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[Krauser Kat]

What the fuck at this whole post...

You're trying to to justify your selfishness right out of the gate with a virgin's lack of experience.

That's fucked up, dude.

What the fuck are you talking about. Nothing about that is selfish.

I dont want to date someone who doesnt have a clear idea of who they are sexually. There is no shame in their position, i dont put shame on them, i just dont want to do it.

To properly give someone the love and time to get them acclimated with their sex life and to have it end up you two are not sexually compatible with them. It is a hard place to be in as the person with experience because its hard place to be in even when both of you are inexperienced.

I have been in that position and had to make a hard choice, that i would rather leave and have a happier sex life elsewhere then be with that person i lost virginity too. I cant imagine trying to do that again with someone, especially with the experience i currently have.

I went on a couple dates with this amazing girl who had problems in her past and was still a virgin. She was like "hey, this is deal, are you in?" I had to make the decision. Even if i didnt care about not having sex for a couple months. i didnt want to be that person for her. We both were both cool with that and went on our separate ways like adults.

 

[FStubbs]

I'd dare say I'm the oldest virgin on GAF, and if I'm not, I've got to be pretty close. Being a virgin when you don't want to be sucks as much as you think it does.

But paying for it/seeing a sex worker, etc., will never be an option. Seems like that would be a very empty experience.

Depends. Have you had your class change from wizard yet?

 

[God Dayumm]

Depends. Have you had your class change from wizard yet?

Yes now he is a Grand Wizard

jk

 

[gfxtwin]

It's getting to the point where you can't even be someone who's given up on dating/relationships without being shamed, as though it automatically makes you a MGTOW extremist or something. Granted, sometimes there are red pill types who do that, but sometimes it's just poor social skills, trauma, mental illness, sexual dysfunctions, and many other things.

 

[FullMetalx117]

One of my friends who was a girl asked me what's my number. I was pretty uncomfortable and did not want to tell her at all it was a zero. I lied and said one and then she wanted to see pics/who it was....

Virgin shaming from other straight males is bad, but from girls it's the worst. Especially in the lower 20s where girls seem to have all the power in who they choose to have sex with.

Edit: Actually one of my gay friends asked me what my number was as well trying to shame me. That might've been even worse.

 

[Vire]

The first time is absolutely the worst, I can attest to that. Just get it over with and enjoy it from then on out.

 

[Krauser Kat]

One of my friends who was a girl asked me what's my number. I was pretty uncomfortable and did not want to tell her at all it was a zero. I lied and said one and then she wanted to see pics/who it was....

Virgin shaming from other straight males is bad, but from girls it's the worst. Especially in the lower 20s where girls seem to have all the power in who they choose to have sex with.

Edit: Actually one of my gay friends asked me what my number was as well trying to shame me. That might've been even worse.

WHHAT IS THAT bolded. Are you saying 20yr old girls shouldn't have the power to choose who they have sex with? I dont think you meant it that way, but man...

I am sorry you are in the position you are in, but it is a situation of your own making and no one else. It will happen eventually, keep at it.

 

[Madrin]

https://kotaku.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-she-s-more-sexually-experienced-and-i-1818664605/amp

This is what worried me when I was a mid-20s virgin. I didn't care about douchey guys virgin-shaming me. I was afraid of women finding out, because I think most women would react negatively to dating a guy who is 24+ and still a virgin. That's just the reality of it.

 

[gfxtwin]

One of my friends who was a girl asked me what's my number. I was pretty uncomfortable and did not want to tell her at all it was a zero. I lied and said one and then she wanted to see pics/who it was....

Virgin shaming from other straight males is bad, but from girls it's the worst. Especially in the lower 20s where girls seem to have all the power in who they choose to have sex with.

Edit: Actually one of my gay friends asked me what my number was as well trying to shame me. That might've been even worse.

Is that even shaming? Seems more like a humorously awkward/embarrassing scenario due to ignorance. I mean, there are lots of folks who have a zero tolerance, scorched earth approach to fucking off dudes just for being awkward virgins who are bad at flirting or something.

