Raptomex
Member
Yeah, this.
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On still being a virgin/virgin shaming.
- Thread starter M0nochromatic
- Start date
always crazy bacon
Banned
DP.
always crazy bacon
Banned
That's because they are doing the wrong thing, are starting from incorrect misconceptions.
always crazy bacon
Banned
This is so true.
They'd need to work on their self awareness then.
What an unrealistic and idiotic view.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Correct.
That's not always the case. For me, I was born with some physical problems that are pretty noticeable. That's always been my issue and it isn't something that is correctable. Has nothing to do with having the wrong mindset or having misconceptions.
Foxy the Fox
Member
At least when I turn 30, I can be summoned as a Caster-class.
Sex isn't overrated at all, it's a huge part of life. But the first time you have sex is meaningless, in the grand scheme of things. It doesn't have to be good (it usually isn't), it doesn't have to be special and it shouldn't be approached as some sacred milestone as that just creates additional pressure. You can be terrible and awkward in your first time, terrible and awkward sex happens to everyone regardless of experience. I also see nothing wrong about lying that you have experience. It really isn't anyone's business, and if there's a risk that it might scare people off (it shouldn't) then it's perfectly legitimate to be dishonest about it.
Some advice... if you're still a virgin when you're more emotionally mature (relatively, for example, in your 30s vs your teens), you should focus on building emotional intimacy and openness with your partner first, building a stronger foundation for the physical stuff to be more meaningful when they happen, something that that would've been nearly unattainable had you lost your virginity as a teen. What I'm saying is that sex with someone just for the sake of it pales in comparison to sex with someone who you have a deeper connection with, a connection that few to none have the tools to achieve with they're young.
Crankshaft
Member
All of my friends in high school had lost their virginity and I was the last one in the group. Nobody got on my case or pointed it out. I actually made myself feel bad for being the last one, no one else really cared. I hadn't cared about losing my virginity until I suddenly I felt like I was behind my friends in experiencing "life".
When I lost my virginity it was awkward (the first condom I tried to put on was connected in the middle and I couldn't roll it on and was really confused) but before, during and after the sex I was happy. Felt like a huge self-imposed boulder had been lifted off my shoulders.
When I lost my virginity it was awkward (the first condom I tried to put on was connected in the middle and I couldn't roll it on and was really confused) but before, during and after the sex I was happy. Felt like a huge self-imposed boulder had been lifted off my shoulders.
Mammoth Jones
Member
I mean you're young. When you're approaching 40 though some folks raise eyebrows. Not saying that's cool but that is currently the way it is.
Well yeah, but even then shit ain't that deep
I may give someone the side eye if they 40 and a virgin and it isn't because they celibate but I ain't exactly gonna like care
We're all sexual beings.
Sexuality is a major component of our personalities, and something that everyone should nurture and develop. Ignoring ones sexuality could be damaging for a number of reasons.
Now I've met some highly sensual virgins, so it's entirely possible to be sexually healthy and still be a virgin. The virgins that worry me are the ones that have never experienced intimacy.
Sexuality is a major component of our personalities, and something that everyone should nurture and develop. Ignoring ones sexuality could be damaging for a number of reasons.
Now I've met some highly sensual virgins, so it's entirely possible to be sexually healthy and still be a virgin. The virgins that worry me are the ones that have never experienced intimacy.
How About No
Member
Now while I feel for you...that last line I bolded is really rubbing me the wrong way
"Alright rolling again...come oonnnnnnnn...DAMMIT, another friend. God these prizes suck"
Bounceounce
Member
I don't understand the issue with his comment.
Fenderputty
Banned
I mean ... it's a red flag. I'm not sure why it wouldn't be at that age.
Red flag for what? They could be asexual.
Elfstar
Member
Nobody ever is going to believe that you're still a virgin by choice.
Moose Biscuits
It would be extreamly painful...
I think I get what he means.
I've had what I've thought is an alright metaphor in my head for a while about this: sex is like a job/being employed. You need two consenting parties to agree to it; and there are plenty of things you can do about yourself/your situation to improve your chances of getting it, but in the end it's still up to someone else to want you in the role. There is no way of guaranteeing a job just like there's no 100% guaranteed way of getting someone to have sex with you.
And if you're unemployed for a long period of time, or never had a job... there are good reasons why that might be the case, but for some it raises questions over why it's never happened for you.
