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Are there any childfree people here?
- Thread starter fireflame
- Start date
scorcher59
Member
what is up with some people considering a personal decision that harms no one as not having children as a "selfish choice"? What?
Gravy Boat
Member
Most people making that choice would admit it's a selfish choice. There's nothing wrong with that.
poppabk
Cheeks Spread for Digital Only Future
Where?
I see people saying that that having a child is the most selfish thing a person can do, or how you should adopt. There are only 400,000 kids in the foster care system in the US and the current rate of 4 million births is barely enough to sustain the population. Plenty of couples who can't conceive struggle to find a child to adopt. Adoption is a dead end in the grand scheme of things.
Some people want kids, some don't - any grandiose ideas about saving the planet etc on either side is ridiculous.
So a perfectly acceptable reason to have kids is so they will have to put their lives on hold to take care of me? And child-free people are the selfish ones?
Gravy Boat
Member
This post only works if the poster you're quoting said both those things.
-Stranger-
Junior Member
It's a big decision
I have two kids myself at a pretty young age (i'm 27)
I love my kids and it's super rewarding.
Two is plenty for us though.
I have two kids myself at a pretty young age (i'm 27)
I love my kids and it's super rewarding.
Two is plenty for us though.
So how exactly do you think "You won't have someone there for you when you get to that stage" should be interpreted when we're discussing the declining health and mobility of my in-laws?
poppabk
Cheeks Spread for Digital Only Future
Well its one of those weird things where you are doing selfless things but for selfish reasons. Like working at a homeless shelter because it makes you feel good and fulfilled to help people.
Neither my wife or I want kids. There are reasons, such as lack of any familial support (I have no immediate family, and her family is unreliable), that would make it difficult to raise a child and maintain our careers, but ultimately I just value having free time and disposable income more than I would value the intangibles having a child might bring to my life in exchange for both of those things.
Alligatorjandro
Banned
I don't have kids right now. Maybe in the future.
- 400,000 is a LOT of kids; how is that an "only" number? Not to mention the rest of the world.
- What you said about sustaining the population just isn't true. There are roughly 11,000 more births than deaths every single day in the US, let alone the fact our immigration rate is higher than our emigration rate.
I do agree with your general point; but your stats are way off and/or strange.
https://www.census.gov/newsroom/stories/2017/may/cb17-sfs41-population-clock.html
I can picture it in my mind:
The unambitious unemployed slob Shredderi wakes up one morning to find a young girl on his door. She claims to be Shredderi's daughter and then Shredderi remembers that one drunken one night stand from his college days and puts the pieces together. It will be a hilarious yet touching rollercoaster of emotions.
In your local theater this summer.
The unambitious unemployed slob Shredderi wakes up one morning to find a young girl on his door. She claims to be Shredderi's daughter and then Shredderi remembers that one drunken one night stand from his college days and puts the pieces together. It will be a hilarious yet touching rollercoaster of emotions.
In your local theater this summer.
Gravy Boat
Member
Did he say child free people were selfish or are you inferring that?
Diseased Yak
Gold Member
Exactly. It's the opposite: I pity those who have them. I see what it gains you. Sure, I have no doubt there are times when you beam at little Timmy as he takes his first tentative steps across from the ottoman to the couch.
However, I more often than not see how much you wish you had your free time back, how little Timmy's hijinks and/or shenanigans have cost you endless amounts of money and free time, and I have to conclude that I made the right decision.
I do not, in any way shape or form, regret not foisting another mouth to feed upon this world.
Me too.
If I want to go on vacation, I can kennel/have a relative watch my dogs.
Don't have the same luxury with kids.
-Stranger-
Junior Member
$$ and free time don't mean shit compared to love you feel for your own child.
Besides you don't have to give up all your free time, my kids play videogames with me.
