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Have we come to the end of toilet technology?
- Thread starter The Hamburglar
- Start date
I'll see your japanese toilet, and raise you a South Korean one. (International First Class Lounge in Incheon - greatest poop of my life)
Had more spray options than the Japanese toilets I tried, more force, and a BLOW DRY.
You raised his Japanese toilet with... a Japanese toilet with Korean translations.
lastplayed
Member
Picard's ready room had its own head, just in case he needed to make an emergency captain's log.
bad writing
Japan and Korea have better, more advanced toilets.
afraid of what that big red button does
uncelestial
Member
Site-to-site teleportation of feces and excess food from our stomachs/large intestines. Extra-gentle constipation relief/bulimia.
Emergency abort!
SargerusBR
I love Pokken!
In all honesty this sounds absurd. Even assuming that someday we can accurately transport specific atoms like that(which I guess is assumed if you can transport a whole person anyways like in Star Trek) and surgically transport things from a body relying on such a system to have 100 uptime and no manual facilities on-board in the event of an emergency's crazy. Beyond that you still have those situations where an away team's out of transporter range on some alien planet and just has to shit in the woods or something anyways.
The computational and energy requirements to handle such a mundane task must be immense.
There are waterless urinals.
Do we have a device that teleports piss and shit out of the human body whenever it walks past? No? Then we haven't reached the pinnacle yet. I always figured in Star Trek they were teleporting waste out of bodies and into the replicator holding tanks.
Also, Dyson hasn't released an air toilet yet, that simply uses air currents to fling your poop down a pipe, without it ever touching the sides. Bonus, all the smell gets sucked away too.
Also, Dyson hasn't released an air toilet yet, that simply uses air currents to fling your poop down a pipe, without it ever touching the sides. Bonus, all the smell gets sucked away too.
TAJ
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
No joke, I want toilets free of splash back.
They say the best ideas come to you on the can, but all I can ever think of is how to implement a splash free toilet.
In reality that would just leave a nightmarish, smelly mess on the extension.
artsi
Member
GamingKaiju
Member
Quick someone invent a Bluetooth toilet. I don't know lol just seems nowadays everything is adding Bluetooth to make it more techy.
"Flush via the app"
"Flush via the app"
You don't even need a fancy electronic bidet. All civilization asks for is a water spray. Middle East, South East Asia and many parts of Europe has done this since goodness knows when. They cost like 10 bucks where they're common, and maybe another 20 for installation.
BUT WAIT! To preempt some burning questions:
I mean, duh? What do you do after you wash your hands? Exit the restroom doing a ballet while water flies off your wildly flailing appendages? I mean, really, wow, the population of three entire continents were all sitting around waiting for you to come to the conclusion that "yes, something is indeed wet after you wash it with water". We must all be very fortunate you thought to post the conclusion to this train of thought on GAF!
But this brings us to an interesting point about the United States. You guys put planes in the air, have a military force that the rest of the world fears, export movies and music to the rest of the world, but yet somehow all collectively feel that pushing shit around with toilet paper is somehow superior to simply washing with a controlled excess of liquid, then wiping dry - something that is the preferred method of treating any other part of the body in need of cleaning.
Emergency ejection button!
Top two left buttons are for flushing (big and small loads), top 3 right buttons are for toilet seat and cover control.
Red button is a stop button. Next button is the straight ass beam. Then, it's the wide angle ass beam. Followed by Lady beam. All the way on the right is the dry button.
You also have stuff like temp control for your seat and the water.
You obviously don't have a hairy ass, all that water is going to do is make a mess of things
Though a change in diet has helped immensely.
Er, the Japanese one has all that and more. It has twice as many buttons.I'll see your japanese toilet, and raise you a South Korean one. (International First Class Lounge in Incheon - greatest poop of my life)
Had more spray options than the Japanese toilets I tried, more force, and a BLOW DRY.
Edit: oh, nevermind lol
AppleSeason
Member
- Splatter and skidmarks detectors. The toilet stall takes a picture of you when you enter and if you don't clean your shit, you get to appear as "asshole of the month" on a nice display on the restrooms.
- Phone jammers.
- 5 Minutes countdown, the toilet wide opens if you don't finish in time (bad for the people who cry in the toilet office, though).
- Achievements. Things like "No toilet paper needed clean poop" or "60 seconds plus pee" stream" displayed on a screen.
- Stall advertising of hygiene products, laxatives...
- Twitter Integration so you don't need to tweet "I'm taking a shit".
I'd love this at the office. It would solve us so many problems. But realistically speaking, Asian built in bidet, noise masker for Sounds Goku powering up shitters and smell detector that activates a extractor fan. Also some seat cooling technology and feces analyser to detect sicknesses and health issues.
Alternative:
- Phone jammers.
- 5 Minutes countdown, the toilet wide opens if you don't finish in time (bad for the people who cry in the toilet office, though).
- Achievements. Things like "No toilet paper needed clean poop" or "60 seconds plus pee" stream" displayed on a screen.
- Stall advertising of hygiene products, laxatives...
- Twitter Integration so you don't need to tweet "I'm taking a shit".
I'd love this at the office. It would solve us so many problems. But realistically speaking, Asian built in bidet, noise masker for Sounds Goku powering up shitters and smell detector that activates a extractor fan. Also some seat cooling technology and feces analyser to detect sicknesses and health issues.
Alternative:
PJV3
Member
It says "STOP"
In case your fancy toilet goes berserk on your butt
I was hoping it would shove a cork up the arse if you needed to leave mid-squeeze.
