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So I just went on my girlfriends ipad....

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Futureman

Member
so if she had been sitting there at 1am on her phone it would have drawn attention, as I'd have probably asked who she was talking to at that time of the morning, but last night I'm playing ps4 and thinking she's browsing the web or whatever and she's looking at a guys dick.

so you already had trust issues? That's kinda what that sounds like to me (needing to know what your GF is doing on her phone and assuming it's nefarious if it's on her iPhone at 1 AM).
 

Markoman

Member
Maybe it's her brother. Don't jump to conclusions OP. Confront her.

2zdQXTo.gif
 

Boney

Banned
There have been ways in the past without even, not sure what the current options are.

And here we go. Seems perfectly reasonable to me.
Ah.. I'm so sorry then for casting suspicion since you probably don't need the bs.

Pack her stuff and tell her to go to suck pic when she gets home.

...there are lots of unofficial WhatsApp apps for iPad.
Well, tell me!
 

nomster

Member
Send a text saying you saw the convo. Let her know you'll be at patents for a night or two and she should pick up her shit before you get back. She can move.
 
Like others have said, talk to her when she gets home, hear her side, then make a decision. I would end that shit immediately and kick her out.
 
Make the dick pic the lockscreen and change her password.

Hahahah, absolutely do this.

And leave it next to her suitcase and tell her to get out. You don't even need to hear her side, you've already seen it. She's got to go. No comebacks for this.
 
You need to talk to her before you decide to do anything. It's amazing how many responses there are to just break up with her. That may very well be the end result but I can't imagine why you'd want to do that without at least talking to her about it first like an adult. At the very least she owes you an explination.
 

ant_

not characteristic of ants at all
So it's my day off today and rather than use the laptop I decided to grab my girlfriends ipad to browse from.

Now I know her passcode (which she knows) but as I enter her passcode and the ipad unlocks it takes me into WhatsApp and I see a picture of a dick and some conversation that is not so innocent.

I'm a little bit thrown back to be honest, with feelings of disgust, anger and confusion.

I'm not sure what to do now, message this guy (or call him), call her, wait until she get's back, say nothing, pack my stuff and leave. To be honest it's done for me now, but still deciding whether it's worth the stress of the arguing and anger.

Obviously I'm writing about it on Neogaf (what could go wrong) but this is completely out of the blue. In the past when I've had shit like this it's normally been accompanied with a change in behaviour, taking all phones etc with them at all times.

OP. Please listen to me.

This exact same thing happened to me. Confronted my girlfriend about it. She broke down in tears telling me how she seeks attention and there was nothing going on, she just enjoyed the "flirting." I told her this was cheating. She agreed and promised nothing would happen again. Said I could see her phone whenever I wanted.

3 months I continue this damn relationship. Jealousy consumes me and I don't trust the girl I'm with. She ends up not being so open with her phone. Long story short, I find out that after all that she ends up cheating on me. Has sex with another guy. She tries the same shit and I almost fell for it again. I hate myself for continuing that relationship.

It was such a huge mistake. It fucked me up.

Please don't make the same mistake I did.
 

giga

Member
pack her stuff (basics, she can get all her stuff somewhere in the next days when you are not around.)
Wait until she comes home and tell her to find another place to sleep.
Legally, she doesn't have to go anywhere and he can't kick her out. So one or the other has to decide on their own to get out of the lease.
 

OCD Guy

Member
I'm sorry dude. That fucking sucks. Are you okay?

I know you might not want to hear this but you know how this story ends. If she doesn't even respect you enough to refrain from sexting with some random dude then the relationship isn't worth prolonging. Ripping off the bandaid will hurt less in the end.

Confront her, tell what you found, listen to what she has to say and tell her it's over. She crossed all the lines. You deserve better.

I'm confused more than anything, as I said everything was cool my end, I had no reason to suspect anything. I've never been the type to interrogate anyone I'm with, I never say anything when they want to go out etc, I tend to take the apporach that if someone will cheat they'll cheat, and here we are.

Now though I keep looking back to last night, I'm sitting there playing PS4 completely clueless to what she was doing. As I said she doesn't use her ipad to message people, it's usually on the phone, and again it's extremely rare that she's ever texting people at 1am.

Would just kick her out or leave quietly, but the lease is a huge problem for ya

I'm not sure what happens with the flat. Obviously I'm in the UK and I imagine many of you are in the US so it's likely different.

We both split the initial deposit and rent advance, I'd obviously want that back but if she still lives there then that won't happen.

I'll obviously need to contact the lettings agency to find out, but as you can imagine that's not something I want to do now.
 
