Did he deny that it happened? No. Have you ever heard of two sides too a story? Maybe he thought it was consensual? He was drunk, do you think signals maybe had been mixed?
Listen as I said you are free to be appalled by actions of others, but you were not in that room, and you really dont know exactly what happened.
Furthermore it sounds like nothing did happen. She said NO and he left the shower. If she said no, and he didnt? Well thats a different story. No one was raped in this scenario, based on the story.
The woman even remained friends and dated him afterwards. So to say that there was no somewhat mutual connection and physical attraction between them is obviously false .
People cheat of their wives / boyfriends on a daily basis. Its why we have a high divorce rate, what he did sucks but it isnt a crime.
Regarding his reaction, Im sure this is not anything he ever in his right mind thought he would ever have to revisit or try to explain. Alcohol tends to make your memory a little fuzzy if youre new to the experience .
He did not deny. He said it's lies and called the woman mentally unstable.
There's other sexual offenses besides rape. Like, come on.
It is irrelevant that they dated later. The point is how he made her feel then, in that one moment, when he was not welcome and she was totally vulnerable.
So why did he say that she's mentally unstable, instead of saying hey I tried to get it on but I mixed up the signals that were given?
No, he doesnt own up to what he did. He gives a bullshit "statement" about her being mentally unstable.
Just own up to it and say hey I fucked up,Ill try to do better next time.
This.
The behavior set that you are mindlessly defending ( he only touched a grabbed a girl's ass, while drunk, we've all done it) is the exact mindset that the #metoo movement is trying to bring to light. This is not a game of absolutes, it isn't a binary decision of rape/not rape. Harassment is harassment and no one can tell you how it affects the person it is done to, except for that person themselves. The type of behavior I'm seeing on this forum is what enables this mindset to continue to flourish. You don't defend "light harassment". You apologize for the behavior and try to change. You adapt to the changing times, and yes, grabbing a girl while drunk is considered harassment. Talking to a woman in a sexual way when she doesn't consent is harassment. Leering at a woman is harassment. Calling a woman a bitch because she turned you down or doesn't want to engage in sexual activity is harassment. The list goes on...
I've been here 10 years, but seeing all the shit that has happened here in the last few months, this is no longer a community I want to associate with. Good luck to you all and I hope as you grow and mature you learn to see things with other's frames of reference, especially those who are different from yourself.
And this.
Given they had consensual sex later down the line perhaps it gives more credence to the fact there was flirting / attraction between the pair but impaired with alcohol he made a ill conceived move at the wrong time.
Hardly a reason to crucify someone.
In this moment, one has the choice to own up to a mistake, or double down and call the victim crazy. Guess which on our dearest owner chose...
Did I miss the part about forced? Was someone raped? He was told no, and he listened. Why he thought it was ok to get naked in the shower could be a whole ton of reasons. Alcohol clouds your judgement. Its highly possible he truly thought she was into him. The fact is you dont know.
Alcohol is not an excuse. Own your mistakes!
"I didn't know you felt that way about it, I'm sorry."
Or...
"I didn't know at the time, but we've since discussed it and I apologized."
Or...
"Bullshit. I won't deny anything specific, but she does have a history of mental illness."
Hmmm.
Drunk? Misunderstanding? Didn't know? Own up to it.
Don't give a fuck? Then fuck off.