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I'd like to know what your opinion is on men footing the bill on a date
- Thread starter Ryaaan14
- Start date
Forearm Star
Member
Why are a women's shitty dates automatically an obligation for me to pay for her meals when it comes to dating me? I just don't get the correlation.
I want to show them a good time so I'll treat the person when I invite them out. What does that have to do with anything they've had to deal with in their life up until that point?
I'm just a bit confused
Morally ok? It depends by what you mean. If the guy pays 100% of the time on the first date, that makes it a sexist tradition, and there's a lot of traditional sexism in the dating world. It's super unfortunate, and hurts both men and women. But as far as sexism and equal rights are concerned, it's something to fix but certainly wouldn't be first on the agenda.
Being aware of the privilege you experience as a male is important, as is respecting a person's background, position, and whether they feel safe and comfortable.
Red Liquorice
Member
lol, that's the morning chuckle I needed to get the old cogs going!
Never paid for a date full and when I tried I got Bad eyes on me lol
Except for a coffee a few times but that is nothing bad and somehow they always back ehm... Now that I think about that I also get many Gifts which is strange. It's giving and taking in my case. Many of my living room things got gifted to me for that after a few dates and the start of relationship hmm
Except for a coffee a few times but that is nothing bad and somehow they always back ehm... Now that I think about that I also get many Gifts which is strange. It's giving and taking in my case. Many of my living room things got gifted to me for that after a few dates and the start of relationship hmm
Grizzlyjin
Supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not respecting, who would really ever wanna go and top that
I'm pretty traditional with it. Not a fan of the "going Dutch" thing on a first date. Not even a macho complex, I just don't like splitting up bills. But I wouldn't want that to come off the wrong way. I think a good solution is 1 person pay for dinner and then the other person pay for whatever the activity after dinner is (movie, amusement park, etc). And then just switch off.
My feeling is if they offer to pay, you give a polite "It's fine" and if they insist beyond that, just split it. If you hung out with my friends, you'd understand. It's not uncommon for us to go out, somebody pays for all the drinks at the first bar, then the next place somebody else does, and so on.
My feeling is if they offer to pay, you give a polite "It's fine" and if they insist beyond that, just split it. If you hung out with my friends, you'd understand. It's not uncommon for us to go out, somebody pays for all the drinks at the first bar, then the next place somebody else does, and so on.
If you can't ok because it's financially irresponsible to spend money that you only could spend once not twice. Especially such a modest amount.
But also not asking people out of you don't want to pay? How could you say that? What if you asked someone who has manners and understands modern society? What is the problem if both want to pay for what they consume?
The fuck are you on about??
I'm just saying, I'm not gonna sweat who pays for a $5 coffee on date #1 when it can be additionally stressful for women to go on a modern first date with a guy, which are often "blind" dates through a dating website.
I will say that if you ask to split the bill on a future dinner date and they get weird/rude about it, they aren't worth it.
...Who the hell goes to a legit dinner on a first date now a days?
Massive Duck. C.M.
Banned
right right
I've never had a date where it's not 50/50, yup.
ReplacementPelican
Member
I'm not sure many people go on dates for free food.
This is a difficult one for me because I always offer to foot the bill (at least initially, after you're in a relationship it becomes who can afford it) but I can see why its a societal construct of 'the man needs to impress the woman' as opposed to the other way around, the implication with this is that the man is the one who needs to try and 'woo' the woman and they're basically there to decide whether they like you or not. It doesn't really work like that in practice but its always funny for me to think of how many free meals my female friends have gotten over the years from dates and I have heard complaints if a man didn't pay for the food. Its incredibly outdated and I can't really imagine it lasting that much longer.
UnemployedVillain
Member
This is the most white knight comment I've read in a long time
Anyway, on topic, I follow a pretty simple guideline
1. If she wants to split it, unless I feel like treating her, we do
2. If we were vibing really well, I'll want to pay
3. If it didn't go well or I don't see another date, I'll subtly lead it into a splitting g situation
Tinfoilhatsron
Banned
Right? Women are so fragile etc
FlutterPuffs
Member
I pay for the first date.
If after she offers and does pay half for it, she's a keeper.
If after she offers and does pay half for it, she's a keeper.
veryslowhand
Banned
I expect women to pay, at least if they want some of my dadbod later in the night.
broncobuster
Banned
Ask the waiter to place the check in front of her. Be a gentleman and offer to pay half. Presumably eat a Mentos and give the waiter a thumbs up.
(Usually I'm OK with paying.)
(Usually I'm OK with paying.)
Haha, so true. She always insists on sharing, guess I got a good one there.
Forearm Star
Member
Let's back up a second.
I understand how I'm supposed to act around other people in general. I also understand that when on a first date it's ideal to put your best foot forward and to be courteous to someone whose offered to accompany on your outing.