Gravy Boat
Member
You say 'exactly' as if your agreeing with his point of 'don't judge people with a different opinion', but then in the same sentence go on to do exactly that.
curiouscharles
Member
that's fair.
i wasn't trying to tell you "you're wrong" so much as "you might be colouring your hearing" sometimes.
only saying that because i know that's often how i work myself.
but as i said before, completely empathize, i've gotten that shit my whole life and always felt the same way about it at the time.
great points, thanks for that thoughtful response.
totally agree and regret my wording on pretty much that whole post now.
thelatestmodel
Junior, please.
Literally nobody is "comparing" it to having a dog or cat, they are just saying that that's all the companionship they need. Of course they're not the same.
To quote Doug Stanhope: go green. Do anal.
Ploid 3.0
Member
I don't have the patience for them. I never was a kids person, and I see no reason to get them. Some people only seem to want them because it's a thing you do, they feel pressured by family, and they are probably bored (I say some not all, don't kill me. I know people take kids seriously so I'm explaining this here). In this age, we have a lot to do to keep us busy, entertained, and we don't need to raise people to take care of the farm.
poppabk
Cheeks Spread for Digital Only Future
http://www.cnn.com/2016/08/11/health/us-lowest-fertility-rate/index.html
I'm not saying that the population is decreasing in the US but the rate of increase is slowing. If people stopped having babies and chose to adopt, one month later all the children would be adopted, and the countries population would start to decrease immediately.
aLaxLuthor
Member
I'm always intrigued by these sort of threads because it's such a polarising topic.
Let me get this out of the way up front 32/M/ 1 kid (7 months) hoping for more.
It's strange to me the discussion is always about kids, like having children only lasts till their 13. I await watching my son's entire life play out, not just the next few years while he's loud and stinky.
I know for a fact I have less free time now, some days it borders on none, but that's what I signed up for. I don't miss it because I had the chance to travel the world and do everything i wanted to do before embarking on this adventure.
I don't begrudge those who say they don't want kids (my vindictive lizard brain wants to say 'good I don't want you in the world my son will inherit', but I rise above that and say whatever makes you happy).
The journey with kids, as limited as mine has been is incomparable. This is frustrating to hear I know, but it is. I know people have said they like having their time or disposable income, I liked having that stuff to. But I love my baby far more than I love myself or anything from my life before he arrived.
So do what you feel is best for you. Some people make either choice for the wrong reasons.
Understand that the person you are talking to on the other side has a life you can't understand, because it is a life changing event either way.
Let me get this out of the way up front 32/M/ 1 kid (7 months) hoping for more.
It's strange to me the discussion is always about kids, like having children only lasts till their 13. I await watching my son's entire life play out, not just the next few years while he's loud and stinky.
I know for a fact I have less free time now, some days it borders on none, but that's what I signed up for. I don't miss it because I had the chance to travel the world and do everything i wanted to do before embarking on this adventure.
I don't begrudge those who say they don't want kids (my vindictive lizard brain wants to say 'good I don't want you in the world my son will inherit', but I rise above that and say whatever makes you happy).
The journey with kids, as limited as mine has been is incomparable. This is frustrating to hear I know, but it is. I know people have said they like having their time or disposable income, I liked having that stuff to. But I love my baby far more than I love myself or anything from my life before he arrived.
So do what you feel is best for you. Some people make either choice for the wrong reasons.
Understand that the person you are talking to on the other side has a life you can't understand, because it is a life changing event either way.
Astral Dog
Member
What the hell, it hurts when your parents say you are a stupid dog and are going to end like your worthless uncle or lonely for just saying im not sure if its the right moment.
Or even start to label you as selfish :'/
Oh dear 🙁
Bay Maximus
Banned
31 / M / Engaged
My fiancee and I intend on having a couple of ankle-biters. But after seeing the hell that some of our friends and coworkers can go through, I completely understand why someone would forego the little "miracles".
My fiancee and I intend on having a couple of ankle-biters. But after seeing the hell that some of our friends and coworkers can go through, I completely understand why someone would forego the little "miracles".
40 year old married guy without children checking in.