 

[Akuun]

One of my friends who was a girl asked me what's my number. I was pretty uncomfortable and did not want to tell her at all it was a zero. I lied and said one and then she wanted to see pics/who it was....

Virgin shaming from other straight males is bad, but from girls it's the worst. Especially in the lower 20s where girls seem to have all the power in who they choose to have sex with.

Edit: Actually one of my gay friends asked me what my number was as well trying to shame me. That might've been even worse.

I've actually never heard of people asking someone else about their "number". I honestly thought you were talking about a girl asking you for your phone number until I re-read the post.

The hell? This is a thing? What's wrong with it being zero? That's really stupid that people shame others for it. How would they have reacted if you just said zero and didn't act like there was anything wrong with it?

 

[Foxy the Fox]

As a

Spoiler

26y virgin

I can say lot of people just feel safe mocking virgin guys.

Sure, I have devoted myself to work and hobbies and sure, I have failed to create a meaningful relationship with a girl but Is way harder than people give credit.

 

[shandy706]

Nothing wrong with being a virgin.

However, DO NOT wait until marriage to have sex. Horrible mistake, test the waters as you'll find women/men that don't enjoy sex as much as you, both that enjoy it as much as you, and both that may have a drive that you do not want any part of.

Being in a relationship with someone that doesn't mesh with you sexually really, REALLY, sucks.

Spent many years married to a woman that thought sex was what she HAD to do to keep me happy. She told me that like 6 years in. It was horrible...she literally was fine with up to twice a month...maybe 3 times.

I'm a, if there's enough energy, every day or 3-4 times a week kind of person. Thank god for my new relationship with a woman that loves it. I'm finally on equal footing with someone in that category.

Hmmm.....not sure where I was headed with all this...haha. Basically, if you're a virgin due to "waiting" for the right person I don't recommend it. Not saying it doesn't work out perfectly, but...well, ignorance can be bliss. I found out the hard way, and wish I hadn't wasted so many years.

If you just aren't ready, then do NOT rush it. Find someone you're comfortable with and take your time....it's really not as big a deal as it's made out to be. It's the "norm" once you cross that threshold.

Sure, I have devoted myself to work and hobbies and sure, I have failed to create a meaningful relationship with a girl but Is way harder than people give credit.

I'f I'm honest with you, it's not hard. Seriously...there are tons of 25-35 year olds that would be happy to hop in the bed with you and just hang out. It's easy enough it may surprise you when it happens. Actually, it IS going to surprise you...and you'll look back and laugh about it.

 

[Foxy the Fox]

I'f I'm honest with you, it's not hard. Seriously...there are tons of 25-35 year olds that would be happy to hop in the bed with you and just hang out. It's easy enough it may surprise you when it happens. Actually, it IS going to surprise you...and you'll look back and laugh about it.

Maybe in Peru the people is more prude, I guess. But on the other hand one of my close friends (he is a gaffer too) who is around my age and 160cm, gets a new girl per week and I still don't know how he does

I tried Tinder and meeting other people by friend suggestions and somehow I never see the chance to do the action that may trigger the "sex" switch on the girl I went out.

 

[FullMetalx117]

WHHAT IS THAT bolded. Are you saying 20yr old girls shouldn't have the power to choose who they have sex with? I dont think you meant it that way, but man...

I am sorry you are in the position you are in, but it is a situation of your own making and no one else. It will happen eventually, keep at it.

Oh no I don't mean literal power or anything. I meant it seems like girls in general are able to have better success. As in if you're a male on Tinder who isn't a 8+, good luck

 

[Kicko]

I'm a 36 year old virgin, and I have no shame in admitting that now, nor did I have any trepidation stating such throughout my 20's. My decision to remain a virgin has always been a conscious decision on my part. My suggestion to the OP would be to embrace his virginity, own it, and do not allow others to define it for him. It is what he makes of it.

 

[Dreams-Visions]

I grew up in church, so not having sex was the expectation and I never heard anyone being shamed or heard OF anyone being shamed for not doing so, in church, in school or otherwise.

