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[MilkyJoe]

I've been out of the game for a while, but we used to do it like I'll get the meal, she can get the cinema tickets or a couple of rounds of beers at the bar after, or what have you.

Some very strange responses in here. Woman risks getting a beating by going on the date? so the least you can do is pay for it? Jeepers.

If I invite you, I'm paying.

Sounds about right, you don't invite someone to your house for dinner and ask for half the grocery money.

 

[Breads]

I feel like in the last 4-5 years more and more woman have insisted on taking the bill. Friends and etc is still pretty balanced but for dates the bill tends to go in my favor. Social progress I guess.

 

[Alx]

I'm ok with the tradition, but won't argue much if she insists on contributing. But I don't like 50/50 or "pay what you ate", which are too unpersonal. I'd rather have one pay for the food and the other for the wine/desserts. It's not about being financially fair, but having an opportunity to be nice to each other.

 

[fauxtrot]

I've been out of the game for a while, but we used to do it like I'll get the meal, she can get the cinema tickets or a couple of rounds of beers at the bar after, or what have you.

Some very strange responses in here. Woman risks getting a beating by going on the date? so the least you can do is pay for it? Jeepers.

This is what happens when I'm watching iZombie and surfing GAF simultaneously... I make half thought out and poorly worded posts.

...At least I didn't say that women should pay for half of dinner if they want to be treated like equals, right?

 

[Rembrandt]

I feel like in the last 4-5 years more and more woman have insisted on taking the bill. Friends and etc is still pretty balanced but for dates the bill tends to go in my favor. Social progress I guess.

You let them pay?

 

[commedieu]

Ton of clueless marks. As expected.

You offer to take someone out. You don't stare at them when the bill comes, like reddit said... you simply pay and it just literally means you're paying for a dinner that you said you would. Money doesn't have any bearing on frail egos.

If someone offers to split, you tell them how about the next time. Feel it out, and go from there. Or, just split if it's insisted.

Some people want to pay because of the sad ass stress folks put out there that always expects all these other things unrelated to putting money down for food or drink. Political statements, sex. Etc.etc.

 

[TanookiTom]

My original post was pretty shittily written, to be honest. I don't think men are obligated to pay on the first date, but I'm not gonna stress about the price of a coffee or who is paying when I'm more interested getting to know the person I'm on a first date with, who may or may not be a little freaked out about going somewhere with a dude they don't know yet.

Of course it's always nice to invite another person, I do it too, with friends, on dates, etc.

But I would even argue that it can have a negative effect on a date - making the other person feel somewhat "indebted" or whatever.

And in any case I think these outdated gender roles should disappear, because even if they might seem positive for women at first glance, in the end they just help cement old stereotypes.

 

[MarkMclovin]

1st date - I'm paying
2nd date - I'll offer
3rd date - If she doesn't offer, I'll pay and move on.

 

[Zugma]

I have never really dated anyone who expected to have me pay for the meal on a date. I will occasionally offer, but all of the times I can recall, the girl has preferred a split of the bill. Perhaps I've lived a charmed life.

 

[Ryaaan14]

Ton of clueless marks. As expected.

You offer to take someone out. You don't stare at them when the bill comes, like reddit said... you simply pay and it just literally means you're paying for a dinner that you said you would. Money doesn't have any bearing on frail egos.

If someone offers to split, you tell them how about the next time. Feel it out, and go from there. Or, just split if it's insisted.

Some people want to pay because of the sad ass stress folks put out there that always expects all these other things unrelated to putting money down for food or drink. Political statements, sex. Etc.etc.

Commedieu my friend, how many times has a woman asked u out and paid the check. U left that out

 

[Timedog]

Not doing it

 

[capitalCORN]

It's been split the bill my whole life, even when things get serious. Unless it's a one off for some cheap, fill the belly meal, all 'date' meals have been split for me.

 

[Nickle]

A ladies companionship is all the payment a true gentleman requires.

 

[Two Words]

If I invited, I plan to pay. Just say "I invited you, so I already expected this to be my treat if that's good with you."

IMO if women want equal pay in the workplace, then they need to be expected to pay for half a date. If you have a problem with paying for part of the date, don't expect equal pay.

Lol what is this.

 

[Octavianus]

split, always. If someone isn't willing to pay for their own food I don't want to spend time with them anyway.

