experiences Amplifier is just asking for trouble, but it will be a challenge convincing over 50% of the world's population that it's not worth it.

Making sex about a thousand times more pleasurable than crack cocaine seems like a quick and easy way to bring all human productivity to a complete halt.

What would be really interesting to see is the explosion of criminal activity so that people can get themselves imprisoned and secure themselves a slot in Utopia.

 

[shadyspace]

1.5 mil is way too low of a number.

 

[kswiston]

Some of these anyone would agree to. If you gave access to the sickness/disease immunity vaccine to everyone who agreed to put their name in a lottery to be one of those 1000 "sacrifices", I'd imagine that the vast majority of the world would agree. Hell, even if they were only picking from Canada, I'd do it. Immunity to all sicknesses in exchange for a 1 in 33,000 chance of being sold to alien scientists for nasty experiments? Seems like a no brainer. 1 in 3 people die of heart disease.

 

[LuCkymoON]

My middle east people credit card will take care it easily.

What would be really interesting to see is the explosion of criminal activity so that people can get themselves imprisoned and secure themselves a slot in Utopia.

I'm sure in a Utopian society penalties will be more harsh, think death penalty for petty crimes.

 

[Freeza Under The Shower]

well. considering that our last almost-extinction saw our numbers decrease to an estimated number of about 2000, that means that in a few days / weeks the Earth wil be ready to lose 7 billion people, if that were a garantuee that we will survive an age of environmental reckoning of own creation.

 

[Acerac]

 

[ProtoCents]

Shut up and take my people.

They are already dead.

 

[ixix]

The Plebian Solar System shield (schematics)

The universe has some pretty nasty species in it. There are many races in the darkest corners of the cosmos that will feed off our tortures, consume our fear like a drug and regard us as unplayed instruments in an orchestra of agony. These creatures have techniques to prevent death, allowing our pain to continue as long as they are amused, a time that might outlast even the universe itself.

So is this supposed to be hinting at what happens to the people given in payment or something?

 

[ProtoCents]

Oh, and I think I've seen this one before.

 

[YYZ]

1.5 million is quite low. There are waayyyyy more than 1.5 million people that fit all of your criteria that would volunteer to be used as payment. Fucking scientists would want to go along with the eccentric that listen to Coast to Coast.

 

[MetatronM]

Fertility rate chart:

... Just a suggestion!

So you're saying we should round up a bunch of Africans and use them as currency to be eventually transferred to a foreign master?

 

[Archer]

So you're saying we should round up a bunch of Africans and use them as currency to be eventually transferred to a foreign master?

 

[MidnightScott]

It would only cost me 170 humans to get another 3DS.

 

[hsin]

1.5 mil is way too low of a number.

So you're saying that Dr. Pleb's deal is a bargain?

 

[Arment]

So you're saying that Dr. Pleb's deal is a bargain?

An outright steal.

 

[alstein]

Yeah it is.

Hell, just say ok, you volunteer, we give your family $1mil. Enough folks would take it.

 

[Kilrogg]

Talk about a dilemma.

I have no idea what I would do. NOW my sense of morals tells me I would refuse, but who can say for sure that they would if they really were offered the opportunity?

If I accepted, who "should" die? Since criminals and terminally ill people are not candidates, what would be the next least immoral thing to do — these two choices are still immoral if you ask me — ? I'd say suicidal people. World broadcasts would ask people who don't have the will to live any more to sign up, especially those who want to commit suicide because they feel useless.

But then, since we don't know what would become of the chosen people (and we know that can't be a good thing), this deal is even more immoral and risky, and I suspect even suicidal people would refuse to volunteer. What if you're sent to eternal damnation?

Would Earth take the deal? Assuming it can choose who gets sacrificed, I think it would. If the choice is random, not so sure. I know I wouldn't take it if there was a risk I or people I know would be sent.

[EDIT] As for which packages I would choose, mostly those that wouldn't have negative impacts on the human race or the universe in the long run. With the exception of that orgasm thing. Really tempting .

 

[Dice]

There are waayyyyy more than 1.5 million people that fit all of your criteria that would volunteer to be used as payment.

This is what I was going to say. Plenty of reckless people out there to give themselves to this.

 

[Pulka]

I'll trade a baby for the ability to fly.

