I've had a lifelong relationship with Nintendo. For the first fifteen years of my life they were, very strictly, the only games I played. My parents hated video games and discouraged my indulgence. They felt it came at the expense of "healthier" pursuits. So my gaming became something I did, to use your word, sheepishly. I didn't like to play with other people, or let my parents know I was playing. Many a time I would quickly pause my games, turn off my TV, and pretend to be doing something else when any kind of spectator drew near.
Playing video games was very stressful, and difficult, but my passion and interest remained. Because video games made me so happy. Even if I had to squint in the dark to see my Pokémon on my muted Game Boy, my connection with Nintendo was inseverable and defining,
As I got older it became harder to feel that same joy. My appetite changed. I wanted to play different games. And I did. But Nintendo's influence on me remained, as did my soft spot for their properties, which is why Super Smash Bros is... crucially important to me. It's a special place to be with old friends.
Iwata both was and wasn't Nintendo. More than anything, he seemed to know what Nintendo was. It was the company that brought me all that joy as a child. It was the company that made me imagine and explore and discover my own sense of individual creativity. Nintendo was the color on the pages of my youth.
And even if I eventually outgrew that, somewhat, Iwata was watching the company and making sure it never lost sight of its one goal: bringing people like me happiness.
I'm still struggling a great deal to communicate what I'm feeling. The words feel far away from me. If you had asked me yesterday what I thought of Iwata I would have said I liked him. I would have said I thought he was unwaveringly earnest and I respected that.
It's been, like, two hours. But if you asked me now, I would struggle to express how much I miss him.
I've said a lot of nothing here. I'm hammering this out on my iPhone, which is not conducive to fluid expression.
Iwata was an icon of everything I grew up with. His passing is like a family member I stopped calling and now I regret the time we've lost.