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[SonOfABeep]

Gaf is kinda like the app store, there's always an existing reply for that :

That's what i get for not reading 4 pages. oops

 

[jay]

Ah, get a sense of humour.

Being offended is more fun for some people. I'm outraged you don't know that.

 

[Segata Sanshiro]

Being offended is more fun for some people. I'm outraged you don't know that.

I am outraged by your outrage. But I think I'll laugh about it later. After some time has passed.

 

[Q8D3vil]

they already run me over with the wii.

Spoiler

twice

 

[Crisis]

they already run me over with the wii.

Spoiler

twice

?

 

[terrdactycalsrock]

Uhh, am I the only one who finds this a little disrespectful?

yeah i do too

 

[MisterHero]

Being offended is more fun for some people. I'm outraged you don't know that.

I'm not really offended. Even as a joke about a dead person, the joke doesn't even have variations like how David Caruso opens an episode of CSI Miami. It's "Yamauchi/Nintendo killed Yokoi lololol!", that's it. In my opinion, 'It Prints Money' and 'various Nintendo hardware is run by Pikmin/sunshine/rainbows/etc.' is funnier.

I like your commercials Segata. I also enjoyed you when you pretended to be Rambo.

For Rambo you look so huggable

http://kotaku.com/photogallery/segatarambo/1001697835

I just don't enjoy this particular joke.

 

[JSnake]

Iwata has the"Lance of Longinus" by his window in his office.

he does?

or am I missing some obvious joke?

 

[Segata Sanshiro]

I have a new CD out! You guys should buy it! And my books! And my action figure! And a coffee set!

http://www.samurai-hiroshi-shop.jp/

 

[NonexistentK]

why do you guys think Sega keeps making one Yakuza game after another? it's not like they want to, they have to

 

[Bentendo]

?

DUDE! My dad has a white version of that black truck.

 

[ShockingAlberto]

GAF raises the bar again.

 

[Kimosabae]

WOW at people acting as though this is some type of sacred cow that can't be touched.

 

[jay]

I'm not really offended. Even as a joke about a dead person, the joke doesn't even have variations like how David Caruso opens an episode of CSI Miami. It's "Yamauchi/Nintendo killed Yokoi lololol!", that's it. In my opinion, 'It Prints Money' and 'various Nintendo hardware is run by Pikmin/sunshine/rainbows/etc.' is funnier.

I like your commercials Segata. I also enjoyed you when you pretended to be Rambo.

For Rambo you look so huggable

http://kotaku.com/photogallery/segatarambo/1001697835

I just don't enjoy this particular joke.

So when you said it's disgusting that people find this humorous you didn't mean disgusting because it's laughing at the expense of someones life, rumor-mongering, etc. but more disgusting in the same way I am disgusted that people like Carlos Mencia?

 

[MisterHero]

So when you said it's disgusting that people find this humorous you didn't mean disgusting because it's laughing at the expense of someones life, rumor-mongering, etc. but more disgusting in the same way I am disgusted that people like Carlos Mencia?

A little from Column A and a lot from Column B, but yes

 

[Shard]

Why, just why do things like this exist?

 

[Gomu Gomu]

unrelated. konami pulled off 9/11 so they could have reason to delay MGS2.

:lol :lol

 

[Segata Sanshiro]

Why, just why do things like this exist?

ah the classic trope of a robot trying to understand humanity

 

[Mak]

Like some others have mentioned, Gunpei Yokoi was already planning to retire when he turned 50 and it wasn't because of the Virtual Boy that he left Nintendo as previously thought.

http://ds.about.com/b/2010/07/28/ga...snt-the-reason-gunpei-yokoi-left-nintendo.htm

It's popular belief that Gunpei Yokoi, the creator of the Game & Watch series, the Game Boy, and the Virtual Boy, left Nintendo because he was in disgrace over the the Virtual Boy's failure. But according to the book "Nintendo Magic" and Yoshihiro Taki, a Nintendo employee who served under Yokoi, that wasn't the case. Yokoi was simply easing into his planned retirement.

 

[EmCeeGramr]

Nintendo tried to run me over with a car once but I judo flipped it and it exploded. Sadly, I'm pretty poor at designing Metroid games.

YOU TOOK THE WRONG ONE NINTENDO

Yeah but Sony killed you with a missile.

 

[[Nintex]]

Like some others have mentioned, Gunpei Yokoi was already planning to retire when he turned 50 and it wasn't because of the Virtual Boy that he left Nintendo as previously thought.

http://ds.about.com/b/2010/07/28/ga...snt-the-reason-gunpei-yokoi-left-nintendo.htm

That's just nintendo rewriting history like they always do. If he was thinking about retiring he wouldn't have created a new company.

