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[lastrealgameralive]

You done fucked up. Pregnant hands in the afterlife for you!

 

[ElTorro]

She should have joined you.

 

[SapientWolf]

Getting caught by someone you regularly have sex with isn't getting caught. Getting caught by your dad or a police officer is getting caught.

Also, get over your hangup, sex while the girl is on her period is A-OK, if a little messy. At the very least, it's no excuse.

It looks like you killed an animal with your dick. So fucking metal.

 

[tkscz]

Your girlfriend busts in on you and you stop? Dude, you should've grabbed her by the ass and kept going, while kissing her on the neck. Trust me, it's awesome (I was caught once too).

 

[Zeyphersan]

Yeah, that definitely doesn't count as "getting caught"

I could have however counted as "foreplay"

 

[Switch Back 9]

Your girlfriend busts in on you and you stop? Dude, you should've grabbed her by the ass and kept going, while kissing her on the neck. Trust me, it's awesome (I was caught once too).

As I said earlier, a lifetime of trying not to get caught, and then getting caught, scared me so much I got soft like instantly. Then we both started laughing so the sexy atmosphere was well gone.

 

[Bananastand]

Wow, he plays drums so fast! Fast means good when it comes to jazz, right?

Watch the movie

 

[Rentahamster]

I'm not down for sailing the red sea, so no opportunity there.

There are still methods available to you of stimulating your weiner that don't involve a bleeding vagina.

 

[Switch Back 9]

There are still methods available to you of stimulating your weiner that don't involve a bleeding vagina.

I know, but because I'm not down with period sex, she doesn't feel it's fair to get me off if she gets nothing out of the deal.

"I want you to fuck me, and if you won't, I'm not blowing you, because that shit is unfair to me." basically.

 

[Hazmat]

Period blood on my penis makes it feel numb and hard to stay erect for me. The noise of pounding a wet vag full of blood and sometimes smell of it can take one out of the mood as well. My girl has very irregular periods and I have gotten blood on my dick a number of times (almost every month.)

It is not a fun cleanup. The first time this happens to you it is quite a shock, it does become less of a deal after a few times of it happening. Nothing like having your entire balls ass legs dick completely drenched in period blood, sometimes with coagulated dark chunks.

If you think the sound of intercourse is different when the girl is having her period versus when she's not, I think the problem is with you (or the unfortunate girl). You realize that most of the time during any sex, the girl's vagina is wet, yes? It should be, at least.

Also, her cycle doesn't turn it into a "wet vag full of blood". I rarely hear about women just carrying around half a cup of blood down there just waiting for some jackass to splash around in it.

 

[DeathyBoy]

As I said earlier, a lifetime of trying not to get caught, and then getting caught, scared me so much I got soft like instantly. Then we both started laughing so the sexy atmosphere was well gone.

Bathroom. Locked door. If you're doing it in your living room with an hour break from the misses, and you wait until a few minutes before she's due to come back, you're doing it wrong. If it took you the whole hour and you couldn't do it, you're doing it wrong. If she walks in and sees you doing it, make a Bond line. Otherwise, you're doing it wrong.

 

[Dr Prob]

Shuttle Service?

I keep an older Honda Civic because it's pretty rad. But there have been a bunch of recalls lately (airbag, SRS/buckle shit) so I've been in there more than I'd like and no one mentioned a shuttle service even in passing. Can't even get out of the service department, nevermind catch someone masturbating. Your Honda place seems awesome.

 

[Mifec]

OP you should have made your volcano of lust erupt with man magma in front of your GF.

Also it's fine to "sail the red sea" under the shower m8

 

[Switch Back 9]

Bathroom. Locked door. If you're doing it in your living room with an hour break from the misses, and you wait until a few minutes before she's due to come back, you're doing it wrong. If it took you the whole hour and you couldn't do it, you're doing it wrong. If she walks in and sees you doing it, make a Bond line. Otherwise, you're doing it wrong.

You've misread my posts then.

She was SUPPOSED to be gone for at least an hour, but came back after 10-15 minutes because the dealership drove her home, something neither of us knew was was going to happen.

"Ok babe, going to drop the car off, I'll see you in a bit once it's done."

Gets to dealership

"Hey, we have a shuttle service that can take you home so you don't have to wander around town waiting for us to finish."

a few minutes later

"Hey babe I'm home ear...HAHAHAHAHA."

Shuttle Service?

I keep an older Honda Civic because it's pretty rad. But there have been a bunch of recalls lately (airbag, SRS/buckle shit) so I've been in there more than I'd like and no one mentioned a shuttle service even in passing. Can't even get out of the service department, nevermind catch someone masturbating. Your Honda place seems awesome.

Toyota, and it was news to me too, clearly.

OP you should have made your volcano of lust erupt with man magma in front of your GF.

Also it's fine to "sail the red sea" under the shower m8

It would have been much funnier if she walked in as I was busting, like some Charlie Chaplin levels of maudlin madness with cum shooting everywhere. But I hadn't got to that point yet.