 

[Yagharek]

I'd do it. I reckon it'd be easy to find 1.5M unconvicted and undiagnosed despots and supporters from the worst regimes in the world. I'd also consider volunteering myself since its a 50/50 shot that this dude isn't all bad.

If he has defensive tech, it implies he may not be the worst thing out there.

 

[Casp0r]

I'll volunteer ... free energy, healthcare, technology, happiness ... for everyone ... are you fucking kidding me?

 

[HeadlessRoland]

compliance!

 

[Dice]

I'll volunteer ... free energy, healthcare, technology, happiness ... for everyone ... are you fucking kidding me?

See, even on GAF we have someone ready to risk infinity ultratorture for the good of mankind. It'd be easy to find 1.5 mill worldwide.

 

[web01]

I will take it all.

Volunteers first then conscription.

 

[Aegus]

It's really a trick question anyway. The key word is 'current member of penal system'. Free the criminals and send them immediately to Dr. Pleb.

 

[Mortrialus]

THE LOT = 1,500,000 human beings (normally 1,588,000 so you are getting a 88,000 people discount.)

That made me laugh. I would see how many people are voluntarily willing to benefit mankind as a whole and shop based on that budget.

 

[HeadlessRoland]

Its not even much of a dilemma. Most of those "items" would save exponentially more lives than their cost. When you figure 100k-200k humans died in Iraq its not much of an issue.

 

[Hazaro]

1.5 million seems really low.

We make a giant shrine / temple / public server in names of everyone and engrave it in marble in giant structures and put their names on libraries and stuff.

There are less ethical ways, but if we wait long enough we will have enough volunteers.
*Ah, return in 1 years time...

Actually with the premise of the afterlife I think we would have enough. Heck it's like a headstart into meeting everyone you've ever wanted to meet.

Do you get Superinternet though? Tough call.

 

[Sennorin]

It's really a trick question anyway. The key word is 'current member of penal system'. Free the criminals and send them immediately to Dr. Pleb.

I would laugh at death penalty-supports like you, if Dr Plebs later on announced "the people you sent to me will be made into kings of new worlds, reigning over a whole civilization."

 

[Dice]

I would laugh at death penalty-supports like you, if Dr Plebs later on announced "the people you sent to me will be made into kings of new worlds, reigning over a whole civilization."

That does sound like his style, so morally and consequentially complex...

 

[CassSept]

Dr. Pleb has jumped the shark this time.


You should definitely raise the prices at the very least tenfold. 1.5 mil people for advancements like that is a no-brainer. 15 million, or 150 million, or perhaps even 1.5 bln, that's another question.

 

[Dark Knyght]

During the one year time, we should have a public vote for and against these "upgrades". The people who vote yes to the costs should be the same ones spent. Problem solved.

 

[Rur0ni]

I'm sure there are plenty of people that would be willing to go on their own. I don't doubt we could field 1.5 million people willing to travel into the unknown... possibility endless hell be damned.

So yeah this is actually pretty easy.

 

[bengraven]

God, imagine having to hear Fortune 500 companies have to explain why they were hoarding human beings and the poor just nod and say "some day it will trickle down".

 

[More Fun To Compute]

What is the Utilitarian calculation for the good to humanity required to offset willingly handing over one person to be tortured for eternity? We couldn't guarantee that even with all this junk we wouldn't use it to go to war with each other and basically make no good use of it at all.

 

[Pandaman]

So you're saying we should round up a bunch of Africans and use them as currency to be eventually transferred to a foreign master?

Can't argue with their resume.

 

[Scrow]

i'm going to be one of those guys... but that scenario is pretty much how our civilisation runs now. we trade human lives for the things we want, but it's presented more palatable.

 

[gofreak]

Assuming I was weighing these humans carefully, I would pick:

The Plebian molecular fusion generator = 1000 human beings
The Plebian Immunity Vaccine = 1000 human beings
The Plebian Environment Repairing Nanite Swarm = 1000 human beings
The Plebian Faster than Light Drive = 10,000 human beings
The Plebian Solar System shield = 500,000 human beings


If I could pick one I'd got with FTL drive - and go out and find someone willing to cut a better deal for awesome tech than Dr. Pleb

edit - and this is assuming I made the choice to make the trade. That would require a bit more thought... I think it'd be interesting to see if anyone would volunteer themselves 'for the greater good'.