Perhaps I just rolled in a different crowd. My people were all focused on their school work, extra-curriculars (I was on the basketball team, track team, band, french and spanish club, and some other stuff), and going to college. Sex was almost never a topic of conversation.

 

[LordKasual]

I don't know how I feel about this. Honestly, how many 25+ year old virgins actually want to be virgins?

People have this all twisted up -- "virgin" is not inherently an insult, no matter how sexual our society gets. It's an insult to a specific type of personality. The "insult" version of virgin (lol) is just implying that someone is sexually or emotionally undesirable. And that's a really bad feeling to have, for anyone who actually has sexual urges. (Pretty much all of us.)

However....if you remove that "I feel sexually/emotionally undesirable" thing from it...then it's really not a big deal. Who even cares? It's just an adjective, it has no power over you.

Then it's like calling a bald man bald. It's only an insult if the balding man thinks being bald is some unnatural, inherently negative thing....

But a bald man can be extremely sexually attractive. Just like a virgin can be extremely sexually and emotionally desirable.

And this is where I really don't have any strong feelings for the "Virgin Shaming" sentiment. Because it takes everything away from the individual themselves, and makes everyone else the problem. When the solution itself is fully within the grasp of the individual being shamed.

Don't like being called bald?
a) Go out and buy some rogain
b) Stop being offended and accept that about yourself

Spoiler

c) get hair plugs

You don't like being called a virgin?
a) Go out and have sex
b) Stop being offended by the label and go on with your life

Spoiler

c) hire an escort

That's not to say a 30 year old virgin can go out and not be a virgin if he really wants to, but....well actually no that is exactly what i'm saying.

someone will fuck you.

hell if you're talking to some girl who actually likes you, she'll probably gladly take your V-card off you. I've been told it's a great self-esteem booster for the ladies.

And if you're asexual? I have no idea why you would let such a thing would even bother you, that's like someone shaming you for not liking a genre of music or something. Then again, maybe i just don't understand asexuality. I feel like the option to turn off sexual urges would save me so many wasted mental processes.

 

[Moose Biscuits]

That's not to say a 30 year old virgin can go out and not be a virgin if he really wants to, but....well actually no that is exactly what i'm saying.

someone will fuck you.

hell if you're talking to some girl who actually likes you, she'll probably gladly take your V-card off you. I've been told it's a great self-esteem booster for the ladies.

I feel like this is still oversimplifying by a large margin.

 

[Ernest]

One of my friends who was a girl asked me what's my number. I was pretty uncomfortable and did not want to tell her at all it was a zero. I lied and said one and then she wanted to see pics/who it was....

Virgin shaming from other straight males is bad, but from girls it's the worst. Especially in the lower 20s where girls seem to have all the power in who they choose to have sex with.

Edit: Actually one of my gay friends asked me what my number was as well trying to shame me. That might've been even worse.

These are not your "friends".

Also, cut it out with the "power in who they..." bullshit. It's all in your head.

 

[PanicFreak]

All virgins should get fucked!

Get it? Get it? I'll see myself out.

 

[Zolo]

These are not your "friends".

Also, cut it out with the "power in who they..." bullshit. It's all in your head.

Yep.

 

[Xun]

I see a lot of "Losing your virginity won't change your life" but in many ways it can. I don't think I was alone in being an immature straight male whose goal through most of senior school and university etc was to lose his virginity, but for me it became this all consuming goal hanging over everything with all the stresses and strains that carries with it. Part of that was peer pressure I suspect.

When I lost my virginity at the age of 19 it was, rightly or wrongly, like a great weight was lifted, my mind was reset; I had 'achieved' what had been consuming many of my waking (and subconscious sleeping) hours for a number of years, I had performed well enough for someone with zero first hand experience of what they were doing (ie terribly, but I didn't kill anyone, bonus), I felt my horizons had expanded in a sense of I knew more now than I did previously, and I felt a weird sense of leaving the 'boy' behind, as cliché and daft as that might sound. I also felt a sense of realisation, of de-mystification. A sense of 'aha, so that's what it's like'. The pursuit of sex wasn't such a detrimental presence anymore, the pressure was off. I could slot it into my life as just another aspect, but not the main aspect.