Wait for her to come homes and have a conversation, here's some starters:
"So, do lots of dudes send you dick pics while you flirt with them?
"Would you like me to be the one sending you dick pics?"
"Would you like to watch porn while we have sex?"
 
Contact your leasing office, if you want out, ask about it, see if there is a penalty to get off the contract. Often it's nothing more than having to pay one month's rent to get off a lease for an apartment. Get off it, leave her the burden if you want to leave.
 

Squalor

Junior Member
I'm not sure what happens with the flat. Obviously I'm in the UK and I imagine many of you are in the US so it's likely different.

We both split the initial deposit and rent advance, I'd obviously want that back but if she still lives there then that won't happen.

I'll obviously need to contact the lettings agency to find out, but as you can imagine that's not something I want to do now.
Can you afford the rent by yourself? Can she?

Put her shit out. Tell her to find somewhere else to stay.
 

OCD Guy

Member
having random flirty online chats with dick pics flying around are not that big of a deal. most girls do that

Do they?

So you'd be ok with that?

Can you afford the rent by yourself? Can she?

Put her shit out. Tell her to find somewhere else to stay.

I couldn't afford where I'm at now (neither can she though). We got this place because we could afford it together so we went for something more expensive.
 
OP. Please listen to me.

This exact same thing happened to me. Confronted my girlfriend about it. She broke down in tears telling me how she seeks attention and there was nothing going on, she just enjoyed the "flirting." I told her this was cheating. She agreed and promised nothing would happen again. Said I could see her phone whenever I wanted.

3 months I continue this damn relationship. Jealousy consumes me and I don't trust the girl I'm with. She ends up not being so open with her phone. Long story short, I find out that after all that she ends up cheating on me. Has sex with another guy. She tries the same shit and I almost fell for it again. I hate myself for continuing that relationship.

It was such a huge mistake. It fucked me up.

Please don't make the same mistake I did.

heart breaks for you dude. I'm sorry =*(

oh, and you too OP.
 

Figboy79

Aftershock LA
You're an adult, OP, not a teenager, so don't do any of the petty shit advised here.

Take screen caps of the entire conversation and the dick pic and send them to yourself. Keep that as a record of what happened. Once you're clear of the relationship, delete it. You want to screen cap it so she can't delete it and make excuses.

When she gets home, have an adult, non-passive-aggressive conversation about it. Tell her the truth about how you found the texts, ask her what it's all about, and tell her that it violates your trust, and you aren't comfortable continuing the relationship.

You guys are on the lease together, so that's messy, but how long is your lease? If it's ending soon, perhaps you can ride out the lease together, then one of you doesn't renew it. I know you were wronged, but if you want to break as cleanly as possible, do whatever's easier. If she agrees to move, good. If she doesn't agree to move, you move, and then never speak to her again. Do that either way. The point is that you don't want to drag this out more than necessary. Another option is maybe talking to the landlord and explaining the situation, and maybe the lease agreement can be amended in whatever way you guys choose.

I know the bros want to tell you that she should be the one to move, fuck her, etc etc, but in my age, I think it's best to try and resolve it as smoothly as possible so you can get to the "moving on and putting her in the past" part quickly. You moving out doesn't mean she "won," or got over on you somehow. Her moving out doesn't mean you "won." You're adults. You just want to get out of this relationship as cleanly as possible. Good luck!
 

TheSeks

Blinded by the luminous glory that is David Bowie's physical manifestation.
Delete the WhatsApp, hit the Lawyer, Quit the Gym. Or however that saying goes.

To quote the GAF phrase: She found (literal) new dick.
 
Ugh terrible way to find out about an affair. I'm sorry OP.

Why are people so shit when it comes to their phone privacy? How are people this stupid? ESPECIALLY when they have something to hide?
 

Chabbles

Member
Just to put a stop to conspiracy theories. I grabbed the ipad to browse the web, as it unlocked it was on whatsapp web.

Imessage is linked as you know, but she knows I use the ipad and could see her messages (not that I do) this is open for me to see.

The more I think about it, she thinks she's smart. She doesn't use her ipad to message people, so if she had been sitting there at 1am on her phone it would have drawn attention, as I'd have probably asked who she was talking to at that time of the morning, but last night I'm playing ps4 and thinking she's browsing the web or whatever and she's looking at a guys dick.

Maybe she left the app open purposefully, or subconsciously on purpose or whatever call it.
Probably not, but something to consider.
 