 

[Mael]

That's just nintendo rewriting history like they always do. If he was thinking about retiring he wouldn't have created a new company.

Considering the internet consider Mario Bros 2 as a mistake as well as Zelda II, I wouldn't say it's Nintendo that's always rewritting history...

 

[Boney]

Nintendo wasn't upset with Yokoi over the Virtual Boy. Nintendo needed something to offer. Anything. Yokoi had the VB. Nintendo took the ball and ran with it, and tripped up, and then realized that it wasn't even a ball, it was a banana. It was entirely Nintendo's fault, not Yokoi's and I think Nintendo knew it. Yokoi volunteered to take the blame and absorbed all the shame of it, freeing Nintendo from the stink of failure, and Nintendo owed him huge for that.

As I heard it, when Yokoi started his own company, he was "making a new handheld" but Nintendo was paying him to take notes and make observations about it's development, and those notes were passed to Yokoi's old team, which was concurrently making Nintendo's new handheld. That's why he was hanging with Nintendo people. Because he was unofficially still working for Nintendo as an advisor, and unofficially helping with it's handheld development.

When Yokoi was killed, the secret link to Nintendo was severed and Bandai took over control of his company, and two years later the Wonderswan came out.

It's a meme to suggest that Yamauchi is so badass that he can have people killed, but it becomes distasteful when you try and take it seriously. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there who like it even more when it becomes distasteful.

That Yokoi was killed by known criminals does raise the concern that it may have been deliberate murder, but even if that was the case, we'll never really know why they did it (not unless they catch the guys who did it and someone like Perry Mason or Matlock breaks them down on the stand), and it's a bad idea to start randomly brainstorming the possible reasons for someone to kill someone else until you hit the one reason that you think just feels right.

Holy moly is this true?

I just.. Yokoi is the man of my dreams...

 

[jay]

Considering the internet consider Mario Bros 2 as a mistake as well as Zelda II, I wouldn't say it's Nintendo that's always rewritting history...

The internet considers these games mistakes because Nintendo decided to scrap almost all design ideas from them. Fans are only following Nintendo's evil, murderous lead.

 

[Segata Sanshiro]

Considering the internet consider Mario Bros 2 as a mistake as well as Zelda II, I wouldn't say it's Nintendo that's always rewritting history...

Super Mario Bros. 2 Japan? Cuz that one *was* a mistake.

 

[sfried]

The theory is rubbish:

According to Nintendo Magic and Yoshihiro Taki, who worked under Yokoi at Nintendo and later served as president and CEO of WonderSwan developer Koto, that wasn’t the case at all:

“In August 1996, Yokoi retired from Nintendo at the age of 54, and a month later he founded Koto, a small toy company, in Kyoto.

At the time, there were whispered speculations that he had left Nintendo to take responsibility for the Virtual Boy’s failure, or that there had been a fight with [Nintendo’s former president Hiroshi] Yamauchi, but Taki — who was there to see — says none of this is true.

Yokoi had originally decided to retire at 50 to do as he pleased. His retirement had simply been a bit later than planned.”​

The quote comes from Nintendo Magic.

Edit: Yeah, it seems other people have responded with the same answer. Good to see GAF shows their work.

 

[Segata Sanshiro]

The theory is rubbish:


The quote comes from Nintendo Magic.

pff, there's no such thing as Nintendo Magic. Amir0x told me so.

 

[Zerokku]

Conspiracy Gaf ?

:lol

Believe

 

[IntelliHeath]

Nice try, but Gunpei Yokoi isn't dead.
You see, after the failure of the Virtual Boy, Yokoi-san was more determined than ever to come up with something that was truly revolutionary. After hours of research and possible use of top secret alien technology and occult rituals, he finally invented a game platform so amazing, so innovative that it trasncended spacetime itself. The creation of the device (dubbed ULTIMATE SUPERIOR INFINITY BOY in Nintendo's secret documents) brought about a change in Yokoi. While creating it, he had gained something along the way... He had attained true enlightenment. He had become too big for this world. Using his god-machine, he ascended to a higher plane of existence and was never heard of again. Nintendo, not wanting anyone to ask questions, forged a story about his death.
But he still lives, in the dimension beyond our own... Watching.

StarGate reference ftw.

 

[EmCeeGramr]

pff, there's no such thing as Nintendo Magic. Amir0x told me so.

Of course you are susceptible to such suggestion. It's in your very nature.

Segata Sanshiro did indeed die in that missile blast, friends. Yet here he is right in front of us. What is the meaning to this mystery?

It's quite simple. Sega, in their infinite financial acumen, decided to invest large amounts of money into keeping their lovable "mascot" safe. First, recall the The House of the Dead commercial in which Segata Sanshiro falls before a group of zombies. His attacks were useless, and the horde was upon him. Yet he appeared safe and sound in later commercials. In some of these, he did superhuman feats, such as "ice skating" past an Olympian with his bare feet, and kicking hundred-mile-per-hour baseballs for a home run.