Generally when I was growing up you weren't a virgin by choice if you were a straight male. We didn't have standards especially, we weren't waiting for 'The One', it was a pure drive to carry out the base act.

I was 26 (unfortunately), but I felt much the same as you.

I was slowly becoming more and more confident before losing it, but when I did it was a massive weight off of my shoulders. Others have even commented on how much more confident I am nowadays, although aside from a few friends most don't know I was a virgin until last year.

Honestly I think I would've achieved more in life had I lost it earlier (as bizarre/odd as that sounds), but there's no point dwelling on it all. It is what it is.

My anxiety simply got the better of me and held me back and I'm making up for lost time now.

 

[Kicko]

I grew up in church, so not having sex was the expectation and I never heard anyone being shamed or heard OF anyone being shamed for not doing so, in church, in school or otherwise.

Perhaps I just rolled in a different crowd. My people were all focused on their school work, extra-curriculars (I was on the basketball team, track team, band, french and spanish club, and some other stuff), and going to college. Sex was almost never a topic of conversation.

My background seems eerily similar to yours and I wouldn't doubt that our similar cultural upbringing has had a major influence on how we view these matters. Also, I think who you choose to associate with outside of your upbringing plays a major role in developing your perspective regarding the topic of sexuality.

 

[Seraph_Nicholas]

Sex doesn't equal reproduction, we could reproduce asexually if we weren't mammals.

I feel like you're being intentionally obtuse here.

'if we weren't mammals' is a valueless statement in the context of this conversation, because we are mammals, and have been so for a long time, long enough to build strong evolutionary pressures towards our means of reproduction. Even if we were asexual creatures, you can bet there'd be just as much questioning and odd looks towards any 'non-dividers', so to speak.

Anyway, as far as our brains and body chemistry are concerned, sex absolutely does equal reproduction. That's why they both pay out so heavily for it.

 

[StayDead]

You don't like being called a virgin?
a) Go out and have sex

That's not exactly that simple is it lol.

 

[dreamcastmaster]

Oh no I don't mean literal power or anything. I meant it seems like girls in general are able to have better success. As in if you're a male on Tinder who isn't a 8+, good luck

Doubling down I see. You dont have a heathly view on how attraction really works.

 

[LyleLanley]

I'm a 36 year old virgin, and I have no shame in admitting that now, nor did I have any trepidation stating such throughout my 20's. My decision to remain a virgin has always been a conscious decision on my part. My suggestion to the OP would be to embrace his virginity, own it, and do not allow others to define it for him. It is what he makes of it.

Out of curiosity, are you waiting for marriage or do you just never intend to have sex?

 

[Mammoth Jones]

This is what worried me when I was a mid-20s virgin. I didn't care about douchey guys virgin-shaming me. I was afraid of women finding out, because I think most women would react negatively to dating a guy who is 24+ and still a virgin. That's just the reality of it.

So don't tell em? And keep it moving until you get some. Just make up your lack of experience with enthusiasm.

 

[mrkgoo]

I don't know how I feel about this. Honestly, how many 25+ year old virgins actually want to be virgins?

People have this all twisted up -- "virgin" is not inherently an insult, no matter how sexual our society gets. It's an insult to a specific type of personality. The "insult" version of virgin (lol) is just implying that someone is sexually or emotionally undesirable. And that's a really bad feeling to have, for anyone who actually has sexual urges. (Pretty much all of us.)

However....if you remove that "I feel sexually/emotionally undesirable" thing from it...then it's really not a big deal. Who even cares? It's just an adjective, it has no power over you.

Then it's like calling a bald man bald. It's only an insult if the balding man thinks being bald is some unnatural, inherently negative thing....


But a bald man can be extremely sexually attractive. Just like a virgin can be extremely sexually and emotionally desirable.

And this is where I really don't have any strong feelings for the "Virgin Shaming" sentiment. Because it takes everything away from the individual themselves, and makes everyone else the problem. When the solution itself is fully within the grasp of the individual being shamed.