 

[DeathyBoy]

You've misread my posts then.

She was SUPPOSED to be gone for at least an hour, but came back after 10-15 minutes because the dealership drove her home, something neither of us knew was was going to happen.

"Ok babe, going to drop the car off, I'll see you in a bit once it's done."

Gets to dealership

"Hey, we have a shuttle service that can take you home so you don't have to wander around town waiting for us to finish."

a few minutes later

"Hey babe I'm home ear...HAHAHAHAHA."

I just don't see why it's an issue or why you'd be embarrassed.

 

[Messofanego]

With the way this thread is going, the sentiment seems to be you have to have period sex. There is no choice to abstain! lol

As I said earlier, a lifetime of trying not to get caught, and then getting caught, scared me so much I got soft like instantly. Then we both started laughing so the sexy atmosphere was well gone.

What if during sex you two laughed a bit, would that mean the sex is immediately called off? Can you work in humour into your sex life? Or is it just the awkwardness of this scenario was too much?

 

[womfalcs3]

All girlfriends/wives know we masturbate when they get their periods. A week is too long to wait. Of course, they're sometimes involved too.

 

[gdt]

Should've kept going.





And really she could lend you a hand.

 

[Switch Back 9]

With the way this thread is going, the sentiment seems to be you have to have period sex. There is no choice to abstain! lol

What if during sex you two laughed a bit, would that mean the sex is immediately called off? Can you work in humour into your sex life? Or is it just the awkwardness of this scenario was too much?

We've had some good laughs in the bedroom, but sex with another person and having something funny happen is something that occurs a lot more than this particular incident which was a first for me.

I just don't see why it's an issue or why you'd be embarrassed.

Like I said, a lifetime of instinct is hard to shut off. I've spent years trying my damndest not to get caught jackin it, so even though the person who caught me has been around my penis longer than anyone else, it was still a shock to the system. Not so much embarrassed, just startled to the point of completely losing focus.

GF? Pfft.

I thought it'd be someone more awkward. Dad, mom, brother, sister, teacher, boss, coworkers, etc.

You should just say "Some help please?"

Yes yes, I know this isn't the hilariously awkward story some were hoping for, but it's the most interesting thing that's happened to me in weeks so I wanted to share it.

 

[Replicant]

GF? Pfft.

I thought it'd be someone more awkward. Dad, mom, brother, sister, teacher, boss, coworkers, etc.

You should just say "Some help please?"

 

[way more]

Classy.

After reading this as an asexual, please kill me.

Good thing we had the asexual come in here to judge you. After all, xe has the most objective take on the situation.

 

[Switch Back 9]

Judge? Honey, I said he was classy. That isn't a bad thing.

Me or the dude with the super graphic post about blood chunks?

Edit: I'm going to bed guys, I'm sorry for the disappointing thread, I'll try to make my next post more awkward and hilarious.

That you know of ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Oh god... Just what I want to ponder as I'm trying to fall asleep. You're a real bastard you know that?

 

[Mexen]

So my girlfriend has been on her lady time, and she's not working atm and our place is pretty small, so I haven't been able to knock one out in a few days. So finally, the other day, she went to get her car looked at and I figured I finally had a chance to spend some quality time with myself.

I'm just getting into it, pants are off, tabs are queued up in chrome and the tissues are handy.

Then BOOM, front door opens and she walks in. Apparently the Toyota dealership has a handy shuttle service to take you back home while your car is worked on, so she wasn't gone for as long as I had planned.

Anyway, she thought it was hilarious, and I was too flustered to finish, so we had a good chuckle and carried on with our day.

I know this isn't the dramatic or hilarious end to the story you were all waiting for, but this is the first and only time in my entire life I've been caught jacking off, so I wanted to share my tale with you guys. Not exactly EightBitNate levels of awkward, but when she walked in the door I nearly had a heart attack.

That you know of ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

[Vashetti]

Why not anal?

 

[Madnesslink5]

Why not anal?

Should of been first post.

 

[criesofthepast]

If you think the sound of intercourse is different when the girl is having her period versus when she's not, I think the problem is with you (or the unfortunate girl). You realize that most of the time during any sex, the girl's vagina is wet, yes? It should be, at least.

Also, her cycle doesn't turn it into a "wet vag full of blood". I rarely hear about women just carrying around half a cup of blood down there just waiting for some jackass to splash around in it.

My girlfriend bleeds a lot. Very heavy. A wet vagina vs a wet one with that much blood does have a noticable difference in sound, feeling, and smell sometimes. If it has happened to you as much as it has happened to us, then you know the subtle changes compared to "normal" sex...which can throw some off, it does for myself and her. If the lights are off, I can tell you without touching or seeing that she is bleeding. Every single time.

 

[rezuth]

I know, but because I'm not down with period sex, she doesn't feel it's fair to get me off if she gets nothing out of the deal.

"I want you to fuck me, and if you won't, I'm not blowing you, because that shit is unfair to me." basically.