The answer, is stunt doubles. The first of these were given extensive cosmetic surgery, made identical in appearance to the original. Our poor zombie-victim "Segata" was one of these. As casualties mounted from accidents involving martial arts, explosions, fires, and zombies, they gradually began to experiment with genetic engineering and cybernetic enhancement to make more durable superhuman doubles, capable of performing the feats in the commercials. The failed "gigantic" Segata units appeared alongside dozens of normal stunt doubles in the Dragon Force II commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TLkdLqmxu

As the Saturn neared the end of its life, so did the completion of one final "perfect" double. An entirely robotic creation, a Segandroid, with the memories of the real Segata Sanshiro implanted within them. An indestructible machine.

And it was built none-too-soon, as the real Segata died in an actual real missile attack by Sony on Sega headquarters (Sega turned the news footage into a "commercial" for their own gain). Segata was useless now. So the Segandroid was decommissioned before it was even activated. Or so they thought. Soon after, the Dreamcast began to hit troubles. The Sega Defense Alarm Unit built into the Segandroid caused it to automatically activate. Unaware of its true nature, it gained sentience.


Now do you understand what you are, "Segata Sanshiro"? Or should I say...


...Unit 346!?

 

[BocoDragon]

Did Square Enix really inject cancer into Matsuno's eyeball??

 

[RetroMG]

No one in this thread has posted:

Iwata: <Laughs>

I can't decide if this is a great victory or not.

 

[Cheerilee]

Holy moly is this true?

I just.. Yokoi is the man of my dreams...

Well, I heard someone say it (that he was already passing notes), and I want it to be true. And I'm sure that if Yokoi had lived, it would have remained a possibility that he'd work with Nintendo again in the future, as an independent.

Weird that Nintendo couldn't provide a little division for him to do that, guess he wanted the freedom anyway...

ah the world of whatcouldhavebeen....

Nintendo did. They gave him Bandai.

 

[Beth Cyra]

I can't believe someone made a thread about this.

 

[Daigoro]

i love how seriously some folks took this thread. :lol wow.

 

[GillianSeed79]

Pfft. If you want a conspiracy ask yourself what's the name of guy that was working on Sega's VR helmet. I thought so. It's the Illuminati I say.

 

[IrishNinja]

Now do you understand what you are, "Segata Sanshiro"? Or should I say...


...Unit 346!?

i believed in you, segata. i was gonna play Yakuza one day.

what the fuck, man

 

[junkwaffle]

 

[Segata Sanshiro]

Ha ha! What foolishness? 3-4-6? That's an awfully random number, sir! Ahahaha you are a funny guy!

Funny!

Spoiler

Note to self: Destroy the humans known as "Master of Ceremonies Grammar" and "Ginger Assassin".

 

[Hitlersaurus Christ]

i believed in you, segata. i was gonna play Yakuza one day.

what the fuck, man

He may be a robotic duplicate, a mere artificial Segata... But he still carries the memories and spirit of a true hero! The body is fake, but the soul is real!
BELIEVE IN SEGATA

 

[Mael]

Super Mario Bros. 2 Japan? Cuz that one *was* a mistake.

Well yeah THAT one was the clear mistake (who need the same game that look like a romhack from hell?)

and this thread is going places :lol

Spoiler

seriously on any other board it would have devolved into tasteless rants and trollings

 

[Night_Trekker]

Of course you are susceptible to such suggestion. It's in your very nature.

Segata Sanshiro did indeed die in that missile blast, friends. Yet here he is right in front of us. What is the meaning to this mystery?

It's quite simple. Sega, in their infinite financial acumen, decided to invest large amounts of money into keeping their lovable "mascot" safe. First, recall the The House of the Dead commercial in which Segata Sanshiro falls before a group of zombies. His attacks were useless, and the horde was upon him. Yet he appeared safe and sound in later commercials. In some of these, he did superhuman feats, such as "ice skating" past an Olympian with his bare feet, and kicking hundred-mile-per-hour baseballs for a home run.

The answer, is stunt doubles. The first of these were given extensive cosmetic surgery, made identical in appearance to the original. Our poor zombie-victim "Segata" was one of these. As casualties mounted from accidents involving martial arts, explosions, fires, and zombies, they gradually began to experiment with genetic engineering and cybernetic enhancement to make more durable superhuman doubles, capable of performing the feats in the commercials. The failed "gigantic" Segata units appeared alongside dozens of normal stunt doubles in the Dragon Force II commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TLkdLqmxu

As the Saturn neared the end of its life, so did the completion of one final "perfect" double. An entirely robotic creation, a Segandroid, with the memories of the real Segata Sanshiro implanted within them. An indestructible machine.