Don't like being called bald?
a) Go out and buy some rogain
b) Stop being offended and accept that about yourself

Spoiler

c) get hair plugs

You don't like being called a virgin?
a) Go out and have sex
b) Stop being offended by the label and go on with your life

Spoiler

c) hire an escort

That's not to say a 30 year old virgin can go out and not be a virgin if he really wants to, but....well actually no that is exactly what i'm saying.

someone will fuck you.

hell if you're talking to some girl who actually likes you, she'll probably gladly take your V-card off you. I've been told it's a great self-esteem booster for the ladies.

And if you're asexual? I have no idea why you would let such a thing would even bother you, that's like someone shaming you for not liking a genre of music or something. Then again, maybe i just don't understand asexuality. I feel like the option to turn off sexual urges would save me so many wasted mental processes.

You're basically telling people that may be insecure to just go out and not be insecure.

It's all good on paper, but not everyone is that confident and secure about themselves like that.

Telling someone to simply "not be offended" is kind of harsh, especially if you take the same concept and apply it to a lot of things that are offensive.

I can kind of see your point in that the terms in and of themselves aren't inherently offensive, and hence the offense comes from the target is what you're kind of saying, but still, if only things were so black and white.

 

[StoneFox]

Virginity being an insult has caused the incel crowd to form which is rather unfortunate. It's a toxic mindset to believe that not having sex makes you a lesser person and anyone who makes fun of virgins is an asshole, no doubt. There's more to life than sex.

 

[greyshark]

I would also like to point out until last year (I'm 27) I'd never even managed to ask a girl out for a drink. Even then I struggled.

I'm genuinly confused about my situation. I grew up being bullied for my looks, but I can't tell if I'm ugly anymore, I just feel like I am due to self confidence issues. I can chat to anyone now thanks to work, other than women of around the same age as me whether I find them attractive or not. Words just do not come out of my mouth when I try to speak and I start stuttering.

I've been told middle aged women find me really kind and handsome, but I can't tell if they're joking when I've been told that. My own confidence issues again take over. My closest friend is married and I get on really well with his wife, she treats me like part of their family which is awesome and I act perfectly normal around her. My other friends wife is nice to me, but as I don't know her as much it feels like she's only nice to me because she's my friends wife. My other friends are either in the same position as me or have no interest in relationships with people long term.

I genuinly have no idea what I'm supposed to do to get over this wall I put infront of myself. I've been told by people just to act natural and confident, but I just don't know how. I don't really care that I'm a virgin, but I do care that no matter how hard I try I just freeze up when I'm with other people. I'm a much better listener than I am talker, but that isn't going to get me anywhere.

My twenties were similar to your situation - I truly was not able to "get over the hump" until I forced myself out of my comfort zone. I started going to social gatherings where I didn't know ANYONE and made myself talk to as many people as possible. Some nights were awkward, some weren't, but it really helped me with my anxiety.

Oh and the next time you feel awkward talking to a girl your age, think about repeating that same conversation with a close friend or even a random guy. Doesn't really make any sense to freeze up talking to a buddy, right?

 

[always crazy bacon]

Virginity being an insult has caused the incel crowd to form which is rather unfortunate. It's a toxic mindset to believe that not having sex makes you a lesser person

I've seen a few of those guys pop up on GAF in the past. They really can't see its themselves causing their own problems and then they all get together for confirmation bias. Tragic.

 

[Ultima_5]

I mean. No one should be shamed but it must suck never having a chance to have sex with someone you love and experience that connection. Idk. No hobby is better than that.

 

[Double Donut]

It's incredible to me that there are people who have been having sex regularly since they were teenagers. I feel worlds apart from my regularly-sex-having peers.

It just sucks, man. And there are always those people who spout nonsense about sex being "overrated" and "not a big deal" and it's just some of the dumbest advice you can possibly give to a struggling virgin. Of course it's not a big deal to anyone who can just go out and decide "I am going to have sex today" and be able to make that happen.