 

[John Dunbar]

I would strongly support this, and then commit some minor felon that I would be in prison when Pleb returns.

Also, it would be 1,800,000 people if you factor in the 20% tip.

 

[Al-ibn Kermit]

We can easily find 1.5 million undesirable human beings that aren't in prison. Technically, if we have a year than we can just hold off on prison sentences for anybody who commits a serious crime in the next 365 days and mark them for the plebians.

 

[Ketchup Boy]

Lmao awesome, OP.

Anyways, we have one year. Can we not get 1.5 million couples to mate and give up their babies? It's not like the babies will know what's going on and I'm pretty sure there would be 1.5 million couples willing to do it, especially, if we pay them. And especially the ones in China or India who are sick people and abort the female ones. So we can just pay them for those instead of killing them off.

We of course will honor them forever in time and create vast monuments and memorials for advancing the human species.

I would strongly support this, and then commit some minor felon that I would be in prison when Pleb returns.

Also, it would be 1,800,000 people if you factor in the 20% tip.

hahaha pleasure doing business with you, Dr. Pleb.

Thats absolute bullshit we cant use prisoners.

haha not fair prisoners get to enjoy the technology while people who didn't do anything don't

1.5 mil is way too low of a number.

lol 0.0002% of the 7 billion on the planet.

 

[The Elite]

 

[Col. John Matrix]

I say buy it all.

I'll even volunteer to go.

 

[Zissou]

I say get everything. Choose people from the whole of the population randomly. What are the chances that I'll have to go? Roll the dice

 

[Mama Robotnik]

I really thought that most people would tell Dr. Pleb to shove it.

Here's an additonal question - for those who are satisfied that Dr. Pleb's schematics are more than worth the asking price - how much would be too much?

I mean, say if we were offered the lot for X amount of humans, how much would be too high in your opinion?

 

[TOM f'N CRUISE]

From the darkest depths of space, a behemoth of a spaceship enters orbit of our small planet. Our pitiful scans reveal its technology is so advanced, it may as well be magic: a living machine, bigger on the inside, with a hull made of hard light and bulkheads grown from fluidic dark matter.

From one of the vessel’s energy strings, a message broadcasts across the entire planet. Every audio and visual device broadcasts, even those without power and long since broken.
As the static clears, billions of people see this friendly face.

That’s right. Dr. Pleb, supreme scientist of the six multiverses, inventor of thought-gravity and regular chess-partner with the cosmos consciousness, wants to purchase some human beings.

Here is the deal: The good Doctor will sell the peoples of the planet Earth various specifications in exchange for set numbers of healthy human beings. The human beings must:

• not be cloned

• not be terminally ill or close to death from old age

• not be current inhabitants of our penal system.

• must be named specifically at the time of payment. The humans will be chosen by the people of Earth and not Dr. Pleb.

Dr. Pleb informs us that he will not disclose what will happen to these human beings, they will simply be transported to his vessel and never seen again. They may live, they may die, they may be sent to a place of bliss, they may be tortured for all time, there will be no information provided on what will happen to them. Dr. Pleb also assures us that no matter what technological advances we purchase, we will still never be able to recover these people.

The list is broadcast. Dr. Pleb emphasises that if we do not purchase a specification, it is astronomically unlikely that the human race will ever be able to achieve such inventions on its own.


The Shopping List


The Plebian molecular fusion generator (schematics)

This generator will provide a thousand times more output than the combined current energy generation facilities on the earth, cleanly, and powered by one cup full of water per year. The expected lifespan of the device is a thousand years.

This package is for the schematics of the device, including the techniques to produce and refine all of the needed materials from half a tonne of Earth sand.

Cost: 1000 Human Beings.


The Plebian Immunity Vaccine (schematics)

This vaccine will render human beings completely immune to all diseases and sickness. Any current disease or sickness will be cured within seconds of injection. There are no side effects.

This package includes the schematics of the vaccine and instructions on how to easily manufacture it with current Earth technology.

Cost: 1000 Human Beings.


The Plebian Environment Repairing Nanite Swarm (schematics)

This self-repairing self-replacing cloud of nanites will swim through the air of the planet, repairing the damage caused by humans. The ozone layer will be restored, sea acidity will be tempered, pollutants will be neutralised and the ice caps will restore to normal. The swam can be activated and deactivated from a simply control station that will be included in the package.

