You want buttons? We got buttons.
You want an analog stick? Fuck, how about two? Whatever.
You say you like twistin your system around like a dumbass? Boom we put a gyroscope inside this bitch.
Need to touch shit? We got you covered. Fuck, you can even touch the back too. That's some crazy shit. Why did we even put that there? I don't know.
You want 3G for downloading games and such? No problem. Just pay us some money or something, that shit ain't free.
You need graphics like you have at home you needy bitch? Sure, take 'em. We'll throw in a high res screen, too. Why not?
Fuck.