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21st Cenutry Holy Bible. A draft-esque alpha version
- Thread starter Ntsouls
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And sexist. And transphobic. And not funny.
Also, you used the Three Stooges for Noah's son's. That's some seriously low hanging fruit. And not funny.
Also...terrible.
CharminUltra
Member
This thread is funnier than what the thread is actually about. Also, WTF @ racism and all the other stuff.
Masquerader
Member
... Oh, my goodness~
How unusual.
Although... Nope. If OP thought it would be funnier when read out... It's not.
Baron von Loathsome
Member
If agnostics and atheists don't like it, what makes you think churchgoers are gonna like it?
Says the guy rewriting the Bible into a fart/gay/nigga/tranny/jap/rape joke
Aquamarine
Member
omg, I just laughed salsa up my nose
CHEEZMO
Obsidian fan
GungHo
Single-handedly caused Exxon-Mobil to sue FOX, start World War 3
Maybe Jack will entitle it "GAFfawed".
Blood Red Sky
Banned
Is this balloon going to be thrown at women, LBTG people and racial minorities?
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
Crimsonclaw111
Member
Haha.
AlexMeloche
Member
Its all about the guerrilla marketing.
but i mUST!
Guerrilla marketing.
Yes. Yes it is.
Understatement of the year, OP.
Ha. Its true tho.
Well I didnt do the okcupid thing at that time.
Again its all about the people who give some real advice. I take it all in and then use it for when I try to improve it.
Its like Holy Bible fan fiction.
XANDER CAGE
Member
"have you ever wondered what the bible would be like if it was a shitty nobody likes onions routine"
Mengy
wishes it were bannable to say mean things about Marvel
Um, what?
Bud, you are going to get yourself killed or stoned to death if you do that at the wrong church. Is your insurance paid up? What audience of people do you think is going to like this thing? Churchgoers???
I'm an aetheist / agnostic and I don't like your book at all. What makes you think religious people will find if amusing in any way? The reaction you will get will be just the opposite I'd wager...
This guy gets comedy.
helloresolven
Member
When I first read the title, I thought this was going to be a massive re-translation of the Bible, but then you said it was a parody...
Maybe there is a place in the world for that, but this isn't it. It's childish and offers nothing of worth. No one who finds it funny is going to purchase this or take the time to read it.
Is your parody trying to provide insight into modern use of language/humor (by teenagers only apparently) against the backdrop of a religious text? Or are you making fun of the BIble with a modern spin?
I mean, wouldn't the 21st Century Bible's creation story be some new age, metaphysical sentences followed by a PhD dissertation on evolution?
I think your twitter account COULD be a good idea, if you tried to squeeze each verse to 140 characters without the comedic effort. Just the attempt to do that may often lead to humor.
Maybe there is a place in the world for that, but this isn't it. It's childish and offers nothing of worth. No one who finds it funny is going to purchase this or take the time to read it.
Is your parody trying to provide insight into modern use of language/humor (by teenagers only apparently) against the backdrop of a religious text? Or are you making fun of the BIble with a modern spin?
I mean, wouldn't the 21st Century Bible's creation story be some new age, metaphysical sentences followed by a PhD dissertation on evolution?
I think your twitter account COULD be a good idea, if you tried to squeeze each verse to 140 characters without the comedic effort. Just the attempt to do that may often lead to humor.
...I have my doubts in you being able to take this rough draft you wrote and make it smart and clever "eventually".
If you're dead set on doing this, my suggestion would be to scrap it entirely and start again.
The Smoking Bun
Banned
Thanks for the laughs OP, you make my amateur attempt at a Cyberpunk novel look like Blade Runner in comparison. Feel free to PM me if you want to Beta Read.
Simon Belmont
Banned
Real talk OP: This is horrible garbage.
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
I really really want a Mandrake recap for this thread at some point.
Short answer: no.
ShockingAlberto
Member
I say this as a writer, it's good that you're reaching out and trying to improve your writing by having other people look at it.
But what you've written here is most charitably described as dreck. It uses shock humor frequently without coming close to actually achieving its end goal of being funny. Moreover, the poor writing and composition from grammatical and stylistic standpoints distract from any attempt at humor you're trying to make. You don't have a firm enough grasp on the rules of the language to be undertaking this sort of project. You need to work on those fundamentals before you even consider it.
In addition, it's been said before, but the feeling I get from reading this is that you're kind of a terrible person. Reading this does not want to make me read more of anything you write because I find your worldview pretty offensive and it conjures up the image of someone who farts in their own hand and brings it to their face to smell it. Except you just shoved it in my face and I'm not super appreciative.
Also, the defensiveness you've shown so far in this thread indicates you were looking for praise and credit rather than constructive criticism and I'm not really willing to offer you either after reading this. Maybe there is a good writer buried under the layers of disposable gunk you've presented here, but I sure haven't seen any proof of that.
But what you've written here is most charitably described as dreck. It uses shock humor frequently without coming close to actually achieving its end goal of being funny. Moreover, the poor writing and composition from grammatical and stylistic standpoints distract from any attempt at humor you're trying to make. You don't have a firm enough grasp on the rules of the language to be undertaking this sort of project. You need to work on those fundamentals before you even consider it.