I don't exactly understand what that has to do with anything else. You've offered me your time as I requested therefore I should do my best to make you feel like your time is worth it. I don't see how I should only be doing this because you may or may not have had a bad experience in the past.
Don't get me wrong I do understand that women can be in shit situations when going on dates with strangers. Dating can be a crap shoot and that's something to be very aware of.
I just don't see how my immediate thought should be,
"Dating can be shitty so I should treat you right" and not "I'm glad this person wants to spend time with me, I should make sure they have a great time."
Okay that clears that up, sorry for my confusion.
Bro ur basically saying women should be ok making less money if they don't grab the check
That's a weird way of looking at it. One's a right, and the other is a silly tradition. Both are harmful, but to vastly different degrees of magnitude,
travisbickle
Member
This is adorable.
Funny, I'd guess men are under more stress on first date on average, due to cultural norms that put more of the responsibility on them to take an active role and make the date work.
TanookiTom
Member
Err what makes you think that I don't talk with my female friends about that all the time? And none of them would support your idea that men are somehow obliged to invite them, I assure you.
Not only don't I see the connection why a man should pay for a woman because that woman might have a bad date with another guy, but I also find it kinda sad to think that money would somehow solve that problem ;-)
Wait, at least factor in if you INVITE her.
Weird that Germany (and the Netherlands?) is the most progressive on this issue, even more so than Sweden.
Faux is saying that women are under more stress about if they get a wierdo, which I would assume happens more often than one thinks. I don't agree its a reason to pay more, but I can see where they're coming from.
I feel like this is a cultural thing as well. From my experience it's more common to split the bill here in Germany. Especially if you aren't that close to each other yet. On the other hand when one person official said they invited the other then it's not uncommon to pay. But really then you might be already quite close and familiar with each other.
That's at least how I experienced it so far.
That's at least how I experienced it so far.
It's a mix, some women have wanted to split it fairly others have wanted me to pay it all. I have paid it all before but that's when I've felt that this isn't a chronic free meal hunter.
I went out with a Korean woman last year and when the waitress came over and I said we'll pay for the food. the waitress asked if we wanted two separate bills and I said yes.
My dinner partners face was a picture. But she paid her share. When we were walking afterwards. She did tell me she was kinda mad. But found it funny I did it.
She said that it's expected that a man always pays for dinner even if she brought friends along I'd be expected to pay for them as well. I was like OK.
Anyway she can't have been too mad as she wanted another meetup..
I went out with a Korean woman last year and when the waitress came over and I said we'll pay for the food. the waitress asked if we wanted two separate bills and I said yes.
My dinner partners face was a picture. But she paid her share. When we were walking afterwards. She did tell me she was kinda mad. But found it funny I did it.
She said that it's expected that a man always pays for dinner even if she brought friends along I'd be expected to pay for them as well. I was like OK.
Anyway she can't have been too mad as she wanted another meetup..
My original post was pretty shittily written, to be honest. I don't think men are obligated to pay on the first date, but I'm not gonna stress about the price of a coffee or who is paying when I'm more interested getting to know the person I'm on a first date with, who may or may not be a little freaked out about going somewhere with a dude they don't know yet.
I go into first dates expecting and willing to pay.
It's really not that big of a deal. Luckily I haven't had an outrageous first dates. If they insist on paying their share, I'll either let them, split it or let them buy drinks or something later or next date.
It's really one of those things to not stress over. If she ever got upset because I either offered to pay or only paid for my meal, then luckily it was only a first date.
Even after the first date, I don't mind paying as long as it doesnt seem like you're taking advantage and I'm not the only one coming out of pocket in the relationship.
Lmaoooo. I hope this is a joke.
It's really not that big of a deal. Luckily I haven't had an outrageous first dates. If they insist on paying their share, I'll either let them, split it or let them buy drinks or something later or next date.
It's really one of those things to not stress over. If she ever got upset because I either offered to pay or only paid for my meal, then luckily it was only a first date.
Even after the first date, I don't mind paying as long as it doesnt seem like you're taking advantage and I'm not the only one coming out of pocket in the relationship.
Lmaoooo. I hope this is a joke.
Stiflers Mom
Banned
Miles Quaritch
Member
First dates shouldn't be more than coffee and cake, so paying isn't a big deal, but you should establish firm boundaries on the second/third date about splitting the bill.
If they get pissy, pay for the meal and bail. You're with someone who refuses to pay their way and you don't need that bullshit in your life.
If they get pissy, pay for the meal and bail. You're with someone who refuses to pay their way and you don't need that bullshit in your life.
PumpkinPie
Banned
I wouldn't pay the whole bill. Never have, never will. If women want equal pay and the ability to vote, they should abolish their archaic expectations too.
Miles Quaritch
Member
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