You don't even need a fancy electronic bidet. All civilization asks for is a water spray. Middle East, South East Asia and many parts of Europe has done this since goodness knows when. They cost like 10 bucks where they're common, and maybe another 20 for installation.
BUT WAIT! To preempt some burning questions:
I mean, duh? What do you do after you wash your hands? Exit the restroom doing a ballet while water flies off your wildly flailing appendages? I mean, really, wow, the population of three entire continents were all sitting around waiting for you to come to the conclusion that "yes, something is indeed wet after you wash it with water". We must all be very fortunate you thought to post the conclusion to this train of thought on GAF!
But this brings us to an interesting point about the United States. You guys put planes in the air, have a military force that the rest of the world fears, export movies and music to the rest of the world, but yet somehow all collectively feel that pushing shit around with toilet paper is somehow superior to simply washing with a controlled excess of liquid, then wiping dry - something that is the preferred method of treating any other part of the body in need of cleaning.
It is slightly different to washign your hands. I see no soap dispenser, so you're relying on simple water. and no flannel/loofah so just your hands, or relying on the jet of water? That surely won't clean everything.
So do you wipe then bidet?
And you're not using a towel, surely? So you're using TP. But because your ass is so wet it'll disintegrate the TP (like when you get a nasty backsplash)
I don't think they're unreasonable comments and perhaps those more enlightened could help us unwashed heathens understand the practicalities.
Wasn't sure if I should actually be replying seriously, but then I realized everyone should be taking their shitposting seriously!
If you wanted to be super sure:
1) One wipe with wet toilet roll to get rid of debris
2) Spray with bidet
3) One wipe with dry toilet roll to get rid of dirty water (which presumably has an uncomfortably higher particles-per-cubic-meter of remaining fecal matter, regardless of how long you spray although you could probably calculate some form of PPCM half-life plotted against length of spraying)
4) (*optionally if you're a little paranoid) Step into the shower and rinse with soap.
It may seem like the important part is how one accomplishes 2), which is essentially having the waterjet hit the entire surface area of the anus while properly ricocheting into the toilet's basin as to not get crap water everywhere, and this differs from bidet spray to bidet spray that even a seasoned bidet user may take a session or two to get used to a new bidet (such as those at a friend's house or low-tech hotel without an electronic bidet)
However, all the other parts can be equally important depending on individual ritual and sense of ease.
Of course, to answer your question, 3) isn't quite possible with shitty (no pun intended) single-ply toilet roll without disintegrating. Get better toilet roll.
You obviously don't have a hairy ass, all that water is going to do is make a mess of things
Though a change in diet has helped immensely.
ye gads, shave
HazySaiyan
Banned
Japan and Korea have better, more advanced toilets.
Is that an eject button?
Japan and Korea have better, more advanced toilets.
Those testicles in the 2nd and 3rd button lol
Pretty sure they're butt cheeks.
yeah,that makes more sense.
Its clearly for women. Use your imagination.what's the 4th button for?
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Japan and Korea have better, more advanced toilets.
The blue butt icon will spray your butt and the red dude icon will jet you in to the air.
Should have been first post.
Also, I imagine that some type of high tech bidet/dryer/light curing apparatus would be peak toilet tech.
Just think, that toilet might have more computational power than Apollo 11...I'll see your japanese toilet, and raise you a South Korean one. (International First Class Lounge in Incheon - greatest poop of my life)
Had more spray options than the Japanese toilets I tried, more force, and a BLOW DRY.
sixteen-bit
Member
SmartPipe, brehs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJklHwoYgBQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJklHwoYgBQ
You obviously don't have a hairy ass, all that water is going to do is make a mess of things
Though a change in diet has helped immensely.
I've never used a bidet, but approaching it from the perspective of a hairy ass:
There are three main issues that come up from pooping whilst one's ass is hairsome.
A. The toilet paper breaks up and leaves pieces behind which the asshair collects.
B. The poop is sloppy, and coats the asshair.
C. The poop has small chunks that get caught in the asshair.
Notably, toilet paper on a dry ass doesn't provide a easy solution to any of this. In case A, the toilet paper is actually causing the problem and applying more will cause as much as it fixes. In case B, the toilet paper's normal use is unable to successfully dislodge the poop; you'd have to run the toilet paper along the asshair, which is a very messy affair. In case C, you'd have to use the toilet paper to use the toilet paper to pull the chunks out of your asshair, which will likely pull a lot of hair along with it. However, when you have a hairy ass, I think ripping out your asshair is just something you get used to. It's hard to complain about.
In all these cases, the easiest and cleanest solution is to take a shower, where you can wash wherever you need without worrying about anything being left behind. You can get your hands dirty because you're still cleaning them. I haven't used a bidet, but I'd assume that it would achieve something similar.
TheGreatMightyPoo
Banned
Is that a controller for Steel Buttalion???Japan and Korea have better, more advanced toilets.
Zoe
Member
It's not that bad. We paid $340 for a Toto and $25 for some basic non-powered one. You can even buy the Squatty Potty branded ones from Target.
StalkerUKCG
Banned
ThisGuy
Member
You know, I bet teleporting turds to unsuspecting peoples door steps will happen in the future.
If I remember correctly in one episode of Enterprise they talked about converting human waste into whatever they need on the ship such as boots. I think it was the season 1 episode where they get mailed questions from kids back on Earth.
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