In addition, it's been said before, but the feeling I get from reading this is that you're kind of a terrible person. Reading this does not want to make me read more of anything you write because I find your worldview pretty offensive and it conjures up the image of someone who farts in their own hand and brings it to their face to smell it. Except you just shoved it in my face and I'm not super appreciative.
Also, the defensiveness you've shown so far in this thread indicates you were looking for praise and credit rather than constructive criticism and I'm not really willing to offer you either after reading this. Maybe there is a good writer buried under the layers of disposable gunk you've presented here, but I sure haven't seen any proof of that.
The_Darkest_Red
Member
OP will incorporate the knowledge he has gained from this exchange into the beta.
My feeling is the OP will now add a shit filled waterballoon been hurled at a representative from one or all of those groups in the script somewhere.
Crimsonclaw111
Member
The Artful Dodger
Member
Hey there, as a Catholic, I can't even be offended by this.
It's beyond terrible. Nobody with any ounce of Religion is going to like it, as you can see, No Atheist enjoys it. Just chuck the project take the L, and probably whatever terrible tag you will get from a mod because of this ill-conceived idea, and move on with your life.
It's beyond terrible. Nobody with any ounce of Religion is going to like it, as you can see, No Atheist enjoys it. Just chuck the project take the L, and probably whatever terrible tag you will get from a mod because of this ill-conceived idea, and move on with your life.
Masquerader
Member
Guys, we're being really unfair here. This is how people reacted to the original Bible. All naysayers are going to hell for this, where we shall all go 'RAWR, MYAK, MYAK, MYAK, and MOO.' DON'T LIKE IT?! EAT A DICK!
Goddamnit, I am so funny, I'll be a hit.
This is by far funnier than anything in the new bible. Have you considered writing a new bible?
When I woke up this morning, I never expected my life to change. I expected, even less, that a work of fiction, loosely based on a religious tome would cause me to reexamine every fiber of my being and existence.
BRAVO OP. These surly crappers don't understand the nuance and prose that is your genius. I feel what someone must have felt when witnessing a preaching Jesus, as he was being dragged away by the Romans for crucifiction
.
Don't let these people hold you back. They wouldn't know a good piece of writing if a transgendered, Filipina woman shit it out on their face. I will gladly donate my time to operate a phone bank and to pass out pamphlets at bus transfer points in the goal of getting out The Good Word. After all, everyone wants to know the answer to the age old question of "When the suffering ever end?"
The answer is after you are done reading this literary masterpiece.
BRAVO OP. These surly crappers don't understand the nuance and prose that is your genius. I feel what someone must have felt when witnessing a preaching Jesus, as he was being dragged away by the Romans for crucifiction
GET IT? HUE HUE HUE, FICTION!!!.
Don't let these people hold you back. They wouldn't know a good piece of writing if a transgendered, Filipina woman shit it out on their face. I will gladly donate my time to operate a phone bank and to pass out pamphlets at bus transfer points in the goal of getting out The Good Word. After all, everyone wants to know the answer to the age old question of "When the suffering ever end?"
The answer is after you are done reading this literary masterpiece.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
I'd be all about a Discworld-ish reinterpretation of all sorts of things.
You're about a billion worlds away from Discworld's quality. Like I can see where you're trying jokes, and none are jokes.
You're about a billion worlds away from Discworld's quality. Like I can see where you're trying jokes, and none are jokes.
Pratchett and Gaiman should write a new bible interpretation, it would be fantastic. Good Omens proves this.
uncleniccius
Member
OP, I would go with this advice. It is a good idea, but the lack of subtlety bothers me. I like South Park and Family Guy, but even they are a little more subtle than this, also, avoid the N word like the plague. It isn't really funny and won't help at all.
Um, what?
Bud, you are going to get yourself killed or stoned to death if you do that at the wrong church. Is your insurance paid up? What audience of people do you think is going to like this thing? Churchgoers???
I'm an aetheist / agnostic and I don't like your book at all. What makes you think religious people will find if amusing in any way? The reaction you will get will be just the opposite I'd wager...
You just pass our flyers. Then they look it up and find out about what its about. Then they spread the word and I get backers.
The issue is that he fixated on something that wasn't really there.
I am not explicitly making fun of the bible. Nor is that my real intent. My goal is to provide something for people who've never read the entire bible. But want to in a more entertaining way.
As for why it is written how its written. Its rough and raw. But the language used is how the majority of people in this country that are of my generation speak.
Thats often how it works. But it works by going through and scraping and rewriting little by little.
Well congrats. I am def open to reading it.
People don't like it. People think its racist or sexist. People dont like it.
Thats been about it.
Dude, the only backers you're going to get are literary terrorists.
But what if he used it a lot? Like constantly. Wouldn't that make it funnier because of the context?
Masquerader
Member
Masquerader said:
I lost it... But even then, mine was somehow wittier, in spite of me being about 15 when I wrote it. :c
I actually feel pride in not writing what the OP wrote, even when my age dictated that I should have. I just drew a bit of inspiration from the writing style of Douglas Adams and went from there.
... Maybe I'll rewrite it soon. Maybe.
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