Our college friends often give us shit about not having children as they have all decided to, while neither set of our parents had ever made any comments about our decision to be child free. We cherish our time and independence and have nieces and nephews and the children of our friends to fill any need for children.
Bonus story, my wife and I met while working with elementary school children.
Our college friends often give us shit about not having children as they have all decided to, while neither set of our parents had ever made any comments about our decision to be child free. We cherish our time and independence and have nieces and nephews and the children of our friends to fill any need for children.
Bonus story, my wife and I met while working with elementary school children.
No you said it was barely able to sustain itself, which is flat out wrong according to the US census bureau (And the article you linked to.)
I don't plan on ever having kids because of the enormous financial responsibility on top of the fact that I don't think I'd be a good dad.
That said, I dunno if that makes me "childfree." Seems like a very personal decision and not something I'd want to make an actual part of my identity, especially with some of the online communities revolving around it being pretty nasty toward people who do decide to have kids. It's sort of like how I just prefer to call myself non-religious instead of this or that type of atheist. (I still am one, I just don't feel the need to be very specific about it.)
That said, I dunno if that makes me "childfree." Seems like a very personal decision and not something I'd want to make an actual part of my identity, especially with some of the online communities revolving around it being pretty nasty toward people who do decide to have kids. It's sort of like how I just prefer to call myself non-religious instead of this or that type of atheist. (I still am one, I just don't feel the need to be very specific about it.)
Dr_Boris_Goltz
Banned
I don't want children for the following reasons:
1. I see how difficult it was on my parents having three somewhat dysfunctional kids.
2. Bad genes (depression, anxiety, OCD, addiction)
3. I generally dislike kids
4. I think the world is moving in very interesting directions; some good, some bad, but all very complicated. I believe it will be a tough environment for growth.
5. I want my life to be simple; with simple meaning and simple focus. Admittedly this is selfish.
1. I see how difficult it was on my parents having three somewhat dysfunctional kids.
2. Bad genes (depression, anxiety, OCD, addiction)
3. I generally dislike kids
4. I think the world is moving in very interesting directions; some good, some bad, but all very complicated. I believe it will be a tough environment for growth.
5. I want my life to be simple; with simple meaning and simple focus. Admittedly this is selfish.
Agree, but I don't look down on ppl who don't want kids either. It's all a personal choice. I Have a 4yr old boy and everyday is a new adventure
Plus I get the added bonus of reliving my childhood with him and his toys/cartoons lol. He is huge into transformers atm
(I'm 36 and wife is 34 btw)
Mango Positive
Member
I went 9 years married and child free, all the while trying, all the while dealing with an increasingly upset wife, all the while secretly happy that I was firing mostly blanks. Then we could afford IVF and I no longer had any excuse. I have an almost-2 year old boy now. He's the greatest person I've ever known. If a huge tiger appeared through a portal and raced towards my son, I would try to kill it with my bare hands. Without fear.
Fix-It Felix. Jr.
Member
I'm still young, so I'm not going to write off children yet - but I will say that my life is heading in a direction where I most likely won't have children.
It will heavily depend on my spouse. If he wants to adopt, then I'll be happy to start a little family and settle down in a more traditional sense. However, if he doesn't want kids, then I'm cool with it just being the two of us. No kids means more money for video games.
It will heavily depend on my spouse. If he wants to adopt, then I'll be happy to start a little family and settle down in a more traditional sense. However, if he doesn't want kids, then I'm cool with it just being the two of us. No kids means more money for video games.
38, turning 39 next month. Not even sure I can have children, but that's never been a problem for me as I've always been single and had the attitude of "I don't want to foist my issues onto another person". I don't think I'd trust myself with kids anyway, much as I love them.
Being the "fun uncle" to my sister's kids is the greatest fun in the world and I'm happy enough with that.
Being the "fun uncle" to my sister's kids is the greatest fun in the world and I'm happy enough with that.
Hidden One
Member
I don't want any kids until I'm in a position where I could provide for them with no problems.