And then there's "losing it won't change you or improve your life" which is another awful piece of advice considering there are plenty of people (some even in this thread) who say the exact opposite, and that losing their virginity was a total special event that lifted a ginormous weight and gave them a level-up into adulthood. Even if the sex itself doesn't change me, I'm pretty damn sure I'll heavily enjoy the fact that someone genuinely liked and trusted me enough to perform the most ancient and natural form of intimacy possible with me. The fact that someone truly desired me and didn't just see me as another friend.

Sigh.

 

[J_ToSaveTheDay]

I just reached 30 and am still a virgin.

I'm scared to death of falling in love and the idea of commitment. My parents never got along -- at its absolute worst, I walked in on my father choking my mother during a heated argument when I intended to "ask" them to stop -- the yelling had stopped about 20 seconds before I opened the door to the room, and I think he was choking her that whole time, and he wouldn't stop the few times I yelled at him -- I had to go over and hit him in the head for him to back off. I'm still convinced to this day that he would have murdered her if I didn't intervene. They yelled at eachother for years and years and years and I never saw it ever get that scary or that bad. I was 14 or 15 when that happened.

They never divorced, and seem to have hated eachother for as long as I can remember. I don't go to extended family gatherings (I've met extended family like once each in my entire lifetime -- I can barely remember uncles', aunts', cousins' faces and stuff), the cops were called on my household frequently growing up because of how loud they'd argue, and they now sleep in separate rooms after my brother and I moved out. I don't want to deal with even the slightest amount of relationship conflict ever again. I know sex can be had casually, but I think I'm more afraid of myself falling in love rather than being used, BUT...

... I'm also not physically very attractive -- I still suffer from very visible acne at this age, and I'm skrawny and pale as hell. Being sexually used is not really much of a concern.

I also think things like, for as long as my parents are alive, I feel like I would be ashamed to have my partner meet them. I would know in the back of my head how much they hate each other and how much its impacted my viewpoint on what a relationship can be like that I'd, in the moment, be so terrified that my partner would start seeing those problems in me through more subtle behaviors or inadequacies. I also know my partner could potentially think it was extremely weird that I would want to avoid them meeting my parents.

The more I feel secure in knowing this as my identity, the less and less I feel ashamed. I don't think I'd have had the balls to post about this like 2 years ago, but the longer I go on in my life alone and the more other avenues I find to enjoy myself in, the more I grow confident in this being the way I want to be.

It feels absolutely inevitable that you'd clash with someone in a relationship at some point, and I really don't think my psyche could take it. It's probably too fragile and stunted when it comes to intimate relationships. I'd either throw a massive and potentially dangerous tantrum about it, or I'd probably feel really inspired to do self harm (which I guess is still a dangerous tantrum?)... And I'd rather just avoid it. It seems painful.

So I get to be a wizard.

Fuck all y'all (not literally).

 

[Bleepey]

I find it hypocritical that some of the people who talk about toxic masculinity will virgin shame at a moment's notice. I am consistent in my views IMO since I think slut shaming is stupid. Live and let live.

 

[How About No]

So I get to be a wizard.

Fuck all y'all (not literally).

I think my parents (both my mom/dad and mom/step dad) fighting scarred me and affected me from ever wanting to try a relationship out, as I myself am not the most pleasant or honest person at times.

The occasional fight between by mom and stepdad still occasionally breaks out but for the most part they're fine and enjoy each other, but for fucks sake when they disagree...fortunately I've been moved out so I don't have to deal with that shit as much lol

 

[Raptomex]

It's incredible to me that there are people who have been having sex regularly since they were teenagers. I feel worlds apart from my regularly-sex-having peers.

It just sucks, man. And there are always those people who spout nonsense about sex being "overrated" and "not a big deal" and it's just some of the dumbest advice you can possibly give to a struggling virgin. Of course it's not a big deal to anyone who can just go out and decide "I am going to have sex today" and be able to make that happen.

And then there's "losing it won't change you or improve your life" which is another awful piece of advice considering there are plenty of people (some even in this thread) who say the exact opposite, and that losing their virginity was a total special event that lifted a ginormous weight and gave them a level-up into adulthood. Even if the sex itself doesn't change me, I'm pretty damn sure I'll heavily enjoy the fact that someone genuinely liked and trusted me enough to perform the most ancient and natural form of intimacy possible with me. The fact that someone truly desired me and didn't just see me as another friend.