Isn't that kinda unfair to you? Why only do stuff if you want something in return? That shit is such a turnoff, like you can't do anything for someone else unless you get something in return. Such a self-centered view of the world.

Sounds like you both handled it badly.

 

[NoFaceNico]

Dear Penthouse,

This story may seem unbelievable but I swear all of it is true. My girlfriend was on her period and when she caught me jerking off we both started laughing. Then we binge watched Bojack Horseman. Fuck my life.

The end.

 

[Ayumi]

Since OP is insisting on making this thread about his gf's period:

Blood isn't the same kind of liquid as vaginal wetness, so might wanna just wrap it before you tap it to avoid the weird sensation and smell etc.

 

[Jaffaboy]

Just have sex in the shower OP.

 

[womfalcs3]

Why not anal?

Because most women aren't into that.

 

[Dr Prob]

Seems like Family Feud is always on at the Honda dealership.

 

[Symphonia]

And you didn't to think to ask her for a hand?

For shame.

 

[ntropy]

periods stop sentences -- not me

 

[Boem]

So my girlfriend has been on her lady time, and she's not working atm and our place is pretty small, so I haven't been able to knock one out in a few days. So finally, the other day, she went to get her car looked at and I figured I finally had a chance to spend some quality time with myself.

You were actually waiting until your girlfriend left the house?

She's your girlfriend. It's your house. Be yourself.

 

[Diabelli]

Why did you take your pants off? Do most people take their pants off?

 

[XBP]

Am I the only one who was hoping the OP was EightBitNate?

 

[SolidusDave]

Dude, this is when she is at her horniest. Bloody up that sword of yours like you were William Wallace in Braveheart.

In my experience that week is always blowjob week. You guys are doing something wrong.

 

[crimsondynamics]

I had a bad experience as a younger man that has made me pretty gun shy regarding this.



She doesn't think it's fair to get me off when she can't (or I'm unwilling to because I don't like the blood) which I can't argue with.

So it's your problem! Just be thankful that she isn't causing you grief for doing something on your own when she's readily available for you.

Also, dude. Does she know about your previous experience? If not, maybe the mere fact that you are fessing up about it will liberate you. Give it a try if you haven't already. It certainly can't hurt.

In my experience that week is always blowjob week. You guys are doing something wrong.

Oh no, no no no no. Just no.

That week is just another week, but with different fluids and viscosity levels. And it's perfectly normal. Just google it.

And nothing against oral sex, but that can happen any day. It's just part and parcel of having sex, isn't it? Why limit yourself?

 

[dark_prinny]

What, she has no hands?

Or mouth.

 

[Mexen]

Oh god... Just what I want to ponder as I'm trying to fall asleep. You're a real bastard you know that?

Sweet dreams

 

[FloatingDivider]

Oh no, no no no no. Just no.

That week is just another week, but with different fluids and viscosity levels. And it's perfectly normal. Just google it.

And nothing against oral sex, but that can happen any day. It's just part and parcel of having sex, isn't it? Why limit yourself?

This post/username combo is excellent.

 

[McLovin]

LoL when I was still living at home I got caught by my mom. I turned around and was like :O holding my junk. She was like "Close the fucking door" in spanish.

 

[Symphonia]

Period sex, in my experience, can be fun for everyone. Period.

 

[kyser73]

OP - sorry you got cherry bombed, but you need to get past that.

Criesofthepast - how does it make your penis numb? Does your missus have coke periods or something? Although - fair play on the chunks man. You never get told that shit. In pretty easy going but first time I saw that I was 'woah!'

Then I made likes farmer and kept on ploughing.

 

[Boem]

She doesn't think it's fair to get me off when she can't (or I'm unwilling to because I don't like the blood) which I can't argue with.

Jeez. I mean, obviously she shouldn't do anything she doesn't want to, but that seems like a weird thing to me. Sometimes you just do something for your other half without expecting anything in return. You're in a relationship, not selling your body to each other.

Edit: And that goes both ways, obviously.

 

[Ruruja]

You masturbated within view of the front door?

Yeah this is what I took issue with first too. Step up your game OP.

In another room you hear the front door close, you have time to hide it.

 

[Miracle]

Spoiler

I'll cue you in

 

[ThatStupidLion]

I dont get caught. I tell her when its going about to go down.

 

[Neidii]

Period blood on my penis makes it feel numb and hard to stay erect for me. The noise of pounding a wet vag full of blood and sometimes smell of it can take one out of the mood as well. My girl has very irregular periods and I have gotten blood on my dick a number of times (almost every month.)

It is not a fun cleanup. The first time this happens to you it is quite a shock, it does become less of a deal after a few times of it happening. Nothing like having your entire balls ass legs dick completely drenched in period blood, sometimes with coagulated dark chunks.

The noise is the same, I know, have a vag. The smell should not be that bad, not worse than sweating and exchanging fluids like you usually do. And having "your entire balls, ass legs and dick covered in blood" sounds like an exaggeration, we don't bleed that much, it's not like liters of blood pour out like a waterfall.