And it was built none-too-soon, as the real Segata died in an actual real missile attack by Sony on Sega headquarters (Sega turned the news footage into a "commercial" for their own gain). Segata was useless now. So the Segandroid was decommissioned before it was even activated. Or so they thought. Soon after, the Dreamcast began to hit troubles. The Sega Defense Alarm Unit built into the Segandroid caused it to automatically activate. Unaware of its true nature, it gained sentience.


Now do you understand what you are, "Segata Sanshiro"? Or should I say...


...Unit 346!?

I like this post.

 

[Segata Sanshiro]

You're on the list now, Trekker.

 

[Regulus Tera]

Taking the joke too far...

 

[Seraphis Cain]

Taking the joke too far...

Who's taking the joke too far? This thread stopped being about Gunpei Yokoi on the second page. :lol It's about Unit 346...er, Segata now.

 

[Thunder Monkey]

Looking at all the naked men in here, the booze, and more then a few dead bodies...

I missed one HELL of a party!

 

[AniHawk]

Looking at all the naked men in here, the booze, and more then a few dead bodies...

I missed one HELL of a party!

You might have another chance at skiesofwonders's place, i'm guessing

 

[Regulus Tera]

Who's taking the joke too far? This thread stopped being about Gunpei Yokoi on the second page. :lol It's about Unit 346...er, Segata now.

I cannot believe I'm saying this, but this thread was better when it was about Yokoi.

 

[Thunder Monkey]

You might have another chance at skiesofwonders's place, i'm guessing

Fucking Kansas!

I rarely get the chance for some good old fashioned debauchery.

 

[Segata Sanshiro]

Okay, you know what, confession time:

My body is not the original Sanshiro's body.

Here's the story, but brace yourselves, it's a long one.

The original Segata was put out of commission midway through the 32 bit wars by that rocket from Sony. His body was stored in a safe location to research for the benefit of science. His consciousness was stored in a coffee cup.

After the 32-bit Wars had been ended by the powers of the Hardcore Game by reverting the infection of gamers caused by the Bro Virus, Dr. Hirai, an executive and Powerpoint specialist who had worked at the same laboratory as an unknown ancestor of Heather Hawkins (who had researched the original Segata's body) in order to find a way to end the war, felt unsatisfied with the result of the solution. Thinking that it wasn't enough to simply cure the gamers from the virus while they posed still a threat to society due to their social retardation, he decided to create his own, radical solution: To exterminate every gamer that did not decide to submit to the normal humans and regard them as their role models and masters.

To achieve this goal, he had to find someone capable of fulfill his desire, a "messiah" that would destroy every Hardcore and teach all those who supported gamers a lesson. For that position, Hirai had chosen Segata, whose mindless body was still in the laboratory. He stole the body as well as the Spirit of SEGA. Hirai corrupted the Spirit of SEGA, turning it into the SEGASammy to control all the world's gamers at the same time in order to have them destroy each other. However, even in this corrupted state, the SEGASammy was not powerful enough to control all gamers at the same time and the spin-off studios, small copies of the SEGASammy, were created.

Yet, as Hirai desired to use the SEGASammy alone as well as his new messiah, he began constructing a massive exterior armor around the mindless body. The armor boosted the body's attack strength to its limits (although at the cost of maneuverability and evasiveness) as well as granting it the ability of using the SEGASammy to control all gamers at the same time, making the spin-off studios useless. The body received new weapons, suitable for its size and weight and was given a new consciousness loyal to Hirai only: Kevin Butler.

At some point during the war, I received a duplicate of my original body and reappeared on the battlefield, assisting Master Chief in fighting against Hirai's mind-controlled forces. The SEGASammy was reclaimed and I at one point ordered it to command any gamer in range to turn against Hirai. Duing this time, Kevin Butler was unleashed for the first time, leading a group of attack PS3tards, similar to GAF's later kittonwy Action Force, into battle. However, he had never reached perfection during this time as he was released after the SEGASammy had already been stolen from Hirai's laboratory. He was defeated by Master Chief and I (who, at that point, had realized Kevin Butler was in possession of my original body) by using the Reach Strike.

It is generally unknown for what reason Kevin Butler was not destroyed after the end of the war while his creator was punished by the war's survivors, but according to the pamphlet "Stumpokapow's incident: Eden's Dome: It's Sin and Rebirth", the reason that Kevin Butler was not destroyed is because the Judges in charge of the trial had the same creator as Kevin Butler. In any case, Kevin Butler was imprisoned within a spaceship and ignited into space, destined to spend the rest of eternity in exile.

And that's my story.