Sigh.

Sadly, that is spot on. I remember when I was a virgin and would hear those things. Did nothing for me. That's why I never say anything like that to others. It's not really advice and it doesn't help. It doesn't even make sense. If sex is overrated, why do you keep doing it? If I have to say anything (which I never do), I would say it's work. Physical work.

 

[Sakura]

Don't like being called bald?
a) Go out and buy some rogain

You don't like being called a virgin?
a) Go out and have sex

I mean, these aren't really the same I'm not sure how you can equate them.

 

[How About No]

I mean, these aren't really the same I'm not sure how you can equate them.

cmon man just go out a buy some love and sex from your local shopping mall

don't forget you got those coupons in the mail yesterday

 

[DongBeetle]

There a few things shittier that you can do than to shame someone for being sexually undesirable.

 

[Sakura]

cmon man just go out a buy some love and sex from your local shopping mall

don't forget you got those coupons in the mail yesterday

Don't like being poor?
a) Just go out and get money
b) Accept you will always be poor

Spoiler

c) rob a bank

 

[always crazy bacon]

It's incredible to me that there are people who have been having sex regularly since they were teenagers. I feel worlds apart from my regularly-sex-having peers.

It just sucks, man. And there are always those people who spout nonsense about sex being "overrated" and "not a big deal" and it's just some of the dumbest advice you can possibly give to a struggling virgin. Of course it's not a big deal to anyone who can just go out and decide "I am going to have sex today" and be able to make that happen.

And then there's "losing it won't change you or improve your life" which is another awful piece of advice considering there are plenty of people (some even in this thread) who say the exact opposite, and that losing their virginity was a total special event that lifted a ginormous weight and gave them a level-up into adulthood. Even if the sex itself doesn't change me, I'm pretty damn sure I'll heavily enjoy the fact that someone genuinely liked and trusted me enough to perform the most ancient and natural form of intimacy possible with me. The fact that someone truly desired me and didn't just see me as another friend.

Sigh.

There is so much to unpack here and a lot of common misconceptions. I'm just going to address the most common misconception.

The bolded, just does not happen.It's not like going to the movies and just buying a ticket to the sex. In fact the only way you are 99% able to do that is to pay for sex. Its all about opportunity, experience and building connections with people. You can be as rich as you want or a movie star and you still cant go out there and guarantee sex on THAT day at THAT time. You wont see the times they strike out, they wont talk about it.

Handsome rich guys have relationship problems too, I've known them, I've spoken to them.

You need to work on relationship and interaction building and not focus on just getting the sex. You can't skip parts 1,2,3 and get to the finale. Life does not work that way.

 

[always crazy bacon]

I mean, these aren't really the same I'm not sure how you can equate them.

I think his point is don't throw a pity party, go out there and do something about it. Take control of your life.

 

[Sakura]

I think his point is don't throw a pity party, go out there and do something about it. Take control of your life.

Sure but it assumes people aren't already trying to do something about it.
For some people it just isn't that easy.

 

[squall211]

Depends. Have you had your class change from wizard yet?

It's like I have every job from Final Fantasy V mastered, but in real life.

 

[Sunster]

I mean I glad I'm not a virgin, just because my first time was super weird and awkward and I'm glad it's out of the way.

Spoiler

blood. lot's of it...

but I don't care if some other guy is. Life isn't an American high school movie where people obsess about each other's virginity.

 

[Ernest]

This isn't a perfect analogy, but first time sex is kinda like getting a high school diploma.

It seems to mean everything when you don't have it, and almost nothing after you do.

 

[Newline]

I genuinely believe that practically anyone who puts the effort into losing their virginity can do it. I find it hard to judge anyone that is still a virgin as in my eyes they just don't care enough and thats fine. However if someone was moaning about still being a virgin, i'd judge them a little bit for that.

 

[Sunster]

This isn't a perfect analogy, but first time sex is kinda like getting a high school diploma.

It seems to mean everything when you don't have it, and almost nothing after you do.

that's actually pretty spot on