Astral/H3X
Member
Ron Mexico
Member
You know, I've never been banned here. Half of the comments I have at the ready would make for a first.
The level of arrogance here is astounding. Aspire for your child to rise above the drivel his parent spews.
Captainbojanglesiii
Banned
I already feel I don't have time to get everything done that I want to. Adding a kid into the equation down the road would only make that harder. Parents in my family tend to lose their grips on what's going on in the world and get really invested in their children. While this is a beautiful thing, the thought of falling behind like them or losing all of my free time to put into a child scares me.
This, compounded by the fact that I am not the biggest fan of young children just makes me veer away from the desire to have them.
I will say that I'm sure the societal norm to have kids, and people's expectations of me to have them, saying things like "When you have kids..." only works to intensify my feelings of not wanting them.
It is a selfish decision, but at the same time it is my life, and frankly people who don't respect that decision get no respect from me. Just glad I'm not a woman. It's way worse for them. Probably why it's seems more difficult to find a woman who doesn't want them *shrug*
This, compounded by the fact that I am not the biggest fan of young children just makes me veer away from the desire to have them.
I will say that I'm sure the societal norm to have kids, and people's expectations of me to have them, saying things like "When you have kids..." only works to intensify my feelings of not wanting them.
It is a selfish decision, but at the same time it is my life, and frankly people who don't respect that decision get no respect from me. Just glad I'm not a woman. It's way worse for them. Probably why it's seems more difficult to find a woman who doesn't want them *shrug*
Dude Abides
Banned
Absolutely nothing wrong with having kids. Absolutely nothing wrong with not having kids. I question the personal security and self esteem of those who feel the need to put down other people's family choices.
Deadly Cyclone
Pride of Iowa State
My wife and I. Her being type 1 diabetic already makes it tricky, but neither of us are really kid peoe anyways. We both have nephews we love playing with, but you can give them back when they get cranky.
We also already have two cat kids.
We also already have two cat kids.
Childfree checking in here. Just turned 40 last month, been married 14 years. My wife and I have absolutely no desire for children. If someone wants to be a parent, that's their decision. It's just not for us.
People are amazed when I tell them how old I am. I had a lady a few weeks ago at the furniture store think that I was in my mid-twenties. She asked how I stayed looking so young, and I said "I don't have kids" and she was like "Oh, that'll do it."
People are amazed when I tell them how old I am. I had a lady a few weeks ago at the furniture store think that I was in my mid-twenties. She asked how I stayed looking so young, and I said "I don't have kids" and she was like "Oh, that'll do it."
Wandering Robot
Member
I'm loath to attach labels like "childfree" to myself, but I don't want kids. I could list a lot of reasons, but they aren't important.
Had the same thought when I read that. Seems like such a mean thing to say, especially since we'll probably still be around when the kid's born...
Never wanted kids, and now physical never will be able to do to a hysterectomy.
I've always felt uncomfortable around them, even as a kid myself. Combination of anxiety and I shitty upbringing I suppose.
I'd like to point out, I don't hate kids. I just feel very uncomfortable around them for long periods. I like my nieces, nephews and friend kids just fine (well, most of them lol).
Even if I want kids, because of my anxiety, I don't feel I would have been a stable parent. Glad I have a husband who didn't want any either. Parents and grandparent were non stop, when you going to have kids. Since the surgery, thankfully, those questions evaporated.
I've always felt uncomfortable around them, even as a kid myself. Combination of anxiety and I shitty upbringing I suppose.
I'd like to point out, I don't hate kids. I just feel very uncomfortable around them for long periods. I like my nieces, nephews and friend kids just fine (well, most of them lol).
Even if I want kids, because of my anxiety, I don't feel I would have been a stable parent. Glad I have a husband who didn't want any either. Parents and grandparent were non stop, when you going to have kids. Since the surgery, thankfully, those questions evaporated.
Sohter.Nura
Member
I got a 7 year old. God, how I wish I could go back.
I love him, but I hate being chained like this
I love him, but I hate being chained like this
How magnanimous of you.