Northernlights
Member
Lost mine when I was 15. We were both virgins and it was better than what I thought it would be. It was memorable as well because it was my high school sweetheart and we dated for 3 and a 1/2 years. If anyone is still a virgin by a certain age, I'd probably just figure that it was by choice.No big deal imo.
How About No
Member
It sounds like there is something wrong with gaining more friends, or that friendship is a dime-a-dozen
I'm mean I'd love to have that networking capability even if none of then necessarily wanna fuck me
Fenderputty
Banned
Red flags tend to be personal, but can also be generalized. Being a sexual person, I would not want to be with an asexual person. Being a virgin at 40 could also mean theyre incredibly picky and hyper religious too. Could be social issues. Could be trust issues.
If i found myself suddenly in the dating game again at the age of 40, you better bet your ass I'm not dating a virgin. I ain't got time for that.
This has nothing to do with "shaming" by the way.
EDIT: clarified my post some
Why not? Choosing to be a virgin in your 20s should be no different in your 40s. People just stigmatize it more but a choice is a choice.
Understandable.
LordKasual
Banned
a very large margin, admittedly.
but you'll face harder challenges in your life than getting a single human to have consensual sex with you. If you're a woman you can go outside right now and get laid before the end of the day
It definitely sounds easier than it is, but nobody is confident about something until they are. And you wont get that way running away from everything you're insecure about.
And you'll NEVER get that way by blaming the people who aggravate your insecurities. They're yours. Now, i'm like the last person to sound like an authority on confidence...but it is something that's learned. It doesn't just fall out of the sky.
and being completely honest, self-confidence is probably the biggest barrier to virgins not having sex in the first place.
well then don't do that
meeeeeh they're similar, mainly in the way that it's really not as big a deal as the afflicted make it out to be
and how and others feel about it is completely dependent on how you yourself view the condition.
"lol ur a virgin" cannot be an insult to someone who's a virgin by choice, or one who has accepted that it's better saved for a later stage in their lives.
ghostofsparta
Member
Maybe for you, but for me my first time was amazing. #1 life moment
Sunster
Member
pretty sure you're the exception and not the rule
BlueBadger
Banned
Lucky yours was better than what you thought. I lost mine when I was 19 (we both were 19), and we were both virgins as well.
.... And it was brutal. lol. Just a mix of painful and awkward tbh.
Agree with you though that it's not a big deal. I really hate when people make it their business in general.
I don't think you know what Asexual means lol.
Urban Scholar
Member
I just reached 30 and am still a virgin.
I'm scared to death of falling in love and the idea of commitment. My parents never got along -- at its absolute worst, I walked in on my father choking my mother during a heated argument when I intended to "ask" them to stop -- the yelling had stopped about 20 seconds before I opened the door to the room, and I think he was choking her that whole time, and he wouldn't stop the few times I yelled at him -- I had to go over and hit him in the head for him to back off. I'm still convinced to this day that he would have murdered her if I didn't intervene. They yelled at eachother for years and years and years and I never saw it ever get that scary or that bad. I was 14 or 15 when that happened.
They never divorced, and seem to have hated eachother for as long as I can remember. I don't go to extended family gatherings (I've met extended family like once each in my entire lifetime -- I can barely remember uncles', aunts', cousins' faces and stuff), the cops were called on my household frequently growing up because of how loud they'd argue, and they now sleep in separate rooms after my brother and I moved out. I don't want to deal with even the slightest amount of relationship conflict ever again. I know sex can be had casually, but I think I'm more afraid of myself falling in love rather than being used, BUT...
... I'm also not physically very attractive -- I still suffer from very visible acne at this age, and I'm skrawny and pale as hell. Being sexually used is not really much of a concern.
I also think things like, for as long as my parents are alive, I feel like I would be ashamed to have my partner meet them. I would know in the back of my head how much they hate each other and how much its impacted my viewpoint on what a relationship can be like that I'd, in the moment, be so terrified that my partner would start seeing those problems in me through more subtle behaviors or inadequacies. I also know my partner could potentially think it was extremely weird that I would want to avoid them meeting my parents.
The more I feel secure in knowing this as my identity, the less and less I feel ashamed. I don't think I'd have had the balls to post about this like 2 years ago, but the longer I go on in my life alone and the more other avenues I find to enjoy myself in, the more I grow confident in this being the way I want to be.