Cost: 1000 Human Beings



The Plebian Sexual Experiences Amplifier (schematics)

This is a pill about the size of an aspirin that when taken, will amplify the pleasures of sexual and erotic experience in a range, ten thousand to a million times what they are now. The pill will lead to blinding orgasms leaving you and your partner writing in a billion ecstasies for hours. The pill also makes sure that the human heart and brain does not explode as they would do if a human were to experience even a thousandth of such intense pleasure. The effect of the pill lasts for about six hours.

This package includes the recipe for the pill, easily manufactured from current Earth materials.

Cost: 3000 Human Beings


The Plebian Internal Nanite Crew (schematics)

This package includes an injectable swarm of nanites that will inhabit your body. At your will they can painlessly make adjustments to your physical appearance. Want a more defined body? Want to be slimmer? Bigger boobs/penis? Want to control your hairline? Want clearer skin? Want to change your hair, skin and eye colour?

This package includes the schematics for a nanite assembly machine, easily manufactured from Earth metals and polymers. The machine will inject a swarm into a human painlessly allowing him or her to reap the benefits immediately.

Cost: 3000 Human Beings


The Plebian Holodeck (schematics)

Dr. Pleb has watched our transmissions and is amused by the Star Trek holodeck. He will provide us with the schematics to build them so that they are refined from steel and plastic, easily producible, able to be installed in any spare room that is at least 2 meters squared, and uses the same amount of power as an electric light bulb.

The holodeck will function exactly as it does in the show.

Cost: 5000 Human Beings


The Plebian Time Observer (schematics)

This device allows the tuning in of any place in Earth's past and present. The device allows any moment in history to be observed. The consequences of such a device are staggering, the entire history of humanity can be observed, crimes will always be witnessed, the historical truth will always be known. The device is compatible with the Holodeck technology.

This package includes all the schematics and refinement technologies and is easily buildable from one hundred kilograms of Earth sand.

Cost: 4000 Human Beings


The Plebian Multiverse Internet Router (schematics)

There are an infinite number of Earths out there, with an infinite number of internets. The Plebian Multiverse Internet Router is a simple device that collects to a standard PC through a faster-than-light speed input. The router allows the browsing of the internets in every universe. Want to buy digital downloads of games that don't exist in this reality? No problem, there are an infinite number of them waiting for you. Want to watch a streaming version of any film with a completely different cast playing the roles? No problem, just log into Netflix in one of the other universes. Want to play the demo of Half Life 3, or connect your Wii to the Nintendo Store that has Miyamoto's seminal Super Mario Bros. 4? No problem.

The Plebian Multiverse Internet Router also connects to a financial hub located on one of the infinite Earths that allows you to purchase content from any reality transmitting your funds through the hub to the reality with the shop or service.

The package includes schematics for the router, easily mass produced with Earth materials.

Cost: 10,000 Human Beings


The Plebian Faster than Light Drive (schematics)

This drive will allow any spacecraft we construct to safely travel to other solar systems in minutes. The drive is powered on one cup of water per year.

This package includes the schematics of the device, including the techniques to refine all of the needed materials from a single tonne of Earth sand.

Cost: 10,000 Human Beings


The Plebian Artifical Afterlife generator (schematics)

This package includes two components:

(1) The schematics for a microchip transmitter that can be easily mass produced and inserted into the back of the skull with no ill effects

(2) The schematics for a generator that when activated, will create a small permanent pocket universe in orbit of the planet, about the size of the moon.

At the moment a human dies, the microchip transmitter will transmit the entire human consciousness from the body to the pocket universe, in which they will be able to exist for as long as they like in a state of bliss. The human "souls" in the pocket universe will be able to watch their loved ones below, be able to browse the ever changing internet, interact with each other and recreate any experience they wish. They can however, never return to the "living" world.

This package includes the schematics of the device, including the techniques to refine all of the needed materials from ten tonnes of Earth sand.

Cost: 250,000 Human Beings


The Plebian Enhanced Artificial Afterlife Generator (schematics)

This device is an enhanced version of the Plebian Artificial Afterlife Generator. It retains all of the functionality of the inferior model plus two enhancements.

(1) The machine will now work on pets.