Well first of all you should make sure you have the evidence in case legal stuff is involved. Hopefully you guys haven't kept your finances too intertwined. If you're both on the lease then you can't really make her move out, right? And you might still be obligated to pay unless you can get out of the agreement.
 
You need to talk to her before you decide to do anything. It's amazing how many responses there are to just break up with her. That may very well be the end result but I can't imagine why you'd want to do that without at least talking to her about it first like an adult. At the very least she owes you an explination.

What explanation could she possibly give that is going to be satisfactory? This is a window to regret. There's no good closure to cheating no matter how you explain it. Plus, if there really was a good explanation and she's sorry, she'll fight for the relationship even after OP breaks up with her.
 
Contact your leasing office, if you want out, ask about it, see if there is a penalty to get off the contract. Often it's nothing more than having to pay one month's rent to get off a lease for an apartment. Get off it, leave her the burden if you want to leave.

Good advice. OP should definitely spend the day tying up loose ends. Even if he wants to wait until she gets home for closure, he should have the car packed up and be ready to walk at a moments notice.
 
Are we all sharing now?

I was in a relationship with someone that flirted online with guys. Wasn't worth it. You get paranoid and you don't trust the person--for obvious reason. Eventually got cheated on *kanye shrug*.

When I finally ended the relationship I was so focused on bettering myself both academically (I was in college), physically (gym), and mentally (reading, learning enjoy the art of doing nothing).

I went from so skinny black college student to being pretty athletic looking.

Found a new girl and turned down others before her. All because of the iron OP. That iron bar will never forsake you. Squat with it, deadlift with it, bench with it. Use it to move on.

Seriously when you focus on yourself bumps like this in life are so much easier to manage.

Wishing you well.

Edit:

Make sure it is an actual convo OP. I'm not familiar with What'sApp but I can be on reddit and some dude's Johnson might appear on my screen. And hey since it's already on my screen I might as well slow my scrolling riiiight?
 

AlexMogil

Member
OP. Please listen to me.

This exact same thing happened to me. Confronted my girlfriend about it. She broke down in tears telling me how she seeks attention and there was nothing going on, she just enjoyed the "flirting." I told her this was cheating. She agreed and promised nothing would happen again. Said I could see her phone whenever I wanted.

3 months I continue this damn relationship. Jealousy consumes me and I don't trust the girl I'm with. She ends up not being so open with her phone. Long story short, I find out that after all that she ends up cheating on me. Has sex with another guy. She tries the same shit and I almost fell for it again. I hate myself for continuing that relationship.

It was such a huge mistake. It fucked me up.

Please don't make the same mistake I did.

Hard to trust again, isn't it? Sorry this happened to you.
 

Squalor

Junior Member
Its literally illegal for him to do that. They're both tennants on a shared lease, he has no right to kick her out.
It's just step one. Then you make her really uncomfortable until she leaves on her own.

He already said he can't afford it, though.
 
You absolutely need to kick her the fuck out, but before that you should message the guy in whatsapp back while pretending to be her and say that you're, "freaking out because an old boyfriend just told me he had HIV while we were together."
 
What explanation could she possibly give that is going to be satisfactory? This is a window to regret. There's no good closure to cheating no matter how you explain it. Plus, if there really was a good explanation and she's sorry, she'll fight for the relationship even after OP breaks up with her.

I just don't see how not-talking is better than talking in any relationship issue. What's he got to lose?
 

platocplx

Member
OP. Please listen to me.

This exact same thing happened to me. Confronted my girlfriend about it. She broke down in tears telling me how she seeks attention and there was nothing going on, she just enjoyed the "flirting." I told her this was cheating. She agreed and promised nothing would happen again. Said I could see her phone whenever I wanted.

3 months I continue this damn relationship. Jealousy consumes me and I don't trust the girl I'm with. She ends up not being so open with her phone. Long story short, I find out that after all that she ends up cheating on me. Has sex with another guy. She tries the same shit and I almost fell for it again. I hate myself for continuing that relationship.

It was such a huge mistake. It fucked me up.

Please don't make the same mistake I did.

yup. Its almost like physical domestic abuse. the first time they hit you will never ever be the last time. Just have to cut it off. I know for me? my ego is not strong enough to be cheated on and I would rather just leave than ever trying to work stuff out. They clearly do no respect you or the bond you all agreed to.
 

ant_

not characteristic of ants at all
I'll reiterate OP.

You should confront her, tell her what you found. But no matter what she says, you should break up with her.

Liars, when confronted with their lies, will create more lies to cover it up. It will only end up hurting you in the end. This is a lesson I learned the hard way. I was naive and believed that people that loved me were honest.
 
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