 

[amanset]

If she expects it there will be no second date.

I had exactly this scenario a couple of weeks back. She got back in contact afterwards sounding interested but I wasn't having it.

 

[maomaoIYP]

Here is a thread on this exact topic I made back in 2013: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=614246&highlight=
It still boggles my mind that my friend felt that the man has to pay for everything.

 

[amanset]

You offer to take someone out.

Yeah, I don't see it that way. For me it is "do you want to meet up".

 

[Prime crotch]

If I invite, I foot the bill on the first time, afterwards, we go on turns or on whoever invites first.

 

[Ryaaan14]

Here is a thread on this exact topic I made back in 2013: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=614246&highlight=
It still boggles my mind that my friend felt that the man has to pay for everything.

omg I'm sorry I didn't mean to copy

I think my thread is more about tackling the preconceived notion of men paying be default instead of just asking an open question. Great thread tho

 

[Rembrandt]

But I would even argue that it can have a negative effect on a date - making the other person feel somewhat "indebted" or whatever.

And in any case I think these outdated gender roles should disappear, because even if they might seem positive for women at first glance, in the end they just help cement old stereotypes.

To the first part, I don't think that's any fault of the person offering to pay, but I definitely understand the pressure it may add in some cases. It's a common issue.


I agree to an extent and I think, recently, a lot of outdated gender roles and norms are disappearing and it came from discussions and whatnot. On the other hand, I feel like this is one of those outdated gender norms that isn't really a big deal. It has adapted to the times and evolved with them.

It's also one of those things that make sense on a date, especially a first one. It's not opening up a car door or pulling back a seat. It's a nice gesture to a person whose time you're enjoying and if things go well, the favor will be returned in the future.


I think it's just that guys usually ask girls out and if you're ever going to pay for somebody's dinner- nows the time.

 

[Stallion Dan]

Split every first date. No exceptions. If she gets pissy about it that's​ an alarm bell to leave it as the only date.

 

[Coxy100]

I'm traditional - I would always foot the bill (male)

Happily married now anyway - so I'm always paying the bill full stop

 

[Messofanego]

I'm watching First Dates and it's a great show and it's just funny seeing how it's implied that men pay on the first date. We're entering into a new era where women are breaking down boundaries that we never really thought about and I'm curious what y'all think about this.

Full disclosure I'm probably not as progressive as most of u on here so I feel like men footing the bill is expected.

Edit: Please don't spoil the show I'm only on ep2

Is this new era the one where women can have jobs and be quite well earners to pay for themselves? Because that's been happening since before your birth lol.

 

[Vicetrailia]

Pay for your own shit.

 

[Paertan]

Depends on how you ask her out. Asking someone out for coffee or a drink then you share. Specifically asking someone something like "take you out to dinner" then yes I would pay for both.
The whole thing that men always pay is getting old. At least in Sweden I don't think it is expected as much anymore. Sure there are both men and women that consider it to be standard. But I think if you disagree on that you probably gonna disagree on a lot of things.

 

[Temp_User]

I feel gender should not even be in the equation.

If you invite someone to a date, it is expected that YOU foot the bill regardless of gender. If its a blind date setup, always be prepared to foot the bill regardless of gender. If your date wants to split the bill then lucky you but don't expect it.

If you're getting tired of always footing the bill on a date, find a way for the person you want to go on a date to ask you first regardless of gender.

If you really want to date someone but you don't have the funds for it then go for a "coffee and bagel" approach and walk him or her back to the office or take a stroll at the park during their break times.

 

[Donniewahlberg]

When I still dated, I would always pay, but mostly because it seemed like a decent thing to do, not really based on gender roles lol.

 

[Ryaaan14]

Is this new era the one where women can have jobs and be quite well earners to pay for themselves? Because that's been happening since before your birth lol.

Fuck r u talking about bro lmao

I'm 32. The women in my dating pool are lawyers and marketing execs. You don't have to tell me what they do for a living it shows on their dating profiles

Read OP again maybe

 

[maomaoIYP]

omg I'm sorry I didn't mean to copy

I think my thread is more about tackling the preconceived notion of men paying be default instead of just asking an open question. Great thread tho

Lol no I wasn't accusing you of duplicating the thread, I thought it would be interesting to read the responses from that 4 year old thread too.