(2) The machine generates a time-transcending nanoswarm of invisible microscopic machines. They travel back in time inserting an invisible microchip transmitter into the skull of every human being who ever lived, and at the moment of their death, transmitting their consciousness into the Artificial Afterlife orbiting Earth. This can be set with a filter if desired, so that "evil" people are not included in the process. With this device activated, every human being who has ever lived and will ever live, will go to artificial heaven.

Cost: 400,000 human beings


The Plebian Solar System shield (schematics)

The universe has some pretty nasty species in it. There are many races in the darkest corners of the cosmos that will feed off our tortures, consume our fear like a drug and regard us as unplayed instruments in an orchestra of agony. These creatures have techniques to prevent death, allowing our pain to continue as long as they are amused, a time that might outlast even the universe itself.

The Plebian Solar System shield is a device about the size of the Eiffel Tower that can be constructed on The Moon. It is entirely powered by the Moon's gravity. When activated, the device will project a protective shield around the entire solar system that is impenetrable to any creatures that inhabit this universe.

This package includes the schematics of the device, including the techniques to procude and refine all of the needed materials from couple of tonnes of Earth soil.

Cost: 500,000 human beings


The Plebian Terraformation Torpedo (schematics)

This torpedo will transform any planet or moon into an environment like Earth. The torpedo will generate a breathable atmosphere, identical gravity, comfortable temperature and if needed a small orbiting self-sustaining sun to deliver heat and night/day cycles.

The schematics include all needed instructions and refinement techniques, and can be manufactured with two tonnes of common Earth materials.

Cost: 400,000 human beings


The pricelist – short version

The Plebian molecular fusion generator = 1000 human beings
The Plebian Immunity Vaccine = 1000 human beings
The Plebian Environment Repairing Nanite Swarm = 1000 human beings
The Plebian Sexual Sexual Amplifier = 3000 human beings
The Plebian Internal Nanite Crew = 3000 human beings
The Plebian Holodeck = 5000 human beings
The Plebian Time Observer = 4000 human beings
The Plebian Multiverse Internet Router = 10,000 human beings
The Plebian Faster than Light Drive = 10,000 human beings
The Plebian Artifical Afterlife generator = 250,000 human beings
The Plebian Enhanced Artificial Afterlife Generator = 400,000 human beings
The Plebian Solar System shield = 500,000 human beings
The Plebian Terraformation Torpedo = 400,000 human beings.

THE LOT = 1,500,000 human beings (normally 1,588,000 so you are getting a 88,000 people discount.)


The choice

Dr. Pleb has presented his offer. He will now leave and give the planet a year to make up its choice. When he returns in a year he will expect one of these scenarios:

• The people of Earth have turned down his offer and ask him to leave. He will do so peacefully and never return. The humans trust their ability to survive in the universe without this technology

• The people of Earth have decided to buy some of the technology, and have the expected number of named humans ready as payment to be transported to Dr. Pleb’s vessel.

• The people of Earth have decided to buy all of Dr. Pleb’s technology for the cost of one and a half million human beings,

What do you do?

Do you tell Dr. Pleb to leave and never return, knowing what his technology could do for the future of mankind?

Do you purchase his technology, and if so how do you choose which human beings become “payment”? Remember that anyone ill or in prison is disqualified.

Do you buy any of the schematics, and if so which ones?

Do you think that if humans expand and continue to advance, we will need any of these technologies to survive?

If a democratic vote was done all over the world, for people to choose whether to tell Dr. Pleb to leave or sell him the human beings, what would be the outcome?

 

[Kurtofan]

What if Dr Pleb was one of us?

 

[YYZ]

I really thought that most people would tell Dr. Pleb to shove it.

Here's an additonal question - for those who are satisfied that Dr. Pleb's schematics are more than worth the asking price - how much would be too much?

I mean, say if we were offered the lot for X amount of humans, how much would be too high in your opinion?

There aren't enough restrictions.

Anything more than 2 billion would be a tough sell to the human race because you're probably going to have to force too many people to go. I'd say that's the limit as well if we don't want to lose too much of our world population. It would certainly help governments and their economies recalibrate after some population relief.

There are probably millions of poor people who would do it. I mean they're not starving or dying or anything, but they'll never go anywhere in life anyway.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

*Wants Afterlife generator...

BTW, did you write this yourself OP? I like...

 

[G-Fex]

That's it, I've had enough of you Dr. Pleb

MIND CRUSH