It feels absolutely inevitable that you'd clash with someone in a relationship at some point, and I really don't think my psyche could take it. It's probably too fragile and stunted when it comes to intimate relationships. I'd either throw a massive and potentially dangerous tantrum about it, or I'd probably feel really inspired to do self harm (which I guess is still a dangerous tantrum?)... And I'd rather just avoid it. It seems painful.
So I get to be a wizard.
Fuck all y'all (not literally).
Actually, it's probably not as rare as you think to be ashamed of your parents, and it be a sticking point in any developing relationship! OF course, some cases are more extreme than others.
Lol, yeah I get what you're saying.and being completely honest, self-confidence is probably the biggest barrier to virgins not having sex in the first place.
well then don't do that
Krauser Kat
Member
This is some fun food for thought. Long into life virgins being asexual and having less of a drive to be physically intimate with either sex.
Because regardless of sex we are still raised in culture that has people pride themselves especially men on their the sexuality.
I now feel bad for an asexual in the past who didnt know what was different about themselves being judged by everyone for still being a virgin and or single late into life.
Hopefully dating sites and apps help them as people find like minded people.
They dont lol
Fenderputty
Banned
If it doesn't mean, "someone who's lacks sexual drive or attraction in others" then you're correct.
EDIT: after rereading my comment, I could see how listing other separate red flags right after asexual could be confusing and made changes
Kinda sorta ... This would be a better analogy if there wasn't about a decade or more of age range in which lacking experience isn't a downfall. Lacking experience is always a downfall when applying for labor.
I'm not a virgin, but I totally understand a lot of the hangups that people may have about it. People generally get defensive about feeling judged and mocked about their career and relationship success, which are two things that people commonly condescend about. It's like asking a relative "Still no boyfriend?" or "Why don't you have a husband yet?"
People take their own journey through life, and there's no reason to shame or torment anyone that is minding their own business and not treating others like shit.
For people that are virgins later in life, I don't think "They've chosen to stay a virgin" is really a fair statement. A lot of people that don't form healthy relationships as adults have a history of being victimized by abuse, and that can create a lot of emotional barriers. Most of them should be seeing a counselor or somebody to talk about their issues. I'd kind of have been heading down the path of the hermit if I hadn't changed my ways in my early twenties.
Not even OKCupid?
That site is super encompassing of the full range of interests and needs.
People take their own journey through life, and there's no reason to shame or torment anyone that is minding their own business and not treating others like shit.
For people that are virgins later in life, I don't think "They've chosen to stay a virgin" is really a fair statement. A lot of people that don't form healthy relationships as adults have a history of being victimized by abuse, and that can create a lot of emotional barriers. Most of them should be seeing a counselor or somebody to talk about their issues. I'd kind of have been heading down the path of the hermit if I hadn't changed my ways in my early twenties.
Not even OKCupid?
That site is super encompassing of the full range of interests and needs.
How About No
Member
fortunately nobody cared about me enough throughout school to even demean me for being a virgin...lol...;__;
NervousXtian
Thought Emoji Movie was good. Take that as you will.
The thing with virgins is that
they just need to get laid.
Angry Grimace
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "does something taste funny to you?"
Making fun of people for virgins is bad than the equally acceptable making fun of people for having small dicks given that people at least have a measure of control over their virginity status.
...my number is 1. In fairness I was married to my high school girlfriend until very recently.
That's true,
But what would you suggest to someone you rejected for being a virgin? Give up on romance? We've missed our chances, too bad? Generally I just want to give up on life when I start considering that may be the case.
Never understood being a virgin with the amount of people on this planet.
My wifes friend is.my wife says its because she is too picky and wants a primce charming.So she holds out and is still single at like 26
Relationships can suck, but letting your life slide by like that. Thats some poor decision making,
My wifes friend is.my wife says its because she is too picky and wants a primce charming.So she holds out and is still single at like 26
Relationships can suck, but letting your life slide by like that. Thats some poor decision making,
Letting your life slide by like that might suck, but not everyone wants to be in a relationship, never mind that this topic is discussing virginity and not relationships.
I, personally, have zero desire to ever be in a relationship. You call it poor decision making, where I see it as being free to do whatever I want.
You do you, I'll keep doing me. If I end up in a relationship or losing my virginity sometime in the future, cool. It's just not a goal of mine right now, nor has it ever been a goal of mine.
God no, hahaha.