 

[TheJoRu]

If I feel I've had a really good date and I really like this person I'll offer to pay. If I was the one who invited I'll also pay. She might tell me it's fine, and I might even insist that I do want to pay (I wouldn't push it harder than that, though).

But it has nothing to do with me being a guy; I would not appreciate there being some kind of expectation that I should pay because of my gender, in the same way I don't expect her to pay for me because of gender. So if she never offers that's fine, but if she does that's really nice, and I'd feel appreciated in the same way I hope she'd feel if I offered. It's the expectation based on gender that irks me; if you expect something because someone specifically invited you as a "I'll take you to dinner" then it might be different.

 

[deleted]

I might offer to pay for a drink or two, but I don't pay for meals on dates in general.
In a relationship when I want to do something nice, I might cover the complete bill every once in a while, but since I'm more single than in a relationship, I'd be poor by now if I would pay everything on every date.

It's never been a problem neither. Most women I go out with want to pay for their own drinks to begin with.

 

[ActWan]

Splitting the bill in half is the right way to go, but someone can be generous and offer to pay for everything. I don't see how the sex/gender of the person matters.

 

[johancruijff]

i'm actually offended if she wants to split on a first date

 

[Nephtis]

I always pay if it's the first date, because I'm usually the one that invites. I would expect some would be paid by the person I'm going on a date with from time to time, too.

 

[notaskwid]

If someone really wants to go out with you and not with your wallet, you don't need to pay the partners part.

 

[Maximo]

Never paid for a date always half half.

 

[nkarafo]

I thought gender doesn't matter anymore?

Whoever invites should pay, that's fair IMO. After the first date it should be half-half.

Still, i'm an old fashioned gentleman so i prefer to pay the bill myself.

 

[Transhuman]

I was going to go ask out this cute girl who works at a pinball arcade but not if it's going to cost me money.

 

[Ryaaan14]

I thought gender doesn't matter anymore?

Whoever invites should pay, that's fair IMO. After the first date it should be half-half.

Still, i'm an old fashioned gentleman so i prefer to pay the bill myself.

This post kinda sums up the problem don't u think

 

[Oyashrio-Sama]

You offer to pay, and then slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly reach for your wallet.

The trick is that your hand never ever reaches your wallet.

 

[nkarafo]

This post kinda sums up the problem don't u think

What problem?

 

[Ryaaan14]

What problem?

>Gender doesn't matter
>It's gentlemanly if I pay

 

[EarsOfASnake]

It's two adults agreeing to meet up, regardless of who asks who, you split the bill. If you're committing to a meal of sorts on your first date then you're making a mistake in that regard too, simple drinks (alcohol/coffee) on first date 100% of the time.

 

[SomedayTheFire]

i mean it's two men in my experiences, but generally the one who "takes the other out" i.e. chooses location, asks the other foots the bill.

fuck splitting the bill though lol major red flag that they aren't interested if that comes up. i would generally think the same should be applicable to straights

 

[kunonabi]

Everyone is free to do what they want but personally I'm paying the bill. I've seen too many men leech off women and take advantage of them. I like to make it clear to the girl that im not one of those guys. If she has a problem with that then we arent right for each other anyway.

 

[Aquavelvaman]

When I was dating I was a fan of alternating paying. I'll buy dinner, you buy drinks. Next time out you buy dinner and I pay for the movie or whatever.

 

[Harmen]

The person who asks the other person out should offer to pay in my opinion, regardless of gender. The person who got asked out can offer to split (or offer to pay entirely) if he/she sees fit. Usually I end up splitting the costs or alternating between rounds.

 

[Bittercup]

If the guy wants to pay or just pays without even asking I don't complain. But he's certainly not getting plus points for doing so.
I prefer to split, either half or each what they ate if it's there's a huge disparity.

I don't think it makes a difference who invites whom or if it's a first date.
It's not like just because he asked me out I need some compensation for doing so. If I go out with him it's because I want to. And those are not hidden costs I didn't expect that food costs money if I agree to have dinner. If I wouldn't want to pay I would just suggest something else for the date instead of expecting the guy to pay for it.

 

[nkarafo]

>Gender doesn't matter
>It's gentlemanly if I pay

I said the fair thing to do is to split or whoever invites pays if it's the first date.

Then i said what i would prefer to do.

I don't see a problem with either.